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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Back to work tomorrow...
Sam793
♂ Member
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been off since the beginning of April on holidays. During this time we had our DS. I've been helping out the best I can around the house and lettin my BW sleep when she wants during the day. Now that I won't be around for seven afternoons/evenings combined with her lack of sleep and of course the A, she feels overwhelmed. She's very independent and won't ask for help from family members. Anybody have any pointers on how I can help her through all of this. I feel so upset for we it's eating me inside.


Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
Trying33
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my H went back to work I also felt overwhelmed. I somehow managed the physical, laborious side of it all but needed to know he was with me emotionally. It's knowing you're in this together and she can depend on you for support.

Things like asking about her AND the baby. Making sure she has all she needs for the day before you leave for work, offering to do some chores when you get home. Aknowledgement and reassurance that everything is going well. Empathising.

Ask her what would make her feel secure right now? Tell her you're prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure she feels safe.

Appreciate her for bringing a beautiful DS into your lives and how they mean the world to you :)

And lastly (unless she's one of the lucky one's who gets back to shape quickly) let her know you still find her attractive and beautiful as right now she's probably not feeling her prettiest.

Hope that helps!


Posts: 354 | Registered: Mar 2013
Sam793
♂ Member
Member # 37081
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. I am and will. She's having a hard time dealing with the why of the A. She still thinks its because of how I thought of her. It's how I thought of me and how I wanted to feel. Like I said to her, the AP gave me the compliments and my BW gave me the encouragement. My self esteem likes the compliments and took the encouragement the wrong way. Looking back at it all, I'm having a hard time dealing with the choice. It's hard to explain that I loved the compliments from the AP but was not in love with the AP. Thats why it went on so long.


Me: 38 BS: 33
3 y/o DD and one new DS
Married: 9 years
3.5yr A
Status: Each day I find more of how I screwed up

Posts: 249 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Canada
confetticheck
♂ New Member
Member # 38676
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Sam,
Congrats on the new baby!

It' seems to help my BS a lot when I do things with out being asked. I will do anything she asks or answer any question, but when I bring something up that I saw on SI or ask her what she thinks about this or that issue (concerning us) it really carrys some weight with her. It makes her feel better to know I'm thinking about stuff without her initiating. That I'm working on me/us. Took me awhile to get that through my thick skull. I was doing it, but I wasn't talking about it. Old bad habit. I think it's called communication skills.....Duh!

And ya keep up compliments, body issues because of the A and now a new baby. Help her heal inside and out.


Me - WH
Her - BW
Married 20 yrs, 3 kids
DDay - 17 Nov '12 (5 month PA)

Life's tough, it's tougher when your stupid.


Posts: 35 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: FL
Topic Posts: 4

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