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Newest Member: brokenwildhorse (44210)

Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow she is the Judge in control of her own D? Cause that's the only way I see it being possible for her to legally do that.

I wonder what would happen if your CSTBXW and AD's CSTBXW became friends? They could hatch all kinds of crazy plans that would seem insane to any other person, but they would be happy and content to follow through because they don't see one thing wrong with them.

Your kids will see through this nonesencse, and you will come out on top. Stay the course, and continue to show you are their safe place.

BTW conact your sollicitor about her latest stunt for the weekends. This is unacceptable.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will take advice before doing anything.
I'm leaning toward signing purely so that the boys get to see me over the coming weeks until I get a court date. Her behaviour would still be frowned upon by the judge.

If I dont sign then I won't see the kids at all for a few weeks, which would distress them and would be awful. If I were to turn up at the school gates or her house she would call the police and the issue will escalate further.

Seeing the boys some of the time is better than none, isn't it?

This woman would rather hurt the boys than concede this battle.

I thought she was the best mum in the world


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

absolutely do not sign that piece of paper. wait until after you have spoken with your lawyer. let her be seen as the unreasonable, inflexible one.

e.t.a in the states, we have something known as custodial interference. that is exactly what your soon to be ex wife is attempting

[This message edited by 5454real at 3:41 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2534 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder what would happen if your CSTBXW and AD's CSTBXW became friends?

I love it! Tragic and horrific, but I have to laugh, TN. (I hope AAS doesn't mind me revealing this or if it's against the SI rules to post this, but he and I have been Skyping for some time now. It is very helpful to share "in person.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think our Ww's went to the same school for immoral Fucking bitches.

My Ww doesn't have friends. Especially female ones.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
momentintime
♀ Member
Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not sign, that is so passive on your part. She doesn't get to dictate when you get to see the boys. Go to the school, let her call the police. What documentation does SHE have that give her more rights than you. She hasn't any.....until you sign her paper. Take heed it will bite you badly if you take the easy way out to see the boys in the next few weeks, when you are fight to see them for the rest of their lives. Please, step back and THINK before you do something stupid you will regret and wonder later what were you thinking.


BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04
R'd

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time."...re: Bionical girl


Posts: 2896 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((allatsea)))


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 199 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, September 16th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with momentintime. If her attorney drafted that document which has been presented to you to sign, then it would be unwise to comply until you have sought legal representation.

If she keeps the children from you [interferes with custodial agreements], then simply apply for increased custody; that will really send your WW bat crazy.

Either way it is obvious from your posts you have spent most of the time since she left on the defensive; isn't it about time you went on the offensive? Give her back some of the garbage she has been slinging at you. Why shouldn't you have sole physical custody? She will continue beating up on you until you retaliate - thats a bully's mentality.


Posts: 1689 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
fadedrainbow
♀ Member
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((allatsea))) I am so sorry you are going through this this never ending bull----. You STBX has hit a new low. I just pray the judge sees it for what it is and grants you the child arrangements you want and deserve. You will get through this, do not give up! She will regret this behaviour some day, too late of course. FR


me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009


Posts: 132 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 3:26 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the draft that is likely to be sent in response to her demand:

"I can confirm that I retained the children on the 15th September but this was in the full knowledge of your client and confirmed in writing through you, her appointed solicitors, on two occasions.
I have to correct your client’s statements about her attempts to contact me.
Firstly, I received only one text, threatening in nature “Boys were due back half an hour ago, if they’re not back in 10 minutes I imagine you know what my next course of action will be”
I then received one phone call from your client on my landline and another from, I assume, her partner but neither rang for long enough to pick up. I did not receive ‘numerous’ calls.
Your client did not make any other communication. If your client was concerned about their well being she could have texted a simple question to me and I would have responded accordingly.
Your client saw fit to contact the Police and claim to them that she was unaware of my intention to take them directly to school on the following Monday 16th. It was very unfortunate that the children were exposed to the initial conversation with the officers which resulted in a number of very difficult questions about why their mother would behave in this way and were confused by the situation. The officers were satisfied with my explanation, expressed frustration that they were being used as pawns and left to meet with your client. The officers also remarked that there was clearly no cause for concern. However, there was no question from them about their safety or well being, further throwing into doubt the motivations of your client. I categorically refute the accusation that I have told my family that she has received a warning from the Police. I may have told my father that she should have received a warning but this hardly equates.
I wish to remind your client that she has appointed herself the role of primary carer without agreement. I was neither consulted nor asked. She is not empowered to withhold the children from contact with their father.
Regarding her opinion that I will not return them from contact; the current schedule requires me to deliver them to the school premises on a Thursday morning and Monday morning and not to your client. It is a legal requirement that they attend school and I undertake to obey the law in this regard. Therefore, your clients concerns about not returning them from contact are unfounded and merely a means to prevent my contact with the children.
I strongly disagree with the motive behind your client’s action and consider this recourse in contravention of an established and agreed schedule on Wednesday nights that has been confirmed and accepted between parties through solicitor’s letters and also through our mediation session. Deviating from this agreement contradicts your client’s assertions that a stable and regular routine is necessary for the children and that she is acting in the best interests of the boys. The children are fully expecting to see their father on Wednesday at 17:30, delivered to my house, as previously arranged.
Once again this is evidence of dictatorial behaviour in regards to the children.

The children have personally expressed their wish to stay on Sunday nights and be taken to school by me on the Monday morning. They enjoy doing their homework with my support and resent being returned at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon. I strongly recommend that your client consider the wishes of the children and agree to this arrangement. My application to court will request for additional time over and above this. Please advise me forthwith if your client wishes to avoid a court based decision in favour of a more amicable arrangement.

