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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to interject a new topic

First, never say this. We start to chew on shit if we stay on topic too long.

I just have one question - if you are in "R" with your wife, how come the POSER still has contact with her? Hasn't she gone NC with him yet?

My opinion? Fuck that guy. Don't waste any more energy on him - it's exceptionally hard to work things out with your wife while incarcerated. Just remember, breaks fail, it's an imperfect world. If he's got it coming to him, it'll happen. You've confronted, he's shat his pants and went running for feminine protection. Your man card is intact. What you need to concentrate on is why your wife is still taking his calls.

Sorry you are here mate, but I'm glad you found us.

ETA: just noticed RB already gave you good advice - listen to him, I haven't started drinking yet.

[This message edited by Tred at 2:51 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just real quick
Holy shit is this funny!


Check out this video on YouTube:

http://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

Now back to our regular programming


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now the W is on a rampage about me starting shit.

Whatevs, I don't have the whole context, but your wife is the one who started the shit by running around on you. If she doesn't get that by now, and doesn't understand that what you actually did was show amazing restraint and maturity, then I'd say she's still a bit foggy. Sounds like a 180 is in order. Are you familiar with the 180 approach?

ETA: "Guys I know I gotta move on. WTF am I doing here? Why can't I just make a command decision and step out already?! I'm tired of this constant struggle."

B444, sorry you are struggling brother. It sounds like your wife is showing a lot of frustration. That's not necessarily fatal, my wife was there just 4 weeks ago but has come around nicely. It could just be that she's exhausted from dealing with this on a daily basis. She probably doesn't get that the new info has sent you back to D Day. To her it seems like you are stuck.

Her text wasn't all bad - you have a wayward who expressed love for you and Christ, so you can work with that. The biggest thing I see is a bit of an immature, "poor me" attitude. Don't know what to tell you, I understand how you feel. You have to do what you think is best once you've given yourself enough time to decide.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 3:03 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't started drinking yet.

the morning is already past and you haven't started yet? whats wrong with you?


http://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

Freakin hilarious!!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the morning is already past and you haven't started yet?

I know! You can't drink all day unless you start at 7am (ish)...it's that whole "job" thing that cramps me. Worst part is they never knew I drank until one day I came in sober . Ruined a good thing.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Whatevs
♂ New Member
Member # 38850
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Completely understand the need to "work things out" with the OM. I will ask you this... are the potential legal, criminal, and financial consequences worth it to you if it escalates? How would that impact your kid(s)?

And also, are you sure you are in R? If the OM is still in contact with your wife it sounds like she is still very much involved in the A at some level. I'd be questioning my wife as to why she still communicates with the OM.

Tread lightly my friend. I'd hate to see you become the "bad guy" from all this.

This is the first time they have been in contact since he ended the A. she immediately forwarded the email to me.

You are correct---it is important to remember that the POSOM isn't worth it, but it is very hard in some moments and this guy lives a couple neighborhoods away and our kids will be in school together for 6-7 more years.

I know objectively that 45 year olds shouldn't be throwing down over girls/disrespect, but it would be oh so therapeutic for me.

Any suggestions for how to keep things cool and in perspective are appreciated.


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another Tredism!

Happy Birthday 545!
(an honor-filled and solemn day)


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh! Forgot...yes,
"NO MA'AM" is still being planned...I'm thinking July 4th Holiday 2014...

I have not been able to save one penny as of yet, though...still time.

Whatevs, I feel ya man. I'd have to move (& I did, when the 1st X moved her poser w/in a mile.)
It ain't worth it, but it's hard. Yep.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

5454..happy birthday...I guess? I'll mix up a Vodka Collins for you tonight, you'll just have to forgive me if I drink by proxy for you

444:
Good hell man, you are on a roller coaster. I don't think I'd respond either. Something's silence is golden. My WW had the audacity to tell me maybe I need to go talk to someone because I'm not forgiving her fast enough. 3 months...3 fucking months! Sounds similar, they can't get this shit under the rug fast enough.
Nice video by the way. Sometimes it is the nail, but they just won't listen.

Now the W is on a rampage about me starting shit.

woooooo, wooooo, wooooo, you just confronted the guy and the first thing he does it text your wife. He's hiding behind her skirt, and she's letting him. Big time coward! I would want to punch his teeth in...but that won't accomplish anything for you.
RB and Tred are right, the continued contact is the ONLY issue you should be worried about here. What is she doing still protecting this guy? I just got a little fired up for you man.

***Edit
Whatevs just saw your other response. Gives a little hope when our WS lets us know as soon as the POSER tries to have contact. At least for me it helps that she at least gets how important that is. Got all fired up for you because I can forsee a bunch of circumstance that would put me and my WW's POSER in the same room. Hasn't happened yet but I can kind-of put myself in your shoes. Not sure what I would do, know what I would like to do, but I would think discretion would get the better part of me and I would just have to give him that "I'm gunna kill you look" for long enough to make him uncomfortable. You obviously already made him uncomfortable though if he's emailing with this tail between his legs.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 3:55 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 429 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Whatevs
♂ New Member
Member # 38850
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the continued contact is the ONLY issue you should be worried about here. What is she doing still protecting this guy? I just got a little fired up for you man.

thanks for the understanding and support.

she copied me on her response:

"**** and I are working hard to rebuild our relationship and our family. I love him and am trying to earn back the trust I lost. Please don't contact me again. If you have something to say to ****, tell him."

