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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-10
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, March 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thebighurt - so glad to hear that you found a CSAT, but sorry that you won't be able to see them until fall. Can you see a CSAT in the place where you will be going?

In response to your question about healing quickly, everyone is different, but I don't think that in most cases healing would take only a month or two - it is a process.

Glad to hear this has filled in some of the gaps for you.

sK - thanks for the recommendation of the Betrayal Bond - will put it on my reading list. Hope you are feeling better!

Ashland - I am sorry that you are here, but welcome to the club. I don't have any good answers to your feeling physically starved, but I can relate. I didn't realize that SAWH was an SA all the years we weren't having sex, so I was just trying to figure out why we weren't having sex. After being rejected so many times, I stopped asking for sex and felt resigned to my fate. Again, I know that's not a great answer, but that's what I did. I am sorry for your pain.

I have a couple of questions about your post, Ashland:
I'm not sure what you mean about your H's appearance, but I have read several SA books and am involved in an SA spouse group (as well as this thread on SI) and I have never heard of sex addicts having a certain "look."
Also, members of his family being gay has nothing to do with sex addiction. In my opinion, being gay is your sexual orientation and being a sex addict has to do with a dysfunctional FOO and/or sexual abuse. I don't believe that having a dysfunctional FOO or being sexually abused makes you gay.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, March 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Ashland)))
My STBX's physical appearance has changed so drastically that some people do not recognize him when they pass him on the street. I think you'll find that this is a VERY common theme on the Separation & Divorce thread - many spouses of SAs will say this. Numb is 100 percent right that there is no one "look" for a SA. However, many mentally ill or addicted people do look different from normal healthy people. So it's possible.

Also, my STBX changed his hair and clothing style when he started acting out. That alone makes him look very different (and not for the better).

And yes, several girlfriends of mine who know nothing about STBX's sex addiction have mentioned that he suddenly looks very effeminate to them. So who knows.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, March 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the information, Choosing. I had never heard of SAs appearance changing specifically because they were SA. I get the whole "looking different" comments in S/D, but it usually is along the lines of: gained weight, bags under eyes; which I assumed was due to stress, not due to addiction. These kinds of changes happen to non-addicts who are under a lot of stress as well. I guess the thought that struck me as I was reading Ashland's post was that there are lots of active SAs walking around who look like totally normal, functioning members of society. But, you are right, severely mentally ill people and addicts who are not functioning well can look very different from healthy people.

Anyway, thanks again for the clarification, Choosing, and sorry if I offended anyone - it wasn't meant in that way at all.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, March 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh gosh, no offense. There's nothing scientific about my observations. There are thousands of men (and women) SAs walking around from all sorts of backgrounds and socioeconomic groups, etc., and they certainly don't all have one "look."

Too bad, because then we could all avoid them.

But I do believe that the physical appearances of some SAs will change - either because they are mentally ill/very addicted, or because they choose to different clothing and hairstyles. One of my favorites was the husband who bleached his hair surfer blonde.

Also, perhaps some of us (uh, me) have subconsciously noticed strange things about our spouses' physical appearances for years - and then once we realize they are a SA, they all suddenly become so apparent to us.

I don't know - it's really just a mystery to me. Tiger Woods certainly looked great. Jesse James, not so much.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thebighurt

The Betrayal Bonds book was just recommended to me for healing from sexual betrayals following my divorce. If you type in "books Betrayal Bond" on google, you can find the books.google.com website which will show you some selected pages from the book. You could check it out that way.

I, too, think recovery will take a long time. I feel like I've come a long way since DD#1 three years ago, but the emotional damage is still there. I think healing was delayed as I dealt with the divorce, though.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, March 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Too bad, because then we could all avoid them.

Or, as a friend of mine (SA spouse also) and I spoke about, let's start up a website where we hook up SAs not interested in recovery with other SAs not interested in recovery. It would save countless numbers of non-SAs from damaging relationships.

I also wanted to clarify (also after talking with my SA spouse friend) that I understand that as SAs progress, they may become interested in sexual activity with same-sex partners even if they were not interested in that before (or, they may be acting out a sexual abuse trauma that involved a same-sex abuser). In my opinion, that is a consequence of the progressiveness of sexual addiction, not a sign that the person is gay or bisexual. My point was that if you are gay, (i.e., are attracted to same-sex partners from puberty on), this has nothing to do with being a sex addict.

Ok, I will stop beating that dead horse.

Hope everyone is well; I am in a numb state right now; not wanting to dig deep into my feelings or reflect much right now - I'm just tired.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, March 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, N&N do I hear you. I haven't gotten very far in that book, just don't want to deal with it.

As far as the appearance of SAs...interesting. Some of the "dropins" at our couples meetings, the ones who show up once and never again, the ones who get my spidey senses tingling, well, I can say that there is a look of desperation about them. That look of an out of control addict, they talk too much and too fast, and often are jittery. Inconsistent and illogical in their speech. My SAfWH has seen it in addicts in early recovery, and in those who come to one, two meetings and never again. It's that "deer in the headlights" look that I saw in SAfWH's eyes when he came home with a fairy tale about why he was late or hadn't answered his phone. Of course, I ignored my spidey senses back then.

But we know that SAs accelerate their acting out and eventually try riskier and more extreme behaviors, such as the same sex acting out mentioned earlier, meeting prostitutes in potentially dangerous situations, mixing drug use with sex, etc. And the pursuit of the ultimate high replaces all healthy activities, diet, exercise and sleep. Of course, appearance is going to go to hell.

I'd feel sorry for them if it wasn't for the total devastation they cause with their choices.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2924 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
cleo
♀ Member
Member # 9000
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On polygraphs -

I am divorcing my SA spouse, after catching him cheating yet again. In the past he passed a polygraph test, and later it came out that he lied, but he insisted he just "forgot" about taking a former affair partner out to dinner.

Now as we are divorcing, he insists he was not cheating again (even though I have him on a voice recorder talking to the OW)

He wants to take a lie detector test. I truly believe that there are some people that are so compartmentalized they can pass a polygraph. I came across this in a column.....I think it is food for thought if you are thinking of giving an SA (many of whom have strong narcissistic and sociopath tendencies) a polygraph.

"In reality, a polygraph test (a.k.a. lie detector) doesnít detect lies; it measures heart rate, blood pressure and other physiological functions. When asked questions, the resulting response above the established base line for the tested individual is considered a lie. But narcissists and sociopaths have been known to pass polygraph tests with ease. Thatís because they believe that what they are doing is right for them, regardless of cultural or social norms or harm done. They donít see themselves as wrongdoers. A narcissist believes he or she is simply living life their way. A married narcissist may believe that he is entitled to be sexually or emotionally involved with other women"

Edited for spelling

[This message edited by cleo at 10:15 AM, March 26th (Tuesday)]


BS(me)54
WS(him)52 - diagnosed SA in 2011
Filed for Divorce 11/12 - he is still chasing women
Disclosed 14 affairs beginning 1 year after our marriage in 1986

Posts: 748 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: Texas
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cleo - sorry to hear that you caught your SAWH cheating again and that he is gaslighting. Sounds like there is finality for you with proceeding with D. Thank you for the info on polygraphs and SA/NPD/sociopaths.

I just skimmed through a book last night called "Splitting." The subtitle is D'ing someone with borderline or NPD and it was very useful. It tells you what common behaviors to expect (NPD accusing you of sexually abusing your children, smear campaigns against you, possible violence) and what to do about it. Really detailed info - it is written by a L and former social worker. Hope it helps you and others on here who have decided to D.

