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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 10
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's all B.S. Most of the things my wife said were lacking in our marriage were precisely the same things she had been denying me for years - intimacy and communication. If she thought that she was going to get those things from a sleazy club-going player, then she miscalculated. She just got used.

WW's like to think they make all the right moves. They feel good because they grabbed another man, had their ego's stroked. Turned someone on and banged the shit out of them. You know they did. Performance worthy of an academy award.
Cut through all the blame shifting bull shit and you'll find a seriously low self esteem in the center. Doesn't matter that you buy your wife flowers , tell her she's beautiful 10 times a day. Initiate intimacy. It's not you, it's her.
She's getting older and wants to see if she still has it. I believe they will send a message to their target. Tell OM were assholes, project unhappiness and boredom then see if they bite.
However it is a crime of opportunity. Most people that fall for it have low self esteem themselves hence most are dirt bags or sleaze balls. That's why we're like OMG that guy!!
Shit my WW said the first time she fucked OM she kept her shirt on so he wouldn't see her belly. Her belly isnt bad at all but she's very self conscious. I believed it. How fucked up is that. Fuck some OM and be that severely hung up about his perceptions. That's why I believe all affairs and partners are ate the fuck up. You have to have no integrity or morals to cheat or screw married person. Those are the ones taking the bait. Or on the other hand WW says the marriage is on the rocks or you are separated. My WW POSOM put it best as he was wetting himself, which he in fact did, he said my WW totally misrepresented our marriage. I believe that. She was the pursuer. She brought up mediation in the midst of it to probably legitimize it. In reality when the shit hit the fan and I brought her to the mediated After DDay to sign the papers she bolted and walked 3 miles in the rain crying.
So there are some scenarios. I learn as I go.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:03 PM, June 1st (Saturday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She needs a new IC......
That's a load of horseshit...


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...all my posts are original ideas...

...ask WAL...

...He told me so...


Brownnoser...

FP pretty much summed it up. WWS was easier for me than trying to reiterate what WAL said in my own words to make it look like I was smart too...so I gave up.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I realize that you guys are being a bit facetious (because I *do* tend to go on and on and on...), but what's funny to me is that I learn and appreciate just as much from everyone who posts in this thread. You guys are a endless fountain of insight and perspective, giving me new ideas to weigh and consider in my own daily life.

I'm grateful to each and every one of you for sharing your insights with the rest of us.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for that last post B444, it was insightful.

One thing I will say for my wife, at least she accurately describes her actions as "pathetic."


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thanks for that last post B444, it was insightful.
One thing I will say for my wife, at least she accurately describes her actions as "pathetic"

Glad I can help later.
Of course it was pathetic. Whatever you need to hear.
She knew it was pathetic before,during,and after. My WW said when the boundary was about to be crossed she was hoping it wouldnt but it didnt matter, she wanted the attention and wouldnt let a price like sex ruin it. Im sure that was a huge turn on. Have you ever heard a drug addict say "man this habit is great!! I can do crack all day. I love it"
Nope they get addicted. It makes them feel good an forget about their internal misery. They will say anything to win your trust back.
" I won't ever do dope again, promise. It's a pathetic habit"
But as soon as someone puts a pipe in front of them it's a relapse. Really I think the initial act of cheating is the. hardest. Like losing your virginity. Afterwards the boundary becomes less defined and it gets easier and easier. It's what you do now that makes a difference. If you show her right away your willing to change. If you reward her with more intimacy and sex do you think she'll take you seriously?
Stay strong

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:27 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forget who asked about the movie, but the idea started after HoldingTogether's (wal v 2.0) post here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=448526&AP=621&HL=
(marbles = balls...
Somewhere there has to be a team, nicknamed 'nads', just so the crowd can chant in unison; "Go Nads!"
Here in Texas, we DO have a Forney...too bad their animal mascot isn't an alligator)

wal (Mark Twain v 2.0):

We get so used to having a crutch that we forget we're not lame.

Reminds me of Harriet Tubman:

I freed a thousand slaves I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves.

Glad to catch up. Sorry I'm a laggard, but I'm still laffing my ass off at several Tred-isms:

milking the cow through the fence.

If a woman ever looked at my dick and said "who are you going to please with that" my answer is always "me".

Well, dancing is out, I injured a groin. It wasn't mine.

Strength and Honor!
.
.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

444, here is the thing. I have the good fortune to be able to look back at concrete steps I took to try to improve the marriage. She was unreceptive. (IDK whether she had already started cheating during any particular effort on my part).