I asked her why he reached out to her instead of responding to me. She said, "he's a coward"

Her initial tirade seems to have quickly passed. She didn't want me embarrassing our family (she took care of that already).

Does this need for retribution ever go away? At this point, I can't imagine that if I come across him too many times, I won't lose it at some point. We're almost 5 months from end of A and I'm more fired up than ever.


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2013
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im not doing any spartans or mudders....

I did the Darby Queen at Fort Benning so many times that I get a free pass for life


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatevs, did you follow thru w/ telling the obs?

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatevs,

That is a great response from your wife. Now block his number. Or change hers. My wife changed her phone number, it's not a big deal. I wasn't trying to be harsh, but I was fired up for you as well. I've never ran into the POSER, so I don't know how I'd react. I'm pretty sure I'd come out the worse of the two, since he has about 6" and 80 pounds on me and is ex special forces. So cowardice works for me. I've had enough bruises and broken shit so far to last a lifetime, no reason to let this guy have the privilege of fucking my wife and kicking my ass. My problem is avoiding fights isn't my strong suit, which is why I've had the shit kicked out of me quite a few times. I finally found rugby was a better way to hit guys and only ending up in the hospital once. But you don't need me to tell you that your family is more important than anything you can do to him.

Sounds like you both got caught in a situation where you hadn't prepped - what to do if you run into the POSER. You also sound like you are handling it fine after the initial confrontation. This dude reminds me of a snake - he's more afraid of you than you are of him. Treat him like it. A snake will run unless it has no other option, he'll most likely do his best to avoid you. In time, the desire to confront and beat the shit out of him will lessen. Time sucks.

JJ - not Memorial Day? No probs, I'm still in.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Whatevs
♂ New Member
Member # 38850
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatevs, did you follow thru w/ telling the obs?

She knows. POSER (I like that) and WW had about a 2mo A before he said he was telling his BS and wouldn't continue the A until my WW did same. After WW moved out (she didn't tell me, I discovered), POSER told her (WW) he had been seeing other women and wasn't interested in her anymore. He and his BS are getting divorced.

Tred--I too have a history of getting pummeled as a younger man. The number of beatings I took actually makes me somewhat fearless though. Also, I could probably take out both of our POSERs at the same time on pure adrenaline alone right now. But, as has been said, it is simply not worth it. I'm going to keep repeating that to myself.

I'm just amazed that these POSERs don't consider this. I've never messed with another man's girl and would fully expected to be called out if I did. There is the wrongness of an A in general and then the disrespect of another man on top of it. Scumbags...


Posts: 12 | Registered: Mar 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:15 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I picked the 4th w/ the theme of Independence in mind heh, but we could toss it out for a show of hands as to what's better.

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does this need for retribution ever go away?

I wrote out this really long post to your question but it got so convoluted I had to go back and rewrite. I don't have the WAL skills so.. ya.

Anyway...It's really important to realize that the OM is only the accessory to the A. He is a waste of skin that your WW used to deal with the issues she has. Granted, you have to see his ugly mug so that doesn't help but I would think that if your WW was really wanting to R and rebuild your relationship she needs to be reassuring you through actions that you are who she wants. That may help you to feel like shit-stain isn't a threat anymore and you can ignore his worthless ass.

No easy answers here I'm sorry. I think it's something you have to figure out how you can deal with it in your situation. Just know you are the prize and that you at least have some dignity and honor left, he has none. It will come full circle on him eventually, in this life or the next.

Stay true to yourself and hold your head high.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just know you are the prize

And the people said AAAAAA MEN!

You might feel like half the man you were,
but you'll always be twice the man poser will ever be.


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatevs,

You could always F with the guy and every time you see him make eye contact with him and then give him the evil eye with a slow head nod to let him know he's still on your radar. Couple encounters like that and I bet he makes it a point to avoid you like the plague. Sometimes the mental games work best... and they can be the most fun too.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 5:43 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday, 545! Hope your day is a great one.

And you guys need to knock this "not as good as WAL" shit off.

Srsly, all of the stuff I try to share with you guys came to me from the guys who were well down this road when I got here -- heroes of the faith (and a bunch of them weren't even guys). They passed it to me, and I try to be a good steward and share it forward so you'll be equipped to help yourselves now and help save the guys we don't even see on the horizon yet -- the one's who will have their d-days at Christmas and on into 2014.

When those guys come, you'll be their Night's Watch standing with them against the long winter of their souls. Might be here, might be a guy at work, a guy in your church, even your own sons. You do this shit right and keep the faith for them as much as for yourselves, to show them that life endures, and how much stronger the metal is when it's been forged in the flames.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, June 6th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

every time you see him make eye contact

Or that slashing motion across the throat that gets you a personal foul for unsportsmanlike conduct in football Just do it niiiice and sloooooww.

ETA: WWS

[This message edited by Tred at 5:54 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

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