Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: raindrops1420 (44897)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like they may be tired of dealing with her crap which made me think of something else.

Didn't you say OM doesn't have any children? This can't be fun for him. Reality may be biting her in the ass from all angles especially since she's hell bent on controlling something. IMHO she seems to be grasping at straws which would indicate she's losing it and she knows it. I'm sure this is causing a HUGE strain in her new relationship.

I don't think you'll need to wait until the next court date to see them. I could be totally wrong but the way she's acting, to me, seems like her world is imploding in on her and she's just trying desperately to get control of something in it. My ex-husband was similar to your crazy ex in his custody battle and divorce case with me when things didn't go his way. I just stayed the course and the judge ultimately ruled in my favor and even stated in his closing remarks that ex hub was untruthful.

I know this sucks but look at her crazy behavior as a sign that she's losing it and stay strong. We all see it from across the pond, they see it too over there. Just keep your wits about you and she'll bury herself.


Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, apart from the fact that I'm staggered that she has actually done this, my opinion of how it reads is that they are saying 'we have NOT advised her that she has a legal right to do this' - it seems to me like self protection - in case this is brought up in court. They want to absolve themselves of any responsibility for the action. She's paying them, so they'll write what she wants but they aren't putting their reputation on the line saying they 'advised' her to do this. That's how I see it...


...and quite frankly, if that is correct - doesn't that just say a lot about how they think this will look in court?


Personally, I think she is trying very hard to intimidate you into signing that letter of hers. She thinks you will break and not be able to last until the court date and she will get that undertaking from you about no overnights. But I still believe that if you SIGN that letter you'll be shooting yourself in the foot LONG TERM. Much like what she is doing now in fact.


Trying to force you into signing an agreement that is not in your interests and her gaining a few weeks of extra custody of the boys may cost her dearly come the trial. You have to play the long term game allatsea. I think she is so angry and irrational right now and so determined to beat you that she's lost sight of that.


She wants to come out the 'winner' so badly that she's prepared to hurt the boys to get it and that will not go well for her at court. It is so staggeringly hurtful to the BOYS that it amazes me that she would actually do it. This is an exceptionally self entitled person you are dealing with here she even puts herself in front of her kids. If she really does keep the boys from you - I think she may come to regret that decision. It's like blackmail. Sign away your rights to overnights - or you won't get to see the kids at all.


Play this clever allatsea. Don't let her goad you into anything no matter how hard it is. Take the legal route and think LONGTERM not just about this next few weeks. In the meantime you and your boys have my sympathies. This is not going to be easy.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1871 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and I forgot to add, that I agree with velvethammer. This is not a happy woman. Her new life is not as wonderful as she thought it would be. Of course this is all your fault (Well who else's fault could it possibly be? Certainly not hers) - but the fact remains, her fantasy life isn't happening the way she planned it and she is not a happy woman.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1871 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's precisely what they are doing - they are distancing themselves from her behavior. They are specifically NOT saying they are advising her to do these things.

Your day will come. Document each and every one of these things.

The judge will not be happy with her.


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 287 | Registered: Feb 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allatsea,
You are most certainly in excruciating pain missing your boys right now. Imagine how much you will miss them if she gets her way in court. Better to miss them now for a limited period of time, and to win in court (because her antics are going to go against her in the long run) and see them much more later.

Do not sign anything. Every time she does not drop them off, as per the original agreement, write her soliciter a letter, stating she did not drop them off, that you have not agreed to give up any of your court appointed visitation days/nights, whatever, that you miss them, and how your WW's refusal to let them see you has got to be affecting the children.

Like others have said: remember you are in this for the boys for the long term, not just for the immediate.

So sorry you and your boys are suffering so.

Regarding WW's OM: if she is ranting to him all the time about you, and the boys are also upset wanting you, WW and OM's little love nest has lost it's sparkly rainbows, and the cream-puff farting unicorns have all died. This has got to be wearing on OM.

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Heath
♂ Member
Member # 28992
Default  Posted: 3:05 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear you are going through this.
I have some advice that may help. I have full custody of my children. My ex tried really hard to get the children to accept and like OM when they would visit her. But because OM is such an arrogant person who pretty much everybody I know who knows him hates him, the children simply found him too difficult to tolerate. He was always bossing them around and interrupting the time the children wanted to spend with their Mum. As a result, they asked my ex if they could visit without him being around. This made her very angry and she tried to force them to accept him, which made them withdraw from her. It was a pretty stressful period of time, with plenty of arguments. Finally one day I sent her a text message that went something like this:
"You have made many decisions over the last few years and the children simply had to adjust. Don't you think our children also deserve the power of 'choice'? I thank you for the time you spend with them and hope you can see this from their perspective".

This text changed everything, and from then on she was much more easy to communicate with. She respected the children's wishes and came up to visit them without OM being around. Perhaps if your STBX can see from your children's perspective, even if only a little bit, she may stop being so difficult.


"It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything'.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 5:12 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heath,

I wish my CSTBXWW was in a place where she would think of anyone but herself. She has deluded herself into thinking that she is doing this in the best interests of the children.

Every single communication I send her asks her to put the boys first but they are simply ignored and the level of crazy goes up a notch.

I just have to take a deep breath and weather the storm


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 681 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every single communication I send her asks her to put the boys first but they are simply ignored and the level of crazy goes up a notch.

Exact same scenario here, AAS. I think we had better just go dark. NC as much as is humanly possible. Everything through your/my attorney/solicitor. Give the Crazy no further fuel with which to hurt us.

Hope you're OK. My Crazy arrives back in town tomorrow with her new bag of tricks to make my time miserable while she has the kids. Just sick...


