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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Love
pizzalover
♀ Member
Member # 38336
Stop  Posted: 11:28 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a hard time explaining to my BS that through my affair I still loved him. I always have and always will. He was the first person in my life to truly love me. I thought I loved my AP but I am realizing now that it was a complete fantasy. It couldn't have been real love. Has anyone else had this problem?


Repulsed daily by my actions

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 39 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - the sweetest cats you could ever meet!

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
DD - 1/24/13


Posts: 325 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: PA
pizzalover
♀ Member
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He also can't comprehend that I was having sex with someone else if I loved him.


Repulsed daily by my actions

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 39 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - the sweetest cats you could ever meet!

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
DD - 1/24/13


Posts: 325 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: PA
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He also can't comprehend that I was having sex with someone else if I loved him.

Could you comprehend that?

If he was having sex for 3 years with another woman...never told you, but said he loved you through it all...all the while knowing it was wrong to do.
Would you call that love?
Imagine this;

Let's say you were taking a 2x4 and whacking him across his head, all the while saying you loved him..is that comprehensible?

I do believe you loved him, but what importance did you put on that love?


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
pizzalover
♀ Member
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how I could have done this. Why would I have thrown away the best thing in my life? It makes my physically sick. I just want to take away his pain. To go back to 09, tell him how I was feeling, and make our relationship better.


Repulsed daily by my actions

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 39 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - the sweetest cats you could ever meet!

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
DD - 1/24/13


Posts: 325 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: PA
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did this because of how it made you feel and you played into what the OM was telling you.
You had two men vying for your attention.
That was an ego booster.
You did this because of the feeling and not rationalizing the damage that it could/did cause.
Even so knowing..you opted for the high of the affair rather than the soberness of the consequences.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not everyone cheats for ego boosting and having two people "vying" for the WS attention.

I know I didn't. I know others who post on here didn't.

Yes, FRM, I do believe my ex loved me as he was beating me. Love reflects the health of the giver and he wasn't healthy.

I didn't love him but obviouosly didn't love myself enough either. Again, reflects the health of the giver.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
hardlessons
♂ Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pizzalover, most people believe - If this, then that - People don't speed on the freeway because, well clearly there is a speed limit posted.. Most believe that their black/white world will protect them and sadly we always have that shocked look on our face when that falls apart into the reality of grey..

Many of us come here thinking we know what true love is and shout, cry, snot bubble mumble I love you!! When we really don't have a clue. And not to piss off a BS but healthy attracts healthy so usually the honest fact is that both are in need of work its just that us waywards blew it up first. Focus on you and your processes. Good luck


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 880 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UO..I wasn't posting about your situation..but thanks for the info.

Also your ex displayed a very warped sense of love if you believed he loved you during physical abuse. Wow.

[This message edited by floridaredman at 6:26 PM, March 2nd (Saturday)]


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2473 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why, yes, FRM, he did. Not very different from some of us, right?


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
pizzalover
♀ Member
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, my BH and I were again arguing about love again. He said I couldn't have loved him by his definition of respect, care, protecting his well being, and only considering him. I conceded that by his definition of love I couldn't have love him. But yet in my heart I felt I did. I also thought I loved my AP.


Many of us come here thinking we know what true love is and shout, cry, snot bubble mumble I love you!! When we really don't have a clue. And not to piss off a BS but healthy attracts healthy so usually the honest fact is that both are in need of work its just that us waywards blew it up first. Focus on you and your processes. Good luck

I guess I would have to agree that my definition of love is skewed. You don't do what I did to someone you love. I also claimed to love my APBW. Obviously it was the furthest thing from love since I completely fucked up her life.

I probably don't love myself. A person that loves themselves would not engage in the destructive behavior that I did. I need to figure what love is, use that definition from now on, and establish boundaries for myself. I need to start loving myself instead of hating myself based on what other people say.


Repulsed daily by my actions

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 39 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - the sweetest cats you could ever meet!

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
DD - 1/24/13


Posts: 325 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 10

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