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Newest Member: SoLostStillNumb (44248)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I asked why he said it was because he missed me and burst into tears....Other than log the information, what on earth am I supposed to do with that heart breaking info?

I know how painful these episodes are. I go through it literally every weekend, as you know. My DS can barely go 48 hours without calling crying, asking to come home. And almost as painful is knowing that my WW has no problem giving him back to me so she doesn't have to deal with him.

Other than documenting (which is what I always do if it will potentially affect anything in terms of custody) I don't know what to say except know that your kids love you and want to be with you. Their "mom" will unlikely be able to accomplish her task of alienating them against you.

Just incredible the destruction they have wrought.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
ccw82
♀ Member
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS:

When I asked why he said it was because he missed me and burst into tears. The teacher had to sit with him until he was able to go and play. I asked if he told mummy and he said "no, she would be cross if I told her". Other than log the information, what on earth am I supposed to do with that heart breaking info? I can't tell CSTBXWW as she would dismiss it as lies

Did your son express that he missed you to his teacher? If so, she is a witness! You should ask her to document what happened in writing as she is a non-biased 3rd party. Surely that kind of documentation can only lean in your favor! Anewday is correct...if her actions are adversely affecting your children, you need to act swiftly.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Other than log the information, what on earth am I supposed to do with that heart breaking info?

Let him know you are there. Always have been, always will be. No matter what the circumstances bring, no matter the living situation you will always be his Father. You present it to him in such a way as to leave no doubt in his head. Make sure he knows how to contact you at any time, re-assure him that he will always have your love.

Then, and only then you find a time and place away from the kids and cry. Life isn't fair and they're actually being force fed that lesson from one of the two people who were to have been the protective of them. So cry for their loss of innocence. Cry out at the cruelness of their mother. Cry for the loss of your family.

Then roll up your sleeves and continue the fight. You've made it through the first few rounds without being dealt a knockout blow. You've done a great job so far. Keep it up.

Anewday and ccw delivered some spot on advice. The teacher especially I think. Her testimony may just be enough to give credence to your journaling and documenting. I agree, your solicitor needs to know ASAP.

Strength Brother. For you and the kids! Give them an extra hug.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2546 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can my wife hate me so much?

Hi, AAS,

Something just happened a few minutes ago as I put my DD (six) to bed. It elicited a number of emotions, and I was going to post it to my thread, but I remembered you'd ended your post with the above and I thought I'd post it here instead:

I bashed my face pretty bad the other day on my car door. A couple stitches. My kids were with my STBXWW and I knew my DS would be very interested in hearing the gory details. So I texted him telling him about it and sent him a pic of the stitches and all.

So tonight DD in bed says to me, "Mommy was crying about you the other day when you texted DS about your face."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"DS showed her the text and the picture and she cried."

I guess what I want to say to you, AAS, as well as to myself, is that our wives do not hate us. I'm not saying they love us, of course--and I'm not even suggesting that they possess real humanity or know what love is or what is true and deep in life.

But this brief exchange and information reminds me that there may be room for pity for them on some level--though in the heat of the battle we are currently in it is not yet possible. But know that they are unhappy, and deeply, deeply confused and fucked up.

Did it give me a distant pang of hope? That she still cared about me? Of course it did. But it had its moment, and it was gone, replaced by sadness at the waste--what they ran from and now likely realize they cannot get back.

Thus, in my opinion, that love, such as it is, has turned into something else. Call it hate if you like. But they desperately need to mask those years of feelings, keep those roots buried--ten years in my case, twenty in yours. And what they grab onto feels like hate to us.

I don't mean to give them the benefit of the doubt, if you know what I mean. But those feelings they had for us just don't go away, replaced with feelings for someone they don't truly know and who don't know them.

They are lost, AAS. They are broken. My WW crying makes me angry as well as sad. And I would never take her back. She could cry oceans. But those tears I am choosing to see as a few drops of karma in what I know will be a lifetime of regret and unhappiness--and yes, maybe even someday real remorse.

I hope all this made some sense.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys should have pity for your WWs. They are indeed completely hosed up. They have thrown away everything for nothing. Their 'feelings' have betrayed them. It must be very painful to feel so stupid and immoral at the same time. Remember that anger (hating you) is a cover emotion. It must be a deep, dark place that is buried within them.

