Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoCalBoy (43217)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He wont propose because I dont view health as importance as he
luvedmypbear
♀ Member
Member # 25690
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((suspicious)))

Please use me as a cautionary tale....
I wasted well over a decade with a man like yours and no good can come of it.

I'm also 36, BTW and believe me, you have many options in the relationship world if you are open to them.

My ex controlled everything: food, clothes, exercise (he thought I worked out too much)....
I was too fat (while pregnant)

then

I was too skinny

then

my boobs were too small (really? they were the same size they had been for 12 years but today it was an issue??)

madenning stuff

mine is mentally ill....combat ptsd with a sprinkling of borderline personality disorder....combined with a controlling mother and an absent father and he was a flipping nightmare.

Literally slept with everyone female who was nice to him.
lied about everything
never helped with our kids (not even a diaper change)

said he loved me a million times per day but did not show that he did ever

and you know what? I feel sorry for the guy because he could get help and get better but he is having too much fun lying to everyone and screwing everyone!

I wish I had followed my gut in 1999, seriously.
I suspected a lie back then and it was confirmed a few years later and it really should have been it.

My only regret is meeting the wrong guy and giving him the wrong finger......

I love my kids, the only joy he ever gave me, even though he didn't intend to and didn't want them.
but if they had a father who loved them and acted like it, their lives would be so much better.

Don't be me in 10 years.

You can do much better....there is no happiness at this fork in the road.

[This message edited by luvedmypbear at 6:57 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]


D-Day July 14, 2009
3 kids (B7, G6, B2)
BW, 37
D and healing, one day at a time

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Sep 2009
still-living
♂ Member
Member # 30434
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has possible abandonment issues? Strings others along as alternate Plan B's, maintains emotional distance, and is so extreme he wants you in tip top physical condition so you don't die first?


BH(me)47
WW 47 FOO Issues
DDay 11/09 Coworker
High School Sweethearts
Married 06/91
8 months TT
Sons 19 and 14

My dog farted, startled himself, wondered where the noise came from. I wish my life was as simple.


Posts: 629 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Ches
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much for the outpouring of health (I wrote health but meant help freudian slip again lol). I have read this thread 20-30 times because it makes me feel better. I woke up this morning feeling like a cold heartless bitch because i wouldn't answer his calls last night. There's a part of me that wants to help him. I feel sorry for him. But reading these posts kind of slaps me back into reality.

I am so sad and not looking forward to the months of pain I have to endure to get over this. I just wanted to thank you all for the wonderful insight, time spent writing, and the support. And please keep them coming....I check often.

I'm not sure what to do with myself. I fear that I have something to do with this and I picked a person like this for a reason. Maybe because I didn't have the best relationship with my Father. They actually remind me of each other.


Just as I'm typing this I get a text from him -

"You made me out to be a fool, unreasonable, selfish, shallow, superficial for trying/wanting to explain why something is important to me. You misintrepreted and twisted my opinion to try and validate your anger towards me. My text wasn't an infomercial and I wasn't trying to sell you. While I can see where you would think that's what I was doing towards the end, I was simply asking you to understand me and why I am the way I am. Just because I find refuge and comfort and want to spend time doing the things I enjoy, doesn't make me love you any less because I spend time doing those things and less time together with you. If you dont agree I cant make you. It's your perogative. It has nothing to do with loving the person you are. My point is to understand and fix the problems you have to understand the persons point of view. Whether or not youagree is another thing. But youre intent on putting me in a corner and simplifying things.


GUYS I NEED HELP. I NEED SUPPORT> WHAT DO I DO?????????????


Should I respond? Leave it alone? If I respond what the hell do I say?

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 7:59 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
notmeanymore
♀ Member
Member # 9772
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do NOTHING.

You're looking for some kind of resolution that's just not going to happen.

Stop communicating. It doesn't matter if he understands you or you understand him. He's not healthy for you. End of story.

Disengage. Block him. Delete texts *DONT READ THEM*.


"Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby" - Four Brothers

Posts: 839 | Registered: Feb 2006
EmperorsClothes
♀ New Member
Member # 37429
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No contact!
He's mad at you because you're upset at his ridiculous and hurtful "proposal"? Spare me.
He's already shown himself to be a manipulator. Don't engage. His words are meaningless.

Posts: 14 | Registered: Nov 2012
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jesus, there's that moment you realize, they weren't so special or unique afterall..... any line from any NPD could've been written by anyone of them, and we've all heard that same shit over and over.....

He is NOT special. He is NOT unique. He is NOT some misunderstood diamond in the rough with grand intelligence and all the promise if just the right person will stop hurting HIM.

Is he broken? Yes. Is he sick? Absofuckinglutely. However, if he had down syndrome, would you be sitting here trying to fix him or would you just accept, he is this way, nothing you can do?

This isn't cancer. There's no holding his hand through chemo. This is narcissistic selfish self-absorbed me me me man. Never never land peter pan syndrome so to say.

Don't respond. ANYTHING you respond will be twisted around, manipulated. No matter what you say or do, it WILL be your fault ... IN HIS MIND. Don't buy his brand of reality shifting.

Change your number, change your email, disconnect from his crazy, and move on, don't look back. There's nothing happy waiting back there. You will never get the answers.... he'll only pretend to understand you or care about you periodically as it suits him. Just don't. This is nothing you did. He's been like this a long time. Get into IC, read, and keep posting/reading here.


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG he is freaking nuts. Can you block his number?

((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6167 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's a part of me that wants to help him.

He can't workout for you, can't eat healthy for you. You can't work on his mental/emotional issues as long as he doesn't acknowledge them and begin the work on his own. I've been with my H 21 yrs and I still have to fight that belief- that I can push him to face himself. It just can't happen, they have to get there on their own.