Hugs to you, cleo, and wishing you much strength as you proceed through the D process.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to so much that is going on here:

as SAs progress, they may become interested in sexual activity with same-sex partners even if they were not interested in that before

Mine did this. I never figured out if it was simply escalation or if he has always had a preference for men. I suppose I'll never know.

there is a look of desperation about them. That look of an out of control addict, they talk too much and too fast, and often are jittery. Inconsistent and illogical in their speech. My SAfWH has seen it in addicts in early recovery, and in those who come to one, two meetings and never again. It's that "deer in the headlights" look that I saw in SAfWH's eyes when he came home with a fairy tale about why he was late or hadn't answered his phone.

Wow. I know this jittery "deer in the headlights" look all too well. But why did it take me so many years to recognize it for what it was?

Cleo - it really sounds like you don't need another polygraph. You have him on a voice recorder. It's really enough. And yes, I agree that NPDs and psychopaths can lie their way out of a polygraph. They believe their own truth. They are very special.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, March 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you all will relate to this. Yesterday when I went to see SAWH, he stopped me before and I left. The first thing he told me was "if your looking for me to say that I had sex with someone else, I didn't. I have never had sex with someone but you". He then went on to say that he misses me, we should all be living in the same house, that I believe he doesn't love me, but he does. He ask if we are going to go thru with "this" (the divorce).

All the while, he had tears in his eyes. We talked and I want to make peace with him so I gave him a hug, but guess what..he didn't press his lower body against mine during the hug.

This may be graphic, but anyone can see when he has an erection and he is avoiding at all costs of being sexual. He is white knuckling severely. I can "see" it. This is the same place he was when he was just trying to be a normal guy, but he can't because he is facing this in private.

I believe that his therapist knows about his sex/porn problem. My SAWH is trying to strong arm it and deal with this alone.

The sad part about this for me is that he is still being that person that I married. He is does things for other people, he is a good father, he is a great cook, etc. etc. etc.

I hate this. I hate being in this place because, as most of you say, none of our SA's are alike. We aren't clinicians as we don't know how severe they really are.

I can see changes in my WH. I know that he strong arming it because his appearance has gone down hill. He looks like hell carrying all that guilt around, stress, and ofcourse anxiety from trying not to cheat, use porn while being a church leader.

Its come to a head. I think he wants to see if I will divorce him or not; without him confessing to the PA. Also, he says he wants to talk with me but doesn't want to do in counseling. I think he is afraid that he will admit everything in counseling so he doesn't want to go. Either way, the situation is getting to him lately. I haven't seen these behaviors from him, nor has he said these things to me. I believe our time apart has brought him closer to his rock bottom.

Sorry, this is just kind of rant.....

[This message edited by torn2bits at 1:35 PM, March 28th (Thursday)]


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, March 28th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey girls....I truly hate the person I have become. I am bitter, angry, old and ugly. I see no hope for changing this. I have a SAfWH who is totally committed to recovery and totally transparent, but who the f*ck cares? Where was he for all the years I was here, attractive and sexy, energetic and interested in working on a marriage? I wasn't good enough for him then and I just don't care now.

I am not going anywhere. If I left I'd give up half of everything I worked so hard for all those years when I was alone because he was partying with his girlfriends. I did all the housework, the home repairs, paid the bills, raised the kids so that he could have a life, including an active sex life. Well, unless he decides to fly the coop, he's stuck with me, and I am the ugly, bitter, angry person he created.

Try as I can, I just can't figure out how to stop these horrible emotions. My IC says I spent so long denying the reality of the situation and now it's important to "honor" these real feelings. I get that, but I hate it. I hate that I am someone I don't even recognize let alone like.

EVERYTHING is a trigger. He spent so much of my life lying to me, insulting me, that every aspect of my life is triggering. I can't get away from it anywhere.

