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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: ? For BS's--Missing your WW or WH
RemoursefulGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This question is for all the BS's out there who separated after DD or tried in home separation after DD.

How long did it take before you actually started to truly miss your WW or WH (if you saw that they were being completely remorseful and trying to save the marriage)?


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, it had a different effect on me.

The old saying about absence makes the heart grow fonder, well it's a nice platitude to cover when people have to be away from each other, but it's nowhere near a universal truth.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, it had a different effect on me.

The old saying about absence makes the heart grow fonder, well it's a nice platitude to cover when people have to be away from each other, but it's nowhere near a universal truth.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
RemoursefulGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meaning you left your WW or WH and enjoyed the separation?


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
Imsorry1
♂ Member
Member # 37698
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miss him? the man I miss died. If he ever existed. I think this just allowed me to wake up out of the Matrix.

I am now unplugged. I was married to a Smith. Whether I stay that way or not remains to be seen.


Posts: 55 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: usa
TXwifemom
♀ Member
Member # 37945
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, that was me. Wrong log in.

Posts: 231 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: texas
RemoursefulGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if he was truly sorry and taking all the steps in the right direction and you honestly felt it?


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What if he was truly sorry and taking all the steps in the right direction and you honestly felt it?

For some, it's still a dealbreaker. And some betrayed folks don't want it to be a dealbreaker for them, but despite their best efforts to reconcile with their WS, it still is.

It's just nobody knows where love goes, but when it goes sometimes it's gone.

I hope you find peace and your heart's desire.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Brokenheart777
♂ Member
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess it's a difference between missing the old them and actually missing them. I miss the hell out of my WGF but I have been in withdrawal from her before I had my DDay. I know I still love her, as fresh as it is. But overall, I missed her before during and after


ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back


Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
RemoursefulGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you a mad hatter brokenhearted? I see you said "before your DD"


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
Brokenheart777
♂ Member
Member # 38561
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, March 12th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, no. DDay was my discovery of her 3 month PA/EA with OM. She had been having internal conflicted feelings with our relationship well prior to her betrayal. My first post tells this tale. I thought she just fell out of love and wanted to separate. Unfortunately by the time she told me she wanted a separation to "figure out what she wanted" she had already been with OM numerous times. I had missed her and wanted her back so badly during that time. Once DDay hit I was devasted but even now with her working to ease me pain where she can, she still doesn't know that she wants to be with me. She lost herself and her thought of our future. I miss her badly every day. I miss us and what we used to be.


ME - A new person
HER - A waining memory
DDay - 2/22/2013
2-3 month EA/PA
Together for 6 years, ready to start my life . . .

"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back


Posts: 177 | Registered: Feb 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Meaning you left your WW or WH and enjoyed the separation?
Meaning that since I actually moved out and was not seeing her everyday, I started to feel different. I know she has regrets about things now. As for remorse, who knows? I don't know how one could see remorse from a person who was not present. It's hard to describe, but I don't think separation is conducive to reconciliation. It just gets easier to move on with your life, the unknown becomes known and is not so scary.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I miss my old husband. I miss the fun we use to share and the togetherness, I miss everything. We are seperated and see one another everyday but its not the same.
For me I think I wish so badly we could go back 3 1/2 years and had stop the start of his A, lord knows I tried my hardest to stop it, but I could not stop him. He did what he did because he wanted to. So if you ask me now, yes, I miss my old wh. I miss the love he use to give me. I look at my wh now and still wonder who he is. DO I want to R? Yes, I faught a very hard battle these last 3 1/2 years to give up now BUT, I will not beg and lower myself for this marriage and him. He has to do the work now and show me that he can be a honorable husband.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
RemoursefulGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38170
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aesir- are you and your wife going to go through with the divorce then since you are now separated? Did you ask for the separation or did your wife? Sorry for all the questions. Thanks so much for giving me your insight