She is either trying to gaslight me now or she is just that screwed up to believe that I had checked out when I know I had not. Maybe both. Either way, it's not good.

As far as rewarding her - I don't know what she expects.

Sorry, but if she thinks I am going to suddenly start watching Lifetime that's not going to happen. Not even close.

BTW, regardless of what she says while she is in coverup/self preservation mode, I know she does not really want a girlfriend with a dick. She's just stuck with a bullshit excuse because she has no other.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If a woman ever looked at my dick and said "who are you going to please with that" my answer is always "me".

I agree jjct, not sure how I let this one pass without comment the first time. Classic quote. Tred spins pure BM gold all the time, really. Whatever else they take from us, they can't take our sense of humor!

ETA: I'd defend the Thermopylae Pass with the guys on this thread any day.

ETA #2: (Re: jjct's Gladiator pic) Ok, so I got my movies mixed up for a sec. But you get the point.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 11:51 AM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nobody caught my somanyyears reference ?


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys. Kinda new to the forum and new to the thread. Just wanted to introduce myself. We are 16 months past Dday. Tough road. I still get very minimized answers to my questions. MC has been good though, seeing changes in her lately and I recently started IC which has been great. Glad I found you all.

-S

[This message edited by slater13 at 10:28 PM, June 2nd (Sunday)]


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome to the club brother, sure as hell wish you didn't have to be here.

strength


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey Slater,
Welcome to the men's thread.

p.s. don't push to hard for your WW to join here, give yourself some time alone here first.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
slater13
♂ Member
Member # 39008
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. Good advice SLH- you must have read an older post of mine, seeking ideas to get her on here. She doesn't like forums, so I don't think it will happen. Nonetheless, I will follow your advice.


The choices we make reveal the true nature of our character

Posts: 154 | Registered: Apr 2013
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

snap! didn't even look at the date on that thread.

how are you doing these days?


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure it's the same for everyone, that as time goes by, we analyse and re-analyse the behaviour of our WW and start to see things from different angles.
What I've started to realise is that not only has she betrayed me and abandoned me but she has done it to her children too.

WW (the mother to my wonderful boys) has conciously and deliberately relinquished access to her own children several days a week in preference of the new POS. What sort of mother does that?


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 527 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi slater, sorry youre here but glad you found BM (un officially the Menz thread); which is a unique place on the Internet.

Her minimising answers would be a huge red flag, I'd say be careful about how you phrase R in your sitch; she may be feeling regret/shame, not necessarily remorse - which is critical towards any meaningful R. Your MC should be addressing A related issues, fixing M problems before addressing the A is wasted effort.

Having a potentially remorseless WW on here is going to make it close to impossible for you to effectively follow some of the advise on here (or other forums). THAT and not going DEEP with my snooping were the 2 major mistakes I made at the outset of discovery. WW has always had access to my play book in my erroneous thinking that we were on the same team and working towards R together. Took almost 2 years to figure out that no, we indeed weren't on the same team and that she always had access to my play book to preempt/manipulate outcomes and sabotage any attempts at authentic healing or recovery.

So, careful buddy, don't direct her here unless she specifically shows an interest in and takes steps towards working on herself/her brokenness which led to her As. (Ref: your previous post).


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nobody caught my somanyyears reference ?

Well played...that was subtle.

B444 - yeah, the belly issue. My wife actually told the OM to ignore her belly in the nude photos she was sending him. Like he even looked at that while he was jacking off. Umm, you just sent him a forensic photo of a toy in your snatch, do you think he gives a damn about your belly? You just made him feel like a stud because he is so hot a married woman is sending him nude photos, he couldn't give a shit about your belly.

And as a matter of fact, I do like movies about gladiators


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just want to apologize to those involved in my rant last week......

I should just walk away before I type something...

I am still working on my anger....2 years 7 months later...

ugh


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the great advise ! Later- I feel the same way about snooping . I hate that my marriage has come down to me checking my WW phone. Real- thanks for the links. You and Betrayed44 and sal1995 have given me insight on my WW intimacy issues . I agree our mc is allowing my WW to blame shift .I must admit I'm envious ( for lack of a better word ) of betrayed44 . You have details of your WW A "she keep her shirt on " . The only information I really have are from the D day's .By you not rewarding your WW with intimacy did it help you get your information ? Our mc say's " I don't want you to know the details because it will only make R worse ". Did the detail knowledge hinder your R ? I didn't get much feedback on snooping ? Do you guy's check on your WW ? I have taken the advise to work on myself and it real helps me keep my mind off the A . Thanks for the information my fellow brothers ! BTW I do enjoy the levity that gets posted here


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


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