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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, K... hurricanes? Really, you are a devilish bitch to ruin his time with the children with your power to control the weather. And with no thought to all those innocent people?

I think the need to "win" is key. And to destroy the BS. Once we mirror the negative truth about them the mirror must be broken.

The complete lack of empathy. The emotions are put on for the audience. The difference between feeling sad and acting sad, feeling happy and acting happy.

I don't know about proud though? Seems like that is one emotion that looked genuine, although it came with some puzzlement as well because no one else was as proud of whatever accomplishment as he was...

@Hurt, the caulk gun reference is a tribe joke, as several of the N's collected them, and many of us had to throw away their stuff, including multiple old half used caulk guns. An odd coincidence and we joked perhaps it could be a diagnostic tool.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
anewhaven
♀ Member
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the traits to look for - I think all the boxes check 'yes', but I've been married to him for so long that I don't really remember how a normal person reacts.

I do know he has to win, has little empathy, has zero interest in the children, is very selfish, and has a temper that comes out of nowhere. All that makes me think he is NPD, but I read somewhere that NPD is only 1% of the population, so surely it's not very likely that he is one? Statistically, he is 99% more likely to be just a normal, grumpy guy. That's what makes me so confused, and why I need the books.


Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At some point, whether he is a N or a garden variety grumpy old man will cease to matter. You can look at YOU and see if you fit the characteristics of the tribe.

Do you doubt your sanity? Have you been accused of being crazy? Have you been promised something and when he failed to follow through, it was your fault or he never said that?

Are you ignored, belittled?

Are you responsible (for the house, pets, kids, finances, chores, etc.) but accused of treating him like a child because you act like an adult?

No Contact is prescribed for most of the BS with a foggy wayward. It is an important strategy for dealing with a N. Once you get away from the N and the influence/gaslighting/crazy making behavior and talk you will begin to know your own truth.

The first 43 pages of this thread are a good resource until your books arrive. Previous threads can be helpful too and are found a bit further back in the ICR forum.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
anewhaven
♀ Member
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes to doubting, not so much my sanity, but myself - I am unsure whether I belong here or not. (I know for SURE I belong in the LTA (18 years) and OC forums, but I haven't posted there, yet.

Yes to being told something is my fault when it's not..

Yes to being ignored if there's any woman around who's younger or prettier.

Yes to being responsible for every single thing about the house, including climbing on the roof to clear gutters, for example.

Yes to being belittled: "When are you and (the maid) going to clean those cobwebs?" The car breaks down: "We had a nice ride until Anewhaven broke my car." I loan him a book: "Oh good, it's got lots of pictures." Surely that is belittling or am I imaging all this?

Sigh. I guess that brings me right back to Do I doubt my sanity?


Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anewhaven,

It took a good friend of mine 2 years to convince me my XH was N. Don't worry, you're in good company. I am sure a lot of us thought our NPD was a big quirky... till we started looking around and asking questions... and realizing that MOST people do not behave this way. And then look for a label to explain why?

There is a lot to learn... and NPD is on a spectrum... just like autism. you can have a selfish person... all the way thru to sociopath and psychopath (who can kill without blinking an eye and blame it on the victim for being in the way). It is crazy.. they are crazy.

And I'll tell you this... if you are doubting your sanity.. you are not NPD. NPD's think nothing is wrong with them. They are super special and have life figured out-the rest of us are just too stupid to figure out the secret of life which happens to revolve around them. Even if they are covert and do some good things... it's because they get the'' oh you are a hero,doing that for a living, you really do help soo much." Ego kibbles... the secret agenda of N's.

PS.. check your PM's..

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi anewhaven. I just wanted to share that I too questioned whether I was overreacting or not for a long time, but when people were posting about NPD, I was completely relating to it all.. I'm not qualified to give him an official diagnosis, but I found the list below on a website; and when I could think of examples for over 90 of them, I knew he had some type of personality disorder.. I'm posting this in the hopes that maybe you can put a name to some of the craziness you have experienced and give you a better idea if you are dealing with someone with a personality disorder. It certainly was eye opening for me.. I do think we eventually have to stop trying to diagnose them and focus on ourselves and why we do the things we do (like put up with their crap and disrespect when we know we deserve better).