They are your kids' mothers. Perhaps you can find some love for them, beyond just pity, in the future as you have moved on to a new life and they salvage theirs. Just because you care about someone does not mean you have to be in a relationship with that person.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 12:26 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" because I like the Music City. I did know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 841 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 2:41 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my. I'm very sad to read these last posts of yours allatasea. It is just so heartbreaking and I feel so sad for you and your boys. Your STBX has now made your son feel very insecure with her if he can't even trust his own mother with his feelings because he fears her anger. I completely agree with everything you've already gotten here - try to get that teacher to write down what happened - and document it. I think it's very important to try to get that evidence if you can.


It bothers me a lot too, that Gru did the drop off - document that that happened. It worries me for two reasons: The obvious ones about how the boys must feel about it when they are already very upset about Mum leaving Dad for Gru in the first place - but also 2) Is she going to try to say that you are 'threatening' when she drops them off because you put your head to the window and spoke to her last time? ..saying she doesn't feel 'safe' dropping them off personally now?


allatsea, I do fear that coming because at this point I would put NOTHING past her - she's very dangerous because she's going to try to twist everything around to suit her case. She's devious - she's very, very angry - and she is NOT going to be playing fair. She's going to play this for everything she can. Do not talk to her at all if you can help it. Tell your solicitor about all this immediately and try to get the teacher to give you something to document.


Let us know if you do receive that documentation from her solicitore today - you and your boys are in all our thoughts. Stay strong.




...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1837 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone,

Your support is very much needed at the moment.

I do have a journal and I also use this thread as a form of diary. My solicitor has taken over and she has instructed a barrister to handle this from this point on. My solicitor is pissed.

She says it tarnishes the reputation of all women when they behave this way.

I have spoken directly with DS's male teacher and he confirmed, word for word, he cried and wanted to see me more often. He is putting it into a letter for me tomorrow. My little son may have inadvertantly helped our cause without ever even knowing about it, poor boy. I cried a little when I spoke to the teacher.

Fingers crossed that CSTBXWW gets what's coming to her. She's so deluded that her behaviour is justified that she may be headed for a fall.
Stupid fucking monster


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This latest thing just breaks my heart. (((AAS)))


BS (me): 49
WS: 50
Married: 25 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1051 | Registered: Aug 2012
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to you and your children. She really is a monster and I'm so sorry for what she's put you all through...

Kudos to the teacher, that should be a big help and have you received the document lismg out what she's now looking for?


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 261 | Registered: Mar 2013
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have kept up with your thread. I did not comment, since I had nothing better to say than what others have spoken so wisely. I didn't want to just add to be part of the "crowd" so please forgive me for not writing. But do know that I am yet another person added to your list of followers and well wisher.

Peace and hugs to you and your kids.


Posts: 2478 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allatsea, I hope you get full custody of your children and your STBX has to wallow in the cesspool of misery she has created for herself. Nobody should have to go through any of this but what she is doing is beyond the normal cruelty of infidelity.

Keep fighting. You have 40,000 people here rooting for you.


Posts: 1569 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep fighting. You have 40,000 people here rooting for you.


You should print this ^^^^ out and plaster it all over your walls!


Posts: 2478 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have spoken directly with DS's male teacher and he confirmed, word for word, he cried and wanted to see me more often. He is putting it into a letter for me tomorrow.
She's DONE! This will prove to be the final nail in her coffin. You should petition for primary physical custody. With all the damning evidence you have collected, and now this latest from the teacher, no judge in his/her right mind will deny it to you.
Good luck AAS. We're routing for you.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My solicitor is pissed. She says it tarnishes the reputation of all women when they behave this way.

I love your solicitor! I also love your son's teacher, for doing the right thing and having the interest of the child foremost.

I haven't posted on your thread much, as you have had so many good responses, but I follow it and I am sending you all the support and mojo I can - you are doing everything right. We are all pulling for you. For you and your boys.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1779 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have received and digested the court application from the CRAZYSTBXWW. As an added treat for my birthday she supplemented the application with a form C1A. This is a form alleging "harm and domestic violence".

I must admit that I almost shat in my underpants when I saw it, but then I read it.

This form has gone before a judge and will be used in support of her claim for sole residency. It is a form that judges must dread seeing as it would often be filled with disturbing and heart breaking details of serious mental, physical and sexual abuse. When the court sees this document they normally instruct an immediate hearing.