"You made me out to be a fool,

Really? You did this? Did you copy and paste his own words or did you add to them? If it was a C&P- then he made himself into the fool. He just can't believe any right thinking person wouldn't agree with him.

My text wasn't an infomercial and I wasn't trying to sell you. While I can see where you would think that's what I was doing towards the end, I was simply asking you to understand me and why I am the way I am.

Really? But he has made this a condition of getting engaged. And, as someone pointed out, there were no concrete expectations. That means they would change as time went by and he realized he still wasn't happy, still didn't have the perfect life. He'd place the blame on you instead of himself. M isn't about having to tailor yourself to make someone else happy. It's a two way street and if you're both working towards being loving to the other person there's no need for ultimatums and requirements.

Has he bothered to understand why you are the way you are? Has he asked how he can change, make you feel safer and more loved? Or has he been more like what we've seen here- showing you the ways he considers you unlovable?

What he is saying now does not mesh with what he texted you earlier. This recent text is manipulation because you did not respond how he expected. He's been able to have his way in much of the relationship, he expected it to continue. That you would be desperate enough to swallow the "Gospel according to BF". He doesn't like that you are getting support and being your own woman in this.

I'd suggest you do some reading on the abuse cycle and types of abuse. See if you recognize any of your relationship in the information you find. Here's a link to start:
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/cycle_of_abuse.html


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣Your soulmate is the person who helps grow your soul into a better being rather than tearing it down❣


Posts: 10869 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does abuse come on gradually?

Because in the beginning (while he wasn't exactly true to me) he was never abusive. Never. Always the perfect gentleman, opening doors, complimentary, sweet, generous.

This behavior didn't start until we reconciled in 2010. I wonder if I did or said something to bring this on? Did he consider me abusive as well and was just mirroring me? Or am I not telling the story correctly and painting him to be some awful person?

He's done more for me than even my own father has done. Loved me more than anyone else. Is it possible I'm telling this story wrong and giving everyone the wrong impression?

I really can't even think clearly anymore


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because in the beginning (while he wasn't exactly true to me) he was never abusive. Never. Always the perfect gentleman, opening doors, complimentary, sweet, generous.

True in almost every abuse case I've ever heard of. Do you think people just seek out abusive people? Or do you think more likely it's the abuser throws out a massive amount of charm and smoke and mirrors because they KNOW how broken they are, suck the person in, then start laying it on once they have them (at least) mentally trapped?

It's not uncommon, that's for certain.

He's done more for me than even my own father has done. Loved me more than anyone else. Is it possible I'm telling this story wrong and giving everyone the wrong impression?

So what he treated you better than your father did? So what he loved you more than anyone else had? If that's love, I don't want it. If it's more than you've had before, doesn't mean it was enough, or true, or healthy. Just means you've had a shit deal for a long time from a lot of people. Just means you've accepted less than enough for all your life. Start looking into why. DON'T however settle for less anymore. The absence of love is better than painful love. Painful love absolutely CAN be a death sentence. You can actually die from a broken heart, from a destroyed self-esteem. People commit suicide everyday over it. Absolutely your perception can be skewed right now. It's natural. They're master manipulators. You weren't the first to buy his crazy, and you won't be the last. You CAN heal from this though.

You're only a victim until you choose to be a survivor.

Oh, and wanted to add, it is also GUARANTEED if you continue to read his texts/emails, listen to him whatsoever, he WILL convince you that everything ALL these people here have said is just wrong, that YOU have told the story wrong, you've just chosen to be miserable, chosen to believe the worst in him, chosen to be a victim, blah blah. Would you like me to write out all the things he's about to tell you? I can. They're not special, not unique. It's just part of the head games. Reality shifting. It WILL make you crazy. I'm serious when I say, your life may depend on you maintaining full NC.

[This message edited by windowsnotwalls at 9:10 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shit. You are ass-deep in a relationship with an emotionally abusive man and you are going to have to fight like hell to get yourself out of it. The hardest part is that you are going to be going through your *own* stuff--the disappointment and pain of a break-up.....while also having to fight off his manipulations. And he is going to get much worse before this is all said and done.

He is freaking out right now because you have moving outside of his sphere of control. You aren't responding as you are *supposed* to. Expect him to ramp it up because it's coming. He'll vacillate between being sugar-sweet, pleading, and downright cruel and if you allow yourself to get sucked into it, it is going to be one big, old mind-fuck....which is why *blocking* him and not reading that shit was mentioned.

Just because I find refuge and comfort and want to spend time doing the things I enjoy, doesn't make me love you any less because I spend time doing those things and less time together with you

And where did ^^this^^ come from? I know that you haven't posted all of your responses to him, but I never saw you mention anything about how him doing what he enjoys means that you feel as if he doesn't love you or want to spend time with you. This part of his response is an indication of how he is not *listening* to you.

An abuser will talk *at* you. There is no type of give-and-take.

Whether or not you agree is another thing. But you're intent on putting me in a corner and simplifying things.

He took ^^^this^^^ right out of the Abuser's Handbook. He is clearly not hearing one word that you've said. He only hears that YOU don't agree with HIM......so, obviously, there must be something wrong with YOU, right? Ugh.

NC is the ONLY way to go with this guy, suspi.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7253 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does abuse come on gradually?

Because in the beginning (while he wasn't exactly true to me) he was never abusive. Never. Always the perfect gentleman, opening doors, complimentary, sweet, generous


When you say that he wasn't *true* to you, and you are gently saying that he was cheating on you in some form or another.....then, yes, suspi. He was abusing you. Cheating is the #1 form of emotional abuse.

Read about the cycle of abuse. There are 3 stages....and one of them is the *honeymoon* stage. They can't be obviously controlling jerks all the time or else they wouldn't be able to keep their victims sucked in.

I suspect that this ramped up after you R'd because (1)you weren't as *trusting* and so you were a bit more aware of behaviors that you hadn't really noticed before; and (2)you took him back after he cheated on you so he *knew*, in his fucked-up mind, that you *loved* him.