Hugs..


Top 100 Traits & Behaviors of Personality-Disordered Individuals

Abusive Cycle - This is the name for the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.

Alienation - The act of cutting off or interfering with an individual's relationships with others.

"Always" and "Never" Statements - "Always" and "Never" Statements are declarations containing the words "always" or "never". They are commonly used but rarely true.

Anger - People who suffer from personality disorders often feel a sense of unresolved anger and a heightened or exaggerated perception that they have been wronged, invalidated, neglected or abused.

Avoidance - The practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.

Baiting - A provocative act used to solicit an angry, aggressive or emotional response from another individual.

Belittling, Condescending and Patronizing - This kind of speech is a passive-aggressive approach to giving someone a verbal put-down while maintaining a facade of reasonableness or friendliness.

Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.

Bullying - Any systematic action of hurting a person from a position of relative physical, social, economic or emotional strength.

Catastrophizing - The habit of automatically assuming a "worst case scenario" and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.

Chaos Manufacture - Unnecessarily creating or maintaining an environment of risk, destruction, confusion or mess.

Cheating - Sharing a romantic or intimate relationship with somebody when you are already committed to a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Chronic Broken Promises - Repeatedly making and then breaking commitments and promises is a common trait among people who suffer from personality disorders.

Circular Conversations - Arguments which go on almost endlessly, repeating the same patterns with no resolution.

Confirmation Bias - The tendency to pay more attention to things which reinforce your beliefs than to things which contradict them.

"Control-Me" Syndrome - This describes a tendency which some people have to foster relationships with people who have a controlling narcissistic, antisocial or "acting-out" nature.

Cruelty to Animals - Acts of Cruelty to Animals have been statistically discovered to occur more often in people who suffer from personality disorders than in the general population.

Denial - Believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

Dependency - An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.

Depression - When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should - but still can't seem to break out of it - that's depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.

Dissociation- Dissociation is a psychological term used to describe a mental departure from reality.

Domestic Theft - Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.

Emotional Abuse - Any pattern of behavior directed at one individual by another which promotes in them a destructive sense of Fear, Obligation or Guilt (FOG).

Emotional Blackmail - A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.

Engulfment - An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.

Escape To Fantasy - Taking an imaginary excursion to a happier, more hopeful place.

False Accusations - Patterns of unwarranted or exaggerated criticism directed towards someone else.

Favoritism and Scapegoating - Systematically giving a dysfunctional amount of preferential positive or negative treatment to one individual among a family group of peers.

Fear of Abandonment - An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.

Feelings of Emptiness - An acute, chronic sense that daily life has little worth or significance, leading to an impulsive appetite for strong physical sensations and dramatic relationship experiences.

Frivolous Litigation - The use of unmerited legal proceedings to hurt, harass or gain an economic advantage over an individual or organization.

Gaslighting - The practice of brainwashing or convincing a mentally healthy individual that they are going insane or that their understanding of reality is mistaken or false. The term “Gaslighting” is based on the 1944 MGM movie “Gaslight”.

Grooming - Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.

Harassment - Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.

High and Low-Functioning - A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors. A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.

Hoarding - Accumulating items to an extent that it becomes detrimental to quality of lifestyle, comfort, security or hygiene.

Holiday Triggers - Mood Swings in Personality-Disordered individuals are often triggered or amplified by emotional events such as family holidays, significant anniversaries and events which trigger emotional memories.

Hoovers & Hoovering - A Hoover is a metaphor taken from the popular brand of vacuum cleaners, to describe how an abuse victim trying to assert their own rights by leaving or limiting contact in a dysfunctional relationship, gets “sucked back in” when the perpetrator temporarily exhibits improved or desirable behavior.

Hyper Vigilance - Maintaining an unhealthy level of interest in the behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others.

