Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: HUNTERB7 (44682)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: clueless
EmotionalFool
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I generally get affected when a person I am dealing with is not in a good mood/not well. I somehow make it my responsibility to make things all right. This is one of the reasons which led up to As.

Now I AM responsible for CL’s current mood. And his mood swings affect me very much. I get it by being upset bcz he is upset doesn’t help him. Most of the times he wants me to leave him alone when he is angry and I have started doing that (which is VERY difficult for me).

In IC we discussed this and she walked me through some thought processes and asked how do I help the other person by being miserable myself. It all makes sense. But its very hard to implement.

After having few rough days, we ended up having a nice weekend. And again yesterday night CL’s mood went off. Now I am sitting in office wondering what I can do make him feel better. My work is getting piled up and I m not able to concentrate. I know I am not helping in any way just by thinking about him. But i should focus on work. But I want him to feel better somehow and I cant take my mid off this thought.

I guess I need an action plan. I am so clueless how to handle this.

[This message edited by EmotionalFool at 8:49 AM, April 8th (Monday)]


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
poopylala
♀ Member
Member # 30119
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know why you internalize others' distress BUT you have to find something that switches your mind from what is on it to what should be on it.

I've done a few things that work for me:
-go for a quick jog up and down stairs, dance, jumping jacks (something that physically demands my attention lest I fall and hurt myself!)
-watch youtube videos of pimples being popped, cysts being drained, sinus surgeries (ick to most people, fascinating to me- ONLY thing when I was in shock that shut everything else in my brain out)
-writing down what I feel in whatever format (journal, song, narrative) to help me verbalize my thoughts into coherent statements

I think it comes down to doing something that helps distract your mind when you need to be distracted. But with everything comes the issue of needing to redirect your attention to an appropriate outlet. If you have work to do, tell yourself if you can get your stuff done in X amount of time or X amount completed, you will take a 5 minute break to do something to address your situation.

I hope this helps some


BGF (me)- 25
FWBF (him)- 24
Was in a LTR but it's complicated now

forgiven and in R :)

"To err is human.
To forgive,
divine"


Posts: 960 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Houston, TX
nealos
♂ Member
Member # 35284
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sounds like you might benefit from learning about codependency. I think everyone can identify a little bit with being codependent, but some are so affected by it that it can warrant it's own treatment. If you are baffled and confused by this realization that your happiness hinges on the outcome of others' feelings, I urge you to research this concept a little bit. There are even CODA (codependents anonymous) groups where people come together to be support groups for each other.

good luck on your journey of self-awareness! it's a difficult uphill battle, but one SO SO worth it.


31yo WS-SA

“When we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.”


Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: 5280'
Topic Posts: 3

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.