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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Nobody to call
♀ Member
Member # 36268
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally relate, Pass. It stinks when these little reminders crop up to remind us how alone we really are.

I cried so hard the first few times I had to fill out medical paperwork. I live in a city with no family and my friends aren't close by.

Finally, I talked to my BFF and she told me I could use her info for emergencies. She's been my friend longer than I've known Dumbass, and she's been more consistent in every way for me too. Even though she lives several miles away, she'd come in a heartbeat if I ever needed her. Something my Ex wouldn't do when I was assaulted in a parking lot.

One thing about D, you really do find out who your friends are.

Me: BW (44 yo then); Him: WH (46 yo); No kids
DDay: 6-15-12
M 13.5 yrs; T 14 yrs (at the time)


Posts: 225 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: the South
♀ Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's difficult to feel as though you don't have anyone to call. I remember the first time I had to fill out paperwork and had to think about the emergency contact person.

I have three other friends who all became divorced around the same time I did. We all lived very similar lives-demanding careers with travel, college aged kids, and aging parents. After one of our group of friends had a family emergency, we decided to exchange house keys and contact information.

We've all exchanged house keys, as well as keep a spare hidden outside the house. We also have the information written on where we keep a spare key. The spreadsheet also has contact information on closest neighbors, family members contact information and who to call in what order. For example, I have an adult son who is my contact person, but in an emergency, they now know what his phone number is. They also have my mom's name and phone number, just in case.

We've also agreed to tell each other when we go out of town for work or to see kids or parents, so that someone knows where we are on the weekends when we might not come in contact with someone between Friday and Monday.

We've used our keys and call system on several emergent and non-emergent situations. We've been using our system for so long, that we actually need to update information. I think it gives each of us a sense of security.

Take care of yourself.

Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
♀ Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry Pass. You will soon fill in all of those gaps.

I hope you are feeling better.

Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

Posts: 4692 | Registered: Oct 2007
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My moment like that came when I got a belly bug and thought I was doing to die. Like sleeping on the bathroom floor sorta bug. The realization that I had no one to call to bring me Ginger Ale was disturbing.

Now I keep a basic supply of flu-friendly stuff: ginger ale, chicken soup, etc. Doesn't feel nearly as pitiful that way.

It is funny what we do now. I do have an emergency contact but other aspects of my life I find ironic now.

Like I have a very small amount of money stashed somewhere. I told my co-worker where it is with orders if anything happens to me to go get that darn money so it doesn't get accidently thrown away.

(Don't worry...the amount is so small that I am sure she won't just knock me off to get it)

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 11:56 AM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.

Posts: 2170 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no "in case of emergency" person either and I've had to tell dr. that as well. It sucks. :(

“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX asked me if I'm "still hanging around the infidelity sites" with a facial expression like she was smelling a bad fart.

"Interesting. I see you're still a skanky arsed hobag too. Ah, the bad old days".

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♀ Member
Member # 33406
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the same boat. I use my brother even though he lives 2500 miles away and couldn't do much if anything happened to me. My BFF travels for work all the time, different time zones, spotty cell phone coverage etc... so that would not work well. I also need to find someone to exchange keys with. I locked myself out once and had to get the neighbor to call my landlord. It was really embarrassing but I discovered that my neighbors are really friendly and social and about my age, so we ended up exchanging keys. Unfortunately they are moving away at the end of June so back to the drawing board

Me: BS (32)
Together: 14 years
DDay: May 18, 2011
Separation date: November 18, 2012

Posts: 73 | Registered: Sep 2011
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:13 AM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear of your troubls Pass! I hope you feel better soon. And the swamp thing comment made me giggle a bit.

Ironically my emergency contact are my former inlaws. They are wonderful always amazes me that they spawned such a selfish snot.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 21791
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now I keep a basic supply of flu-friendly stuff: ginger ale, chicken soup

I do this as well just to be on the safe side.

I also have a co-worker who is instructed that in case anything happens to me that she is to empty out my night stand so that my adult sons don't find "BOB".

Me (BS)47
XH (WS)53
Married 21 years
Divorced 2/19/07
Two sons 21 and 23 in college

Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
♂ New Member
Member # 38463
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Pass - I know how you feel. Had to fill out my insurance paper work for the year at work and had to list my mother as an emergency contact, she lives more than 700 miles away from.

Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass, I completely understand how you feel! I still list my sister in PA as my emergency contact. When she moves to CA this year, I will truly be the most alone I've been since my husband died in 2008 (no kids.) Since we just settled Mom's estate (she died in January), I plan to tie up all loose financial ends and pre-plan all end-of-life issues, including continuing pet care for my kitties. If need be, I'll just dial 911 and leave everything else up to G-d, the doctors, and my estate attorney. It sucks, but I'd rather be prepared for the inevitable. Now, for illnesses like hideous, both-ends-at-once flu, I call my yard guy to go to the store for me. He also takes me to the doctor when I get shots in my neck (spine). He's a big, kick-ass ex-Marine, and I'm lucky I have him to help me out, even for pay.

Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 394 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, I finally managed to meet up with my friend for dinner and drinks - who I was on my way to meet when I had the seizure - and told him my sad story. This was after a few drinks of course.

He called me something obscene and said I could always call him. That's man-talk for "I give a shit, but let's not talk about it!"

I'm slowly learning that I have good friends.

It's funny how I was ignoring my friends for all these years in favour of my wife and her friends, when she turned out to be the one I couldn't rely on. And you'd better believe I haven't been hearing from her friends!

Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous

Posts: 2080 | Registered: Jan 2013
♂ Member
Member # 34047
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand, as my username suggest I travel a lot on business. My XW would always want me to call her, no matter how late I got in. The first time I walked into a hotel room and realized my calls were no longer welcomed by her was a little sad. My daughter took her place in a hurry. You need someone to go to.

DDay January 2010
Divorced July 2010...broke up 2 families
Contented single dad of 2 grown sons and two daughters.
XW talks to kids about once a year

Posts: 54 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Southwest
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My never been married, no kids neighbor who is 43 had a stroke. I'm going over with another neighbor to bathe her a couple times a week since she can't control her right side. Her brother, who is disabled, had to move in with her.

Everytime I go over there I think how this could be me. How I don't have that special person who is supposed to take care of me either!!!

BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3250 | Registered: Dec 2008
Topic Posts: 34
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