Hysteria - An inappropriate over-reaction to bad news or disappointments, which diverts attention away from the real problem and towards the person who is having the reaction.

Identity Disturbance - A psychological term used to describe a distorted or inconsistent self-view

Imposed Isolation - When abuse results in a person becoming isolated from their support network, including friends and family.

Impulsiveness - The tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.

Infantilization - Treating a child as if they are much younger than their actual age.

Intimidation - Any form of veiled, hidden, indirect or non-verbal threat.

Invalidation - The creation or promotion of an environment which encourages an individual to believe that their thoughts, beliefs, values or physical presence are inferior, flawed, problematic or worthless.

Lack of Conscience - Individuals who suffer from personality disorders are often preoccupied with their own agendas, sometimes to the exclusion of the needs and concerns of others. This is sometimes interpreted by others as a lack of moral conscience.

Lack of Object Constancy - A symptom of some personality disorders, Lack of Object Constancy is an inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a developmental skill which most children do not develop until two or three years of age.

Low Self-Esteem - A common term used to describe a group of negatively-distorted self-views which are inconsistent with reality.

Manipulation - The practice of baiting an individual or group of individuals into a certain response or reaction pattern for the purpose of achieving a hidden personal goal.

Masking - Covering up one's own natural outward appearance, mannerisms and speech in dramatic and inconsistent ways depending on the situation.

Mirroring - Imitating or copying another person's characteristics, behaviors or traits.

Moments of Clarity - Spontaneous, temporary periods when a person with a personality disorder is able to see beyond their own world view and can acknowledge and begin to make amends for their dysfunctional behavior.

Mood Swings - Unpredictable, rapid, dramatic emotional cycles which cannot be readily explained by changes in external circumstances.

Munchausen's and Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS) - Munchausen's Syndrome is a disorder in which an individual repeatedly fakes or exaggerates their own illness or medical symptoms in order to manipulate the attentions of medical professionals or caregivers. Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome (MBPS) is a similar syndrome in which another individual, commonly a child, is substituted for the patient and made the focus of inappropriate medical attention.

Name-Calling - A form of Verbal Abuse which people sometimes indulge in when their emotional thought processes override their rational thought processes.

Narcissism - This term describes a set of behaviors characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration for others.

Neglect - A passive form of abuse in which the physical or emotional needs of a dependent are disregarded or ignored by the person responsible for them.

Normalizing - Normalizing is a tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.

"Not My Fault" Syndrome - The practice of avoiding personal responsibility for one's own words and actions.

No-Win Scenarios - No-Win Scenarios and Lose-Lose Scenarios are situations commonly created by people who suffer from personality disorders where they present two bad options to someone close to them and pressure them into choosing between the two. This usually leaves the non-personality-disordered person with a 'damned if I do and damned if I don't' feeling.

Objectification - The practice of treating a person or a group of people like an object.

Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior - An inflexible adherence to arbitrary rules and systems, or an illogical adherence to cleanliness and orderly structure.

Panic Attacks - Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.

Parental Alienation Syndrome - A term used to describe the process by which one parent, typically divorced or separated from the other biological parent, uses their influence to make a child believe that the other parent is bad, evil or worthless.

Parentification - A form of role reversal, in which a child of a personality-disordered parent is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the other children.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior - The expression of negative feelings, resentment, and aggression in an unassertive, passive way (for example, through procrastination and stubbornness).

Pathological Lying - Persistent deception by an individual to serve their own interests and needs with little or no regard to the needs and concerns of others. A pathological liar is a person who habitually lies to serve their own needs.

Perfectionism - The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.

Physical Abuse - Any form of voluntary behavior by one individual which inflicts pain, disease or discomfort on another, or deprives them of necessary health, nutrition and comfort.

Projection - The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.

Proxy Recruitment - A way of controlling or abusing another person by manipulating other people into unwittingly backing you up, speaking for you or "doing your dirty work" for you.

Push-Pull - A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason.

Raging, Violence and Impulsive Aggression - Explosive verbal, physical or emotional elevations of a dispute that are disproportionate to the situation at hand.

Riding the Emotional Elevator - The Emotional Elevator is a way of describing how people who suffer from personality disorders and those closest to them sometimes take a fast track down to different levels of emotional maturity.

Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.

Scapegoating - Singling out an individual or group for unmerited negative treatment or blame.

Selective Memory and Selective Amnesia - The use of memory, or a lack of memory, which is selective to the point of reinforcing a bias, belief or desired outcome.

Selective Competence - The practice of demonstrating different levels of intelligence or ability depending on the situation or environment.

Self-Aggrandizement - A pattern of pompous behavior, boasting, narcissism or competitiveness designed to create an appearance of superiority.

Self-Harm - Self Harm, also known as self-mutilation, self-injury or self-abuse is any form of deliberate, premeditated injury inflicted on oneself, common among adolescents and among people who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. The most common forms are cutting and poisoning/overdosing.

Self-Loathing - An extreme hatred of one's own self, actions or one's ethnic or demographic background.

Self-Victimization - Self-Victimization or "playing the victim" is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.

Sense of Entitlement - An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.

Sexual Objectification - The act of viewing another individual in terms of their sexual usefulness or attractiveness rather than pursuing or engaging in a quality of personal relationship with them.

Shaming - The difference between blaming and shaming is that in blaming someone tells you that you did something bad, in shaming someone tells you that you are something bad.

Silent Treatment - A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.

Situational Ethics - A philosophy which promotes the idea that, when dealing with a crisis, the end justifies the means and that a rigid interpretation of rules and laws can be set aside if a greater good or lesser evil is served by doing so.

Sleep Deprivation - The practice of routinely interrupting, impeding or restricting another person's sleep cycle.

Splitting - The practice of regarding people and situations as either completely "good" or completely "bad".

Stalking - Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.

Stunted Emotional Growth - Reluctance or inability to learn from mistakes, work on self-improvement or develop more effective coping strategies.

Targeted Humor, Mocking and Sarcasm - Targeted Humor is any sustained pattern of joking, sarcasm or mockery which is designed to reduce another individual's reputation in their own eyes or in the eyes of others.

Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.

Thought Policing - A process of interrogation or attempt to control another individual's thoughts or feelings.

Threats - Inappropriate, intentional warnings of destructive actions or consequences.

Triangulation - Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.

Triggering -Small, insignificant or minor actions, statements or events that produce a dramatic or inappropriate response.

Tunnel Vision - A tendency to focus on a single concern, while neglecting or ignoring other important priorities.

Verbal Abuse - Any kind of repeated pattern of inappropriate, derogatory or threatening speech directed at one individual by another.


BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Feb 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://psychopathfree.com/content.php?140-No-You-re-Not-A-Psychopath


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
cinamon
♀ New Member
Member # 37380
Cool  Posted: 6:42 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello friends: so glad you are here. I don't know what the whole caulk thread is about but I am chuckling because I am caulking and find it as another way to get my ex-NPD out of my head. He would have been yelling at me. We were divorced one year ago. But he re-surfaced here after moving away with gf 2 years ago. Yuk. Trying to bug me about his father in hospital - for me to visit. I didn't commit, just was calm, and then realized it is another manipulation. I will just send card. Ex-in laws dumped me like he did, then expect me to respond. It is all the NPD drama. Thanks for being here. Keep on caulking, if it is a good thing for you. Cinamon


Cinamon

Posts: 29 | Registered: Nov 2012
anewhaven
♀ Member
Member # 34246
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, ButterflyGirl and Kajem! I am so lucky to have found such a caring forum.

I am now reading up everything I can find, my books should be coming in a couple of days, and after that I will come back here with any questions.

Hugs to all, Anewhaven


Posts: 68 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: USA
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Turning out to be the first day of NC by the looks of it, on my end and his. It's very hard but I am just trying to take it one day at a time right now. I told him last night when he was messaging me that I need to be left alone for the evening. I was in such a state last night and just couldn't stop crying. Today has been a little better in that respect. He seems to have respected my wishes in leaving me alone. It's a blessing but so hard because a big part of me wants him to contact me. I know though that it will just make things harder on me and it will be more difficult to move on.

