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Newest Member: StillHurtingHer (45319)

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User Topic: How do you refer to AP?
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find it worrying when ex-WS call their affair partners “it” or “dirty whore”. I wonder if it’s a tool to blame shift and minimize. Don’t forget that if the OW is an “it” then the WH is someone that DECIDED to have an affair with all the risks and damage that incurred WITH “IT”, or WITH the “dirty whore”.


"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5565 | Registered: Sep 2005
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OM#2...who I thought for 2.5 years was OM#1(until TT last month)...I call him assfucker or "your buddy."

OM#1? Hmmm. I haven't had alot of time yet to process that there was actually TWO AP's...that he cheated on my..physically..twice.

So OM#1 has yet to be named.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7671 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
PippaPeach6
♀ Member
Member # 37523
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

with H - that person

here - gutterskank


Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled

Honey Badger don't care. - Randall


Posts: 386 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Flyover chic
BIZZYBEEZ
♀ Member
Member # 37645
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the very beginning I referred to her as "your whore" or "that f@&$ing "c" word, then I realized I was just being hateful. Then she became "that bitch". Now I normally just say "her". In 4 months I have learned to depersonalize her. She doesn't deserve my attention or anger any longer. I'm focused on me not her.


BW (me) - 47
WH (him) - 39
DDay - 10/22/2012 (worst day of my life)

Learning to breathe again - one day at a time


Posts: 235 | Registered: Nov 2012
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I call her by the nickname my WH used. It was disguised just enough in his phone that I had no clue it was her until over a year of slime. It's probably witchy of me, but eh - the nickname works.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 476 | Registered: Jan 2013
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whorestein...ho-worker...Nefka...his wife, he did not like that!

Sometimes I call her by her real name, Alicia, because I have to get used to our 'new normal'.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Itstoohard
♀ Member
Member # 37629
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree Fidelia why call her names. She wasn't married and they both knew he was. I refer to her as Texas as that is where she lived. I put all blame on FWH. She may have been stupid and easy but she didn't did betray me, he did.


BS 64
fWH 64
PA 22 yrs ago
Started as EA for 2 yrs then ONS CORRECTION Started as an EA for 8 years
Trustismyissue

Posts: 180 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: US
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Calling AP names is a way to vent. I would like to call my fWH many names. He is/was just as disgusting as OW , however, since we are reconciling, that would not be conducive to reconciliation. Because we are reconciling doesn't mean I don't have anger still and venting about the OW is a safe way to get my anger out.

Also, in our situation the fucking OW hasn't gone away. I have a right to be angry. FWH dumped its ass in 2004 and it has fished/stalked or attempted contact all the way into 2012. Yeah, I don't think my anger at the slunt is misplaced.

My FWH has shown remorse and does everything to try to make it up to me. OW has no remorse, is angry with me, and feels it is a victim.

For those that don't have anger at AP, great for you. However, I can't wrap my head around you not seeing that these AP's did owe you something. They owed you common human decency. They didn't break vows, but they broke the Golden Rule.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Issaquah
♀ Member
Member # 34484
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With the OW from 13 years ago I use her name.

With women he has crushed on but it wasn't reciprocated, I use their names.

With the OW 4 years ago I use her name. I don't know the names of the other women he went on dates with.

With OWs 1-5 I say "that girl (name)".

And with OW 6 I use her name or "her".

What I've noticed for me when EA is involved with an OW I use her name and if she was just a fuck, I say "that girl (name)". Not really sure why????


BS - Me, 41 SAHM back in grad school
WS - Husband, 43 SA dx in March 2013
T-20, M-18 college sweethearts
Multiple DDays since 1999 - OW's all the way back to engagement
Most recent DDay 8-12,false R 1/13
DD-11, DS 13 with ASD

Posts: 779 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Virginia
Hunter23
♀ Member
Member # 37574
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW#1 - Sometimes, she's the ho-worker, or "your girl", but I mostly call her Hillbilly Homewrecker. Her brother in law and my WH both call her "It".

OW#2 - the exGF. Mostly she's Leatherface Whore (spends way too much time in a tanning bed and looks about 25 years older than she should.

So, Hillbilly Homewrecker and Leatherface Whore.

And they're both listed as such in my cell phone...


Me: BW, 38
Him:WH, 40
DDay: Nov 3, 2012
Hoping to recover...

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By lots of nasty names. Mostly slut or whore.


