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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
aesir
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Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How the hell was Ratt playing in 09? I thought the main guy died.

while Dickenson is still up there choking out nightmarish versions of beloved tunes
That would be just like old times then. He was doing that back when I saw Maiden in 84. BTW, Twisted Sister was opening for them. Way better band live than in their videos or on their albums. Best warm up band I have ever seen. Legend has it the arena manager told them to finish their song and get off the stage because he was offended, so they used a few solos as bridges and ran about 6 songs together as though they were one to finish their set, on the correct assumption that the old guy wouldn't know the difference.

Not seeing Dio is one of my regrets in life. He joined the Priest tour with the other members of Sabbath (as Heaven & Hell) the next stop after the one I saw.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
PanicAttack53
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Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WAL!!!!!!


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol, Dickenson was good for a few songs before he choked out, though I was like 9 years old in 84.

Dio was awesome. Everyone chanting "RAINBOW IN THE DARK" was fucking annoying though.

RB, even King Diamond?

As for the Ratt singer, I dunno... he looks like he was dead for awhile but I think he just left the band for a few years, guess that's just the style or something. Also, happy birthday WAL.

Anthrax & Exodus are actually playing in Philly next month.

eta:

Fuck, I did not realize Testament & Overkill came through Philly last month. I would have tried to hit that.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 5:34 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
aesir
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Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember the on air memorial for the founder of RATT on The House Of Hair a few years ago.

Testament is strange, I liked their music, but the show was... just something wrong when it's the bass player that seems the most enthusiastic. That was opening for Priest on the tour I mentioned.

To be fair, back in 84, Dickenson had to sing some of the Dianno songs, but the O's became A's in the chorus for The Trooper. Very off putting.

I saw Anthrax in 05, opening for Priest.

Believe it or not, I actually have seen bands that are not opening for Priest. I highly recommend Children of Bodom, even if you don't like the vocals. They managed to steal shows from Slayer, Lamb of God, and according to reports I heard, from Megadeth.

PA53, are you trying to say that someone is flaming?

ETA: It was my 40th birthday that brought me here, so don't expect me to even acknowledge such days.

[This message edited by aesir at 6:05 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)]


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have really mellowed in my old age. My taste these days runs more toward David Crowder and Tenth Avenue North.

I did pick up one of Slash's recent session albums with Myles Kennedy, and it made me nostalgic for the good old stuff -- but so many of the bands I liked just make me sad now. Tesla became forgettable; Queensryche just disappeared; Metallica turned into...old Metallica. Velvet Revolver was sort of like GNR, but not enough to fill the same hole, and _Chinese Democracy_ GNR completely wasn't.

The old stuff is so layered in nostalgia that I hardly even *hear* it anymore. All I hear is echoes of a wild youth -- and I love it, but feel a bit melancholy at the same time.

Strangely enough, I've also gotten enough distance from that time period that I can finally listen to Dave Grohl and appreciate what he's doing. Dude can shred. I feel bad for ignoring him for so long just because I was pissed off at Seattle for usurping the music scene.

Shit, I even listened to a Cinderella album (via YouTube) today _Heartbreak Station_ of all things.

Birthdays must make me sappy.

Oh, and my wife is completely on board with the idea of packing me off to a SI dude G2G on the beach. Maybe we could even track down Jimi40 and drag him along. He should still be on my Facebook somewhere, assuming he stll checks his account. I've been thinking about him a lot since ConnieMac passed.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 6:34 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)]


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
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Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Additionally: my MIL got me a carton of Camels and a six pack of Guinness stout for my birthday, so never let it be said that my MIL does not kick ass.

Her birthday gimmick is "Sin Bags", where she puts together peoples favorite vices -- be they liquor, chocolate, candy or whatever -- to remind us all that life is fleeting, and we should enjoy the little pleasures while we can. It's a fucking good gimmick.

[This message edited by wincing_at_light at 6:37 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)]


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Metallica turned into...old Metallica.

If only Cliff Burton rose from the dead. Whatever they are now is bad on an actual technical level. You can factually demonstrate how Metallica is now bad at making music. I mean I fucking hate Dave Matthews but Metallica isn't hate so much as "This series of notes in St Anger does not conform to 12 step polyrythmic music and fails to adhere to any structural alternative" and then I want to dig my ear drums out with a fork. Or just change the station I dunno.

I just checked, the guy from Ratt is still touring with them, he was on hiatus from 2000-2006.

What beach is this?


eta:

I see now, one of their original guitarists died in 02. He left the band in 91 though, they had plenty of big albums after that.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 7:14 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Tred
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Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What beach is this?

