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Newest Member: FeebleHercules (44938)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allatsea, you just have to hang in there. You're doing better than could be expected so far. This isn't for the faint of heart and your STBX is putting you through more than anybody should ever have to suffer. You may not see it now but there IS light at the end of the tunnel and you're headed in that direction.Someday you'll be able to look back at this through different eyes. For now, you just have to keep fighting until you get there.

Posts: 1679 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((AAS))))

My heart is breaking for you. All of this is just so horrifically unfair. But....life is sometimes.

Your WW is gone. The depths she is sinking to just prove how much she has changed and how desperate she is to justify her messed up choices.

You just need to let it out, then soldier on for yourself and your boys. This too shall pass.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1729 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sad to hear that you are so low tonight allatsea. I wish there was something we could say to ease your pain - but I know that's not possible. I can't even say that I know how you feel - because I don't - and I don't know why your WW is being so cruel and vindictive towards you.


But don't let her crush you. Cry your tears and let it out tonight - you're only human and you are doing the best you can in a really, really shitty situation. I know you are exhausted and feel beaten down, but let yourself shed those tears tonight, get it out, and then try to get some sleep ready to face a new day tomorrow.


I really hope your WW doesn't pull any more tricks and that you get to see you boys tomorrow. I'm sure that seeing them will give you renewed strength to fight on, and after the police episode at the weekend I'm sure they want to see you just as much - I hope she is mother enough to realise that. You'll be in my thoughts. ((allatsea))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1875 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS,

Please hang in there. Across the Pond know that I too am having dark nights of the soul, silently imploring the woman I used to know stop--just stop this madness.

This indeed is a nightmarish reality, but it WILL end. It simply is not sustainable, whether through law or just life, if you know what I mean.

We are in the trenches--where some of the ugliest battles are fought. But the war will end. Nobody will be the winner, but we will do our best for our children, and they will know it.

Right there with you. Hang on. Hang on.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1617 | Registered: Dec 2012
Simple
♀ Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((allatsee))) we're here for you. Please don't stop fighting, your boys are worth it. Try to get a fund going for the court fight with your family and friends. A few coins here and there adds up to a lot.

It will get better. Consider this a test and you're doing great so long as you don't stop fighting for your boys. Please do this the right way and legally have your boys continue to be a part of your life. They will thank you later on.

My own mother never said one bad thing about our Wayward Father but she made sure we were taken cared of and fought for us. We children made the decision about our wayward father with no input from my mother. He can't blame her for his stupidity.

Just take a deep breath and remember that you're not alone. We're here for you and your true family and friends.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS, sending strength from across the pond. you can and will get through this. I promise.BTDT. if you aren't familiar with my story please check page 25 of AD's thread.

you are doing good brother. trust me, at some point the kids will know about the sacrifices you have made for them. keep fighting the good fight.

you are stronger than you know.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2833 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good gracious, I think this is the longest thread EVER. Good luck to you, hon.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3692 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
2long
♂ New Member
Member # 10570
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm dialing in late 2 this thread, so apologies up front, but:

Why do you have 2 call the OM "her partner"?

Until you're divorced, YOU are her "partner."

The OM is her affair partner or her POSOM. Can you name him as her affair partner or as her "other man" or otherwise make it clear 2 the courts that he's nothing but a philandering jackass who has no business being around your kids?

Is it so important 2 the UK that the kids be with their mom that they should also spend time with a man who's cheating with her on their father?

-ol' 2long


Posts: 20 | Registered: May 2006 | From: So. Cal
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone,
Thank you for all of your support last night. It was a tough night. I am dreading today and really hope that there is a small amount of humanity left inside my CSTBXWW.

The house will feel awfully quiet tonight if they don't turn up.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 685 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
CallMeRed1
♀ Member
Member # 36870
Default  Posted: 4:03 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure what to say only that I feel desperately sorry for you, and am thinking of you.

Your ex sounds like a proper witch. I wish people would just put the kids first, as hard as it is at times.

Take care and keep posting.


D-Day 19 July 2012
Me - BS - 42
Status: Divorced

Posts: 187 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: England
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's terrible when children are used as pawns.

I do hope that you prevail and that a reasonable visitation schedule is granted.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1031 | Registered: Mar 2012
toomanyregrets
♂ Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they don't, call your lawayer ASAP !!!

Your STBXWW can not keep them from you.


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 466 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
self-rescuer
♀ Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This indeed is a nightmarish reality, but it WILL end. It simply is not sustainable, whether through law or just life, if you know what I mean.

I've been on these forums for two years and have been saved by the wisdom so generously offered. But this statement about the nightmare not being sustainable is BRILLIANT.

It is the truest truth.

It is something you must remember during the dark times.

The other thing you must remember is that you are admired and cared for by many many people on this site. Your courage and love of your children is respected by all who read this thread.

Allow yourself to feel the weight of support and affection that your SI family offers.

Hugs to you my friend. We are proud of you.


BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Self,

That is a very kind and thoughtful post. It means a great deal. Thank you. I also know I can believe it because the support on here is from people who've been where I am right now. Thank you all.

I can also assure you all that I hide nothing, I have no secrets and there are no skeletons in my closet that would explain why WW is behaving in this way toward me.

As yet, I have not had word about having the boys tonight :(


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 685 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
2long
♂ New Member
Member # 10570
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I am dreading today and really hope that there is a small amount of humanity left inside my CSTBXWW. "

There isn't.

Well, there might be, but you're unlikely 2 see it any time soon. In any case, I think this is dangerous thinking. It's time 2 prepare for the worst, not hope for the best.

-ol' 2long


Posts: 20 | Registered: May 2006 | From: So. Cal
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to hope because if there isn't I'm not going to see my children for the next few weeks (until we get to court) and there's diddly I can do about it, short of wrestling them away from her physically.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 685 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What gives her the right to state the visititation when nothing has been clarified in court yet? If this is the case, why couldn't you take them out of school early one day & not return them to her? Isn't that basically what she is doing? And what could the police say or do when there isn't a court order yet? When I divorced a very abusive man years ago (this was in Colorado) I was told by the police to get a certain restraining order that basically gave me temporary custody until the divorce went thru. They said otherwise, he could say he wanted them & there would be nothing they could do.


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
H-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
Secrets Kept
♀ Member
Member # 40630
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry...hit submit by accident on phone.

Is there any type of temporary order like that in the UK you can file for?


Marriage #1=BW-46 (now)
XWH-Deceased on his 36 bday
Divorced in 1996
Marriage #2= Married in 2003
H-44
2 kids together-DS14 & DD12
"All this time I was finding myself & I didn't know I was lost"

Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest USA
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fingers are crossed that the boys will be with you shortly aas.


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1875 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, September 18th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got her letter at 4pm. She has avoided responding to any of the points I made and repeated that I was not going to see the children again unless I signed the undertaking. I composed a quick reply stating that she has no right to do this but that was met with a 'she is doing it anyway'. Nice mother.

My solicitor cannot believe the audacity of it all and finds it incredible that she accuses me of retaining the children without 'permission' and then does the exact same thing herself. All I can do now is wait for a court date.

When I sent my last reply to her letter, I included an unprofessional remark to her solicitor in the email body text (not in the actual letter) which said that it was reprehensible that they were supporting a client that would prevent children from seeing their father.

What I found interesting, and maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the last line of my WW's response letter said "As you will appreciate, we are simply following our client's instructions and advising you of her views in relation to this matter"

To me, that almost seems like an acknowledgment that they don't necessarily agree. Am I reaching?


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 685 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
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