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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn you, Tred.

Well played.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 6:02 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
resigned
♂ Member
Member # 12903
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Revenge is best served cold. Let some time pass so you won't be suspect #1.

Then, there are things that can be done without your identity being revealed.

Patience and good planning.


Posts: 453 | Registered: Dec 2006
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So ironic this topic is posting today.
I've been trying to contact OM2. I'm using *67 but ill tell him exactly who it is and I'm going to record the conversation. Something to the effect of " so your the guy that raped my wife according to her. Why don't you set the story straight before we go to the PD"
Should get his attention. I'm also considering contacting his hospital and giving them a heads up.
However I don't want to end up in slanderville.
Truthfully. It sounded awful. As she said, alcohol was involved and I believe that totally. And she does make fucked up decisions. I know she didn't forget it although I've seen her turn into mrs Hyde and black out so it is possible, seriously. But when that happens she's a beast.
I also remember when we were dating I was making vodka grapefruits. Hers were sans vodka only she didn't know it, I didn't want her to get intox. But guess what, she complimented the drinks and acted light headed. So alcohol is an excuse for bad behavior. But like I said, too much and she's a demon.
On he other hand I feel like he can have her and all her shit. I have all the positioning I need. I protected my kids and have her in a position to leave without much of a fight. Here's the latest bi polar texts. I still haven't responded but have engaged her in the house hospitabley.
Her
For what it's worth. You can have your divorce. I won't fight you. I do love you and I am sorry. It's just too late for us. Too much hurt
Can you please bring home milk? Thank you
Please let's not have to go through this whole year like this. You are aware I am not able to even get a job because of my felony and it would be nice to finally get along for a change.
Since you don't want me as your wife you are at least stuck with me as your babysitter.
I also take it there will be no more massage nights lol

All over the map
WAL anything
And thanks everyone else

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whatevs- Have you exposed the A and this POSER? It sounds like his BW may have known, thus the D, but is it time the community knows. Cheaterville at least!.


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's the latest bi polar texts

Like I said rollercoaster. I'm baffled, she's all over the place.
The problem is getting through the manic and depression cycles. You never know where they truly stand on things when they are vasilating through those mood swings. I've found the only way to deal with it is in that happy medium area. That's a state she's probably not spending much time in with so much turmoil. The A, your M, the legal stuff.
If you think she really is BP, she needs to see a real physiatrist. Some mood stabilizer might actually get her to a point where you could have a coherent discussion.
You probably already know this though, so what the hell am I rambling on about?


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks defiled. Your advice is really good. Problem with a psychiatrist and meds is that she can't do that while in rehab, she gets tested all the time and it could contraindicate them.
I always knew of OM2 but to finally hear her tell it it is so lurid and disgusting. To think my WW would say she was so drunk and taken advantage of. To wake up in someone's bed naked with no explanation is absolutely hazardous and dangerous. Vile and insidious. It's disgusting to let yourself get to that point of wanton carelessness. Shit that's my wife! How many wives with children and families allow that to happen? How can I reconcile that? That is the epitome of whoring around. No rhyme or reason. No sound decision at all. Laying in a strange mans bed naked. She called him a creep and said she shunned all his advances yet put herself there. No emotional investment. No excuse. Do we deserve women like that. Holy shit I'm reeling.
I had a rum and coke and she said I drank to much.
I don't think I could ever drink to the point where I would explain that I woke up in some chicks bed naked with no idea what happened.
How do you reconcile that?

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:09 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Problem with a psychiatrist and meds is that she can't do that while in rehab

444: actually have a extremely reliable source who has expertise in that very type of circumstance. Those with mental disorders still have to be treated, even when in rehab. Recovery is still the main goal, and forcing people off meds in most circumstances would lead to more negative outcomes than positive. If your really interested I will ask? just have to give me a minute to figure a way to phrase my question so she doesn't think anything about it. SI is still my sanctuary right now, so not ready to let my ww know I'm here quite yet.
I know specfic laws are different by state but could get a general idea about it.
Anyway let me know, completely up to you.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:55 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely. She's never been diagnosed or on meds.
Oh. And what is POSER. I missed that one

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:55 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always knew of OM2 but to finally hear her tell it it is so lurid and disgusting.