It just sucks.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2924 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, March 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

torn - thanks for sharing. My SAWH has also used those words: "I haven't had sex with anyone but you." Which makes me think that there is a lie of omission in there somewhere; well, they didn't have SEX with anyone else, but they've gotten blow jobs, anal sex, phone sex, whatever. I can also relate to the white-knuckling/strong arming, not wanting to go to therapy and being "nice" all the while. It IS sad. It's sounding like your SAWH is moving toward rock bottom and that is good for him whether or not you stay with him. And, I didn't think your post was a rant at all!

sK - I am so sorry for what you are going through. It makes sense for you to be angry - all those years wasted and you were keeping up your end of the marriage, thinking he was also honoring your M. It's infuriating and you will never get those years back. I think your IC is right; you have to honor those feelings; it's healthy to move through them rather than avoid or stuff them. That is when true healing happens. I am in a blah place right now, but I know it has a purpose, so I am just sitting with it. But it does suck. Is your SAfWH helping you work through this?
P.S. I am sure you are not old or ugly; I'll buy the bitter and angry, though.

ETA: emoticons!

[This message edited by numbandnauseous at 2:24 AM, March 29th (Friday)]


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
AimfortheHeart
♀ New Member
Member # 37195
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, March 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

scaredyKat - I am deeply sorry you are in this situation and frame of mind. I feel myself heading for the exact same place and it is making me sick. I'm 5 years older than you so I am in the same dilemma.

This can't be right, can't be the future- this is 2013, not the 18th century, or even 1971, when my mom decided to stay with my dad after he'd had a year-long affair with a 20 year old. She did tell me to "be independent" - I thought I knew what she meant but didn't really, until now.

I'm trying to focus on making myself happy, whatever that means, but it is so hard to do when SAWH is around all the time. I don't feel like I'll ever love him again. I say it but I don't mean it.

Anyway, sKat - you are not alone. I'm thinking about you and hope you can get to a better place, mentally and physically.

P.S. My face has changed since D-day - huge frown lines that weren't there before.


Me - BS 63
Him - SAWH 61
D-day #1 8/22/12
D-day #2 11/3/13
D-day #3 12/15/13

Posts: 25 | Registered: Oct 2012
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, March 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sk_ sorry to hear that you are not feeling like yourself. You know my sister's husband cheated on her about 25 years ago. He got the OW pregnant and then she miscarried. They did work it out because he came clean. They have been married almost 30 yrs and she tells him "you created this bitch that you see". Its been that way for 25+ years. I get where you are coming from. I say let it OUT! Go with it! You need to release it! I am sure you are not old and ugly. Let your feelings fly! You have spent years holding it in. Also, remember to do things for yourself. It makes a difference!

I just came back from a trip alone. I went to a tropical paradise. It was a great 5 days! I found myself in many different ways.

numb_thanks for the advice. I love him very much and I do see signs of the man I married. I just don't know about the facade it seems that he wants me to put up. Kind of going back to the status quo. His family and the church people believe he didnt have a PA. Yes, I am the bad guy right now for moving out, filing for D, etc. I am not scared to D him, but I am afraid that I might have regret of my kids having a life that they could have with both of us. I know that I could "live" even if he was around. He takes care of alot of things and we are a team in many different ways. I have not seen these things in him at all. He told me today that he has been doing alot of thinking.

Ya know what, when he says "I have not had sex with anyone but you" I am going to ask him so...."she was just giving you a blow job?".

This is also a terrible part, I "know" things that they did or what happened because he "showed" me. Its like we both know what he did, but we are not talking it out. Like yesterday, he said he doesn't go down a certain street anymore. This is the street she lives on. I know he is avoiding it because he is trying not to act out. When I mention it, he just says he found a better way to go to work.

[This message edited by torn2bits at 11:55 AM, March 29th (Friday)]


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
wantreallove
♀ Member
Member # 37534
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

torn_to_bits, it is possible that members of the church have told him not to revel it to you. I am shocked by how many people have told my WH not to tell me everything because it would make it worse and then I would certainly leave. But in the end his telling me everything is what made me be able to start to really work on forgiving him. His honesty is making me trust him a little bit again. I can't believe members of a church would say to rugsweep but it is apparently VERY common. Obviously they haven't read the part of the bible about going to the person you have hurt and telling them and apologizing. I'm sorry to see you are going through so much. It is so hard to go through this journey we didn't ask to be put on.


