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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 31
RSEB
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Member # 34728
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest,

Thank you for your input on the ADs. I find myself hesitating to bring it up to my BH because he thinks I am the cause of his pain and he doesn't see it as me trying to help him, but instead as me trying to put a band aid on the cutI put there in the first place.

and this

I didn't bother arguing because it gets to be circular and WH pushes all my buttons. I think I read it in the NPD forum that "he knows how to push my buttons because he installed them!!"

I guess I'm like a blender with all those buttons: the "low" speed ones that my mother installed and his are the "high" speed. Pulse is reserved for the teenage sons!

Well that just made me chuckle in the midst of my bad week. Glad you can find humor in the middle of your pain as well.

(((HUGS)))


ME - FWS


Posts: 259 | Registered: Feb 2012
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Thursday everyone! I know we are all struggling in different ways to different degrees. I thought I would just post some nonsense here and say hi.

First, with all the snow we have had here, the main ski resorts are re-opening for this weekend. I am trying to figure out a way to get up there. Looking out my window, I have to be envious of Gotta and her being in the Caribbean Sea.

I posted a new facebook profile picture, so I thought I would share it with the tribe here - so you know who Jack is. A very beautiful young woman said I look like Gerard Butler. She is shown below, my daughter. She knows how to build up her papa.


I was thinking today what my favorite movies are. Of the top of my head, the top 6 are:

1. "Oh Brother Where Art Thou"
2. "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"
3. "Aliens"
4. "The Natural"
5. "There's Something About Mary"
6. "Galaxy Quest"

I base my list on my ability to watch them over and over again.

In "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" there was a funny exchange about how Tommy got good at guitar:

Ulysses Everett McGill: What'd the devil give you for your soul,
Tommy?
Tommy Johnson: Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good.
Delmar ODonnell: Oh son, for that you sold your everlasting soul?
Tommy Johnson: Well, I wasnt usin' it.

I have from time to time wondered about my grieving the "innocence of my marriage". If I am being honest with myself, "Well, I wasnt usin' it." I have checked affirmative to every wayward behavior out there, except for an actual affair. I will post about that stuff later perhaps. But what sucks, and it goes for so many things in life, is that often you don't value something until it's lost.

Now, what to do about my career issues... I want to be a teacher maybe... anyone have a current, good book suggestion, along the lines of "what color is your parachute"? I am a big baby.

About medications:

I started Lexapro generic in January. It helped smooth things out. Not a happy pill, just made things more stable, kind of easier.

My therapist is not 100% convinced about my ADD. I did get a scrip for Adderall to start on next week. If it does help, it is going to be a life changer. The book I bought (for me) on what ADD does to marriages is an eyebrow-raiser.

I am starting to warm up to using medicines to help. I used to be against using anything.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 12:00 PM, April 18th (Thursday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
RSEB
♀ Member
Member # 34728
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC Jack,

You are AWESOME!!!...Love the pic of you and your beautiful daughter...reminds me of my DD.

Glad you are having good days. You deserve them.

Enjoy skiing :-)


ME - FWS


Posts: 259 | Registered: Feb 2012
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A while back we were discussing the need for the BS to detach from the WS and M after dday, even if R is in the plans.

7yrsflushed put this as well as I have ever seen with:

your WW detached from you long ago when she started the A. IMO, by detaching yourself you put yourself on somewhat even emotional footing. She already broke the emotional bond with you and IMO you need to break the old emotional bond you have with your WW. That old bond is holding on to the old M. You hear people say all the time the old M is dead and you have to rebuild a new M. Well detaching gives you the ability to try to build a new M and emotional bond with your W from a place of something sort of like calm if that makes sense.

MC_Jack went on to describe this as a circle of anguish that brings pain into the new M.

When I think about my pain and suffering, in a way in is kind of self-inflicted psychologically.

The cycle goes:

Good things about 'new' marriage => Good feelings about M and WW => Internal confusion between old and new marriage => emotional investment in old marriage and illusion of WW => reality of A creates contradiction => emotional energy processing it and asking 'why' for the 1 millionth time => anguish and more grief created => return to 'new' marriage.

