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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all for your kind thoughts and words. It's very supportive.

The meeting seemed to go well, I think. It was hard to determine if the officer was nodding and shaking her head at all the right times so that it would encourage me to open up fully or whether she actually thought I was right. No doubt she has been trained in the art of removing any superficial statements and seeing beneath.

However, she did say that my document was well written and the CSTBXWW's did demonstrate a level of possession of the kids. She also made light of the claims of 'abuse' saying that she didn't really think these qualified. She wasn't impressed that CSTBXWW was unfairly requesting most of the holidays and Christmas.

The officer is meeting with the children next Wednesday and I expressed concern that CSTBXWW would coach the children. She said she knows that happens, it always happens, and they have techniques with young children to ensure they get their true beliefs and not the parents'.

I also asked if she could visit me with the children in our home. She said that was normally reserved for serious cases of neglect and abuse but I insisted that if she were to see how they were at home and around me she would immediately be able to recognise that CSTBXWW's accusations are ridiculous. She's visting on the 1st Feb.

I visited a female friend (nothing more than a friend) last night. She hasn't been officially cheated on but she's in a place where her boyfriend is cake eating. I put all of my SI training to good use and she's now implementing the 180. She needs to detach to heal from him. Go SI!


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 694 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I insisted that if she were to see how they were at home and around me she would immediately be able to recognise that CSTBXWW's accusations are ridiculous. She's visting on the 1st Feb.

Excellent, AAS. Well done.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1621 | Registered: Dec 2012
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was checking a few times yesterday to see how it went. I'm sure it was terribly stressful, but it sounds like you did a great job. I think your insistence on having a home visit will work in your favor -- you clearly have nothing to hide. Well done.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2012
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's visting on the 1st Feb.
Great move aas!

...and I'm glad you were able to help your friend.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CSTBXWW is escalating. The court dates are getting nearer and she is maybe feeling the pressure, somewhat.

She's looking for any way she can to provoke me. She wants to find something that will make me back down. I won't. I can't.

Two more letters arrived yesterday. That makes four in three days. She must be bleeding money from every orifice.

She is now trying every trick in the book to get into the house for a visit. She thinks I'm going to let her in while I'm at work! How stupid does she think I am? She would enter, probably with Gru, and take anything she fancied whilst snooping around for information. I don't want her anywhere near. Seeing my STBXWW in my home, 5 months pregnant with some wanker's child, is not my idea of a good way to heal.

Everytime I correct her stupid ass requeststs and false claims in my responses she retalliates with more bile and anger.

If I wasn't a gentleman and someone who never hits women, she would likely have a black eye by now.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 694 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I wasn't a gentleman and someone who never hits women, she would likely have a black eye by now

aas, YOU truly are a gentleman, and gentle man!

However, I am not so inclined. I have a lot of unspent anger at my H right now, and I would gladly unleash it on her!! Just say the word! Although violence is definitely never the answer, sometimes just having that fantasy can make me smile.

You are strong, caring and thoughtful. Don't ever change those qualities. She has none of them.

Keep it up. Feb 1st will be here before you know it. YOU will prevail. You've made it this far.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's looking for any way she can to provoke me. She wants to find something that will make me back down.

Yes, you see it for what it is aas so use that as your motivation to drive her even more nuts by carrying on displaying to her your calm and focused exterior - no matter how you're really feeling inside - keep it up because it's working. She's the one who's unraveling... Four letters in three days? Oh yes. Her solicitor really must be laughing all the way to the bank....and don't let her into the house unless you legally have to and even then only if you or someone responsible and on your side is going to be there too. It's not that long to the 1st so keep hanging on in there. We're all there with you in spirit.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
k94ever
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm....you said Dru has a house now? Are they looking to furnish it?

Nope...that woman should not be allowed into the house unless she's supervised. You'll end up clean out of just about everything needed to set up a house.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6562 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, January 23rd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Will she be able to let herself in while you are at work? I can't remember if you have changed the locks or not. You are so right to not let her in. do you have to let her in...ever?

She left on her own, she didn't take her bike, when you asked her to. Now she wants to get in your apartment...to take all the things she previously didn't want because Gru was sooooo much better, and would supply all her needs. Why would she want ANYTHING that reminds her of her marriage with you...or you?

Her interest in your apartment shows a new chink has developed in her armor.

My condolences on the death of your lovely wife. Vanquish the witch who has taken her place!!!


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To prevent CSTBXWW getting access to the home I have had to offer to hand over many of our family photos. This meant I spent an hour last night trawling through 19 years of memories. Holidays, relatives, friends, pregnancy, family, pets and wedding pictures. Hundreds of pictures. Such a sad loss. She has no such sadness, it seems.

In addition, by coincidence, the children are on half term holiday from the 12th Feb (court date on the 12th) so I sent her an email 'asking' for a couple of extra days, effectively extending my weekend from two nights to four. I need to book the time off if she agrees. She has replied saying that she will only discuss it at the hearing on the 12th which is her way of saying that the ruling will be in her favour, she will get sole residency and she won't have to agree to any additional time over and above the mandated minimum. She continues to remove me from their life as much as possible. It's heart breaking that she can do this to me and her children.

Child services interview the children tomorrow and then they visit me and the boys at home on the 1st. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shitting myself.