B444, it sounds like things were going great in recent days between you and the wife. Has anything really changed, or is it just that your suspicions have been confirmed and you're back to a D Day feeling?

Things were going ok with the WW and me about a month ago, but early in May I pressed for details, and she finally gave them after I threatened to go the polygraph route. All she did was confirm what I already knew in my gut, but man it set me back for awhile.

Really all you've confirmed is what you've known for 6 months - your wife betrayed you and engaged in some really bad behavior for awhile. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a serious problem with it, or that it shouldn't be a dealbreaker for you if that's the effect it has on you. What I'm suggesting is that the new details may have just sent you on the downward plunge of the rollercoaster ride, and nothing more than that.

How many wives with children and families allow that to happen?

Too many if this thread is any indication! I've felt that way, as have most of the guys on this board. Including some who have fully reconciled. Whoring around is kind of what they do when they cheat on us.

All I'm suggesting is that you give yourself a little bit of time to digest the new info. Stay strong, brother.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your 100% right bro as usual
I already knew it but the details set me back and her response was unexpected. I think in my gut I wanted to believe the master bedroom story but the picture of my WW ending up naked in this dweebs bed unsettled me. Sucks hard.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Whatevs
♂ New Member
Member # 38850
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whatevs- Have you exposed the A and this POSER? It sounds like his BW may have known, thus the D, but is it time the community knows. Cheaterville at least!.

Problem is, I don't want our small children to be affected. His STBXW already talks to other moms from the school about my WW being a home wrecker. We live in a small town within a large metro area.

Maybe some of Mr High Tech Bigwig's fellow employees would find it interesting though...


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2013
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, every time I notice the "latest member" I feel a little sick for that person. Welcome to hell (not the forum, but the situation).

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FacePunched put POSER together after Tred described Ensign Rivera on p. 26.

We have our own language:
WWS
POSER
& I'd like to add DYT (as wal stated above )

In the past, & because of my particular experience dealing with an off-the-wall crazy woman, I've taken a pretty hard line on remorse...

As in: "Right now or never"
Over time, being here, & because a few brothers have actually successfully R'd with similar disordered ones, I'm backing off that hard stance.

Particularly, because I was going to post "how long for remorse?" over on the BS questions for WS thread & lo & behold, FacePunched did just that.

Basically, the answers were 'give it time' & one WS said it took them @ a year to finally get it.

It's still hard for me to read stories that echo the batshit crazy I had to deal with & not say; 'Run Forrest'...

For me, it was an incremental dawning awareness of soul-corrosion & toxicity, punctuated by a few "aha's"! that enabled me to finally detach. (Don't Even Think About Changing Her)

A big one was when I realized it was my own low self-esteem that kept me engaged..and to be completely honest, the availability of sex. I realize (now) that her hypersexuality (which at the time I perceived to be our hypersexuality exclusively w/in an M) is a self-medicating behavior.

See, if I could fix this - I had value. White Knight writ large.
I never got the truth, and I had to heal anyway.
Thank God for SI & my brothers)))!


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, every time I notice the "latest member" I feel a little sick for that person.

Me too, Later.

Thank God for SI & my brothers)))!

What jjct said (WJJCTS)!


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or that slashing motion across the throat that gets you a personal foul for unsportsmanlike conduct in football Just do it niiiice and sloooooww.

I wanted to go there Tred but just in case an actual throat slashing occured I didn't want to be the guy responsible for the idea. Thanks for taking the heat!

Betrayed444

Laying in a strange mans bed naked. She called him a creep and said she shunned all his advances yet put herself there.