Because I think that this is a really important concept for the BS survivor of a LTS (R, Limbo, or D) I modified te words to fit and Tryn-ed it into a photo.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 2:39 PM, April 18th (Thursday)]


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Teach8
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Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Ats...that is exactly it. That is where I am...caught in that circle. I wonder if I can ever get out of it. Jack...wonderful pics. You look so happy. Your daughter is beautiful. Always happy to answer questions about teaching. I can't think of any great book recs at the moment but will keep thinking.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 469 | Registered: Aug 2012
njgal480
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Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJack-
I think you resemble Robert Downey Jr.!Your daughter is lovely!
And.... best of all-you both look very happy.

RSEB- I read a doctor's description about EMDR. She said that in cases where someone had a nurturing, loving childhood and then experience a trauma EMDR can help them in a very short time.Maybe as few as 3-6 sessions.
But, in cases where there were other traumatic events in a person's life then EMDR can take as long as 1-2 yrs before there are results.

Which may sound like a long time but she said that for some that had a traumatic childhood and then experiences trauma later in life it could take 20 years of traditional talk therapy to get over the PTSD!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RSEB: Thanks! I'm glad I brought a smile
Another thing about ADs, a friend told me before I agreed to take them that it slowly starts to work. Other people will notice first that you are beginning to smile again and "be yourself" more. For me, the gray veil that was before my eyes started to lift. I started to feel that maybe I can start to handle my problems. I didn't feel so very overwhelmed and want to stay in bed all day. Perhaps I can do it one step at a time.

MC: I LOVED your pics!! Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
Look, about ADD, like everything else, we all have certain tendencies that fall within the normal Bell curve and it may not be full blown ADD. "What Color is Your Parachute" is a great book, but I can't think of another right now.

Ats: Thank you for reposting those wonderful quotes from 7 years and MC. I was going to copy and paste those too. Your chart is great!

UKgirl: My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is sooo very hard to make this decision. There was an advice columnist in the US named Ann Landers who often simply advised: "Are you better off with him or without him?"
Simple, but profound.

Maybe IC is starting to really work for me. All the garbage that was stuffed down in me is starting to come out from FOO. Stuff that I always thought I "dealt" with, but now at least I'm recognizing it.
Heart was talking about how her WH is blaming her for her depression. My WH is doing the same. I told him it was like him stabbing me in the back and then getting upset because there is blood all over the place. Yesterday I got so upset and then heard my father's voice in my head yelling, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"

Same old tapes getting replayed, or I guess nowadays it would be like putting a song on repeat on the iPod. (I just had to ask my son about that for my analogy! I'm getting old)


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
iwantamiracle
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Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, April 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((heart)))))) i hope your nite goes ok, at the very least calmly and somewhat rationally....

you really need to take a step back and 180 his ass and decide how you want to approach this from a rational pov, or at least as rational as you can.....you have way too many raw emotions....and i am not telling you to stay and work on the marriage either...just take a breather from it all....no decisions except of course if he becomes abusive...that should be a drop dead dealbreaker, get him out of the house immediately sich....

the odds are really stacked against a "r" with him....take some time and decide how you want to handle all of it...and should he "tell you what you want to hear"...then have your requirements ready for him, and they need to be requirements, dealbreakers...and if he breaks it, then so be it, you will then have your path....and if he opts out, then you will at least have that knowledge and then line up those ducks as fast as you can....and if possible wait til they line up as straight as can be, they don't have to be perfect either...just enough for you to stay on your line so to speak...and then pull the trigger...