Do you know the *boiled frog* story? If you drop a frog into a pot of already boiling water, he will jump out immediately. However, if you place the frog gently into a pot of cold water...he'll think that he's getting a treat and will swim around contentedly, never noticing that the water is getting hotter and hotter....because he is *adapting* to the slight temperature changes as they occur. UNTIL the water begins to boil and he dies.

That's what happens in an abusive relationship. You get placed into what you believe to be a safe haven, and then the fucker that put you there turns the heat onto high and laughs while you get boiled alive.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7253 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GUYS I NEED HELP. I NEED SUPPORT> WHAT DO I DO?????????????

You need to BLOCK HIS NUMBER!!

you need to BLOCK HIS EMAIL ADDRESS

you need to BLOCK HIS FACEBOOK and every other social media

You need to completely block him from your life right now so that you can't get any correspodance with him.

Also...

My point is to understand and fix the problems you have to understand the persons point of view.

He actually used the word "fix"....Are you broken? HELL NO...

This guy is batshit crazy riding the fucking crazy bus with a "i am the president of the crazy club" button on.

He's trying to mold you into something he wants you to be....rather than accept you how you are.

THAT is not love, that is control, that is him feeling all powerful that he got to get a girl to 'change' for him.


Block him block him block him!


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
~Some days are better then others~

Posts: 1614 | Registered: Sep 2012
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Windows - I would love to hear everything he is going to say to me. I think it would help prepare me to be stronger...so if you have the time I'd be forever greatful

Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if I did or said something to bring this on?

I know it is hard when you are in midst of it all...but someday you will be able to see how textbook this is and shake you head at it all.

Look at your sentence above. How many times have we seen/heard victims say that?

OPs are right, your key is to stop engaging, responding or even reading his texts. Reading them just lets him twist stuff all around more.


When someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them.

Posts: 1873 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

4 words come to mind: Emotionally Unavailable Control Freak.

Suspicious, this guy is not husband or father material no matter how much you want him to be. The most selfish thing you could do would be to have a child with this guy.

He is unavailable to you in every way. No external players are needed -- it's all him.

He's not going to change because he doesn't want to change. He doesn't see anything wrong about himself and what's worse is he's telling you and convincing you that you are the only problem here. Oh he's goooood...... a well seasoned master manipulator this one.

Maybe your father didn't treat you well or put you first but you need to treat yourself better than what you've been willing to settle for so far. I know it's scary but you need to look deeply at that and see how you got here and why you will repeat it again if you don't.

Find the confidence to place the change you need for a better life in your own hands and run with it.

(((suspicious)))


Growing forward

Posts: 1451 | Registered: Sep 2011
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is stupid and some of you may rightfully smack me in the head for doing this but without actually looking for it, I found an email exchange from january. I wanted to post this so its all in one place so I can come back here and read every time I feel weak. Obviously no one has to read it but just reading it myself makes things much clearer.

I had had it because he was SOOOOOO angry with me for blocking the doorway when I moved apartments. He specifically asked me to keep it clear so they could get in and out easily. I closed it because I needed something beind it and forgot to open it again. He gave me the silent treatment for days until he finally blew up and told me why he was so upset. Becasue I didn't listen to him and it was a sign of disrespect. I was livid. After weeks of not talking he sends me this email

"With all thatís been said to each other, coupled with the fact we are not talking, are we to assume that we arenít together anymore?"

To which I responded -

"Are you serious ? Do you read the emails I send? Please see attached ( in particular the last 3 paragraphs)

It seems you have no desire to work on things or take responsibility. And I canít do this alone! You say you love me but I have to seriously question that. I know I love you and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I would have given my life for you, I would have gone to the ends of the earth to make things work. So we could be together.

I donít want a one-sided relationship. A true friend wouldnít go weeks and weeks without so much as a text to see if Iím ok. But Donít worry, surprisingly I am.


I just wanted someone to put in as much effort as I was(even if it was just fixing relationship issues) and who treated me with dignity and respect.

Based on my last few emails I thought it was pretty clear I was looking for some feedback. To me this email below just seems like a half-@ssed way to end things because you donít want to come out and say it. If you need to be free, by all means, do it. We can take down all the pics on Facebook, remove the relationship status, and move on with our lives. Just wish each other well, and end this chapter of our lives. At this point, this is your call.

Why? Because Iím still on the fence about it. I have more thinking to do and havenít sorted out my feelings completely. I canít say with absolute certainty what I want. I am leaning one way, but I still waver. Iím ok with taking a few months break to think. So much history and love and time invested, itís hard for me to walk away forever. And I know once we end it, it will be for good. I think we both know that.

If you want an answer now, then I have to say my answer is yes. Only because I canít give you a straight answer. I will not put up a fight, call you drunk in the middle of the night, try to sabotage any of your new relationships, or keep hope for a future together. I will pray for you and your family and wish you a bright and happy future.


So , as much as I know you donít want to hear it. If you need an answer to your question now, it is going to have to be you who ultimately makes the call.

Then he responds with

Yes, I am serious. It is a legitimate question. I read emails, except when it is anger and ranting which is what your last emails were mostly. It is a question I was asking to see if you had any clarity on your end.

Youíre frequently playing the ďyou donít take responsibilityĒ card when I have never claimed it is all your fault. I have never said this is all you, and never said I was the one in the right and youíre the one in the wrong. You wanting to pin me into that corner is inaccurate and an excuse. Saying that you question whether I love you is another excuse. If you question that, then we donít need to be together. We have both given our lives to each other, given time and love and history, and have been going through many times of trying to make things work so we could be together. You said some pretty harsh things, as did I. It hasnít been getting better. You said maybe we shouldnít speak for a while, to think about things. But now Iím at fault for not being a ďtrue friendĒ because I didnít reach out to you to see if youíre ok. It goes both ways. Iím happy to hear that youíre doing well. Thatís good. I have never been more confused about anything before in my life.

