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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Some encouragement needed
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I'm utterly ridiculous but I'm dreading IC. I cancelled Monday's and I'm so tempted to cancel tomorrow.

I think with everything I'm just super stressed out. I know it's all my own doing but, I'm stressed out and I don't want to go.


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please gather the strength to go. I know sometimes I dont want to go to MC but after I usually feel better. Chin up. It may help you with your stress. You owe it to yourself and your BS.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
badchoice
♂ Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it' shard to go sometimes, but sometimes the thing you want to avoid the most, is the exact thing you need to do.

Hang in there, and good luck. You can do this.


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel like I can go this week. I think I'll just start again next week. I know I need to go


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel like I can go this week
why? Sienna, I can't help but feel like you are running from something. Not necessarily A related, just something that you really would rather not deal with - the potential outcome scares the shit out of you. I implore you to investigate further. For your own sake, do not cancel anymore IC appointments.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5977 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
badchoice
♂ Member
Member # 35566
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that I have skipped in the past because I just felt overwhelmed.

You know what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Take care of yourself, maybe do some journaling instead this week, and bring that in next week. Maybe discuss how you felt this week, and why you needed the space, in next weeks session.

ETA: Thinking about your original post some more...

You did ask for support in going, so maybe you really want to go, but are just really scared of stuff coming up. That is when you really need to go IMO.

[This message edited by badchoice at 2:35 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Me: fWH/BH 46

Separated transitioning to D


Posts: 730 | Registered: May 2012 | From: L.A.
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just full of stupid fucked up issues I'm a total fuck up in fact


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
What2Thnk
Member
Member # 37863
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes it's like exercise. Give yourself permission to not want to do it, and then do it anyway. But do it.


Me (BS) 42 - Him (WS) 43
DD #1 7/19/10 2 year LTA EA/PA w/MOW - HSXGF#1; DD #2 6/6/12 4 mo EA (PA?) w/HSXGF#2; DD #3 12/15/12 3 week EA with random stranger. A whole crapload of gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, rugsweeping and TT.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Dec 2012
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna,

You can do this. Don't cancel.

Whenever I have wanted to avoid something and forced myself do do it anyway at the very least I gave myself credit for doing something I REALLY didn't want to do. That feels good.

Go to IC then give yourself a much deserved pat on the back for toughing it out.

[This message edited by knightsbff at 3:08 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just full of stupid fucked up issues I'm a total fuck up in fact

If you defeat yourself..how are you going to help yourself?
Calling yourself that is not going to get you anywhere but pity party city.

Where is that strength you said you made yourself have. The strength to face matters that are hard to face?

You and circumstances have helped you create the monster you don't want to face.
It is going to take you and help from someone that can assist you in finding the formula that made that monstrous side you don't like.

Don't run from healing..embrace it...This is for you..and this will help heal your family. Please go.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2536 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gentle 2x4 here.

Go. What do you think that it says to your BH that you cancelled the first appointment? What do you think that cancelling the 2nd one will scream at him? So you're dreading it. Welcome to the after the A world. You're going to have to, absolutely have to do things that you dread, that make you filled with fear, that make you nauseated, and make you quake in your shoes. Repeat to yourself, I am doing this for my BH and more importantly, I am doing this for myself. Because that's the truth. If you don't get to the bottom of your issues, then you are going to find youself either repeating the same scenario with your BH, divorced, or repeating with another BH/BBF. Go!

Stepping off of my soapbox now. But seriously, go!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4935 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
needhelp123
♂ Member
Member # 38109
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't say I felt the way you do. I wanted to go. It took several sessions to discuss/confront some very personal FOO issues but it has been well worth it. Therapists don't judge. They are there to help you and, as mine has told me on several occasions, they have heard it all before. Go. Go for yourself. Keep going. It really feels good when you make breakthroughs.


Me: 47 BS: Cheerless (not giving her age)
DDay 12/31/12
30 days of TT WRONG - try 17 months
2 great teenagers
I had a LTA - EA and then PA. Escalated in 2012.
Never Giving Up Hope
The secret of life is to "die before you die" - Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jan 2013
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't know.

This isn't the first session I've been to a few.

I know I need to go but maybe not this week

[This message edited by Sienna500 at 4:33 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't feel sorry for myself I just don't know.

How are you going to find out..if you don't know?


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2536 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sienna, I'm a BS. No stop sign, so I'll venture into the discussion and hope my comments aren't taken the wrong way, or violate any forum rules. Here goes:

You acknowledged 3 ONS's in a two week period. This would be considered destructive and self-defeating behavior by a single person, let alone a married woman with children.

You're a decent person or you wouldn't be on this site talking about your issues. This is helpful, but more is needed. Please go to IC. Not just for yourself, but for those who love and depend on you.

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 4:49 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1453 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just full of stupid fucked up issues I'm a total fuck up in fact
this statement alone reads you are feeling sorry for yourself.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5977 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe if I just carry on and talk to my H more I don't know I'm just stressed at the moment it might look different tomorrow

MissesJai you'll be right I'm sure but it doesn't feel that way honestly

[This message edited by Sienna500 at 5:02 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you continue to cancel on your IC, she will have to "fire you."

You realize that your cancellation prevents her from seeing other patients, and loses income?

Are you (subconsciously)deliberately sabotaging this?


Me-41 FWW Him-45BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand." -Kurt Vonnegut

Posts: 1992 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Sienna500
♀ Member
Member # 38832
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose I'm being selfish I never thought of it that way

I do want sort this out and I know I need to go but I struggle and I'm scared

[This message edited by Sienna500 at 5:55 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Me: WW 27
Him: BH 28
M: 5 years, together 8
3 kids (aged 3, 4 & a baby born 5 Sept 2013)
3 ONSs in 2 weeks
DDay: 20 Jan 2013 (a week after)

Posts: 200 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: UK
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm scared
of???


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5977 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 42
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