(((((heart)))))


honest:i wish you wouldn't still hold so much stock in what he says...you too need to 180 that poor excuse for a man....like yesterday....

as for pfm...and mc....NOT...been there done that, the man (and i use the word "man" loosely here) is not normal by any stretch of the imagination...and having a 3rd party never helped...we tried that when we went to family counseling a little over a year ago.....and pfm is really good at telling you what you want and need to hear and backs it up with nothing...always has...and i stupidly for our entire relationship til 6 months after d-day bought every word...which brings me to

yes they are really good as telling us what we want to hear..its called manipulation at its finest, its very typical of "passive agressive" personalities....its them telling us what we want to hear to shut us up and get us to move on and ultimately giving them total control, because of course they never follow through with what they say....

i guess when your head is shoved so far up your ass, when you pull it out its still covered in shit, so with shit eyes they cannot see, with shit in their mouth, they cannot learn how to talk to someone, with shit in their ears, they cannot hear what needs to be heard, with shit up their nose, smelling roses will only happen after death and finally with shit for brains, then all you have is a whole bunch of crap.....the ultimate asshole.....

pfm marches to his own beat...i think he is stuck in puberty, most of the time he acts like he is 12....on a good day he might make it to age 15, even 16...but those bad days can be anywhere between 5 and 14......so i don't know whether i am getting the tit for tat or just the temper tantrums because he doesn't know how to use words in like an adult, so he uses words like a kid or a teenager....and its always ALL ABOUT HIM!!!

it is what it is...and i will make it what it can become...

mcjack: you are one good looking dude and your dd is beautiful....


oh as for meds....i tried several ad's...they gave me a really bad reaction...i felt like i was literally jumping out of my skin....they didn't work so well for me...xanax though was wonderful....a half a pill did me wonders...a whole pill a really bad days.....i am a lightweight....and thankfully i have not had to turn to them too often...

i did turn to those lovely itty bitty 1/2 pills on sunday when pfm spewed his latest...and i thank god for them every time i need them....which thankfully is not too often...


i think i have to go back and reread now...forgot the rest of what i wanted to address.....


(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I REALLY liked Laura's sunshine postcard in F&G SPF.

It is a little too close to truth, but funny!


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ATS,

Thanks for putting my words into a picture. I am glad that you liked what I had to say.

I usually do not venture out of the ICR threads too much, but in looking around at lunch today, I have to say that, ATS, YOU ARE ON A ROLL. What great, comprehensive advise you have been giving out.

Hello to,

iwam, heart, gotta honest, ukg, et al, you guys are strong. I would have imploded under 1/10 of the shitstorm you've faced...I am always amazed by what you guys have to stare down...have a good weekend all

PS Thanks for the compliments on my DD. She is SO amazing and beautiful in ways she can't see. She is smart, funny, witty, sarcastic, nice, loving, fun, deep, and quite mature for being 17. She is more comfortable talking with adults in many ways which puts off some kids her age I think, especially boys who may feel intimidated. I posted a bit here last fall and PMed with a few of you about some of her problems. She is not out the woods yet, but making progress. When she was in the hospital in November, she was asked to put the names of the two people that were the most important to her on a piece of paper in the middle and write things about them around the names on the rest of the page. She chose her BF and me. She does not know I saw the paper, it was laying on her floor on day and I saw it. It is something I will always treasure...

Jack

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 2:55 PM, April 19th (Friday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he looked FWW in the eye and said your A had nothing to do with Atsenaotie

ats..also shortly after DDay, I was still in shock, we were trying to R, I was angry at W, and MC says "h&c, you are not being attractive." Maybe if our MC would have said something similar to what yours said, my outcome would be different. As it is, my W shut and locked the door to our relationship when she began the A and can no longer find the key.

RSEB..the book is Incognito: the secret lives of the brain by David Eagleman. It is not a self help book. It is just a fascinatng book by a doctor on the mysteries, behaviour, and complexity of the brain. There are insights for both the WS and BS (it is not a book on infidelity).

MC_Jack.. while in college earning my engineering degree, I doulbed up in Education and olny lacked six months of student teaching (unpaid) to have a degree in Education. I learned valuable skills but most of all realized that my wide range of friends in engineering was actually vary narrow.

ESEB... EDMR. Blissful childhood. I did EMDR after DDay. Three to four months. IC said I took an extraordinarily long time. After about six to eight sessions, I "broke" and bawled uncontrollably for two hours. I was flshing back to mind movies of W's A and images from our M. Our wedding, our kids, etc. It is one of the most grueling experiences that I have been through.

