We are going to divorce and I am sure have an ugly custody fight. As far as the A I believe I am doing better than most here, but what is really pissing me off is that she shows no remorse about what she has done. I got a text one day with an "I'm sorry" and that is pretty much it.
She even gave me a going away present (antibiotics were able to clear it up). After I told her about that her response was "Oh I did not know I had that".
I do not love her anymore, she disgusts me. But why does it make me so angry that she does not care?
don't know if that makes sense its very late here in England!!
How can you love what you cant trust?
They don't care and have no remorse because, IMHO, they have no conscience or morals. Well, they may have the morals of an alley cat, but that is about it. They don't see anything wrong with what they have done because they are able to justify their actions to themselves, even if that means re-writing the history of the marriage or simply deluding themselves with their own fabrications. They don't feel they have to justify their actions to you or anyone else.
I got a cold-hearted "do what you gotta do" after confrontation #2. And I am doing just that. But yes, it still makes me angry that he does not care or has so little regard for me after all our years together. I simply could not be that cold to another human being (or animal) so I can't wrap my brain around his own thoughts and actions. We are just wired differently... *sigh*
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
I don't agree that the anger is all bad. When I finally hit the anger stage, it gave me the energy to get out of limbo and get the divorce done. For the moment, let it keep you moving on creating your own life away from her. As long as the anger is not affecting other areas of your life, use it.
As for why you want her remorse? My reason for wanting it from my X was because I wanted to know that I mattered to him, in some fucking way after 25 years of marriage. Well, I never got that remorse and finally realized that I didn't need him to validate my worth. I matter to my kids, my family, my friends. Fuck him.
It's so early for you. You will cycle through so many emotions in the coming months. Roller coaster is the perfect description. Be kind to yourself and cherish your kids. ((Angelback))
I've been wanting some indication that she was the woman I thought she was. So far, nothing. It's a good thing I wasn't holding my breath.
All I've received so far is cruelty. It would just be nice to know that I mattered. I expect that is what you're waiting for too.
I think you want her to feel sorry because it is humiliating and insulting that someone could treat you the way that you did and not let it affect their conscience in any way. We've somehow tied our worth to the way people treat us, and we need to unlearn that to build back our inner strength.
Breathing is good. Anger is hard to avoid, but you're on the right path.
I'm glad you found us. We can help you through this.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
The truth is, this whole thing has nothing to do with me. He doesn't care about me anymore and now I wonder if he ever loved me.
I am angry that I got dumped so quickly and he moved on so quickly. I am angry that I never mattered to him, the marriage didn't matter to him.
I am angry that he is not the man I married, the man who promised to honor me, to cherish me and take care of me. I kept my vows, the promise I made to him and he has rewritten the history of the marriage, characterized me as some cold heart bitch who only used him.
He devastated me, smashed my heart to pieces, tore my world apart and no remorse, no apology. Just said that he never meant to hurt me. Right........i would just love knowing that he was fucking somebody else.
We have a lot to be angry about......
It went away after six months or so, for the most part. After a year I still have a little, but not the all consuming rage.
All I can say is good on us, for loving freely and totally, for not cheating on them and for having a fucking clear conscious. We were WAY better than they deserved. In the long run we will be better off without them. We just have to allow ourselves to heal, and hopefully soon will stop torturing ourselves with the "why" questions.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
Of course that's awful, especially when you're blindsided. Then add the kids to mix...it's just terrible.
Know it's really not you; it's her. It takes a long time to get there, but you'll see; sorry or not, she was wrong.
I've had many people tell me they had to remove her from FB and/or limit if not outright cutoff contact with her because they're sick of hearing how happy she is. No M or R is as perfect as she is trying so hard to portray. A common thought people express to me is who is she really trying to convince about her happiness and how much all the destruction was worth it! She's a middle age woman acting worse than teenagers in love for the first time "you hang up", "no, you hang up" kind of R
As you've been told, you're in for a hell of a roller coaster ride. Strap yourself in and hang on tight! At least you found a great place in SI to help you through any of this if/when you need it. Good luck brother
One would think the WS could have at least informed us of what their plan was. It just goes to show you how selfish they really are.
If WH had told me before we got married :
"I promise to be faithful to you unless/until I meet another woman who I want to have sex with"
I would never have married him
& put my career on hold so that I could give birth to & raise our 4 children.
Welcome to SI (((Angelback))). Sorry you find yourself here with the rest of us BSs. You will find a lot of comfort here.
Sometimes I wish this is the way I felt about FWH. I cared way tooo much. At times, looking back it would have been much easier to go our separate ways, our children were grown. But if I were your age with an unremorseful spouse, I would have ended it immediately.
Recovery is very difficult, 4 yrs out for me and it is still hard every day, because I love the jerk!!!
On another note Xanax is still an occaisional best friend. Just try not to take it every day. I did the first year, I would not take the anti-depressant prescribed as I knew I was not depressed, just anxious and heart broken.
Be kind to yourself.
Just guessing there, I don't know what actually goes on inside your head. I'm not a full Jedi yet.