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Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Are there One Woman Men out there?
BrokenSpirit50
♀ Member
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Argggh....Is it me, do I have the wrong idea about OLD? A little history, I met a guy online back in January and we've been seeing each other since. You may have read one of my earlier posts where I didn't feel comfortable introducing him to my family and I thought it was because he wasn't my usual type. I think I also posted one other time asking what the "norm" is for moving towards exclusivity together. I've been out of the dating scene 32 years so I admit I have a lot to learn.


So, the other day I get an e-mail from SO saying "Dearest ****** I've been feeling awful lately due to the usual, my not being able to get a job and not having enough money. I wanted to tell you I have been seeing four other women other than you and I have feelings for all of you. Well, that is it in a nutshell". Like OMG WTF FOUR OTHER WOMEN??? FIVE OF US? What is wrong with him? Lately I was feeling like this wasn't going to go anywhere so, luckily I closed my heart. Now I know why I didn't feel like I wanted to introduce him to my family. Argh!


So, am I crazy for wanting to date one man after a few months? Are there no men out there that want to date one woman at a time? Guys feel free to chime in here. I'm really losing faith in relationships here. And the worst thing of all, it's not that he hurt me, it's made me miss my XWH so bad. I have had a moment each day where I want to cry for XWH. Gosh I miss him. Has anyone else experienced that? Maybe I'm not ready to move on yet. I was feeling like the sun was starting to shine again.

Big Sigh.


Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.


Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I'm clever enough to date more than one woman at once and I wouldn't feel right about it anyway. I also don't think that in 20 year or so when I poke my head out and start dating that I will enjoy it very much.

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:55 PM, May 13th (Monday)]


Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
ManBearDivorce
♂ Member
Member # 36258
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I commend him for making time for 5 women. Does he have a job? LOL Making time for one woman is hard enough. 5 women? Damn that's crazy! I got caught texting at work the other day. I don't think I'll ever do it again at work.

Posts: 342 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: St.Paul Minnesota
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No wonder he has no money.. he's dating 5 women.

I give you points for listening to your gut.

I can't answer the question, I am not a guy. But I date one guy at a time. When I date, which I am not. LOL.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5161 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No money, no job, dating 4 other women. What a fucking loser, but at least he was honest about it. Um, F for effort..

The betrayed men on this site give me hope all the time that there are men out there who are just as disgusted about cheating as I am.. There ARE one-woman men out there. I really believe that.

Online dating sounds horrid, and I don't think I'll be trying that any time soon. I'd rather focus on me and spend time with my friends hanging out and doing fun things and maybe meet a guy that way.. Not that OLD can't work out, but it doesn't seem natural to me..

Please don't let this terribly bad rotten apple ruin dating for you, or ruin your thoughts on men in general.. I think it shows a lot of strength when you turn down and forget about guys who are not worthy of you. You are gonna meet the right guys a lot sooner when you don't give these losers too much headspace.. I wouldn't spend any time trying to "fix" or "help" any guy at this point. That's co-dependency and will never lead to the healthy relationship I'm searching for.

Just keep dropping these clowns and have fun being single and "doing you" till you find what you are really looking for


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2248 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you reply well now you're only dating 4 cause I'm out.

What a jerk!


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1347 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
BrokenSpirit50
♀ Member
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h0peless, ManBearDivorce, Thanks for confirming there are some one woman men out there. And to that I commend you...take a bow ;-)

Kajem, BG, bb26, Thanks for your support. Yep I'm outta there....totally a jerk. He will get what he deserves. Onward and forward. For some reason I'm almost relieved.


Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.


Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OLD is completely different than off-line dating. You pretty much need to assume that the other person is also seeing other people, until/unless you've had the exclusivity talk.

Though this guy rather takes the cake. I'm surprised that someone who was unemployed and having money trouble found any woman willing to date him, much less five. You definitely dodged a bullet here! (I understand that with the recent bad economy, more people are unemployed, but that person needs to be working on their own life and finding stability before they bring a partner into it!)

And the worst thing of all, it's not that he hurt me, it's made me miss my XWH so bad. I have had a moment each day where I want to cry for XWH. Gosh I miss him. Has anyone else experienced that? Maybe I'm not ready to move on yet.

This definitely sounds like you are not ready to date yet, and possibly why you put up with this guy for so long. Broken attracts broken, and you want to be a whole, healthy person on your own. Otherwise, if you are looking for a replacement for XWH, or someone to complete you, or make you happy, you risk dismissing red flags and winding up with someone terrible.

You'll get there :)


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did you reply well now you're only dating 4 cause I'm out.

Yeah...there you go! Now he will feel less stressed! One less woman to string along! JERK!!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2722 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
need_hope
♀ Member
Member # 23989
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OLD is completely different than off-line dating. You pretty much need to assume that the other person is also seeing other people, until/unless you've had the exclusivity talk.