I do not necessarily buy into the "science" of EMDR. Here is what it did for me. As part of the EMDR, I was required to tepeatedly focus on a single image of my W A that I chose (W having sex with OM on our sofa). Until the EMDR, I had pushed those images away with a great deal of effort. And the constant hour of EMDR then allowed me to grieve the loss. At home, I was unable to openly grieve due to not wanting our kids to know something was wrong. So, EMDR forced me to confront the evils of the A and allowed me to grieve the loss of the M.

It did not make things all right but just allowed me to grieve. One way to do it.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I can't believe all the super-crappy MC stories.

We went to see his IC (one time) and his IC started in with "not that big a deal no connection..." b/c he told her it was an old friend and it had only been a few times over a lot of years...

So... I said Did he tell you it's been 20 years? Did he tell you he had me befriend her? That our children are best friends? That our nannies are sisters? That we vaction together? That she's painted her house to match mine and gotten the same dog? Etc.

His IC was like...no...

And Ws said he did it because it made him feel young to have a connection to his past, it was exciting to take a risk and it was easy. That's it.

I told him to take up skydiving.

His IC looked at him and said "You can never do this again. You can NEVER do this again. You can never, ever EVER do this again. Your wife will leave you and fuck you over so hard you will never see it coming."

He also asked me why do the "Hillary Clintons" of the world stay with their husbands and I said "Well, I think it doesn't matter to Hillary because I don't think she loves her husband. I think it's a business thing for them."

Anyway, I thought that was a positive experience. At least for me.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, and for you newbies who missed it/ haven't heard it yet. A few months later a friend asked what WH had given up for lent and I said "adultery."


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m33-
The first MC we went to after d-day was very big on rug sweeping. he kept siding with my FWH and telling me that I had to get over it already!
(already? this was 3 months after d-day when I found out about a 5 year long affair!)
At one point I couldn't take it anymore and I asked the MC if he had been unfaithful in his marriage?
he refused to answer that question.
But, that was what I suspect. he was a former WS and related way too much with my FWH.

We found another MC after that one. She was better.

But, I do think that IC for both of us was crucial.
I think that the WS needs to figure her/or himself out and the BS needs a lot of support and hand holding before they venture into MC.
From what I read on SI not many MC know how to deal with infidelity. You definitely need to shop around.

now...as for Hillary Clinton...I do not judge anyone anymore.

In my pre d-day innocent life I assumed that every cheating spouse wants to leave the marriage.

I was shocked when my FWH was immediately remorseful and begging me to take him back.

Who knew that people could have long term affairs even though they still loved their spouse and that they did not want to divorce-they wanted to stay married?

And... I also assumed that if you caught your spouse cheating (especially in a LTA)
you got divorced.

Well, here I am 6 yrs post d-day and reconciled.

So, I realize now that life is not black and white. That there are many gray areas.

And when it comes to the Clinton marriage- I used to be much more judgmental of Hillary but not anymore.

And I actually do think that there is a lot of love and affection there.

From what I read their daughter was instrumental in bringing them back together after the Lewinsky fiasco.

But who knows?

Your response to your friend about what your FWH gave up for lent-very funny!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hillary: i actually did not like the woman and then bill did what he did and i found that i had a newfound respect for the woman and i felt for her and this of course was prior to my learning about pfm....and i remember pfm getting on a high horse about clinton at the time...pot calling the kettle black....

anyways, i remember the look on hillary's face when they were walking to the waiting helicopter, she had on sunglasses clearly hiding her eyes...i'm thinkin they were badly bloodshot from crying....she and bill holding the daughters hands

i was quite impressed actually and at that instant i became a hillary fan....such amazing dignity

and i saw that dignity when she accepted the position under obama...


((((tribe))))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ReunitePangea
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Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello LTA tribe - I hope you all are doing well.

MC Jack - your post was great, its nice getting to know you a bit more. It sounds like you have an amazing relationship with your daughter.