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For the 1st year she was the name she worked so hard to earn - Drug Bag C#@t

Now she is just "her" or "your Ex) (since she's his xW.

We very rarely let her have space in our lives anymore.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with sistermilkshake. Also,while the AP didn't betray us,they knowingly and willingly had an affair with a married man. They knew he had children. And they were selfish enough they didnt give a shit,they just wanted your WS.

They way I see it..yes..the spouse is the one who ultimatley betrayed you. That doesnt mean the AP is released from any wrongdoing. They still know right from wrong,right?

When an AP willingly has an affair with a married person,I see it as them waging war against your family. They were engaged in actions that they knew,if discovered,would destroy another human being. If you have children and they knew about the kids,then they were actively trying to destroy your children's happiness,security,and family.

The WS lets them in the door,and I am in NO way saying my WH isn't fully to blame for his actions. That does not,however,mean the AP is innocent.

FWIW,I dont hate the AP's. I read enough in my husband's secret email account o know they could have been anyone,they were just available and willing. I dont like them,but I dont hate them.

But some of the OW Ive read about on here? Yeah. I hate some of them.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7671 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
confused82402
♀ Member
Member # 34616
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto what Sister and Confused said.

I have anger towards OW because she knew he was married. She knew we had kids. She chased my H down from day 1. It took her 3 years to get him into an A and it's 100% his fault that the A happened. But OW didn't give 2 shits about me or my kids. She was just a selfish bitch who knowingly went after a married man and tried her hardest to break up my family.

Oh and when my H broke it off with her and asked for NC because he wanted to work on our marriage, she still didn't give a shit. She kept trying to get him to come back to her for a good 6 months.

It takes one fucked up person to do that and I have zero respect for her.

So she will continue to be called bitchface until the day I die...


Me- BW
Him - WH
Dday - 1/16/2012

~Honey, don't try to make sense out of nonsense...you'll drive yourself crazy in the process ~ my momma :-)


Posts: 507 | Registered: Jan 2012
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It depends on my mood when I want to talk about her.

But, here's a list of favorites:

Slut
Barwhore
Skank
Fat Skanky Barwhore
Slunt
Slutface
C word
C word-face
C-word bag
Ms. Low Self Esteem
Your "friend"
Your "girlfriend"
Her name (Gabby)

To the poster who uses "Banana Boobs" that literally had me


Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I call her the "affair person". Or I say, "when you saw 'her'.

Of course I have called her worse names but when having a civil discussion or when in MC, I say, "affair person". This is suggested in the book, After the Affair by Janis A Spring


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I don't think most authors writing a book called "After the Affair" would recommend calling the AP "the c***" in MC sessions. Which is what it was called in in our MC sessions. T.C. for short, MC thought that was fine.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9793 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
deeplysad
♀ Member
Member # 16590
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's name has never been spoken in our home.

It is always referred to as Your Whore or The Whore.


Me: BW - I'm much too young to feel this damn old
Him: FWH - Midlife crisis with a pathetic porn wannabe
D-Day: August 2004; Lots of false R until February 2005.

It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert


Posts: 3245 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: So Calif
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've posted these before but I will enjoy posting them again:

your whore
your slut
3xw (wheezy, whiny whore)
grandpa fucker
your girlfriend
mall rat
user loser (my H's name for himself and "it")
scar-ho (the AP is self-conscious about its c-section scar)
huffy
the "taker"
potato-nosed whore
the mustached one
walking garbage
dog poo (thanks to an SI member for that lovely image)
the great whore of metro Detroit and Ann Arbor

I'm trying to stop being vulgar about the names because it was becoming a bad habit. (Being vulgar was a great release for a long time.)

Now I call the AP
"it"
that person
your Affair Partner.

I will never say "its" name.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 3:05 PM, March 15th (Friday)]


Posts: 722 | Registered: Aug 2011
permanentpain
♀ Member
Member # 38312
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Names, huh?

fuckface
the ever popular whore
the slut
ms. adultery
your girlfriend
the pig
ms. homewrecker

However, for my STBE, I have many... oh so many

Calling her by name doesn't get a reaction, but the other names, woohoo!!
Gets him on fire, and I secretly enjoy it. See, he's tried to make her seem like such a nice and decent person.


Me: 32 y/o, student and mom of two of the best kids in the world
Him: 33 y/o scumbag
Divorcing
Feels good to start laughing and feeling better again...

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Island
Topic Posts: 115
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