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1613 | Registered: Dec 2012
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS,
I can't believe how low she is stooping. Have you applied for a Parental Responsibility Agreement?

http://www.separateddads.co.uk/letter-requesting-pr-agreement.html


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a train of thought that suggests that I should NOW sign the letter of undertaking. My solicitor believes that the letter is not worth the paper it's written on and I should add at the bottom that it is signed under duress and reluctance. That I realise that I have to be the one who has the best interests of the children at heart and will sign it to my detriment. I could also state that the undertaking is only applicable until a court decision is reached.

The best bit is that this further adds weight to her unilateral and unreasonable belief to self appoint the position of 'owner'. It demonstrates that she has followed through on her actions to prevent me seeing the children. And finally, if I sign it, it makes me look like I want the emotional wellbeing of my children to come before my own.

I have also spoken with the schools and asked them what their position is regarding disagreements at the school gates when there is no court order in place. One school immediately said they would allow me to take him 15 minutes early and the other didn't want to get involved and asked us to resolve it before the day in question.

I do know that she will turn up with POS and one of us will have to back down. Normally it is me. I take the high ground to avoid a confrontation and distressing the boys. I might still show up to prove to the boys that Daddy wants them and then back away. I can then write a letter demonstrating as such. "your client made a scene by attempting to take them on my weekend. I wanted to avoid a scene.......

[This message edited by allatsea at 9:11 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 681 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

duplicate post

[This message edited by allatsea at 9:08 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 681 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cliff,

A parental agreement is only necessary where one of the parents does not automatically have equal responsibility.

I have equal responsibility. It doesn't feel like it, but I do.

The only thing that is allowing her to do this is possession. If I had them right now I could say and do exactly the same things.

She knows that if I tried to extricate them from her she could call the Police and claim assault or breach of the peace or some other utter bollocks.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 681 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
2long
♂ New Member
Member # 10570
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, so what if you don't pick them up at her place but instead pick them up from school? And then refuse 2 let her take them from their home?

Posts: 20 | Registered: May 2006 | From: So. Cal
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmm... I've been quite firm on you not signing that letter - but actually, the latest developments (her actually following through and withholding the children) do show that if you sign now with your revisions that it is you that is trying to resolve the issue with the least upset to your children.

Your solicitors idea and her reasoning behind it sound very good to me. The amendment by you to the letter (stating it's only temporary and that you are signing under duress) added to the fact that she did in fact withhold contact until you signed could end up working in your favour - so... I'm going to do a complete turnaround and say that in the light of these latest developments I now agree and think you should do it.... in fact allatsea, it sounds like you have had a very productive day all round, talking to the schools etc., You are showing yourself to be the reasonable parent here and she is doing the opposite.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1871 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, September 19th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you decide to sign it, state how many days/visitations the children have already been prevented from seeing you, and that is the duress you are under, which by signing you hope will be alleviated.

Your STBXWW really is an evil person. I hope you get a level headed judge, who recognizes you have the children's interests above your own.

HBH


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2long,

Yes, I could do that. I could behave exactly like her and withold the children from her. I could unilaterally decide I was the primary carer and prevent her from seeing them. I could be as abhorrent as her.

But that isn't me.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 681 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Stbxww, since you have indeed followed through on your statement about withholding our children from me unless I agree that my weekend doesn't include Sunday overnight, I am signing this.

Spending as much time as possible with my children is very important to me, and is also good for them, and I believe that it will be extremely detrimental to their well-being if they are not allowed to see me until we have this issue decided in court. I view this as a temporary situation until a final decision on custody-sharing can be put into place.

Please be clear that my signature does not mean that I am agreeing to this situation as a permanent solution."

......AAS, did I read her *demand* correctly? If you agree to what she wants, then you will still have time with your kids on Wednesdays and every other weekend, right? The sticking point is Sunday overnights? Yes, her telling you that she will completely keep the kids from you unless you agree to her demand (and then following through with it!) clearly shows how *little* she is considering the kids and their interests.
But also, if YOU don't agree to her demand, it *might* look to an outside observer as if you are both more interested in *winning*, kwim?-->because you are willing to forego seeing your kids at all over 1 night every other week (or whatever the Sunday overnight # would be).

You have to have a well-thought out plan for all of this. If you have a definite and reasonable goal to achieve set firmly in your mind, then you will not always be in *reaction* mode and responding to every salvo by your stbxww with *guns blazing*. If you have a battle plan in place, then you will be able to choose your battles wisely and you will know which hills are worth *dying on* and which ones aren't in order to reach the goal that you've set for yourself.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:59 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7996 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you seen your children yet?

Maybe this is really stupid, but have your considered not signing the unfair agreement, but instead calling the police within a half an hour of her not allowing them to come to you for visitation? When they show up, present them with the original agreement, and the one she is trying to force you to sign, along with her threats of not letting you see them at all if you do not sign.

I'm still concerned that by signing something, even if you write that you are signing under duress, you may be signing away something permanently.

Maybe the following week if she tries to withhold them, (and the police have visited her once already) you can sign it, stating you're under durress, noting the police visit the week before which did not make a difference in her tactics, and that you want to cause the children the least amount of trauma possible, and don't want them to go through the police visit again


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
seriouslylostit
♀ Member
Member # 23987
Default  Posted: 4:12 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So she puts in writing that you can't see the kids till you sign something having nothing to do with the kids. And she is not in jail for extortion because???????

Posts: 843 | Registered: May 2009
gonogo1
♀ Member
Member # 25518
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, September 22nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too much Drama , time for a court date to settle custody . Period.Where the hell is your lawyer or does each visit put more money in their pocket .
Your WW will play this game as long as you allow it . Think of her as some stranger with your kids. Fight for your children . Pick them up and bring them home she doesn't allow it call the police with agreement in hand and keep on doing it . You are allowing her to keep you from your boys .

Posts: 1623 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: Just Found Out This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.