I've sent her lawyer a financial settlement offer which will be ignored, no doubt, but I have to try. I want this over with ASAP

She just doesn't want to move on. It's all back to front


[This message edited by allatsea at 8:23 AM, January 28th (Tuesday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 694 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh ass. I can only imagine how hard that was for you last night. Coming right on top of the child service visits it must have been gut wrenching looking at all of those photo's. I do feel for you.

Although you wouldn't be normal if you weren't worried about the social worker interviewing with your boys tomorrow, try not to let the fear completely engulf you because you already know how those boys feel about you. You've already told the lady to be on the watch out for any 'coaching' that may have been done by CSTXWW so you know she'll be on the alert for that, and she'll also be coming to see them again at your house on Saturday. She's going to be able to see all for herself how happy and relaxed those boys are when they are with you then.

As for this;

She has replied saying that she will only discuss it at the hearing on the 12th which is her way of saying that the ruling will be in her favour, she will get sole residency and she won't have to agree to any additional time over and above the mandated minimum. She continues to remove me from their life as much as possible. It's heart breaking that she can do this to me and her children.

All I can say to this is that hopefully this will be the last time she can do this to you. After the 12th you will have your rights set out by law and she won't be able to interfere with them or dictate to you ever again. If wishing got you 50/50 custody I can tell you that you'd be getting it because you are going to have thousands of people on here sending you theirs on the 12th.

Stay strong aas. You're nearly there. She can't dictate to you or hold this divorce up forever - no matter what she thinks.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
GotMyLifeBck2013
♂ Member
Member # 40531
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read a lot of this. This chicks a fucking monster. It doesn't matter if you're broke with nothing in your pocket. Getting away from her will be the most positive turning point in your life. You will not regret being strong and walking away from this pig of a human.

Good job dude.


I define me! I don't just survive, I thrive!!

Me: fBH 46
Her: exWW 42
DDay: Nov 1, 2012
Divorced: September 17, 2013


Posts: 289 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ohio
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Sins,

You are so supportive. I wish I had your confidence. I'm too close to my situation and self doubt creeps in. Her delusion is so severe that I start to worry that she knows something I don't. She seems utterly convinced. I almost believe her.

I have irrational fears that child services will be pro-mother, the judge will just want to move to the next case, the children will say something negative about me (I am human and I shout at them when they are naughty).

Throughout all of this I still can't understand why she hasn't been as keen to move on with her life like I have.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 694 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS, You are a great father, and Child Services will see that. I'm sure they see way too many fathers like my STBXH.

We just had a couple unexpected extended weekends due to weather. Each time I offered extra time to STBXH with the kids, and his work is such that he could easily do it. Both times he declined.

Child Services is supposed to look out for the best interest of the child. A parent/father who wants to be with their children, and has demonstrated a willingness to be there for them, is probably a refreshing change for them. It is in the best interest of a child to be where they are truly wanted, and not just considered a pawn.

Sending prayers and positive thoughts for your visits and hearings.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1796 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Throughout all of this I still can't understand why she hasn't been as keen to move on with her life like I have.

Because she is nuts.

She feels if she keeps provoking you that you will take the easy way out and leave or blows your brains out somewhere.

That would suit her just fine.

Never give up on your boys.
Never give in to that b!tch.

You fight till your last breath.
Your boys deserve and need that.

And so do you........

HM


Posts: 880 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
FormerOW
♀ New Member
Member # 42202
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:16 AM, January 30th (Thursday)]


Posts: 2 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, January 28th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be concerned if the SW didn't expect some yelling. Seriously dude, didn't your mom and dad scream at you once in a while growing up. I know mine did, and despite it, or more likely because of it I turned out OK.

They tend to look at things in a realistic pov in the States, and know that parents doing their job have to sometimes be tough. If we aren't then aren't we allowing our children to grow up with a sense of entitlement, and have a skewed viewpoint of the world, thus encouraging another generation of NPD people?

Hang in there, and know that your role as their father is great, and the SW will see that. Be strong, be loving, and be yourself. You will be fine.

(((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8592 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. I guess I am predictably nervous that I will lose a significant amount of contact with my children.

My letter to her solicitor offering a revised financial settlement resulted in a nasty text message from her last night telling me that the house will have to be sold becuase the judge will award her a larger than 50% split of the assets. The arrogance is outstanding.

I've since written to her solicitor requesting that she does not contact me directly. I must admit that I enjoy writing to her solicitor because I know it pisses CSTBXWW off and costs her money every time. It also helps that the content is always truthful


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 694 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
ForwardMotion
♂ Member
Member # 32608
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS - good luck with Child Services. I know you're nervous, but you're doing great. Stay calm and let them know you want as much time with your kids as you can get.

Peace


me - BH

'It's not the end of everything,
It's just end of everything you know.'


Posts: 409 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Tejas
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, January 29th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My letter to her solicitor offering a revised financial settlement resulted in a nasty text message from her last night telling me that the house will have to be sold becuase the judge will award her a larger than 50% split of the assets.
It just kills me that she made such a fuss about you contacting her directly - but that she thinks it's OK for her to do it to you.
The arrogance is outstanding.
You've certainly go that right!
I must admit that I enjoy writing to her solicitor because I know it pisses CSTBXWW off and costs her money every time.
Yep. Her solicitor is definitely laughing all the way to the bank.... I wonder if Gru is dipping into his savings yet - or if she's still paying for it all herself?

Anyway... we're all rooting for you aas - let us know how it goes on Saturday.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
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