It seems things still arenít any different from when we last talked. A lot of your email below is a ďdigĒ. Do you read emails, you have no desire to work on things or take responsibility, you say you love me but I question that, a true-friend wouldnít go weeks without a text, you donít treat me with dignity and respect, making a vague reference to my ex, etc.

For what part of your emails were you looking for some feedback? It seemed to me you were more intent on being condescending because you felt I was being the same in my emails. Thatís not the way to have a discussion or correspondence. My question is not a half-@ss way to end things. I donít need to be ďfree,Ē I need peace and happiness. We both need and want that.

Iím not willing to make the call, because I havenít sorted out my feelings either. Thatís part of the problem. With all that we have been through, and knowing that we are on limited time, I would like to have a more clear cut idea of where we are to go. And since I am on the fence about it like you, itís very hard to walk away forever. And yes, I do know that it would be for good. Even though I may always hold out hope for a happy future together simply because I believe us to be once in a lifetime.

I donít ďneedĒ an answer now. I was only looking for your thoughts on it since you asked me that same question over text a week ago. Iím not wanting, needing, or wishing to make the call.

then I said

Sorry ill send a full response but I don't get the "ex" part? What did u think I was trying to reference? Bc u could t be further from the truth. Your ex has not crossed my mind when typing any recent emails

he says

Saying you wonít call drunk in the middle of the night, or try to sabotage new relationships, or hold out hope for a futureÖ

so my response -

Well I guess I didnít even realize I was doing that (referencing your ex). Itís not really about your ex, itís about what girls usually do in these instances. I can see now why you thought that. Iím just saying Iím not that girl, never have been. I wasnít trying to dig on her, sheís the last thing on my mind. Itís almost strange itís on yours Ė have you two talked? I would not be upset if you had, it might help bring some clarityÖ.

OhÖ.And you guys were holding out hope for the future???? Thatís news to me!!? - I didnít know that was part of the equation and if I did, I think you know what Iíd do. I thought you told me the relationship was ďover years before it actually endedĒ. This is a real shock to hear. I feel you kept me in the dark about this. I understand that itís hard to say that sort of thing to someone - but saying the complete opposite is a lie. Not cool at allÖ.the more I think about it the more im disappointed.

Maybe talking to her would help, (if you havenít already). I am serious.

Oh and speaking of holding out hope, you donít have to do that with us either, all you have to do is take in what Iím telling you and try not to see it as a dig or a criticism, try to take it as constructive criticism because Iím on your side, not against you. I want whatís best for you because that in turn is whatís best for me. Then you donít have to have hopeÖÖÖ we can do more than hope for a happy future together we could actually have one

The first thing that comes to mind is 3.5 years . This next part is sorta contradictory to a lot of what Im saying and I guess thatís why Iím so on the fence. Thatís a long long time to get to know someone. Yes we have some bumps but We have so much uncertainty. Doesnít that mean the writing is on the wall? Are we stupid for not seeing it? . It iseems crazy to me to not be sure after almost 4 yrs. But then again itís not crazy because Iím right there with you and I get it. Maybe we donít want to see the truth. Maybe arenít meant to be together. It seems like you canít put your finger on what it is Iím doing incorrectly, and Iíve asked many times. Youíve even told me in a recent email that I donít need to change anything, or do anything to make you feel a certain way. So where does that leave me? If I canít act on it, then I have no recourse but to do nothing. And doing nothing gets me nowhere.

I wasnít trying to dig , but I get frustrated when I feel Iím not being heard ( just like you, I guess). Iím not typing out these emails over the last few years because itís therapeutic for me. I do it to communicate with you and help me, help you, make me happy (and in turn making yourself happy). This is something I wish you would have done for me as well. I have read over emails and texts we sent thought about things a lot. and I see a pattern. say the same thing over and over again. Countless times.---for example. We donít communicate well, I feel youíre condescending, talk down to me, sometimes you have little to no patience with me, you get angry about things that donít make logical sense t i.e. they are not things to get in screaming matches about. And when you donít respond with ďOMG I am SO sorry I need to work on that. Anything to make you happy, etc etc blah blahĒ, I get very frustrated and upset that Iím not being heard and you donít care about my feelings. I wish sometimes you would go through old emails and texts and realize Iíve been saying the same thing, in one way or another, for a long time. And even more important than the apology itself, is the lack of action on your part. Thereís never any change or an attempt at changing. Never looking inward. Iím not just saying these things for my health, I am saying them to HELP you, (and help myself). There are things I think you need to know, and if the shoe were on the other foot Iíd appreciate knowing. I may be unhappy about it at first, but at least Iím aware of the problem and can work on it, either for you or for my next relationship. I see it as Helping you either in your future relationships, or with ours hopefully.

If you could tell me something that could potentially affect a future relationship, or my relationship with you, then I would want to know. Good bad or ugly. So in that spirit Ė and this is not easy to say ,nor is it easy for you to hear, Iím sure Ė and I hope you take this in constructive way, do you see Iím even scared to type it? (and I donít know why because I have said it before) ÖÖÖÖÖÖat times you can act abusive. I say ďactĒ because I know you are not an abusive person. But There are times when I think to myself, if one of my friends were to come to me and say ďoh my boyfriend and I got in a huge screaming match because I spilled water on the stove, or didnít fold the laundry right, or whateverÖÖIíd tell that girl to run donít walk. When I think of things like this I wonder if Iím doing the right thing?. Am I in an abusive relationship? Just asking these questions makes me sick as I never thought Iíd be here. And I know we both have love for one another , so how could it be so? But why am I having these feelings? Why Do I feel like Iím constantly walking on egg shells and worrying about the way I eat, whether Iím smacking, what Iím saying, how im acting, etc. I donít knowÖ.sometimes itís like Iím scared of you. And that scares me.

