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Just Found Out     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife left me for her new boss
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((allatsea)))) Great letter. You are a class act, sir.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9708 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. Awesome. Good luck to you.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2012
Happydays
♂ Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't had any response from WW about my letter. This either means that she is taking the moral high ground and refuses to retaliate or I've hit a raw nerve.

My best guess is she is shocked.
Your letter is mirror, and she looked into it. She is thinking of the best possible way to look good after your letter.


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BEST LETTER EVER!!


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1039 | Registered: Mar 2012
CrappyLife
♂ Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've hit a raw nerve

My best guess is she is shocked.

Yup. She just realised that you are not a pushover and she cant walk all over you and you will just be sitting there licking your wounds. She did not expect that and she is now clueless about responding. Good on ya mate.


BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..


Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks folks. However, I think we all know that when a WS is in the bubble and oblivious to the devastation they've caused it is unlikely that any of what I've said will sink in. She will put it down to my bitterness and in her mind confirm that I am angry and unworthy of her affection.

Still felt good though. I am beginning to have more angry days than sad. I see this as progress!


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However, I think we all know that when a WS is in the bubble and oblivious to the devastation they've caused it is unlikely that any of what I've said will sink in. She will put it down to my bitterness and in her mind confirm that I am angry and unworthy of her affection.
Are you sure this is all new to you because you really seem to have a handle on this? You are exactly right, though. Doesn't take away from the fact that is was a great letter and you are a class act. It also feels good to speak your truth even if the recipient of said truth just doesn't "get it".


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9708 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is definitely all new to me. I have done sooooo much reading and internet searching trying to get to the bottom of it all. This forum has helped me understand much of what is going on in her mind and the fog she's in. It doesn't mean that I can accept what she's done but as an engineer I need to know how everything works. It's also the reason why I HAD to know all the sordid little details and expose all of the lies. I wouldn't rest until I found EVERYTHING out. It hurt but it prevented me from filling in the blanks myself.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK that letter? that thing needs to go in the In Your Face stack of best letters ever. She probably hasnt responded because she either A) went immediately to he so delusional that he thinks he had nothing to do with this, or B) really truly had a moment of clarity, and felt bad for what she is doing.
Most likely A based on her behavior to this point. Regardless at some point she will think back on your letter, and realize that you are absolutely right. BE AWARE when she does, she will most likely come back, begging forgiveness, and R. Just what your little ones need more confusion.

Kudos to you for finding your strength. This will help you navigate this shitstorm she has created.
You will come out on the other side of this a better man, stronger man, and awesome Dad.

(((((All)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8592 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

allatsea, an English maid here. Did you know that you can actually collect the papers for divorce from the courts , or even download them from your local magistrate's site? At a cost of.....NOTHING??

You are a hero, and you do not deserve to be treated so abominably by your wife. It isn't ANYTHING to do with you why SHE chose to fuck around and run off with another man, that is HER cross to bear my dear.

If you would like to ask any questions about the legalities or such like, please feel free to PM me, I will be happy to help you.

In the meantime, please don't allow your wife to lay you down like this and p**s all over you, it's horrid, and you are really worth so much more than that kind of degradation.....


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS. DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!!


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

**clapping for allatsea***

Nicely done!

IF, and that's a BIG if, she "get's it", and rereads this she will see that all you stated is the truth! Which is next-to-impossible for WS to accept.

Please, please take care of your babies. They are the only ones (well, besides yourself) that matter.

Well played.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've actually filled the divorce papers in and given them to her for approval. Hopefully she won't contest them. At the moment she doesn't want to be pushed.

I'm in the house and the children love 'coming home'. Their words, not mine. To use a CIA term, I've gone 'dark' and she won't be hearing from me for a while (unless it's about the children)

Have any of you heard the song 'Little bit stronger' from the American country film Country Strong? It's awesome. You ought to hear it. Empowering.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is indeed a good song.

Glad to hear that your little ones have the security and safe haven of their home and their devoted Father. Don't let anyone barge their way into that.

As hard as it sometimes is, especially at night when the house has gone quiet and you have time to think and reflect, know in your heart that you are worthy of so much more than the awful disrespect and degradation you have been subjected to.

If your wife ever get's it (which might appear remote at this time), you will have held your head high and remained dignified and composed throughout this terrible tornado smashing everything you ever knew to be real to smithereens. You should rightly be proud of your response to such treatment with dignity and reason.


