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I am the recipient of a hysterical bonding baby. At least that's what I'm calling it right now. Not that I'm not happy to have another child, I love kids. But my question is to others in the same situation, do you have the urge to not include your husband? He is so excited and seems to think that this baby is the glue that will hold us together but I have the overwhelming urge to tell him to fuck off he doesn't deserve this beautiful baby. And I promise I am not that heartless I would never deny him our child. But the mean and nasty side of me wants to not let him go to appointments and ultrasounds.

My 15-year-old is a hysterical bonding baby as well conceived just after D-Day # who-the-fuck-knows. The crazy part is, I had decided I was not going with him on his next duty station move. He had gone on and I was still behind at the old duty station and hadn't told him yet that I was not coming. Then I learned that I was pregnant.

We had that moment of "Gee this must be meant to be and must mean we should try again, blah blah blah."

I took him back and five years and several D days later he left me for his last other woman. It has been almost 8 years and they are still together though it's a very effed up relationship.

I hope you have better luck with your situation than I had with mine. I wouldn't take anything for my child but But having a baby didn't change anything.

I found out I was pregnant 4 days before DDay. When my WH was in the fog and wanting to leave me but don't worry I will be at the hospital when the baby is born my first thought was don't waste your time I won't let you in my room. I don't know if I really would have stuck with that or not. I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and only recently did WH even start acknowledging this baby. I have not bonded with this baby like I did my first because I have been so broken since DDay. I will never look back at the pregnancy as happening in a positive time in my life. It's really hard and completely unfair to me and this baby that we are in this hell right now. WH has started turning around in the last 2 weeks so maybe by may things will be better. That's all I can hope for now.

I feel like I haven't bonded with this baby either. I am almost 8 weeks, but the last baby I was so happy and felt pregnant. I took a second home test yesterday because I was beginning to think I was imagining the pregnancy. Ridiculous I know. He is making such an effort which makes things worse when I feel so nasty towards him.

For your WH, it's INCREDIBLY unfair to bring a child into the world with a job. Your WH seems to think this baby's job is to keep you two married, it is NOT. You will either be married, or divorce, irrespective of this child. I would put a swift end to talk like that if my H had talked about ANYTHING being glue to hold us together. Glue indicates wanting to force something to stay together when it is broken apart.... How about this instead. How about he works on the M and repairs the damage properly, rather than just sticking some glue on it and calling it "good enough"? Do really good repairs take longer than glue? Absolutely. Do they work better than glue? Definitely!

Anyway, just had to throw that in there. I hope you can bond with this baby soon enough. The poor little guy/girl didn't have a choice in the matter and needs to be loved regardless. Best wishes!

Well, FWIW,

I found out I was pregnant 10 days after D-Day.

Honestly, whether or not to include my DH didn't really cross my mind.

Also, DH never really came to my appointments. Just the "big" ultrasound. With all our other needs (my job, DH's part time job, and the other kid's schedule) DH simply never came to my appointments. Didn't do much at appointments anyway. Just took vitals, and listened to the HB when they could..

(Well, I take that back, DH did come with me for my viability ultrasound when we used a fertility clinic for #3. But, my OB clinic did not offer viability ultrasounds as part of "normal" treatment. )

I am pg with an hb baby. Found out 3 months after d day. I am currently 24 weeks and we still haven't told anyone but my mom a couple weeks ago. The kids are getting suspicious so we will have to tell soon. My wh is over the moon, very happy but after the loss of one of our twins last time he has wanted 1 more. It was due to the loss of that twin and bed rest that my wh cheated so I'm am very depressed. I still find it hard to believe I'm pg and have not bonded with the baby at all. However in light of todays event all over the news i am finding life could be so much worse and this baby needs me and my love.

I did- about 6 months after.

It isn't easy at all and I still feel guilty for all of the stress my little one must have felt while in the womb. It was a very hard time because I was so hurt and sad still.

Therapy helped, lots of yoga and relaxation. It certainly didn't make anything easier, but my FWH is a great Dad. I just still don't look at him in the same ways anymore.

I found out my EH#2 was cheating on me a little after I found out I was having a baby.

I did not emotionally bond with my daughter till the moment she was born. I am not sure if that was because I was so crazy stressed from his A's or because I have had a lot of miscarriages in the past.