JJCT is renting a house on the Outer Banks and said he has room for us . Memorial Day 2014 or something, scroll back up through the post a page or two back. I'd be down for that.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Her birthday gimmick is "Sin Bags", where she puts together peoples favorite vices -- be they liquor, chocolate, candy or whatever -- to remind us all that life is fleeting, and we should enjoy the little pleasures while we can. It's a fucking good gimmick.

I'm stealing this. I love the idea, and I'm nothing if not un-original. Good artists borrow, great artists steal...


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1617 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
jimbo25319
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Member # 31891
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just tipped one back for you WAL.

BTW, Kiss is not Kiss without Ace and Peter.


Posts: 480 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Maryland
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok!
2 votes for Menzmorial Day 2014...
Outer Banks, ON the bich. Beach!

Posts: 6031 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
PanicAttack53
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Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PA53, are you trying to say that someone is flaming?

Nah, just a comic commentary that sometimes when we get cuaght in the path of a women's inner thoughts... we can get burned.

Oh... that was a joke... I get it.


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, March 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So ya, my musical tastes have mellowed out tremendously from 20yrs ago. I've gone from Anthrax, Suicidal Tendencies, Slayer, Storm Troopers of Death, etc to having spiritual experiences listening to the Lord of the Rings score. I mostly listen to stuff like the John Butler Trio, Collective Soul, Angels and Airwaves, stuff like that. The metal comes out when its time to hit the weights though, keeps the adrenalin pumpin.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 10:59 AM, March 20th (Wednesday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
StillGoing
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Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, March 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw "inner thighs" at first glance and I cringed at the thought of a burning sensation from that, but then I auto corrected and went back to just being set on fire and it was all good.

Outer banks NC is only about 7 hours from here. I could be down with that, assuming nothing catastrophic happens between now and May 2014. Like, if the Canary Islands explode and cause an angry wall of sushi to destroy the east coast in a frenzy of deliciousness. Or I completely forget about it.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, March 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The metal comes out when its time to hit the weights though, keeps the adrenalin pumpin.

I get this. When I need to bear down and focus on particularly thorny code, I pull out My Chemical Romance and GNR and crank the volume up until my headphones rattle.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
PanicAttack53
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Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, March 20th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my musical tastes have mellowed out tremendously from 20yrs ago.

Mine too. They have now morphed into a more eclectic style according to mood.

Angry... Linkin Park, Godsmack or Apocalyptica.

Happy... Beatles, CSNY or Stones

Chillin'... Miles Davis, Sting or Herbie Hancock

Vegetating... Enigma, Roger Subirana Mata or Delerium

Sad... Rascal Flatts, Zac Brown Band or George Strait (nothin' says "I lost my thang" more than country )

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 10:56 PM, March 20th (Wednesday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, March 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The concerts I've been to: Eminem/50 Cent in Detroit, D12 in Milwaukee, Asher Roth in Milwaukee, Marilyn Manson at Ozzfest...so that probably exposes both age, as well as musical tastes.

Umm...errrr...navigating the conversation away from bands that I'm a bit too young for...a few BM questions, for those in R, probably:

1) How long did it take before you let yourself 'act normal'? I don't mean rugsweeping, acting like the whole thing never happened, or something dumb like that. I just mean that as a person, I tend to be pretty upbeat, and feeling like a sad-looking emo kid all the time is annoying me. Is it ok if I act normal on the outside, so long as I'm not suppressing the emotions?

2) In cases of double betrayal (right here!), how do you deal with friends who ask questions? For example, OM, WW and I all worked together for about 7 years. We were all pretty tight...so what should I tell friends who ask if I still hang out with [OM]? I'm trying to keep the A from being super public...

3) How do you go about 'healing yourself'? It feels so counterintuitive to be constantly asking my WW and/or MC to help me to heal. I'm not really plagued by insecurity from this...yeah, I'm pissed and feel betrayed, but I'm not second-guessing myself and my qualities and/or value as a result of her A. That's not to say I don't have sad/angry/shitty moments on the roller coaster, just that even when I feel sad for a few hours, I know in the back of my mind that I'd be alright without the marriage because I'm high-fucking-quality.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1617 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
aesir
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Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, March 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) Within a few weeks. It starts out in little bits here and there, and becomes more common.

2) Just tell them no. If they ask why, you can borrow my line about him acting like a douche, just don't have to finish the rest.

3) Beyond the obvious, I think it is more about just letting the healing happen and making sure that you are not injuring yourself further by how you deal with it.