Pure craziness. For some reason the risks far outweigh the benefit for the active WW's.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey brothers. Having a real hard time dealing with this today. I'm running hot and cold. I feel like I'm done. Last night I broke down and had sex even after these texts. Btw she hates this website.
Her
I never told Kyle I loved him. That's a lie. no point in arguing. You make up your own version and won't listen so I can't even talk to you. You use bible quotes and Jesus' name in the wrong way, your useless web page can't help you with that. If you must know, since you can't handle truth brace yourself, I did like Kyle and I liked him a lot and I did not like you. You shut me out for several months, actually years and you are abusive. I would tell you things you want to know but based on your behavior I was right. You can't handle it because you are weak. You need help in a really bad way. I am getting help, I am changing. You are getting worse and carrying anger you put on yourself. I love you and I wanted to be honest but you proved I can't be
It is too bad because I believed you. I was ready to open up to you if it meant mending us but you lied to me. You wanted more ammo to use against me. You get no answers and you have a lot of your facts wrong btw. You said you wanted truth? It was under the condition we would work things out and that obviously is not your goal and I can't trust you. This is going to be the slowest year ever. Thanks
You shut me out and argue with me when I try to open up. I get punished more and you did that today. I can't open up now about stuff for a while because it doesn't feel safe for lack of a batter term.
I would give you a massage and wanted mine last night too.
We are still coming down from the effects of yesterday. You saw it as a victory because you don't have to be involved and now you can continue to tell people that I am crazy etc. I lost everything yesterday. We see it as two different things. I saw it as I lost and you saw it as you won.
I'm so sad and confused. Bottom line
I was looking so forward to being comforted by you last night and then the blow up happened. It still hurts and I do love you and I do miss you.

I'm truly at a loss. For the first time I really don't know what to do. As sal said its just like being at dday again and I'm at a new low on this roller coaster. I'm at drill and I can't even concentrate. My stomachs is in knots and I just want to get rid of her. She was right in the above texts. I'm weak, weak for putting up with this. My first instinct months ago was to show her the door. Instead I'm allowing her to rub it in. I'm just holding it together right now.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 11:00 AM, June 7th (Friday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

B444,

Mate, she's kinda all over the place. Am I correct in reading that she won't tell you the truth unless you work things out? Not sure how you can work things out until you know the truth.

Has she seen a psychiatrist? She sounds like she may need a professional opinion. In the spirit of not trying to give you bullshit information from your useless web page I'd really recommend that you get professional help if she will agree. Even if things don't work out for you two, it can only help her.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn 444, that could have been written by my wife.

The you shut me out excuse --same thing I hear. Not true BTW. I am thankfull I can point out to myself concrete examples of where I tried to work on communication etc.

The whole, "see, I can't disclose b/c you can't handle it" and "you only want more ammo" -- all the same lines, almost verbatim.

BTW, I had actually told her in advance, "I am making no promises I will not get angry. In fact, I can almost guarantee you that I will. And yes, I am going to make comments. However, if there is any chace at all then we have to go through this."

She also basically wanted an agreement to R as a pre-condition.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
dday3302011
♂ Member
Member # 32043
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, June 7th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

B444, I'm sorry you're going through this but this

I can't open up now about stuff for a while because it doesn't feel safe

is complete bullshit.

How do I know? Because it was used against me for years and years. During the process of trying to R it was dissected enough to finally be recognized for what it is: A control mechanism.

That's what it is plain and simple. "I'll tell you something but you have to promise not to get mad".

That's at the apex of passive-aggressiveness IMO. So is most of the rest of her message. "create chaos" is at the top of every PA's agenda. That same chaos is designed to confuse you enough so that the main message she wants to get across, "everything is your fault", is the only thing that ends up being communicated clearly.

You can't reason with logic like that B444, you just can't. Again I'm sorry you have to deal with this shit.


BH-41 (me)
xWW-42
M 11yrs, together 14
DDay 3-30-2011
2 kids, 9 & 7
1 yr LTA w/MOM
Divorced 5-16-2013

Posts: 235 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Northeast
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