You have to make it about you. You have to decide you want to be honest and want to heal. I understand the fear - I TT'd for almost six months and it has made this so much harder on both of us. My BS made a sobering statement to me when she said that if our marriage ends, it isn't because of any of the details I TT'd over, it's because of the lying about those details. You have to reach a point where you are going to fix you for your sake, not just do what you need to do to save the marriage.
A big step for me was when I read (and really got) a post on here there was called 'you have to be willing to lose the marriage to fix the marriage'.WS (me) 45- Dday was 9/20/2012
Wife 41 (sodamnlost on SI)
Together 9 years, married 5
Stepdad to 6 amazing kids (22, 21, 16, 15, 12, 10)
Trying wicked hard - never giving up.