Me,BS 32
SA fWH (masame5) 34
Married 12 yrs 6 kids age 17-1, and expecting #7
D-day 10/9/12 (caught him through fb chat) D-day #2 11/19/12 thru 11/21/12 (found out about all the rest of the A's.)
8 AP, 12-7-12 WH sober date

Posts: 195 | Registered: Nov 2012
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to pop on here and thank whoever recommended Magness' new book, Stop Sex Addiction. I can't remember who that was but a big Thank You!!! It is fabulous and really explains how this process should work. I had another COSA also recommend it, so I got it. Tend to think when I hear two people talk about how great something is, I should try it. Anyway, highly, highly valuable insights in this book. For both my SAWH and for myself.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, I belong here. Maybe a year after being together, I caught him sexting other women. He tried to deny it, but I pushed him until he confessed. He promised he'd stop and I believed him. I had no idea of the severity of the issue at that point.
The last DDay I caught him in an emotional affair that he was trying to turn into a PA. They sent pictures to each other. He claims he just wanted to be humiliated and used by her. That's his 'thing': being humiliated. He's addicted to porn where men are shamed and humiliated. His parents are a bit controlling but nice folks. I keep wondering what the hell happened to him to make him this way.
I've gone back in my own past and I know exactly why I allow myself to be a doormat. I know why I'm scared to be angry. I thought I was getting better, but it was all just more covert in this relationship. I love myself so much now and it pains me to see that I still have issues. But I'm determined to stand up for myself once again. For me and for my children.


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 453 | Registered: Mar 2013
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thing: he keeps saying how relieved he is that I caught him so now maybe he can get some real help. Like it's been my responsibility all this time.

[This message edited by sadone29 at 3:28 PM, March 30th (Saturday)]


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 453 | Registered: Mar 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another thing: he keeps saying how relieved he is that I caught him so now maybe he can get some real help. Like it's been my responsibility all this time

BTDT. He's happy now because he is finally living an authentic life. He thanks me for NOT ditching him when I had little inklings because he's certain he'd be dead. I saved HIS life while he destroyed mine.

He volunteered to tell our adult sons how bad I feel, how much pain and despair I live with. So that if they perceive it, they know what's going on and don't expect me to be the strong, resilient, go to mom they have always depended on. I am taking him up on it. I don't want to vilify him, and I don't think the kids will do any more than become more empathetic to me, that is, I don't think they will change their relationship with him. Except to solidify their understanding that he made bad mistakes but is now working hard to make amends. This is a family of recovering addicts, all but DS#2 and even he knows the 12 steps.

I spent money on myself yesterday, have a massage schedule, and am eyeing a few other purchases. I felt guilty about every dime I spent for years while he spent an average of $1000 a month on strippers. Screw it. I make decent money and even will once I retire in the fall and between our pensions and SS I can afford a few things I neglected to give myself. He surely didn't fail to think of his creature comforts.

Missy, I'm going to check out that book.

After I vented to our MC on Thursday, there were a few things that she said about addictions that made sense, although I truly don't think it has helped me at all. Addicts use their addictions like weapons. They fling insults and anger at everyone and anyone who interferes with the consummation of their addiction. They just don't care who gets hurt. And after recovery, they are feeling great, the monkey is off their back, they are clearheaded and feeling better than they have in years. And when they look behind them at the collateral damage caused by their arrows and bullets, they just don't understand how it all happened.

Me, I hear EVERY ugly, nasty, insult and demeaning phrase he threw at me, see every scornful, disgusted look, every eyeroll, every long suffering sigh that let me know he was just putting up with my necessary presence in his life. I just don't know how to un-hear, un-see and un-feel that reality.

[This message edited by scaredyKat at 12:08 PM, March 31st (Sunday)]


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2924 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
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