Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, I got the molested thing, too-she told me when we started dating that her uncle had put his hand under her towel once when she was a teen. I figgered no real big deal.

Now 20+ yrs later, I find out her uncle actually molested her starting at about age 6 or so.

Indifference is so great, I wonder why I ever cared at all before-man was I dumb.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5360 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
NonPiuTormento
♂ New Member
Member # 38087
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, January 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, big blowup tonight. Got a lot off my chest that has been building up over the last week or so, and I guess she did, too. Didn't change anything...didn't really expect it to. Just lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Lots of nasty things said by both, but all in all, I'm still the asshole, although she's the one that crossed the line so long ago. Little matter, what's done is done, and now the waiting game. Trying to figure out what is worth fighting for. I don't want her money, her friendship, her nothing. I just want all of this shit to be over. Let me start over, for Gods sake. Let me start a new life. Let me put all of this pain in the rear view. Let me make new dreams, new adventures, not bound to another but myself. Let me discover who I am, without the daily interference that distracts and debilitates. Lord, make it come to pass. Bless me with the resources that can make this happen. It's enough to make anyone crazy.

Gotta hold it together for the kids, and myself. Detach. Detach. Detach. Sticks and stones. I know you are, but what am I? Madness. Chaos. Bitterness. Much bitterness. Gotta let it go. Not healthy. Not productive. Focus. Laser beam focus. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead! Cohabitate. Play nice, even if it's fake? Maybe. Detach. Be not ugly or nice. Just be. One day my a time. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. No, it's not a train. It's liberation. It's the man you strive to be, that you want to be. The world I put so much time, energy and emotion into building is turning out to be my pariah, my prison. Fool. Good intentions. High hopes. Big dreams. Gone. All gone. Life experience. Silver linings. A mirage. A pool of sand for a thirsty traveler. A cruel joke, or a valuable lesson? Time will tell, shit will smell, and water seeks its own level. It is what it is. Make lemonade. That's all, folks!


"Banana puddin' and rough sex." -Phil Robertson

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop engaging - you're giving her peeks into your heart, what bugs you. Probably because deep down you think you're different, and your unmatched persuasive powers, coupled with your true true heart will, heck, you know...make a difference.

You'll end up swamping the boat. I've swamped a couple. Just trying to steer you clear here.

64's got it. Indifference is so great.
Go there friend, by tending to your deepest needs. AKA yourself...

Sail on brother, sail on.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
NonPiuTormento
♂ New Member
Member # 38087
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah...you misunderstood. Yeah, I engaged, but there was none of that. I basically release a lot of pent up anger that finally exploded. I cleared a lot of nasty shit off my chest. I used to feel badly after a good knock down, drag out. Not last night. I was relieved. I felt a lot of weight come off my shoulders. I was nonplussed by the asshole that she was last night, and I became angry. Very angry. Not upset, hurt angry. Just plain angry. I stood my ground, for the first time in my life, I think, and it felt good. Not the actual vehement anger and yelling--I don't want that to happen again--but there was something very satisfying to know that I confronted yet another of my fears, and came out feeling relieved.

She has extended an olive branch, of sorts...not to become "those people". I accept her truce. I can coexist, be pleasant, without giving up who I am or what I believe. We know where we stand. Now it's just make it through til all the dust settles.

No caving. No boat is getting swamped. I know what I want, and I'm going to get it. A new chapter.


"Banana puddin' and rough sex." -Phil Robertson

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for You NPT!
To date, I still have not confronted the ex with how much damage she has produced in many lives. It probably would feel good if I did so, but it would not change the type of person she is, so even though I ponder the thought often, I don't act on it.
That might change, but then I will have to write a book just to incorporate all the details and mail it to her and all her asshole enablers.
Hmmm, food for thought.
Bottom Line NPT, we are all on the same page as you and wish you God's speed in ending and moving on.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPT please tell me you didn't cancel the lawyer and D process.

Fuck her olive branch. Don't be an asshole but you never were one of "those people" - she was. Don't let her drag you down into her shit pool. Just detach, shut her out and full steam ahead on forging your own life man.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has extended an olive branch, of sorts...not to become "those people".

Coming out of lurkerdom on this thread to say, where is that General Ackbar gif when you need it. It's a trap! I suspect you already know this but the truce will be broken and more likley sooner than later by her. I agree with Stillgoing.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now it's just make it through til all the dust settles.

So you are continuing on with the D process and you are just keeping up appearances for the kids?



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
NonPiuTormento
♂ New Member
Member # 38087
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, process has not wavered. Still forging ahead as planned, but am just taking the bitterness and resentment out of the equation. Not just to put up an image, but to just make living conditions decent for EVERYONE, especially the kids. Other than that, nothing has or is going to change the plan in place already.


"Banana puddin' and rough sex." -Phil Robertson

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jumping in over here. I'm tired of the female perspective. Sup, fellas?


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not much. Sup with you?

I admit I'm puzzled by the strident anti-porn views exhibited by a few of our BW counterparts. I can understand it if the guy is too spent from flogging it to porn to have meaningful sex with his wife (or interact with the family or get to work on time), but at least one woman came to SI claiming infidelity due merely to the fact that her hub looked at porn.

Maybe I'm missing something. Think I should look more closely into my wife's porn habits? I know she's pointed me towards some hot online erotica in the past that she uncovered...


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 295 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bwahaha. yeah, thats part of it. And the double standard of women being able to do pretty much whatever they want with dating but if I do similar things I'm selfish or abusive. And i'm not even talking about sex. O was away from SI for awhile and when I came back i noticed how most of the threads i was reading were all women. Maybe its always been like that, dunno.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double standards are inherent to our position as betrayed men. We're either callous unfeeling brutes who neglected our women or wimpy losers unable to meet our wives needs. And either way, that meant it was right (or at least understandable) for our wives to cheat.

Here at SI at least, that inbuilt bias is significantly reduced and regularly challenged when noted. But I do see it reflected unthinkingly in a lot of various comments that get made.

SI hasn't seemed to have changed recently in my opinion, but I've not been here nearly as long as you.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 295 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
Gomphus
♂ Member
Member # 29779
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ehh, I'm just bitchin'. I was that whole wimpy/door mat thing for sure. Guess there's some truth to that. I'm sure men do this just as much, but I'm also sick of the kharma shit and talk about how the WS's will 'get theres' or 'pay for it'. My ex is happily together with OM living in my old house with my kids half the time. They truly seem good together, whatever their definition of good is. All the hoping for justice wears me out.


me - 41 BH
D'ed
Surviving

Posts: 425 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: VA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this R thing doesn't pan out, I've got no intention of waiting for karma or any damn bus. I'm just gonna live a life that makes my ex way jealous. NOT! Won't care what she thinks, but my goal would be life on a beach being served Jack and coke by a willing, nubile redhead named Tracy for the remainder of my mortal span.

No clue why i picked the name Tracy though. Probably cause I've never meet a woman with that name, seems safer that way.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gents,

Just something to take our minds off this shit and have a chuckle. For those of those who wanted the fairy tale:


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred,

You the man!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lol, great story.

The porn thing is hard to ignore since it pops up so much. I don't think it merits serious attention though. Some people are just too hurt to think straight about it, some people just want shit to blame, whatever. I know I get pissed off sometimes being told I'm as bad as some dude who beats his wife and fucks around on her because I watch porn sometimes, but I shouldn't. I should just let it go.

So I think, why the fuck do I care, why do I get mad? I think it's because I get stuck in that bullshit pigeonhole with no acknowledgement of the shit I've had to go through to be loyal and honorable and loving as a husband. Naw I am not perfect, way fucking distant from that post. I think it's just feeling shitty about being robbed of the trust, love and respect of being loyal and honest, and at the same time getting shit on for the guys who aren't.

I have no doubt there are guys out there who fap it 10 hours a day to flameco goat and shaved wookie porn, and they ruin their own and their families lives.

There are women out there who watch porn and are pretty open about it, but I don't think I've ever once seen anyone say "Women who watch porn are cheating on their husbands." As if slapping Br'r Rabbit with a double A power up to twaddle the beef curtains at mach 4 while checking out Erotic Romantic Jawa Hot Tub Sex doesn't count, needs to be a dick and a fapsock involved.

Shit, it's not like it's even easy to find normal porn anymore anyway, half the time if I go browsing around I end up bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" with an arm thrown up in front of my face, frantically trying to click the fucking browser window closed but since I'm not looking it's opening some cascade of Banana Monster Bukakke with horrible squelching sounds like some kind of B-movie alien monster trying to eat the head off an giant squid and it takes less than 30 seconds for me to howl like the hulk and stab at the PC power button in a panic,realizing belatedly that I have to hold the fucking thing down which takes too long, so out comes the power cord. Meanwhile, the room looks like a gang of orangutans had a play date, I'm trying desperately to hitch my pants up and not sob quietly at things that can't be unseen and, too afraid to power on the computer again to go stab taun taunts with a lightsaber I wander out to the living room to watch a documentary about spiders instead. Because I fear and hate spiders but their dripping fangs and mutifacted, dead-eyed vampire stares can quickly erase the horror of whatever the fuck that guy was doing with that donkey, clown and fathead fish.

I dunno, whatever. I just gotta remember the opinions of people on the Internet aren't worth getting angry over, except when they talk about the Hobbit movie.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7119 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe there are more women than men here. And so that population difference probably drives the general POV of this place.

That said though. As a minority we need to watch out for generalized comments about women. Allot of us. Me included. Have been spanked and warned by the mods about that. Even though this is a MEN forum women do read here. I wont go into depth about this because I dont wanna get spanked again. Just be careful.

About the woman view of porn thing. Yeah. I dont get it either. SOME women believe that viewing porn is like cheating. I dont really see how thats so since there is no other person involved. But whatever.

My WW says that my posting here is just the same as her cheating on me. I dont get that one either. I suppose that after I post this I should sit back and have a ciggy or something. Whatever.

I could also be wrong about our minority status. Who knows. Not me.

I am back here after a longish hiatus because Im seeing some storm clouds on the horizon. I needed some feed back and now Ive kinda determined what direction Ill go in should things go off the rails. This place is a good sounding board and I really hope it continues to be so. Not just for me but for everyone.

Sometimes its good to just air out what you are thinking and going through. Good to get the opinion of others.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Razor,

For me it's very simple. I stay married as long as I have access to everything and she doesn't do it again. If not I'll pay any price to move on. And she knows it.

Never give up. Never surrender.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1160 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.