Are you ready?
This is bad.......Really bad.

So, in addition to her C100 form requesting sole residency where she cites that I should not have them on Sunday night because "I could fail to send them to school on time and furthermore could fail to provide them with all of their school equipment". Does she not remember that I currently take them to school every Thursday morning and not once have they been late or not had the correct equipment and besides, they are 6 and 8, they don't have 'equipment'?

This is verbatim off the domestic violence and harm form:

1) The respondent retained the children in his care without my consent on the 15th Sept.

2) The respondent has made derogatory comments to me at mediation and has said rude comments to the children about my new partner - The respondent tole me to fuck off at mediation and told the children to call my new partner "dick" instead of Richard.

3) The respondent attended a local leisure centre and subjected me and my partner to verbal abuse in front of the children. I telephoned the Police, they attended and dispersed the situation

4) The children have reported that the respondent has let them watch age inappropriate films and let them stay up late.

5) I fear they may be abducted because his mother lives in France

End

Those of you who have been following my posts will know the entire facts from items 1 and 2. No 3 is utter lies in so many ways. I didn't abuse them, they abused me. The children were swimming and we were up in seating area. The Police did not attend and disperse the situation. Dick assaulted me
4, I don't let them watch innappropriate films although I have let them watch specific car stunts and police chases from films but never involving violence or blood, gore or swearing.
The latest they have EVER stayed up was once on a Friday night when they had a sleep over with some school friends. They were asleep by 21:30.

Yes my mum lives in France. I recently took them there for 10 days and they returned unharmed with a suntan. She has the passports.

What CSTBXWW doesn't realise is that she has helped me enormously by finally showing how vaccuous and insignificant her accusations are. If I were the judge residing over this I would be livid that she has claimed domestic violence and harm for the above.

What do you guys think?


[This message edited by allatsea at 2:57 AM, October 11th (Friday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What CSTBXWW doesn't realise is that she has helped me enormously by finally showing how vaccuous and insignificant her accusations are. If I were the judge residing over this I would be livid that she has claimed domestic violence and harm for the above.

My reaction is that you are exactly right. These accusations are pathetic and empty. These are the only things she can come up with? Her solicitor must be embarrassed. BUT: Be careful as always, AAS. Be extra vigilant and go that extra mile of being the great dad you are to head off at the pass additional garbage she will conjure up. Be a "proactively responsible dad" if you know what I mean. Put her on defense. She is clawing at anything.

But I'm sorry you have to go through such vile nonsense. Incredibly stressful.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it makes ME want to commit abuse!! ARGH!

I don't know how you deal with the utter and complete frustration. Infidelity itself is hard partly because it is so completely unfair, but she is setting world records in unfairness and unreasonableness.

But I did fear that she would try to say that you actually abused the children, so if this is the best her deluded mind can come up with you are right, it is laughable. If judges were allowed to eye roll and heavy sigh in court I imagine them doing that!

Oh. My. God.

You said something mean to her. You weren't nice to her AP. The kids "might" not have their equipment. They watched a car chase. Call the authorities!!

Compared to the irreparable harm she has done to them you should be getting a medal. I hope the courts see this as plainly as we all do.

Best of luck to you--you are awesome.

[This message edited by catlover50 at 6:40 AM, October 11th (Friday)]



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1700 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allatsea

Cool heads prevail in a situation like this.

Your ww accusations of abuse are trumped up. Total BS.

You have your journal. You have a letter from the teacher.

Now get your solicitor working on countering these false claims so you get the custody you desire.

Maybe you can ask the judge to gave your wife submit for a physche analysis.

She really needs one.

Stay the course. You are almost there.

HM


Posts: 789 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what a load of crap!

happy birthday brother!


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2546 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
anewday78
♂ Member
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What CSTBXWW doesn't realise is that she has helped me enormously by finally showing how vaccuous and insignificant her accusations are. If I were the judge residing over this I would be livid that she has claimed domestic violence and harm for the above.

What do you guys think?

I think you're exactly right here. She's only sealing her own fate. The "abduction" thing is an ASSUMPTION on her part which is not based on any kind of reality - and you've already proven that. Your solicitor needs to take a hard line approach to this and file for primary residency because its clear she's trying to alienate the children from you. It's time to start hammering the nails she's placed in her own coffin. This is disgusting.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
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