What I do know is that no child is "glue". PLEASE do not do what I did with my daughter for many years. I stayed for many years because it was what was "best" for my daughter.

It got to the point that I would sleep with my daughter. Make her hug and kiss me all the time, and in general did not want her to leave me alone, because then I had to deal with the fact my marriage sucked.

Then when I left I would cuddle with her and sleep with her if I started to get upset (really this did not happen much after I left).

Then I heard someone say "No child should be born into the job of trying to save your marriage or making you happy"

I now try to keep my daughter from comforting me when I am upset, and try not to let her see me sad. But she still notices as soon as I start to get upset, and still tries to comfort me.

I can't change the past, but remember that a child should not be born into a job. They can be great, and that are a blessing.

I got pregnant about a month after DDay. Fortunately, this pregnancy has been a very positive thing for WH and I. While it didn't take away the need to focus on healing our marriage post A, it did give us something to look forward to and in a way, gave us a purpose to rebond.

We had lost a baby shortly before DDay and so this pregnancy has really affected WH in the sense that he is much more aware of exactly what he stood to lose had I left him. Not only would have have lost his wife, kids, home but he would have also lost every opportunity that our future together held, including having this baby. I guess, in a way, it really drove home just how "big" this all really was. It wasn't just some fantasy on the side that I would find out about, get mad and then get over. This is his WHOLE life . . . every part, every person, every THING . . . it was his whole entire future that he put at stake for a little bit of fun. He gets that now . . . and this baby had a lot to do with it.

kourt090

I also got pregnant a month after dday. And we also lost a baby right before dday.

We both already committed to R before we found out about the pregnancy and are just taking to day by day. Hardest year of my life....

How did your situation end up?

We had also commuted to R before we found out. It's still rough going, sometimes I resent him for wanting to be involved with this pregnancy since he was so detached last time. But he has been doing everything he is supposed to do. The hormones make things worse sometimes. I had massive triggers last night and today over absolutely nothing and sat in the shower crying for an hour before I calmed down. He didn't even do anything wrong this time. He feels bad because he doesn't know how to help me. I'm only freaking out a bit because the date of the ONS is few weeks before my due date and I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it. Hope all is well with you.

Yes, I am pregnant now with a HB/BS fog baby, and I don't wan't my WH in the delivery room. He believes this child will be the rug weaver of the greatest and largest rug of all time that everything can be swept under.

He's stopped cooperating in any discussion about the affairs, or what he hasn't done to work on himself. Doesn't need someone on his case (aka - bringing up plans for getting his list done about 1x-2x a month). Doesn't need to answer to anyone.

He's angry that I don't want him in the room. I told him that I have a strict policy that anyone who has wished me dead in the last three and a half years isn't allowed in.

I'm thinking right now that WH doesn't deserve this beautiful baby, our beautiful seven year old, or me. And like you, I won't deny a relationship between father and daughter, but I foresee a lot of damage control in my future with his lack of parenting and emotional skills.

Excuse my rant - he's watching porn again. I'm a bit miffed.

"Tryingmybest". I just want to give you the same advice someone gave me, I was feeling the exact same way and did not want him anywhere near me or this pregnancy. If you in anyway think you will be able to R regardless of your feelings right now you may regret it in the future if you do not have him there. Not that I blame you if you don't want him there. If I had known what had been going on behind my back last pregnancy there is no way in hell I would have let my husband in the room. After Dday I was checking the phone records and he had been texting Ow1 and ow2 during my labor. I almost ripped his throat out.

Interesting to see where I was in December. I'm still pregnant (due date is today) and wh has been amazing since December, that turn around I talked about has stuck and things between us get better everyday. I'm excited for our baby to be born but it is a different kind of excitement then I had with my daughter. It's excitement mixed with fear that the stress of a newborn will drive a wedge between us, I never worried about that last time. Wh has been excited about the baby since December though which is a relief. I still feel the timing isn't ideal but sometimes that's the way it goes. My stress level has been very high but it doesn't seem to have affected the baby, my blood pressure is always fine and my non stress test was perfect.

It's too early to say if this is going to be positive or negative for our reconciliation but I do know I will never regret my son being in my life whether his father is here or not.