And yes, You never said I was in the wrong and you were in the right about things. But by NOT saying it, youíre implying you are. Know what I mean? When you arenít apologizing or anything, itís like this whole thing is my fault and Iím the one who needs to change. But I ask what can I do to change and you canít give me a direct answer. Itís crazy making.

I didnít mean to give mixed signals about not talking/vs checking up on me. I know I said we needed to stop talking for a while, but my whole life has changed. Arenít you even a little curious how things are going with me? I can see how you thought it was a dig and maybe when I wrote it I had those intentions, I can see your point. I canít ask for silence then get mad when you give it to me. I didnít expect you to call every 5 minutes, but maybe a text to let me know you miss me, thinking about me, curious how the new living sitch is going, or even that youíre having the time of your life and are happy without with me. Something to give me an idea of where we/you stand. Iím in this gray area where I donít know whether to pick up the pieces and move on, hold out hope for us, or what. I just wanted to know where you stood I guessÖ.even if its just a hi hope youíre well (not that that tells me where you stand, but shows you still care at least a little). I know youíre a good friend and would be there for me if I needed it. I just felt abandoned and when I feel that way, I lash out. I am old fashioned in a way and do feel the man should work harder, take charge, go after what he wants, etc. When I donít see that I think you donít love me. Guess thatís what I meant. And also I feel you love is conditional like I said before. If I am healthy, if I stop smacking food, if I am organized, if I donít complain, etc..

I feel good about myself. I like myself, I think Iím an unbelievable catch (something I havenít thought in years), I think I am special, and irreplaceable. Why am I feeling those things now? I donít want to think itís because we arenít together ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖbut is it?

My friends and people I see semi-regularly have been asking me why Iím always flying solo and where you have been. Obviously part of that is because when weíre doing our own thing Iím going to be with them, without you. But my point is that Iíd bet my life savings that your friends arenít saying those things. Wanting us to work out, etc. And I know guys are different than girls. But do you see that my friends WANT us to be in a relationship together? Do yours? Or are they thrilled that Iím out of your life? Telling you how much fun it is to be single and happy they have a wing man? How can we have a good relationship if you or your friends arenít ďfriends of this relationshipĒ? Does that make any sense? If your friends are telling you , get out now, run, Ė itís better being single Ė you seem unhappy Ė and then you are forced to come over and hang out, you are not going to give me your best, youíll resent me, etc. And then I will feed off of that and then we will have a bad time. Itís like a self-fulfilling prophecy and a would be a never ending cycle.

We would have to stop any cycle as we keep doing the same thing over and over again. It gets better for a little bit then goes bad again. It is so unhealthy for us both.


I donít know if youíll even hear what Iím saying here (because in all honesty Iíve said it in an email before and I know how you donít like to hear things more than once)-----------But-------- I need for you to have an ďahaĒ moment. An epiphany. Realize that you will never find another girl like me. And donít want to. That you are about to lose me. That you are at fault for many of the fights. That you will work on it, your temper, your patience and that you are sorry for treating me in any manner that is anything but respectful and dignified. That you SEE what I am even talking about. (that alone scares me more than anything Ė that you donít see it) That you care deeply about the health of this relationship and are willing to WORK. Not just go out to fancy dinners and go shopping, but stick around when things are crappy, work through things when weíre disagreeing, have patience and understanding with me and not choose to yell or put me down when something happens that you donít like, make me feel treasured and safe and an equally respected partner, make QT time for each other, be happy instead of being right, thankful that Iíve given you a second chance, think that you hit the jackpot. Because it doesnít get better than me. It just doesnít. I donít mean to sound cocky. You may not fully realize now, and sometimes I donít either, but I have faith in myself more than ever and and what I have to offer. People like me arenít on every street corner. Iíve lost my self-worth in the last few years but am now finding it again and realizing that I am pretty damn special. And I have offered it to you. Myself. And itís like Iím just sitting here waiting for you to accept it. At some point a person has to ask themselves why am I offering up this gift when this person doesnít want it. The more the gift is offered and it just sits, the more the gift loses value and depreciates.

All of the above is what I wanted feedback on. That you take responsibility. That you can LIST OUT the things youíve done wrong. That you can TELL ME, what Iíve done wrong. That you can tell me what youíre going to do to try to fix it. Or even tell me to F off and you are done. SOMETHING. You could have just filled out that silly little sentence. You could have told me that you do love me and take me as I am currently (if itís true). You have never said that. That you get too angry too quickly over silly things and you REGRET that. That you mistreat me over anyone else in your life and that you realize its not the right thing to do. That you resent me and will work on knowing why, and helping me help you lose that resentment. Or that you are not happy and you want to part ways. Make a decision.

See Ö.Iím tryingÖ.Iím trying to fix things. Asking you questions, where did I fail you? Looking at myself and wondering what I did wrong. Thinking, researching, talking, praying, everything and anything I can do to fix what I feel is about to be irreparably broken. Time apart is my last resort. Iím scared youíre doing that in this break. You may not have given it any thought at all and you are entitled to that too, whatever you have to do to help yourself. Be it blocking it out completely, and going on about your life Ė or taking a good look inside and try to fix whatís broken. But sometimes itís like you donít even realize that Iím the only one doing any work here. Taking any blame. Trying to sort things out, both with you - and within my own head. You have to ask yourself and find the answers yourself to what your happiness is, what you are looking for and what things you can live with and canít live without.