I've been doing ok but have been struggling with something lately. It has to do with how much I put rules on my WS on stuff not on her A's but related to it. My WS has always been into recreation volleyball for years and years. It is something that she always has looked forward to. She has built many friendships with people that also share this activity with her. Well of course OM1 many, many years ago was also a recreation volleyball league player which is how they met. While I used to love how she had an activity with her volleyball leagues that brought her joy - now I find myself just hating it.

At first after DDay, my WS realized the connection I was making and just went to her game and right back again. Now she is hanging out with her friends before and after the games. I used to stay up until she got home but slowly her getting home has been later and later and now I just go to bed as I have to work in the morning.

I know, its not like this activity caused her A, there are other reasons for that. I also dont want to stop her from doing things that I know she loves to do and is very much part of her. Her league now is women only so there shouldn't much for me to worry about but they go out to the bars after. I had asked if any of her current friends in this circle knew about the A and she said they did not. I don't know if I fully believe that though but it could be possible.

I think I need to tell her that I expect her home at a reasonable time, its during the week and all. I just find this stuff more difficult with young kids as someone has to stay home with them - which is often me as she has lots of activities going on. If it were not for staying home with the kids, I would just meet up with them a couple times and I think I would be more comfortable with it if I got to know the group she hangs out with. But the fact is I don't know these people really at all. I just feels like these loose boundaries are the exact boundaries that gave her the opportunities to cheat.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 406 | Registered: Nov 2012
hopeandchange
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Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, I do think that IC for both of us was crucial.

njgal.. absolutely! W and I shared an IC. I did EMDR primarily, W attended some sessions, and we argued. W attended individually and did not follow up on IC recommendations. IC was not a friend of the M and did not know how to deal with infidelity.

We did it wrong. As it is, IMHO I do not think my W has faced her actions. Maybe I a am wrong - just my view.

Yesterday, we were wroking with DD and DS on a conflict and W says tp them "you must respect your parents, it is one of the ten commandments". I truly do not even know how to react.


Hillary: i actually did not like the woman and then bill did what he did and i found that i had a newfound respect for the woman and i felt for her and this of course was prior to my learning about pfm....and i remember pfm getting on a high horse about clinton at the time...pot calling the kettle black....

I remember friends throwing a theme party complete with blude dresses and cigars. It was light, we were young, and unscathed by infidelity. I have learned that no one (or at least most folks) cannot understand the pain and trauma caused by infidelity; WS included. I am so glad for the support from SI and this group - I am so much better for it.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pangea: i think you need to come straight out to your ws with your fears and imo she no longer gets to do the things she used to do.....doing the things she used to do got her in trouble....its like the people who need to diet...you don't keep the bad foods in the house, so as not to tempt you...with those whose succumb to infidelity they need to stay away from sich's that will tempt them, especially those who have not gone to ic, intense ic

hope: isn't it amazing when the ws knows the rules for others!!!! ...makes ya wanna just scratch your head while shakin it

i am a proud mom today...leavin shortly for my dd convocation ceremony...for those who have no idea what that is ( i didn't know what it was til she told me she was goin to hers)..she made the deans list in college and they are havin a ceremony for those kids....so i am proud!!

(((tribe)))


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reunite-
I do not think that you are wrong in having different expectations for your WW post d-day.
IMHO all the rules change after infidelity!

The WS betrayed us in the worst way. They disrespected everything that our marriage vows stood for, they behaved horribly.
The BS who is willing to reconcile after a LTA is truly showing the WS unconditional love and forgiveness..

The least that a WS should do under the circumstances is to adjust their behavior to avoid additional pain and anxiety.

I just wrote posted on the ICR thread For those That Love an Alcoholic and I described how the bar scene is a slippery slope to infidelity.
Not saying that your WW is an alcoholic but just in general when you think about the atmosphere of a bar-it is not a good place for a WS to hang out.
I'm glad that she plays in a women's league but I think that your request that she not go out afterwards for drinks is a valid one.

And besides....your d-day is still fairly recent. The two of you have a lot of bonding and healing that you still need to do.
She needs to be spending quality time with you and the children at this point.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, April 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H&C- Your WW's comment about following the ten commandments- so ironic, huh?

Miracle- congrats on your DD's accomplishments in college.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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