I agree that OLD and off-line dating are two different animals but I think you should NEVER assume exclusivity until you've had the conversation. The term "dating" means different things to different people and to save yourself some hurt and whole lot of confusion, it's best to spell out your position.


Me - happily single
Him - no longer matters
Married 28 yrs
Filed for D 1/10
DIVORCED 12/12

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.


Posts: 1732 | Registered: May 2009 | From: East Coast
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no way in hell I could "juggle" two or more women at once...

One is more than enough most days...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
time2grow
♂ Member
Member # 35983
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have enough problems just getting to know women. It would be foolish of me to think I could try dating more than one at a time. No thanks!

Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this thread, I feel less lonesome.

Lately I feel like one-on-one "dating" and then monogamy is part of a past life and honesty is just...something pretend.

People ask me all the time if I'm dating or going to and I just stare at them. I've been more slack-jawed in the last year in replies than my whole life, lol!

The ink isn't even signed on our divorce papers, and in my mind, I am still a wife. In my mind, I also know I'm not! So how does that work, I don't know?

Do men still want women to act wifely, or do we simply get back in the canoe without expectations and be like Blanche on the Golden Girls? Or Fonzie?

Sometimes I think that's not a bad idea, lol again.

And then the other part of me, in better spirits, likes thinking that I'm free as a bird and only tied to children...someetimes that feels really okay, but the lonesomeness is then unbearable.

How do you even begin?

I don't want to offend anyone, but I find the online sites somewhat hysterical. I created a faker to h-hunt and didn't even put up a picture. I put up kind of silly specs or profile stats and was just amazed at how often my email beeped!

I haven't been single for 20 years and am pregnant, so it's really pretty much out for me. But yes, I wonder too, if there are men out there wanting to be serious with only one other...that care about safety and health and honesty, or is that all going away and just me being naive?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P.S. I like the post that talks about being exclusive...but I also grew up being taught and thinking that marriage vows meant we were exclusive?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
BrokenSpirit50
♀ Member
Member # 34485
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Phmh, thank you for your post.

OLD is completely different than off-line dating. You pretty much need to assume that the other person is also seeing other people, until/unless you've had the exclusivity talk.


Yes it is, I totally agree, we had a talk and agreed that we most likely didn't have a long time future but we enjoyed each other's company and that if one of us would find someone else we wanted to date that we would let the other know. My feathers were ruffled when I heard four others??I'm sure that didn't manifest over night. Maybe I don't have a right to be irritated...taking that away.

I said: And the worst thing of all, it's not that he hurt me, it's made me miss my XWH so bad. I have had a moment each day where I want to cry for XWH. Gosh I miss him. Has anyone else experienced that? Maybe I'm not ready to move on yet.

This definitely sounds like you are not ready to date yet, and possibly why you put up with this guy for so long.

One thing that is good, I wasn't hurting for SO. My response was good luck, see ya. I feel like I have to stick my neck out there. Otherwise, I'd find myself mad at myself for never getting out there and trying.

Wonderingbull & time2grow

There is no way in hell I could "juggle" two or more women at once...
One is more than enough most days...

I have enough problems just getting to know women. It would be foolish of me to think I could try dating more than one at a time. No thanks!

Haahaa Yes, less is more sometimes!


Me BS 54
Him WH 55
M 32 yrs - together 40 yrs
Kids 0
D-Day 12-18-11 (WH didn't want to R)
Divorced 6-21-12 Done!

If the grass is greener on the other side....water your own lawn.


Posts: 239 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Midwest
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had a moment each day where I want to cry for XWH

I think you're missing something here. XWH was also seeing others while married to you. So why on Earth would you miss that? He's no better.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Shockleader
♂ Member
Member # 36827
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Always a one women kinda guy, never cheated, not even close, EVER. I relish and so enjoy having one special person with whom I can give my all to, feel connected with, share what I have to offer, enjoy what they have to offer, and experience that secure feeling of mutual respect, love and togetherness.

Sure butterflies are interesting, but getting to know and love a single human being deeply, is REALLY what does it for me. I know, lots of yeah, yeah, or "better check if your halo has slipped"; I have nothing to gain by lying to my friends on SI.

I would have no idea how or desire to be a player, cheater, whatever. Even my friends trying to set me up with women while I am technically still married, makes me uncomfortable, as does the same friends "pushing" me for NSA "dates". For whatever reason, that never did hold much interest when single, and it sure doesn't now.

Like you BS50, I have not been on the dating scene for a long time (about 25 years), and I too have a lot to learn, but have learned a LOT because of the hell I and all of us have gone through. Good luck to you, and hope you find a special person to be happy with.


D-Day spring 2012
Me BS 47
Xcheater 44
One DD 19
Married 23 years
Divorced 12/23/13 Fu*king A!

The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...


Posts: 652 | Registered: Sep 2012
Bebba1171
♂ Member
Member # 33857
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thought of dating more than one gal at a time really grosses me out.

Would never ever do that!


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 727 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 18

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