I feel that we should not communicate until either one of us has not a doubt in their headÖ.stay together, get married or say goodbye. When you know, please let me know . I will do the same

he replies with this

So I need to set a couple of things straight before I leave for the day in case I donít get to finish the rest of this email. I didnít think you were that type of girl, and you wouldnít be at fault if you did that. I canít say for certain that I wouldnít do those things if we were to breakup given our history. And no, we have not talked. Itís not strange, I thought you were referencing that because thatís what she did. And I was never holding out hope for a future together with her. She maybe was, which may explain why she was contacting me. I was done and I would not hold out hope. Havenít heard from her or anything since the ďaccidentalĒ butt dialing incident which you know about.

Our relationship is different. Itís much deeper. There is nothing to be shocked about. You misunderstood what I wrote in my email. I didnít keep you in the dark. I was never interested in a future or holding out hope for a future with her. We really canít communicate sometimes, it drives me crazyÖ

and this is what I get in return

It is frustrating that we have these misunderstandings like we did yesterday. I did read the entire email you sent. Like I said, I just wanted to respond to the first part because I didnít want you to think those things you wrote for a minute longer because they werenít true. The rest of your email deserved a thoughtful and heartfelt response, which is why I wanted to take some time to formulate my thoughts exactly. Iím sorry you thought I was referring to work when I said I need to set a couple of things straight. It had nothing to do with that.

As I have said before, I have never had a connection like we have before in my life. Never cared so much, loved so much, wondered how a future would be together with anyone else. I canít say that I wonít hold out hope for us, because we are one in a million. I know how special you are. How special we are. So if we do decide to part ways, I know I will always wonder what could have been. But youíre absolutely right, we could do more than hope for a happy future together, we could actually have one.

3.5 years IS a long time to get to know someone. So many memories, so much love. Iím not really mindful of or choose to focus on the bumps. I see the happy times more in the forefront of my thoughts. Sure there is uncertainty, but NO ONE ever gets married knowing everything. I think the uncertainty is normal to a point. I donít think that means the writing is on the wall and we are stupid not to see it. I think it means we are mindful enough to know that marriage is a very difficult thing to master. Different personalities, different trains of thought, different people. There needs to be a balance, and that balance can only come from good communication. This is where we fail. We constantly assume or read into what each other says, rather than questioning the things that we may assume and letting the other person give their point of view and explain it better. We need to give each other the benefit of the doubt more frequently. That needs to be more often than not, and right now it is just the opposite.

Youíre saying that youíve asked many times what youíre doing wrong and I canít give you an answer. Or I say, youíre not doing anything wrong. Sometimes there may be something that bothers me, but I donít know how to say it. Afraid that youíll respond in a way that causes a fight. Get offended and tell me Iím a jerk. Resent me for saying something. And I donít want to rock the boat. Sometimes it isnít anything in particular that may bother me or is something youíre doing wrong, rather just a different way to do it than my way. And that doesnít make you or me wrong because we do things differently! So when you ask that question, it seems to be a very macro question, and maybe thatís why I say nothing because I donít believe you can sum it up and say OK, this is what it is and if we fix this we are gonna be fine! I see where youíre coming from about not being able to act on it to fix things. I get that. And itís a valid feeling. But I think itís more of a case by case situation and how we deal with each thing that pops up on our day-to-day journey together.

We do say the same things over and over because it is the things we both agree we need to work on! I.e. our communication. And I am SORRY, for you feeling that I talk condescendingly toward you. I donít intentionally think Iím going to talk that way. No one has ever said I do that, so it is hard for me to figure out why I am making you feel that. Is it possible that you are taking it the wrong way? It could be, given that our communication sometimes isnít the greatest. Is it my word choice? Do you feel that way because I may say things similar to the way you dad says things or my dad says things? I mean, they are both foreign and sometimes my dad says things that I think are condescending but I chalk it up to the way he is translating what he would say in Turkish to English. A lot of times things that are said in Turkish can come across very much that way. Itís just the culture and the way people talk. Itís no nonsense. Almost military like, and everyone does it female and male. So I donít know? Iím not saying youíre wrong for feeling that way. Iím just trying to give you a possibility as to why you may interpret it that way. When you feel that way about something I say, maybe itís best to say it immediately so we can talk it over. Of course I want you to be happy and care about your feelings. You being sad is not good for you, and it isnít for me either. I know you are saying these things to ďhelpĒ, but I canít say Iím sorry for speaking to you condescendingly when I donít know what it is we are talking about. In my opinion, it is more a disconnect between what I am trying to say and the manner in which I am trying to say it, AND what you are hearing and the manner in which you think Iím saying it. Iím not perfect, but Iím certainly not out to get you or make you feel anything less than what you are. I may expect a lot, but so do you. And that doesnít make either one of us a bad person.

Iím sorry but the part of your email where you say I ďactĒ abusive is not constructive at all. If you feel that way, then maybe you should get away from me. Run and donít walk like you would tell a friend. Saying that ďoh my boyfriend and I got in a huge screaming match because I spilled water on my stoveĒ is a total misrepresentation of the truth and you know it. I said you ďshould have listened to meĒ, very similar to ďI told you soĒ and this wouldnít have happened. You took offense to that, saying that I was belittling you for it when all I did was speak the truth. You got offended because you took it to mean me saying youíre not a good cook, or wonít be a good mother, or youíre messy and sloppy, or whatever else. I simply wanted recognition and acknowledgement that when I said the water was boiling over and you shouldnít let that happen or should find a way to clean it or whatever, it was the right thing to do because look at what it led to. The entire apt smelling like garbage for days. Instead of getting worked up about it and reading into what I was saying, a simple you were right would have sufficed. And I know youíre saying well ďyou never tell me that Iím rightĒ, and youíre correct in feeling and saying that and I will work on making sure to point out the times when youíre right more frequently. And this isnít about whoís right or wrong!!! It is simply a point to say that entire situation could have been avoided without any arguing. A simple Iím sorry, you were right. And itís not about you doing a nice thing for me by cooking my favorite meal and me not being appreciative of that. Iím always appreciative of when you do that. After all, I was the one cleaning up the mess because you couldnít stand to have the smell.

