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Newest Member: losttrust1231 (44270)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Saying "I Love You" First
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what you told him took courage and you should be proud of yourself! I hope so much for you that this works exactly how you want!!!


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well 6 weeks later, we are still close. Spending all of our time together. He's awesome with my kiddos. We talk about the future...

Still no ILY.

I said it. He acknowledged that I said it. 6 weeks later.... Crickets :(


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 28th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You said I love you? Or you said you were falling in love?

My boyfriend of 2 months (which seems ridiculously short typing that out when it feels like twice that time and then some)has said more than once that he's "falling more in love with me" but never directly I love you.

I haven't said it either as I am still deciding that is what I truly feel. I think about saying it alot so maybe I do feel it. But I didn't acknowledge his statement with a similar "I'm falling in love with you, too."

All that to say...don't assume he isn't feeling the same way as you. I would rather hear it first, but I know I wouldn't hesitate to say it back when he's ready.


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said it first to my 2nd H. He pondered on it a week and then said it back to me the next weekend.

I said it because that is how I felt and I wanted to express it. It was nice to get it back, but that isn't why I said it. I just wanted him to know.

It is okay that you said it. You are feeling it, and you are expressing yourself. It is your feeling. You shouldn't have to hide it because he isn't ready.

And you can say it again if you are feeling it. Say it with a smile and confidence. Or playfully and lightly. That has less pressure on him. Sometimes I will say things like "I love being with you. I love spending time with you. I love how you kiss me."

It is different ways of expressing the same thing. I like to be able to express myself. You may be with a guy that has difficulty expressing yourself and at some point, you may need to have a deep talk about it. But some people are very slow about allowing that deep of an emotion to be acknowledged, even if they are feeling it.

The new guy said it a few days before me. He said it and then dropped it for a while. Since he wasn't pushing, it allowed me to feel and acknowledge what I really was feeling, and it turned out to be love. Now we say it at least ten times a day. I think I would still give this guy a bit of time though and let things grow slowly, but I probably would bring it up in a few months if he hasn't acknowledged that type of feeling. The 2nd H told me, when I said I love you, that it was a difficult thing for him to say. I just told him that was fine, I just wanted him to know.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15104 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Spirit13
♀ Member
Member # 31758
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HappilyUn,

You are bummed and I don't blame you. I would be too. There really isn't much you can do at this point. I would basically keep quiet and wait for him. Continually telling him without reciprocation would make you feel badly and also would put pressure on him that would probably backfire (not suggesting that you were going to do this.)

But the situation you are in really sucks and I feel for you. It's hard to just focus on the greatness of a relationship when you are looking for that next sign or for ILY.


Men were deceivers ever; one foot in sea and one on shore, to one thing constant never.

Posts: 620 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Midwest
Betrayal
♀ Member
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told me he gets it; that he shares the exact same feelings as I do. Its exciting amd scary at the same time. But he never repeated the L word.

Men are not like women, read this quote, he basically repeated what you said to him, in manspeak. Time to chill, sit back and enjoy. The time will come when he says it. He's probably scared too.


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you feel it - say it. To heck with the response. No analysis required.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9175 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. I feel it and I am pretty sure he feels it too. We talk about everything under the sun; but this is a huge elephant in the room that we have ignored for 6 weeks. I haven't said it again since that time 6 weeks ago. I'm not secure enough with myself to risk saying it again unreciprocated.

Just trying to understand he mindset. If this is not true love, I don't know what is. I don't know what he is waiting for.

You said I love you? Or you said you were falling in love?

I am not sure anymore!

It's not a problem, it's not a deal breaker. I'll keep on going status quo. He is amazing. He makes me feel like a goddess. I just wish I can understand what is it that he is waiting for?

No analysis required
.

Ha! I'm an analyst by trade. A tiger can't change her stripes!

[This message edited by HappilyUnMarried at 8:35 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to share that I went out on your limb and told SO I loved him!

He had said "I'm falling more in love with you" and things like that before, but never directly ILY.

I thought of this thread, actually, and decided what the heck. If you feel it,just say it. But I did wait for another moment where he was declaring the same sentiment.

Happily, I got a return "I love you, too babe" and then some tears.

So I just wanted to encourage you, if you feel it, just say it! Don't leave it hanging in the air for a repeat, just say it with finality and a hug and pretend it felt very natural. Which it probably will.


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night I went off (via email) on my XH's wife when she made some comments about my mothering that really pissed me off.

My SO is soooo level headed. He tried to show me how my impulsive emails hurt, not help my child. He highlighted parts of my email and spent a lot of time commenting on how I might have gotten my point across in a less volatile way (he has a way with words). He ended the email with:

Even so, I still love you and want to be with you and am looking forward to seeing you tonight.

WTF? We had a great talk, he held me. But he never repeated the L word. I don't get it.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahh, there ya go...he DOES love you and he said it!

Don't worry about the verbal affirmations for now.

He seems to be more comfortable with you "knowing" in a general sense of the word. Maybe he didn't grow up saying it or hearing it?

If it were me, I would feel comfortable saying I love you to him and not expect to hear it back. Eventually I think he will start saying it in return when he's ready. Now you know he does loves you...he said (wrote!) it!!!!


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
Topic Posts: 31
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