I do not appreciate the aggressive stance your client is yet again taking with regard to her ‘ownership’ of the children. In effect she is demanding that unless I agree to the undertaking letter I will not see my children again. This is morally corrupt and clearly to the detriment of the children who will be extremely distressed if they are prevented from contact with their father.

I consider that the current arrangement does equate to a set and stable routine, that is easy for the boys to understand, whereby both parents are able to spend equal time on their respective weekends assisting them with their homework and preparing them for school the next day, as evidenced by their successful delivery to the school gates on the morning of the 16th September in clean uniform, packed lunch and completed homework after a suitably early night.

Therefore, due to the legal requirement for me to get them to school, it is unnecessary to sign the undertaking provided and thus continue to expect the children to be available for contact on Wednesday’s and alternate Friday’s."

My solicitor is happy for me to draft these letters and she provides her professional opinion and guidance.
What do you all think?


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
fight4respect
♀ New Member
Member # 40595
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AAS,

I have been following your story and my heart really goes out to you. I very much hope I am not getting above myself here, as this is the last of my intentions. What you write in your letter makes a lot of sense to me and I think you are fully justified in what you say. However, given the nature of the circumstances, the behaviour of your WW, the intensity of the feelings all round, and what is at stake in terms of the fate of your children - should not your lawyer write these letters herself and give you a chance to take a step back? By all means, write it all down and share it here but perhaps it would help if you could at least delegate to the professionals the job of having to pen down a response to your WW insane claims. At least that is how they look to me. There is no reasoning with insanity, and trying to really hurts.


* I used to listen to people and trust they would act upon their word. Now I listen to people, and observe if they will act upon their word *

Posts: 10 | Registered: Sep 2013
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fight,

I hear what you are saying. Even when the letters were sent by the solicitor much of the content was dictated by me. Plus I simply can't afford to respond to the barrage of letters she sends me, and she knows it.

I do accept that not writing them would allow me to step back and emotionally detach but I just can't afford to.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's a brilliant letter, AAS, but I agree with fight4: your solicitor should be penning the response, as forcefully and as detailed as yours. I just think you musn't run any risk of submitting something that can be nit-picked apart and potentially used against you.

It seems quite impermeable, but you never know. At the very least it shows her that she is "getting to you." And of course she is--what she is doing is deplorable--but resist becoming caught up in the game. Let the solicitors battle it out.

That said, I love this and will use it when my CSTBXWW inevitably violates our eventual co-parenting agreement:

Deviating from this agreement contradicts your client’s assertions that a stable and regular routine is necessary for the children and that she is acting in the best interests of the boys.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My solicitor thought it was perfect but I've changed it slightly in one area. Take a look at this!

"....Firstly, I received only one text, threatening in nature “Boys were due back half an hour ago, if they’re not back in 10 minutes I imagine you know what my next course of action will be”. I had no idea that she meant to call the police and was genuinely concerned that she intended to instigate, through her partner, violence towards me.
I later discovered that I had received one phone call from your client on my landline and another from, I assume, her partner but neither rang for long enough to enable me to get to the phone. I did not receive ‘numerous’ calls, as I am certain that phone records would confirm. "....

I obviously felt threatened....

I run everything past the solicitor so I know that I'm not incriminating myself. I'm willing to take some emotional pain if it means that I get to see my children. I need to be frugal with my funds for the court fees and inevitable battle about abuse, which is bound to come my way.

[This message edited by allatsea at 9:12 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Allatsea that was a fantastic letter. I'm full of admiration for the skill demonstrated in composing it; actually it was awesome.

I feel the tide is turning; keep maintaining your composure and watch your stupid wife self-destruct.


Posts: 1689 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allatsea, I liked the letter
- and while I do agree with fight4respect in that in an ideal world you'd have your solicitor actually sending these letters - I also understand you wanting to keep your money for court if you have to pick your battles. You don't want to find yourself lacking funds when you need help the most, so as you do have your solicitors agreement and because you do write so well, I'm with those that say send it....and I really, really hope she doesn't cause drama by attempting to withhold contact tomorrow... let us all know how you get on because we are all rooting for you.

[This message edited by sinsof thefather at 10:32 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1837 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really struggling this evening. I'm in tears and feeling desperate.
The energy required to keep fighting is immense and I feel beaten. The woman I loved so dearly is my enemy and is doing things I never thought she had the capacity to do. The house is empty and there are a few toys dotted around from when the boys were here last. I'm dreading tomorrow evening and the letter I will undoubtedly receive from her tomorrow. I can barely see the screen through the tears and I just want the fighting to end.

I'm broken and battered. I'm lonely and missing my life.

Please WW, please stop being this way. Stop, just stop.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now pregnant
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 648 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
velvethammer
♀ Member
Member # 40437
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been following your story and I'm so sorry but you're going to make it. You're almost there and you're handling everything beautifully which will only help you in the end. Leave everything alone tonight, cry if you need to, sleep, zone out with a movie but just be tonight. Tomorrow is a new day and you will feel better again soon.
(((allatsea)))

Posts: 110 | Registered: Aug 2013
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allatsea, I hear you.

What can you do to recharge your drained batteries? Plan something fun for you and the boys?

It must be so hard to detach when she is constantly attacking you. Could you take on a distracting project or hobby?


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((AAS)))

This so sucks for you right now. I'm sure it seems that there is no end, and you can't possibly win. But know this....

This will not define you. You will get through it, you will be stronger. Most importantly you have done the right things. You have put your kiddos first. While it seems you can't catch a break from life at the moment you will. As my Gma always said....This too will pass, tomorrows another day and if it ain't we don't need it.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7785 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
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