If you think I act abusive, or that youíre scared of me then please, please, please letís go our separate ways. I know youíve felt those things in your family structure in the past and I donít want to add anymore to that. There is nothing scary or abusive about me. Never has, never will be. If someone I didnít know and care for were to say something like that to me I would be very offended. Iím not as offended now with you saying it, only because we are trying to work through some things and I want to give you the benefit of doubt because I am not perfect. Iím sure I said some things in anger that I would take back. So have you. So neither one of us is innocent. That word abuse is thrown around quite a lot this day in age and in this pathetic reality tv show of a life we live in America. People donít have any idea what abuse is. So if you think Iím abusive, I would love to meet the person you think isnít. Maybe itís a saint. Telling me that you feel like youíre walking on egg shells around me, thinking about the things you say, smacking food etc. is you saying that you want to not feel that way so I should not want those things. I do those things EVERY DAY. I try to make sure I do think about things before I say them, how I act, how I eat, etc. Itís out of respect for you, and the people around us if we are in public. If I had a habit of picking my nose, or scratching myself, or whatever, donít you think you would want to tell me that?? Donít you think I would want to know? And you make it seem like it happens all the time. It doesnít. But when it does and I point it out, it turns into an argument because you get offended. If you think youíre in an abusive relationship, please leave. That way I wonít ever have to abuse or act abusive to you anymore. Nothing could make me feel happier than to know youíre in a safe environment and donít feel the need to walk on eggshells or whatever. Iím sorry, but I canít be in a relationship where I know the person I am with feels that I act abusive toward them. I would never hurt a woman physically, never have, and that word abuse is more associated with physical than psychological. Psychological is up for interpretation, and physical is obvious. Iím shocked I feel the need to defend myself on this topic. SMH.

Youíre life has changed, I agree. And Iím sorry you felt that our silence or my lack of checking up on you was in any way unloving or uncaring. The timing of all of it probably made it worse. But we needed time to think. I needed time to think. I am curious with how things are progressing for you. But Iím also quite sure that you are doing great because you have a good environment and great friends. You should feel very lucky to have those friends. I have grown to like all of them very much. They all have your best interest at heart. I have missed you, I have thought about you, about us. About my life and my happiness. And at the same time I have just taken a break from the normal routine. Worked on getting my life organized, preparing for 2013, doctors appointments, etc. It wasnít my intention to leave you in a gray area, or abandon you. Iím sorry for making you feel that way. I needed some time away I guess. To get away from the constant bickering and resentment. To forget about the bickering and resentment and remember the GOOD TIMES. Itís all so very hard. I will always be here for you as a friend. ALWAYS. Itís hard to think about our relationship, see the pictures in happier times, and not get sad. I donít want us to be a tragic failure. At the same time though, something has to happen for us to feel both of our needs are being met. I DO love you unconditionally. That doesnít change. The other things of being healthy, etc. are things that I value in my life and hope that I can be with someone who values them equally. That isnít conditional love. They are things that make me happy and are important to me. It may be considered selfish to have those needs and wants, but it is not conditional love.

Iím happy to hear youíre in a good mood more, and are motivated and fulfilled with having someone in your life more. I could tell for a very long time that you were in a rut, because of being deprived of human interaction. I guess that can drive anyone crazy and make them sad. Good to hear you guys are getting to be even closer than before. Like I said, I would do anything for you so youíre more than welcome for helping out with the move and storing the stuff. Also good to hear you reinstated gym membership. Thatís kinda ironic because at the beginning of January LA Fitness could not charge my credit card so they have been calling me incessantly trying to get me to give them a legit credit card. In all seriousness, they have called 17 times. Left 14 messages until my vm box was full. I am so peeved at them for doing that I may just cancel. Itís so rude to call that many times for what, 29.99? Plus I started the insanity workout, and I absolutely love it. Missed only 1 day in the past 2 weeks and I definitely see some crazy results. I have so much more energy and so much more strength in my lower body. Been eating better too. Got a list together of foods that are good for you and I like and have been rotating between them. So things are good for me. Just different without you, and I get sad that I canít share it with you. I think the reason things are going so well for you is the combination of everything you said. You got out of your living situation, have someone around you more often, can share your thoughts and feelings with someone you can trust and gives good advice. Youíre getting out and going to gym to get your heart rate up, and are organized so both your body and mind are stimulated and satisfied. And maybe its because we arenít around each other at the moment. It gives you more time to focus on yourself and your own well being. You should feel good about yourself. Youíre an unbelievable catch thatís for sure. I have always said that. I know you donít want to think its because we arenít together, but like I said itís more than likely a combination of everything. Us not being together included.

My friends have been asking why Iím around more and how things are with you also. Actually, J is the only one that I have spoken about us to. Your ex neighbor B asked why Iíve seen him twice in 2 weeks. I guess he hangs with S and when S calls to see whatís up and we make plans B somehow ends up in the mix. Those guys donít know anything. Just that its football season and the playoffs so Iím around more. t is getting a divorce. Shocker. And J isnít as close with him as he used to be. t is a pretty big mess. We ran into him and he and I almost got into a fight. He pissed me off and after I heard some things that had happened I told him he was a a$$___. So I would expect not to see him anymore, given that the last time we saw each other was over a year ago anwyays. So I guess you lost your life savings on that bet because guys are just like girls in some respect. The friends that I have WANT me to be happy. They want us to work out. J wants so bad to have a girlfriend, he just doesnít have confidence in himself or the people he meets. So when he asks how everything is progressing between us, I think he wishes we would work through our differences so he can have confidence in relationships. Youíve never thought my friends cared about our relationship or were friends of our relationship. That is why you are saying these things. You couldnít be further from the truth though. They want whatís best for me and us. And usually the response they give to any discussion we have is, ďyou guys will work it out, you always do.Ē

