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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is like my whole approach to relationships in general. I don't maintain relationships of any sort with any of my exGFs...not that we left things terribly, just because I've never seen a relationship that was ENHANCED by the presence of an ex-what-have-you. At best, the net effect is neutral, and that's usually because the person who doesn't like it is afraid to make it a deal breaker, so they just deal with it. My wife had a nasty habit of keeping in contact with one of her exes from way back and did so during her two relationships prior to ours. I expressed my dislike of it, but it wasn't until I broke up with her while she was pregnant with our child that she finally stopped talking to him. It's crazy to me that that's how far I had to take it, but I did.

That's my wife to a "t". Old letters from boyfriends, mementos, shit that just shouldn't matter dragged around for years with us. Contacting them, keeping the flame alive, shit like that. It took the A for her to realize that it was detrimental to us. Damn shame she never listened to me prior to that.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, May 1st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appreciate everyone's responses. To address the issue with my ex it was a totally unrelated conversation. We had a daughter together while I was active duty. My daughter just got married to a soldier and she was concerned with getting her BAH (basic housing allowance) from Uncle Sam. At this time though my WW wife didn't like me talking to her at all during g this drama and exploded. We were talking about my daughters situation. WW called my daughter, who is gorgeous, a bitch. Which she certainly is not. My WW is a narcissist and can not bear to see me focus on any other female because at this time she has lowered herself to an insignificant level.
Canon I do believe ours is one and the same. She is currently still here even though I told her to go. Tonight she stomped around the house after she asked me to bring her a bag of chips and I said "no". I told her to sleep in the car if she couldn't find a place. She then texted that she was going to compliment me on the house cleaning I did today. I didn't reply. I just said she had to go. She was willing to risk getting arrested. Her father and I watched Django together and laughed through the whole thing. I advised her that as of today we are only married according to a worthless paper document. She was ignored.
I did copy and paste the statistically speaking remark about her cavernous vagina. I almost choked when I read it. She replied that apparently my penis made some girl happy last night because I returned home at 1:30 am. That's her fall back line. That I must be cheating. No more dick jokes though. She explained In A remorseful text that she was merely hurt that I was talking to ex. So she's still here. Thanks for the encouragement about strength. I'm trying to keep it together.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 11:21 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chiming in late here.

I've found that usually when someone goes for the physical characteristics attack it's because they know they have nothing legitimate to harp on. My STBXWW hasn't quite stooped there yet but I'm sure it's in her bag o'tricks.

Someone here not to long ago had the great comeback of (and I'm sure I'll butcher it) "I don't know what's worse. The fact that I may have a small penis, or the fact that you've engulfed so many dicks you feel you are a good judge of size?"


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone here not to long ago Someone here not to long ago had the great comeback of (and I'm sure I'll butcher it) "I don't know what's worse. The fact that I may have a small penis, or the fact that you've engulfed so many dicks you feel you are a good judge of size?"


BRAVO

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 12:11 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lolz ^^^


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7115 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about the response of..."Oh, that's why are interested in men? Swim in the kid pool much?" Then walk away and go get a taco.

Sex and sexuality are important, but in the scope of things a small part of my humanity. I would prefer to be with someone who thinks the same.

take care...



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bi polar much??:
WW got back from rehab and the women's retreat for DV and bought me a CD by Chris August wanting me to listen to the song "restore" and enclosed a note:
I heard this song this morning and it really spoke to me. It's called restore, track 5. I hope you enjoy it. I love you.
"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
Collosians 3:13
I didn't mean to say such hurtful words to you. I am sorry. Spoken words cannot be taken back any more than toothpaste can be put back into the tube.

And texts

Listen up the track. I didnt mean what I said and I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that and I apologize. I don't want to fight. I don't like to fight. I was just reacting. I'm sorry. I heard that song in the car and found a Christian book store to buy that song for you. I was going to use the money and time for a manicure but got that for you/us instead. I hope you listen to it. The words are on the pamphlet also.

Btw I also got a call from my lawyer telling me her lawyer called him because WW was worried I would have her arrested for contempt. I said I wasn't going to. He said he was going to tell her lawyer to advise her to get herself under control. My Lawyer also laughed at the cavernous vagina joke!
Anyway what gives? She's a basket case and yes her back is really up against the wall. I wish all cheaters got the same karma treatment and according to my brothers here it does happen in some degree or another.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:00 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW
Here are the lyrics. WTF?!?!
How special. Fall on strange dick and pull out the Christian card
Inmates also have a knack for finding The Lord real quick also.

Chris August - restore

Nobody's growing old together,
We've made it easy just to quit
Love has become a negative percentage,
Why do we bother to commit
We've got a long list of excuses,
Ways we try to justify
Well, I propose to you the truth is,
Marriage does not have to die

I know you're feeling like it’s falling apart
And it can't go on anymore
But God is a God who knows how to heal
So just give it up to the Lord
And He will restore

He said with this ring I promise,
And with I do she said forever
But right now if they're being honest
They don't know if they'll stay together
Let's fast forward to the future
After struggling on their own
They finally figured out they needed
Jesus in the middle
Now I'm watching God rebuild their home

The enemy tries to come and divide
Trying to get us give up the fight
But darkness will always lose out to light
Cause we've got the power of Christ
On our side

I see you growing old together
I pray I find a love like yours

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:13 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try googling schizoaffective disorder. A lot seems to fit.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like a big continuous power play.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 1:14 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Try googling schizoaffective disorder. A lot seems to fit.

Except my dick!!


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More LUBE!

ETA on a more serious note, I understand not wanting to mess up her current therapy, but....the symptoms do fit. Including being exacerbated by drug use.

Just sayin

[This message edited by 5454real at 2:01 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More LUBE!

Classic!
FIRE FOR EFFECT
I have to come up with a good speech as to why I can't forgive her.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 2:01 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as it's TOT. Crap, are we using arty?


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As long as it's TOT. Crap, are we using arty?

Hell yeah brother! Shift from a known point and fire for effect into the kill zone. Time on target! Or as the sniper saying goes
No remorse just recoil
HOOAH

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 2:25 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to come up with a good speech as to why I can't forgive her.
No you don't. It is perfectly acceptable to forgive someone for something that you won't tolerate in your life. I forgave my STBXWW, doesn't mean we are getting back together. When you are no longer acting as a team, then it is time to start looking out for and protecting yourself.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to come up with a good speech as to why I can't forgive her.

What's wrong with "I didn't like her boyfriend". Seriously, It's your choice to forgive or not. Whether they display remorse or not. Hell, 10 years down the road, "You fucked a different dude with a bigger dick" will be just as valid as it is today. As Aesir said,

No you don't. It is perfectly acceptable to forgive someone for something that you won't tolerate in your life.
.
Give the gift of forgiveness or not, reconcile or not. Your choice to offer them. Part of being a man. Stand up for what you believe in.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was like how can I forgive if I don't know what I'm forgiving you for.
She doesn't want to talk a out it I'm not giving her a pass.
On a side not and I'm really going to get flamed here so ill don my fire retardant suit.
There's this hot,hot,hot petite Greek Italian 24 year old with a perfect rack and fine ass that loves me and my boys that wants me to kick her to the curb and help us out.No kids, never married. She used to be WW's friend until she realized all the bullshit WW said about me was untrue. College educated with a full time job at a local media news channel. I know I can snag it if I drop WW. It's giving me an incentive but I won't do anything until this is sorted out but honestly i know it will be MUCH better than this.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 4:02 PM, May 2nd (Thursday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I won't flame you at all. Just a warning. I got the FiveforFiveforReal by doing just that. One would cheat on me, I'd dump her and move on. Never looked at why I was picking who I was picking. Thought I either had really, really bad luck or all women cheat.

Thanks to SI, figured out I got a bad picker(no, not pecker, that's fine tyvm). Gonna work on me for a while, and if R doesn't work out, I'm going to take some time to work on me some more before I dip toes back into the pond.

Just some simple advice. You're 242 so far. Be careful.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2070 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i know it will be MUCH better than this.

Moving from one relationship to the next, especially with girls who know each other is a recipe for some serious landmines. And you'll be stepping in them like you won't believe.

As far as forgiveness goes, I'm of the ever so humble opinion that forgiveness is more for you than for the offender. It helps you to move on from the offense and not allowing it to control you anymore. You can still forgive your WW for what she did but also still hold her accountable and divorce her while at the same time forgiving her. Its a very personal thing and it's all on your own terms.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
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