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I had to go back to the beginning of the thread just to get things straight: She is having an A, in your house, then when found out moves in with OM and tells you that there is no hope for R--but she doesn't want you to PUSH HER on D? You have got to be kidding me. This take the concept of the fog to a whole new level.

Allatsea, you are doing great. You keep right on with what you are doing. Go dark and take care of yourself and your boys. Your WW is a piece of work.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1314 | Registered: Aug 2010
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask your WS to go to therapy. It'll force her to see the reality of the situation. If she doesn't go or insists on staying with the OM, then I'm sorry. That's it. There's nothing you can do.

I'm in recovery. I'm terrified of divorce and terrified of staying together. It's been a month and 20 days. WW says she wants to stay, but I question it.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 509 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As much as I know the 180 is for my own health I am unable to stop thinking about when their affair will come crashing down and when the bubble will burst. Some days I'm positive that she will realise but then other days I'm in pieces thinking that maybe she has found 'luurrvve' and it's really over and done with. Even when I do think she will come back with her tail between her legs I know that we have a long road from there and wonder if I could ever truly forgive her. I find it so hard to get her out of my mind.


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
scrambled2
♀ New Member
Member # 38901
Default  Posted: 3:16 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Allatsea,

I have been following the 180 now for 4 weeks. It was hard at first however, when I'm with my beautiful children, It's tolerable. Although I will admit that when I see families I have a twinge of sadness,& nostalgia for the good old days, or something that on the surface looks great! I just wonder what happened? We always seemed to have a good time & were still enjoying sports together, planning events, holidays. It's a surreal feeling. I feel so betrayed & when I think about it - I am filled with so many emotions ranging from anger to devastation, with many crying episodes in between. I once read an article where a lady said she should have brought shares in a tissue company.

My son (7) wants to believe its a bad dream - he told me that he sometimes thinks if he counts to 10 he will wake up & daddy will be home. YES its heartbreaking, as all us parents can agree, it's the children who are caught up in the mess. All I can do is hug him, and tell him he is loved. That's the hardest part in all of this sh**ty mess - the children's pain. It breaks my heart always, I wish I could shelter them from this.

About bubble bursting - I'm not sure but WH & OW "perfect" relationship appears to be experiencing real life. Well imagine that we all think - the fluffy white clouds have been replaced with laundry, cleaning, and bills! My D - Miss 10, has informed me that since daddy & OW moved in together - there has been a few heated discussions with both parties having to be right! Its probably a case of who's needs are more important!

Anyway, I'm continuing to carry on with my life. I do agree with the general consensus you can't control anyone's life but your own. I must admit I am now laughing lots more, eating & sleeping well, as well as taking up activities that I had let slide. I am starting to enjoy life again. It's not easy but with support of friends and family, as well as the SI family, I do believe I WILL MAKE IT.


Posts: 26 | Registered: Apr 2013
allatsea
♂ Member
Member # 38923
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Scrambled.
The mind movies are pretty bad at the moment. All the things we sort of stopped doing because they weren't her favourite, she will undoubtedly be doing with him, because that's what you do at the beginning.
My poor children have to see him getting out of her bed. It's just so wrong. My boys said they are cross with her and want to live with me. She can't see what she's doing to them. Who is she?

[This message edited by allatsea at 6:15 AM, April 15th (Monday)]


Me 40
WW 38
Together 19 years
Married for 9
DS(1) 9
DS(2) 7
Dday 10th Feb 2013
She moved in with POS and took kids 23rd Mar 2013. WW now has new baby
Divorced April 2014

Posts: 695 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, April 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The affair is unlikely to last but her pride and vanity will make it very difficult for her to get down off the pedestal and beg for forgiveness. She will soldier on with this relationship rather than ever admit she has made a mistake. She is obviously distressing her children and this will count against her come divorce time.

Don't let her procrastinate. Insist on her signing the papers and getting the divorce under way. Explain very nicely that you can see she has made her choice and you would like to move on yourself, find a another woman, rebuild your life and be happy again. Just like she is [for now].
Mention that every day she delays the divorce means extended loneliness for you and you would like to put an end to this painful limbo. This attitude is indefensible unless she is an out and out sadist. Just remember to put everything in a non-hostile fashion to give the impression you are through and are ready to move on.

This is how you plant doubt and insecurity in her mind. Being emotional tells her you still care, which you may still do, but its wise not to let her know that. If she still thinks you are still grieving then she will carry on with this cruel taunting, safe in the knowledge that you are option B.

May be if you start to act as if you are cheerfully moving on with your life, you yourself will start to believe it. Then you are on the road to true healing.


Posts: 1716 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
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