Most importantly, you are never too young to enjoy Priest.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Ascendant
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Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, March 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...making sure that you are not injuring yourself further by how you deal with it.

What do you mean?


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1617 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, March 21st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1) How long did it take before you let yourself 'act normal'? I don't mean rugsweeping, acting like the whole thing never happened, or something dumb like that. I just mean that as a person, I tend to be pretty upbeat, and feeling like a sad-looking emo kid all the time is annoying me. Is it ok if I act normal on the outside, so long as I'm not suppressing the emotions?

I remember getting pissed off at myself for feeling normal, as if it was a betrayal of my own pain...as if I was assisting in my own betrayal by minimizing the massive life trauma. It's normal in the first few weeks, I think. There was a period of time that I allowed myself to be/feel normal away from the house, but gave my wife the silent treatment at home because she didn't deserve to enjoy my happy self or think for a second that I'd forgotten what she'd done. That passed, too.


2) In cases of double betrayal (right here!), how do you deal with friends who ask questions? For example, OM, WW and I all worked together for about 7 years. We were all pretty tight...so what should I tell friends who ask if I still hang out with [OM]? I'm trying to keep the A from being super public...

I just told people, "Oh, I don't talk to him much anymore. I got tired of him fucking my wife." I didn't have much interest in avoiding publicity. It did lead to some awkward conversation-endings, though.


3) How do you go about 'healing yourself'? It feels so counterintuitive to be constantly asking my WW and/or MC to help me to heal.

I went back to school and did some grad work in topics that interested me. I wrote a couple of novels. I played video games. I read a shit ton of relationship books until it pissed me off that I was reading so many books that I'd never have had an interest in otherwise, so I stopped doing that.

I went out with friends. I accepted lunch dates with co-workers. I bonded with people who helped me feel normal by being normal.

I truly don't believe that healing is anything your spouse or IC can really give you or help you with. Your WS can "help" by stopping the behaviors that do more harm. As UO says over and over, they help by working on themselves and their issues to demonstrate that they can be safe. Flowers have a tendency to grow if you stop running over them with the lawnmower, if you know what I mean.

In short, I did what I wanted. I thought about myself as a person instead of "us" as a unit, and I prioritized myself and my wants and needs (where it didn't conflict with my kids needs). I stopped sacrificing myself for her good. I let myself become a whole person...and while I had an interest in the work she was doing on herself because we were still married, I didn't let that become my problem. My marriage became a small part of my self-definition and a reduced priority to the things I'd rather be doing with my time.

How do you heal? Do stuff that makes you happy, that fills your soul, that gives you a sense of accomplishment and empowerment. Stop including your wife and your marriage in that equation. They're the whipped cream on the sundae that is your life, not the whole dessert.

You've got to cultivate that attitude -- a bit of selfishness -- because most of us have been trained (not necessarily by our wives) not to think that way. That's one of the perks of infidelity: it gives you an opportunity to deep-six that role guilt. Gives you a rowdy bit of entitlement of your own -- fuck what she wants/needs; if she'd wanted me to keep being superman, she should have kept her pants on.

Note, however: this is not a long-term recipe for marital success. This is not good relationship advice. I don't give a shit about relationship advice. Our context here is trauma recovery advice, where your estimated intensive healing period is the next 18-24 months. You focus on you. Dig out the dreams you had for your life, the things you thought you couldn't do and stay married, and pursue those.

Fact is, it's a good thing for your wife to know and see that you've got different priorities, and she's pretty damned low on that list. As long as she believes that saving the marriage is your #1 priority, she's operating from a position of power. I think it's much, much better when both partners get to sit on the unexploded bomb of understanding that they're optional in the other person's life. Keeps everybody honest when we all know we're a bad day away from being the backup plan.

But like aesir says, healing will happen organically if you stay out of it's way. There's a period of time that's unique to every individual where you've just got to sit with your pain to honor it appropriately. At some point, and by degrees so small you hardly notice them, you get tired of that and start moving on.

Doing shit that's cool just helps pass the time. In some cases, it reminds you that life is more than being married...and in others, it helps you understand that being married to this girl really isn't all that and a bag of chips. You focus on doing cool shit and let the outcomes take care of themselves.

Umm...errrr...navigating the conversation away from bands that I'm a bit too young for...a few BM questions, for those in R, probably:

And given the context of you talking about us fogeys and our scratchy old-timey records, it took me a minute to realize that you didn't mean bowel movements for BM.

Eat more bran is all I can say.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
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