My BW got upset at me saying I'm not 100% in the marriage.
Are you? The reason I ask it because you are reacting like someone that's been put on a diet they don't want.
"I'm being good. I'm doing "this" much and I'm not even a reader".
I know it's been pointed out several times I didn't choose to reconcile while on SI. True. I do know what doing work on something that isn't natural nor comes easy to me is like, though.
No one needs to draw me a map or give me a "to do" list. They'd be way behind me at that point. I drive myself. What do I need to work on? What am I seeing that's missing or not functioning right? How can I improve it, fix it, or just flat out replace it?
I don't work well micro managed but have had some bosses that have done that. I made sure I gave status updates and kept open communication with them. I'm not saying your wife is your boss. Just drawing a parallel from my own life.
This isn't your wife's project. Not her process to work through. Whether you reconcile or divorce getting to the root of this shit and rebuilding/reinforcing will need to be done regardless if you're going to be healthy and safe for yourself and others. It needs to be your goal and your focus.
Because of how tense things are right now there will times when wires get crossed, misunderstandings happen. When they do, own your part, apologize, get back on track. It's not a job and there are breaks. It's a whole new way of life otherwise it's just acting a role that will get tiresome, start pissing you off, become a marathon that just won't end and, sweet Jesus isn't it enough??? Are we there yet? Are you over this yet? Have I not been good long enough?
If that's what you're doing it will never work. You are on a path to a new life or you're reading from a script that will get very very old. Your choice. Me: 37
'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth