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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PA cut hard for weeks and weeks at first. Now the EA part has been dominating my thoughts of A. The "i love yous", the emails I read, the fact that he made her happy and I failed. I had no idea what was happening, all I knew was she grew more and more bold, nasty towards me, and the sex dried up. This part kills, me too, the fact that she was 'saving herself' for him. Infuriating. Our last weekend together, the came in the bathroom and wanted to get in the shower with her and she very promptly stopped me, saying she was on her period(lie). Then, asked for my razor to 'shave' with. Fucking bitch. The next day she runs off with him and spends the night with a clean shaved cooch. Infuriating.
The Valentines day card and silk underwear with bells on them.....infuriating. She drawer full of shit I found. The fact that in 19 years, she never wore anything like this for me. infuriating.

When offered R, she refused. Now 4 months from Dday, she only calls me when she needs money. She has no other use for me.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, November 20th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Twice, I'm a slow learner, but twice! I've faced this adultery crap.
In neither one of them did I feel like a loser, like "I didn't make her happy enough"

I promise you, unless I'm forgetting, her bad move took center stage. The fact that she'd fuck someone else was all I needed to know.
I'm introspective. I think...what would I be thinking to fuck someone else?

Some fucked up shit is what.

I had plenty of opportunities, outright propositions, bared breasts, what the fuck else? I forget but I can tell you this closely, with a whispered ear, that that was not me.

Therefore, if it is them? Then they are not me.

Am I contributing?

Never once in my whole shitshebangs did it ever occur to me what's worse.
Veni vidi vici copulatore.

Sister Victoria would beat my ass for that mangled Latin; I came I saw, I conquered by fucking...I'd answer my job in life is to make me happy, not some empty-souled vagina who'd fuck another.

That hole's to deep. I ain't diggin it. Got more important things to do.
Like swingin a dead cat 'round Duncanville last month:
.
.
.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Disappointed740
♂ Member
Member # 33017
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, November 25th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all- its been awhile since I posted, but wanted to vent for a bit.

So I had a DDay in August 2011, I almost immediately laid down the groundrules for continued marriage. She (WW) balked, and then she filed for divorce. I think this was an attempt to regain the upper hand in our relationship. Anyway, by the time she filed (Oct. 2011) I had checked out emotionally. I never got a bit of remorse, or anything. And who wants to stay with a person like that.

Ah, but here is the rub. About a month before I found out about the A, I stopped working and was becoming the SAHD. Interestingly, about a year before, I had gone down to part time in my job to allow her an opportunity to take a good job that would help out our team effort, as I was languishing professionally in a bad economy.

Anyway, where it stands now is that I lack the resources to support myself and the kids, so I remain living in the same house with a remorseless sack of shit. I am home with the kids most days, but when she comes home I just disappear to my room.

Often she'll undermine me with the kids, just a subtle attempt to drive a wedge between me and them. I am really just biding my time until I can get out of the house. I have alot of leverage, I think, legally, despite being the husband.

BTW, I have been generating some side income from some legal work, but not enough to sustain separate living.

One last thing, there is no way she can support this house by herself, so she and her sleaze attorney are balking at my proposal for 50/50 custody.

Anyway, just wanted to put down a quick status update and feel you guys out about any thoughts or suggestions. Hope everyone else is weathering the storm...


Me (BH)- 42
Her (WW)- 40
Married 10 years
D-Day 7/31/11
3 kids 2, 5 & 8

Posts: 72 | Registered: Aug 2011
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, November 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you got shit for leverage, been there/done that. I had all evidence of the affairs, I owned the house before M, etc etc-don't mean shit in our courts today.

SAHD=loser who won't work in our society. I actually had an employer ask me if I had been to the pen, instead of caring for my young children when I went back to work after dday. I put the two y/o in daycare and went back to work at the first job I found.
Leaving the workforce to keep my kids was the biggest mistake of my life. I am basically starting over, but since I stayed, it is at least inside a(my) house, instead of a borrowed camper or a tent in some buddy's back yard.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
DWBH
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crap! And your wife still put out for him with that going on? How pathetic is that??

Yeah, exactly. It was the first and last time they got sexual while sober. It was, in my wife's words, a few minutes of extremely awkward and unpleasurable oral. This was the incident she didn't remember in her original timeline, and did tell me about a few days after the timeline. She didn't even think about it as a sexual encounter, as it was so weird, distracting and awkward. Of course, putting genitals in each other's mouths is obviously sexual, regardless of the pleasure-factor.


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys

Just checking in. I am going today @130pm to file. I have cancelled this twice before but today is the day.

Will post more later.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was going to log on to post pretty much the same thing, kchip. Good luck to you.

I've been holding out but I've finally figured out that it's pointless. We had an e-mail exchange about short selling our house a few days ago, which went pretty well until the last e-mail she sent me telling me that she still loved me and only wanted what was best for me and that was not having to deal with her or her issues.

On the one hand, she's right but man, what a mindfuck. When I said "I do" for better or for worse, that included being there for her and helping her to deal with her issues. When she said it, apparently it meant that she would be there until her daddy issues got to be too much to bear and then she would leave me for a slightly younger version of her estranged father. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and she took that responsibility out of my hands but there is still a part of me that wants to fix us, that wants to help her fix herself and that wants to build a new relationship. I know it isn't going to happen so I'm going to file but I'm not terribly happy about it right now.


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a mind job.

My stbxw has not said she loves me and would never say she wanted to work it out. Never, not once.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It wasn't at all about wanting to work it out . It was purely a pathetic pity play to try to assuage her guilt. I almost took the bait and sent an email spilling my guts yet again asking her to reconsider but I thought better of it and moved up my appointment with the paralegal instead.

[This message edited by h0peless at 7:48 PM, November 28th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, November 30th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all not much to say or ponder. Just checking in and reaffirming this shit sucks. I think I am heading in the right direction and I am lucky to have remorse from the W and it still sucks. Its a long road I know. My life is good when I look at it in the context of what a year ago looked like but what a shitty place to compare from. Oh well just keep on moving forward. I guess that is all any of us can do. Work on ourselves and move forward whether it is with the WW or decidedly without. It think either way is tough and either way we are all in the same place much of the time in the middle of with our without.

Ive read to try and catch up a bit. I dont know how some of you keep out of prison. I would have to kill someone I swear.

jjct what the hell man how do you do it. Keep smiling we all are when we see your pics

And WAL I saw a post a few days ago about you not having the ability to get cantankerous this week and the fun you are having many more weeks of that to come is all I can wish for you.


Your beliefs dont make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone!
Yes, took me a while to find the thread again, but back again to; complement jjct, (what a guy
Advise kchip to - Run!not walk to your nearest divorce lawyer! What a piece of shit you married, almost as bad as mine.
Save your boys and yourself.
For me? Guess what jjct; how does this sound - 5'2, 115 lbs, striking red hair, crystal blue eyes and to top it all off, she has a soul, kind heart and sincerely cares about me. Yes, keeping my guard up, but what a refreshing alternative to where I have been.
Thanks jjct for keeping my head above water.
Yes, ex is a bitch, can't change that. Still have to get my name off the mortgage on the farm that she bought me out from, well her daddy did. That will result in yet another court date, but here's something that I never, ever would have imagined or considered;
Now that I'm clear of that former person who I was, (the master enabler), I look back at the ex slut, adulterer, whatever God sees her as and I can reflect on myself now, not her. I see who I really should and can be and have begun to realize why I got myself into a relationship with an unworthy person.
That, I think, is the major reward from all the pain and suffering.
Example,when I look at my girlfriend, I look directly into her eyes and she looks into mine. Not talking about sensuality here, but just conversation and it hit me!
The ex never did that, she never looked at me directly when I made eye contact with her. Reason? She had a significant other or others just 3 years after I married her, (married in 2001, cop boyfriend traced back to 2004), and good indication of others on the side.
Subtle right? Yeah subtle, but a powerful indicator of something amiss, but when you are truly infatuated, the blinders are on.
Many more examples, but the point again is, we seek out those who match us, to fulfill our needs whether correct or not.
Example, girlfriend serves me dinner, (not waiting on me, but behaving like a woman who really does care and like to care for someone else). The ex, NEVER put food on a dish and brought it to the table where I was seated.
I know, shit right? Small, insignificant stuff. That's the point, I accepted that and never gave it a thought until now. Old me, not me now.
So, hopefully, when all my friends on this thread realize that they deserve to be who they are, then they will begin to enjoy everything that life has to offer.
God Bless all my Betrayed friends and jjct, (don't look now, but you should be hearing my footsteps comin up behind you.Maybe make some room for another buddy for your next photo).
God Bless MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still have to get my name off the mortgage on the farm that she bought me out from, well her daddy did. That will result in yet another court date

Does that mean you can get him to buy you out again?


Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy for you MPB! Once you're secure you'll land in a kind heart when you fall into those eyes...I'm so happy for you! I love what you said about her kind heart.

I'm thinking of our brothers who threw down recently, line in the sand...strength to you!
You are the prize. (see mpb's recent)

3 ladies found themselves at the pearly gates. St. Peter comes up to them and says; "Welcome. We have only one rule here. Don't step on a duck."
Okayyy they think, but when they're led into heaven, there's ducks all over the place, underfoot.
The first lady lasted about a minute. When she stepped on a duck, Peter shows up and chains her for eternity to the ugliest man she ever saw.
The 2nd lady lasted a week, but she did too, and Pete shows up and chains her to the ugliest man she ever saw, for eternity.
Now the 3rd lady, she was verrry careful, and after about a month, Peter grabs her and chains her to this Adonis, handsomest guy she ever dreamed of. She wonders aloud; "What did I ever do to deserve this?"
& the guy answers; "I don't know about you lady, but I stepped on a duck!"


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The papers were filled with the court today and the house goes on the market in January. With any luck, I will be moving on in fairly short order. For me, that means moving in with my 25 year old brother for a few months while I look for a cheap place that's suitable for me and my dogs. Needless to say, I'm studying up on the behaviors and methods of Frank The Tank.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:09 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post.

[This message edited by h0peless at 11:10 PM, December 4th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning Everyone,
Thanks jjct for the kind words and the that joke just, 'quacked me up'! Sorry, couldn't resist.
Hey kchip, you gotta stop torturing yourself with the same shit that I used to keep me down. Yes, it is truly a horrible existence living with an unremorseful adulterer. Hurts everyone, but these types are sociopaths; selfish, narcissistic, liars. Their day will come, time full circle. I know how difficult it is for you, reading your daily obersvations, introspective analysis.
You can vent all you want in here, that is why we are here to support you. You can be mad as hell, angry beyond rational thought process. I get it, we get it!
You are doing the correct thing, filing. Now try to stay away from that toxic person. Work on yourself and your kids.Surround yourself with a good support group, (that's imperative); friends, family and especially a good psychologist.
Your pattern is clear, we all now the process, your pain.
Redirect the anger, take meds for the pain, if you have to, (no defeat by doing that). Protect your assets and get a lawyer that;
1.) doesn't charge alot'
2.) pays attention to your needs
3.) communicates well and
4.) doesn't tell you what you need, but asks you what you want.
In my case, NJ law and the no fault divorce clause have entirely put all the decisions, (regardless of the ensuing battle), into the hands of the Judge.
They have become the law and they make decisions that, in fact, are NOT, 'fair and equitable'. Most cases, doesn't matter what she has done, the woman usually wins, hands down.
So, what I'm trying to point out is, it all comes down to the money you will spend, so spend it wisely, in a timely fashion. Get to the end as quickly as possible.
Divorce sucks big time and we usually end up on the short end of the stick.
Put your foot down man and whatever you decide to do, don't lose your respect and dignity. They can take everything else from you, but not your respect and dignity unless you let them. So don't!
We are all proud and concerned for you.
God Bless,
MPBs
Two boys, 4.5 and 8.5 yrs.
Divorced June 2012, $75,000 and still counting
Her - don't care
Me - well, let's just say that I'm trying to keep step with jjct!

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
WontStop
♂ Member
Member # 36246
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1.) doesn't charge alot'
2.) pays attention to your needs
3.) communicates well and
4.) doesn't tell you what you need, but asks you what you want.

This is good advise for getting a lawyer or a hooker.

Man it's been a while since I had sex.


D-Day 5/18/2012
Me-42 WW-46
D-13 S-9
Status: Divorced

Posts: 223 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Northern Virginia
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, December 5th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...or a bartender

Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL WontStop,
Well, hate to admit it, but you are absolutely correct; divorce lawyers/hookers, pretty much the same, except one you usually get pleasure from being F'd, and the other, well, you could ge F'd, but without intended results.
Abviously, I got the latter and paid dearly for it.
Good luck to you!
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Sorry jjct,
Yes, a bartender also funny guy. Maybe even a bartender that you get to take home!
Everyone have a great holiday season. Treat yourselves and love your kids. Throw the ex's out with the trash, or send them a bucket of coal, lmao.
God Bless,
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
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