I hear you in saying you want me to have an ďahaĒ moment. I do know I will never find another girl like you. I do know that I am about to lose you. And the same goes for you. I think Iím a catch and youíre about to lose me. Thatís why this is a tragic predicament. You think Iím at fault for many of the fights, I need to work on my temper, I need to work on my patience, I need to be more respectful, I need to be more dignified, I need to stick around when things are crappy, I need to be thankful youíve given me a second chance, I need to think I hit the jackpot, I need to stop ďactingĒ abusive, I need to stop yelling, etc. etc. That doesnít really sound like a partner that is willing to work on things. That sounds like someone who feels they are jilted and taken for granted. Well, I feel the same way. So how does this work now? You can say all you want about how great you are, and how special you are, and what does that mean? What does it prove? That Iím not? I think the more you think in this manner, the more we are doomed to succeed. Without coming out and saying it, youíre the one thatís putting yourself on a pedestal. I do know these things, and if I didnít think these things it would be a very easy decision to move on. So you donít have to flaunt or throw it in my face or insinuate Iím an idiot that I canít ďSEEĒ these things. Itís getting us nowhere, and itís only aggravating the situation and pushing me away.

I donít really see how youíre trying to fix things and that Iím not. Iíve taken plenty of blame and it upsets me when you say I havenít taken any. Iím SHARING the blame rather than cast it either way. You are STILL wanting to do that. I donít understand why. Just when I think youíre being reasonable, you flip a switch. Itís really unfair. I will always love you, no matter what happens. But when you feel like you can have fair communication and not cast stones and point blame, only then can we truly move toward a happy future together. Until then, I donít see how this is going to work. Iím so sad againÖ

[This message edited by suspicious247 at 11:17 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]


Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MASSIVE EXAGGERATIONS

Growing up in nj, we lived in a small town. Like 8,000 people at the time. Big farm land, but not very densely populated. I didn't have many friends nearby my house and I didn't have a way to get to my friends houses unless a parent would take me and pick me up.

Even the Amish around here would laugh at that one.

eta:

Oh I didn't see the update:

Youíre saying that youíve asked many times what youíre doing wrong and I canít give you an answer. Or I say, youíre not doing anything wrong. Sometimes there may be something that bothers me, but I donít know how to say it. Afraid that youíll respond in a way that causes a fight. Get offended and tell me Iím a jerk. Resent me for saying something. And I donít want to rock the boat. Sometimes it isnít anything in particular that may bother me or is something youíre doing wrong, rather just a different way to do it than my way. And that doesnít make you or me wrong because we do things differently! So when you ask that question, it seems to be a very macro question, and maybe thatís why I say nothing because I donít believe you can sum it up and say OK, this is what it is and if we fix this we are gonna be fine! I see where youíre coming from about not being able to act on it to fix things. I get that. And itís a valid feeling. But I think itís more of a case by case situation and how we deal with each thing that pops up on our day-to-day journey together.

LET ME RUN THAT THROUGH MY TRANSLATION DEVICE:

"I can't control your response in a way that I feel is optimal for me so I refuse to tell you anything. This way not only are you still wrong, it's not my fault for being unhappy about it. Also, it's all your fault even if I did tell you because then you wouldn't understand and everything would still be fucked up."

I hear you in saying you want me to have an ďahaĒ moment. I do know I will never find another girl like you. I do know that I am about to lose you. And the same goes for you. I think Iím a catch and youíre about to lose me. Thatís why this is a tragic predicament.

"I am AWESOME and you're okay. You're okay enough for me to maybe want to be with if you do what I tell you, and it's a tragic predicament that you just won't see what a catch I am."

Sorry, some of that wouldn't translate.

You think Iím at fault for many of the fights, I need to work on my temper, I need to work on my patience, I need to be more respectful, I need to be more dignified, I need to stick around when things are crappy, I need to be thankful youíve given me a second chance, I need to think I hit the jackpot, I need to stop ďactingĒ abusive, I need to stop yelling, etc. etc. That doesnít really sound like a partner that is willing to work on things. That sounds like someone who feels they are jilted and taken for granted. Well, I feel the same way. So how does this work now? You can say all you want about how great you are, and how special you are, and what does that mean? What does it prove? That Iím not? I think the more you think in this manner, the more we are doomed to succeed. Without coming out and saying it, youíre the one thatís putting yourself on a pedestal. I do know these things, and if I didnít think these things it would be a very easy decision to move on. So you donít have to flaunt or throw it in my face or insinuate Iím an idiot that I canít ďSEEĒ these things. Itís getting us nowhere, and itís only aggravating the situation and pushing me away.

Translation:

"I put abuse in quotations to show how stupid it is for you to even use that word. You gave me a detailed map to follow but fuck that, you need to do all that stuff too. In fact, you should do that and just fuck off about expecting me to, because asking me to do this stuff is just a way to push me away. I'm too awesome for any kind of responsibility. In fact, I will turn the entire thing around to make it MY problem with YOU that YOU have to fix and never actually once admit to any of this as an issue I need to work on."

Everything he says is laced with emotional abuse behaviors.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:17 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday)]


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So in this January exchange, I noticed something interesting. He used the words "pin me in a corner." And I think I remember seeing those EXACT same words in one of his communications from today/last night. He doesn't want to *communicate* with you and if you push the issue, then you are "pinning him into a corner." Think of the symbolism of those words. You being a *separate* person and thinking *differently* than him is THREATENING to him.

Ick. Just ick. This guy gives me the creepy-crawlies....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCyL6pa_L4M


Posts: 7253 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
suspicious247
♀ Member
Member # 33014
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, April 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you guys only knew him! He's wealthy attractive extremely likable. I was the envy of many many girls and even some guys. Everyone thinks he hung the moon and I'm the one who needs help

Posts: 386 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 418
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.