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Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: This Is Normal, Right?
needhelp123
♂ Member
Member # 38109
Stop  Posted: 3:50 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BS and I had a good weekend. At least as good as we could given the circumstances. She even complimented me that she sees how hard I'm working. This morning it's a different story and she's using the term deal breaker. Now I never thought it wasn't a strong possibility but I guess this would be part of the roller coaster?

My only response was that I wasn't giving up, that I am here to support her, and that I will continue down my path of IC. I don't suppose anyone has any other suggestions. I know emotions can swing wildly but I must say it happens on both sides.


Me: 47 BS: Cheerless (not giving her age)
DDay 12/31/12
30 days of TT WRONG - try 17 months
2 great teenagers
I had a LTA - EA and then PA. Escalated in 2012.
Never Giving Up Hope
The secret of life is to "die before you die" - Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jan 2013
OktoberMest
♀ Member
Member # 34173
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I right that your dday is only Dec?

Yeah it's normal, It may alsy be true. Your BS is quite likely struggling with the thought that she THINKS is SHOULD be a dealbreaker, and the thought that she'd like to R with you....

Stick with it, be consistent.


Me: FWW (35) Growing up at last.
LonelyHusband: BH (41)
Dday 1: 29/Oct/11; Dday 2:15/Nov/11; last TT 15/Mar/12
In R...working my arse off.
When you're struggling with commitment to your marriage, just imagine what it's like to be a penguin.

Posts: 558 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
hardlessons
♂ Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

needhelp, totally normal. Stay strong and focused on your path of fixing your issues and be supportive of your W. Good luck


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so funny you posted this. A great SI friend and I were just talking about this. This is when I think growing up in a fucked childhood is actually beneficial.

It's possible to silo very easily. There were no patterns. No certainty. While you could be "safe" for weeks you could be in danger just that quick with no warning or notice.

That's what I imagine recovering from a monumental trauma like this is like. Silo'd. No flow or pattern. Not for some time.

Just treat each situation as if nothing else preceeded it. Focus on what is going on right at that time. If its good, it's great. If it isn't you respond and empathize.

I can imagine she's getting used the this too. She felt her life was very real and counted on that reality. D day would just start the unraveling processes of her past like a string that's pulled. You can't stop it. It pulls structure and support from all load bearing beams and makes everything unstable and precarious.

Even the present can't be trusted. It takes some time to adjust, no doubt.

Dramamine and digging in. You've got the right attitude in what you stated about being there and working on yourself. Learning to balance while unbalanced is a priceless skill set in life.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 4

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