WW/BS-Me- 31
BS/WH- Him 31
DD - 12/2012

Status - Living separately since DD

Update: Now a mad-hatter. Bs decided to sleep with not just one but TWO girls in the 2 months we've been separated.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Jan 2013
whatamidoing
♀ Member
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my WH and I were "separated" prior to DD and I missed him already I knew something wasn't right and tried to push and pull him back
DD plus a couple of days and I missed him
I miss him every day
I miss who I thought he was who I thought we would be the future I wanted and the past he crapped all over with his changing of history
I miss the way work was when we were we... no that I am I and he is he work has lost it's passion
my home has lost it's comfort
I miss him
I will always miss him


A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
_________________________________
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 186 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
NoLongerWantHim
♀ Member
Member # 19934
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss the illusion of a marriage and of a family that existed when I worked hard at having that illusion.

For me, DDay was a deal breaker. What happened after just proved my gut was right.


Me & the kids are having the malignancy removed.

If I went to Hogwarts, my Patronus would be my Big Sister - GWADW


Posts: 4123 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Where I want to be, on the road to the future
Fireball72
♀ Member
Member # 20152
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For some, it's still a dealbreaker. And some betrayed folks don't want it to be a dealbreaker for them, but despite their best efforts to reconcile with their WS, it still is.

This was me. My XH tried everything to get me to stay, and I do mean everything. I do believe that he was sincere, but for me, infidelity was just something that broke the relationship outright. I moved out on D-Day, and never returned.

Did I miss him? I missed who I had thought he was, yes. The person that he turned out to be? Not at all. No amount of words, gestures or effort could mask the fact that he stepped out on me. For me, loyalty is everything - and he didn't have it for me. Once I knew that... game over.


XBS - 42 and fabulous :D
Remarried happily in 2013
A relationship is built for two. But apparently, some bitches don't know how to count!

Posts: 602 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: The Chesapeake Bay
Gr8Wht71
♂ New Member
Member # 38599
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She had been having internal conflicted feelings with our relationship well prior to her betrayal.

This could have been plucked right from my mind / situation. So sorry for you Brokenheart777

To RemoursefulGirl - Like Brokenheart777 said, I missed the wife I thought I had even before D-Day, if that makes any sense. My WW had been "checking out" for about six months, prior to D-Day. Staying out late, not coming home, partying with "friends" and being very secretive. I was thinking that maybe she was in a mid-life crisis, and I was letting her have space and trying to be supportive.
The last month has been such a shock, to say the least. My wife, the woman who loved me, who would never have an affair, and who wanted to grow old together, is gone. I am trying to determine if that women ever really existed.
I don't even know the woman I am married to right now, and I don't know if I want to.
Maybe if she showed real remorse and was honestly interested in saving our marriage, I might feel differently. But I have already gone through four or five fake R beginnings, so I can not really say.


Me: BH 41 {} Her: WW 42
Married: 17-1/2 years
PAs&EAs July 2012 - ???
D-Days 2/16/13 & 3/4/13
I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you. - Nietzsche
Divorcing

Posts: 50 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: NorthEast USA
Paladin
♂ Member
Member # 38367
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes..I love and miss her...but Im also mentally ready so move on if she never "gets it"..

She is out of her fog woth OM...but still heavily invested in her rewrite of the M...and thus still blame shifting...


Me BH 49
Her WW 42
Together 27 Married 23
DS 22,DS 20,DD 11
D Day 11/8/11
Separated trying to R

"When you understand the nature of a thing, you know what its capable of"...musashi...the book of five rings


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Paladin
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never missed my XWH#1. I had fallen out of love with him years before, but stayed because of the kids. I think his EA/PA? was just the means to an end for us. WH#2 will be a different story as I loved him and trusted him with all my heart. However I don't miss him, I miss the husband I thought he was. That realization is what has finally told me that I need to move on. The person he is now is not the same, neither am I. Once you drop an atomic bomb into the marriage, it is hard to find and pick up the pieces of the marriage that are now left. Neither of us are the same person since the A.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

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