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Newest Member: decievedmom (44722)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
sohowamI
♀ Member
Member # 36671
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS: I ponder this: What woman in her right mind would want to go back to a hearing before a family court in the late stages of her pregnancy by another man while still married and wrangle over what is 'best' for her two extant progeny? As my, Russian born, brother-in-law would suggest, she's 'sick in the head'!

I wonder what her brief thought when he/she saw her this morning. She doesn't appear to have much insight, does she? But then Waywards don't, do they?

Wish you the best of luck in February.


WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
fight4respect
♀ New Member
Member # 40595
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I honestly felt happy when I read that '...the judge came down on them hard for considering that she has the right to determine what is generous unilaterally'.

As far as narcissists go, she seems brutal but does not come across as being very sophisticated which I hope will play out well for you. I think a more dangerous narcissist would manipulate the situation with more subtlety and relent a little to come across in a better light.

Keep up the good work. I am rooting for you like everybody else here.


* I used to listen to people and trust they would act upon their word. Now I listen to people, and observe if they will act upon their word *

Posts: 10 | Registered: Sep 2013
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's never a good idea to piss off a judge. Hang in there AAS. You're doing an amazing job in dealing with this.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1019 | Registered: Mar 2012
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks folks. I'm glad you all see it as positive, too.

She will be nearly 7 months pregnant and the divorce can't complete until the contact order is sorted. If I procrastinate she can file for the decree a minimum of three months after the earliest possible decree date. Therefore she will still be married when she gives birth and it will look awful in court.

When I got home I texted her and said "in line with the judges suggestion, we are the best people to decide our children's future. Let me know if you'd like to discuss" -no reply.

She and Gru dropped the boys off at 17:30 and they didn't look happy. I think they thought they would get their interim reduction if contact.

My next battle is divorce costs and then a financial settlement. More expense and emotional trauma


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 660 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((allatsea))) we're here for you from the other side of the pond.

I applaud your patience and staying legally and morally on the right. Play your cards right. This is definitely a long-term war. You may loose and win some battles but what's important is winning the war. We're here for you.

[This message edited by Simple at 4:34 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One battle at a time, my friend. One battle at a time. You're doing GREAT!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4724 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"in line with the judges suggestion, we are the best people to decide our children's future. Let me know if you'd like to discuss" -no reply.

You're being human and taking the high road again, AAS. I understand. I do it too from time to time. Don't bother. I'm sure Miss Entitled is PISSED she wasn't fawned over and was chastised. For you to follow-up reiterating what the judge said just rubs salt into her self-inflicted wound and stokes her anger at you.

For always remember and never forget: this is all your fault. Simply all of it.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1588 | Registered: Dec 2012
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm happy to hear the judge witnessed your csbxww's unreasonable and borderline crazy behavior - even if it was just a glimmer of it. As it stands, the scales are tipped heavily in your favor, my friend. Prepare yourself for war - the more you mentally, physically, and emotionally prepare for it, the better your outcome will be. You see, the more and more pregnant she becomes, the more and more tired, careless, and desperate she'll become. That only gets A WORSE once the child is born. Wear her down and show no mercy while you firmly yet civilly stand your ground. Sooner or later she'll have no fuel left and you will bulldoze her in court. There's far too many battles to be fought and a pregnant lunatic who's already showing signs of cracking has no chance of winning the cumulative war. She simply does not have the resolve and she's already misstepped far too much to implement a viable strategy that could stand even a small chance against yours.
Stay strong and assured and focused on the end game. Take comfort in knowing you have an enormous community of people who care about you, standing behind you with infinite amounts of encouragement, advice, and compassion - that's far more than she has right now. You WILL win.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
usedupmyhope
♂ New Member
Member # 38330
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would love to be a fly on the wall when your attorney deposes her. You should spend the extra dough and hire a specialist who can really boil and render her down to size.

I think you should talk to your barrister about deciding a plan of action entirely around embarrassing and exposing this woman through the court. Get gru in there. let's see him squirm having to face the wrath of a conservative minded judge. Go nuclear and make shit up if you have to.

I mean it man, fuck her really. Use every lowdown tactic she used against you. You are going to spend a fortune on this no matter what, at least get your money's worth, seriously. And if your barrister doesn't agree or know how to fuck this woman up and her piece of shit lost asshat boyfriend, then hire a new one who gets the score and really really wants to even it out in your favor. There are people who are just asking for a fight, you need one of those people on your side. If you can afford to I would find a lawyer who is the devil and pay his fee. You'll be so much happier having spent 100k pounds and having moral victory.

I would file an emergency motion to stop all non-supervised visitation with she-devil and bunion boy. Your boys have told you some mentally abusive language gru used towards them while they were in his sole custody. In fact you think that he might have used facial and other outward expressions to instill a fear into your boys.

As far as I know, your boys aren't allowed to testify. So it's bunion boys word against yours. But he'll have to show up in court in order to give his word.

You're not going to win the motion, but you'll certainly tear their little love fest apart.


Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: usedupmyhope
usedupmyhope
♂ New Member
Member # 38330
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the truth is that she is an asshole and you just married one. You don't know how to be an asshole nearly as good as she does. You seriously need to hire an attorney who is more of an asshole than she could ever be. I'm afraid you make the same mistake I made and hired someone who is allot like you and makes you comfortable. Bad choice. hire the biggest asshole you can find. I'm telling you there are attorneys(assholes) who would literally have erotic orgasms just at the thought of deposing your cstbxww.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: usedupmyhope
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually it sounds as if AAA is adequately represented.
The procedures for custody and divorce are firmly established in the UK and follow a rather predetermined pattern. To me it sounds as if more or less what I said would happen on page 27 of this thread panned out.

AAA – Since your WW decided to swim in this cesspool it’s inevitable that child services come into play. I am certain that THIS is the main reason for the wait. They will evaluate the situation and see if one or both of you are unfit in any way as parents. This is something I think you have no reason AT ALL to fear. You come so clearly across as a decent, caring person. Your wife however… Judges in the UK take extremely badly to frivolous charges and unreasonable offers. Like I said before; It’s not your right or her right the judge is evaluating. It’s the right of the child to have access to parents. And like I said before; judges hate having their time wasted.

The judge is also more or less obliged to err to the side of caution regarding the kids. So the present arrangement might be in place now partially because of WW claims, but once the social workers do their report you can very possibly ask for a change in the temporary arrangement.

AAA – I know I come across tough. I could send you hugs and wish you well but frankly sometimes you and some of the advice you are offered comes across like the black knight in Monty Pythons Holy Grail… All full of piss and vinegar and spoiling for the fight but being chopped up again and again. That’s why I want you more goal focused.

Now – Since I more or less hit the nail back on page 27 then do me a favor. It will only take one phone-call: Ask your attorney about your risk on being assumed the legal father of the unborn child. Please… It’s only a call…


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5519 | Registered: Sep 2005
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS, everyone else voiced MHO better than I could.

The only one they left out is: your crazy, selfish, adulterous almost XW is bringing another child into the world, and POS is the father??? That poor child has all the cards stacked against it, as do your children, growing up as the "step" children to POSOM.

I'm so sorry this is now going into February. What a horrible nightmare. But it won't last forever...just too long.

We are with you, AAS.

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask your attorney about your risk on being assumed the legal father of the unborn child.

I'm going to chime in here seconding Bigger. Make the call. It's of major importance to you and your children. Make sure you go on the record early and often that this cannot be and is not your biological child and that you will fight any indication otherwise.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4724 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
PhoenixReborn
♂ Member
Member # 22135
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi.

One important thing stood out.

I also have to produce a statement as to why the children will benefit from being with me more whilst also trying to get across that her credibility is in doubt due to the lies.

Gently:
Actually do not do what is highlighted above - it is not your job or responsibility any more - your WW fired you remember.
I know trying to 'help' her is second nature but she will not be receptive to it and may turn it around on you.
She may accuse you of "still" trying to manipulate and control her etc....

You need to change your automatic actions toward her to treat her like you would another woman who is not your wife.

So I strongly urge you:
Do not in any way, shape or form try to change her decisions or thought processes - strictly business as she is no longer your wife (only on paper temporarily).

Good luck

[This message edited by PhoenixReborn at 11:58 PM, October 30th (Wednesday)]


Me - XBF 40 (Fiance)
Her - XWF (who cares)
# Always trust your Gut - I didn't and am now regretting it. #
-Only give up when you won't regret giving up.-

Posts: 1118 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Australia
PhoenixReborn
♂ Member
Member # 22135
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, October 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Additionally I also urge you to follow Biggers paternity advice too.


Me - XBF 40 (Fiance)
Her - XWF (who cares)
# Always trust your Gut - I didn't and am now regretting it. #
-Only give up when you won't regret giving up.-

Posts: 1118 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Australia
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix,

When I said that I have to get across how her credibility is in doubt I didn't mean to my CSTBXWW.

I couldn't care less what she thinks of herself. I want to make sure that the court knows how in-credible she is.

I owe her nothing


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 660 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've just had a text from CSTBXWW. I think she's realised that things aren't going her way.

I think she has stewed overnight thinking about the following:
1) The boys were with me and were happy to be here
2) She's now seen the school letter
3) She didn't get the Wednesday night cancelled
4) She was told off by the judge for acting unilaterally
5) She may have realised that she will be heavily pregnant by the time we go to court in Feb

I await her offer but I've given her some ground rules.

1) Reasonableness
2) Not treat the children as a possession
3) Offers near equal time with the boys
4) She stops telling lies

I don't expect her offer to be particularly generous

She is preparing a proposal for contact arrangements


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 660 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fingers crossed! I've been following your story and have been silently cheering you on! I hope she exceeds your expectations in her offer.


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS,
Things are looking good for you but I have to agree with Bigger. Make sure there is no way this child can be claimed as yours. Think about the probability that gru doesn't like pregnant life with two children and flees. He could very easily try and claim the child is actually yours. Just protect yourself. I don't see this guy sticking around for the long haul.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 265 | Registered: Mar 2013
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My hopes have been shortlived. No sooner did I agree to considering her proposal she has sent me a barrage of texts trying to trap me into saying something incriminating. Game playing.

All sorts of accusations that I'm emotionally damaging the boys and telling them stuff and she is sseriously concerned etc etc...

She's up against the ropes and feeling challenged..or just crazy.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 660 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
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