Like you Kajem, I am sitting on my hands at the moment.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Hurt)))))

I get the need for him to want you. And the need to be unrejected. With time they do pass. Today I had a moment of.. "do I share this (latest news in my family) with him?" and came up with.. not my job.

I am doing better today... remember like any addiction the first 24-72 hours is the hardest to get thru. But oh so necessary to begin healing the damage caused by the addiction. You are beginning your healing.... this part of your path is about YOU, Glorious you. Just as it should be.

When you need us... where here for you.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Turning out to be the first day of NC by the looks of it

Well then I'm going to holler out to you HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!

And Happy Independence Day to the rest of The Tribe. Our freedom is hard-fought and hard-won. Even though I am not yet fully free, even though I am scraping the barrel and barely hanging on due to STBX's scorched earth methodology during this divorce, I'm hanging on by my fingernails. Freedom never smelled so sweet. With every fireworks explosion I see tonight I'll be envisioning the sparkles & energy filling my soul. With every loud boom, blast and "musket fire" sounding firework tonight I'll be envisioning the battle to free the children and myself from the tyranny that is living with a raging NPD.

Freedom isn't free. But damn if it isn't worth it.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, you made me cry...

What a beautiful empowering message. I will never see fireworks the same way again.

I think today is a good day to celebrate Independence. Not needing "them"- whether it is financially or emotionally is a good thing to celebrate and continually strive for.

Happy Independence Day ((tribe))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, perfect analogy.

Happy Independence Day Tribe... celebrate the milestones... they are hard earned.

Freedom isn't free. But damn well is worth it.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Kajem. Your posts really help, it helps to know that someone understands.

Naturegirl, that was an amazing post. It made me smile and cry at the same time. This thread is so amazing and I find great strength here.

Update: 2nd day of NC. I've stopped the crazy digging for info on the internet about him. Partly because I don't have the energy, and partly because I've typed in everything I can think of, and there is nothing else to find.

I have stopped checking his FB page. Today I have been looking for excuses to contact him. It has been so hard but I have not. He hasn't bothered either. I am still sad that he hasn't but I know that in the long run it will just make it easier for me.

I had a few moments of clarity last night. Mainly about the time I found out my mother was very ill. How on earth can someone go behind someone's back and see fit to party it up with complete and utter sluts when they know what a mess you are in? I DO NOT KNOW. If things had been the other way around, going out at all would have been as far away from my mind as you could get, let alone going out flirting and probably trying to shag members of the opposite sex. It really makes me feel physically sick!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, you made me smile this morning. I wish I'd read this last night! I'm replaying last night's displays in my head and grinning like a fool. You very eloquently stated how Independence Day feels now, and it was beautiful. I'll be celebrating very differently from now on.

Thank you for that.

(((((Tribe))))) HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY a day late!!!

(((((Hurt))))) Hang in there, hon. It's a long, rough road, but you can make it. If I can, you can.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is what I was singing last night:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3P9fyJEu6E

I want all of us to eventually sparkle and live wonderful lives.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8792 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is everyone?

I have been delaying this update as I didn't really have the energy to talk about it but I need to get it out so here goes....

I went out Friday night with a friend. I was fine until I caught sight of HIM and his friend, also with them were those two whores (the ones surrounding all the weirdness with the sanitary towels back when we were together and also the ones they were out with last weekend).

Well he hadn't spotted me and I wanted to get the hell out of there. I waited until I thought he was outside, finished my drink and tried to make my escape with my friend walking behind me. Making my way out I had to walk past the bar and there he was, talking to a diff girl. Never seen her before. I didn't make eye contact, but could see that as soon as he same me he looked shocked and quickly turned away. Well I did nothing but carry on walking.

About 10 minutes later, I get a text from him saying, hey, come to the entrance. I asked him what for and he said to say hello. I told him that was a bit of a strange request considering he turned away when he saw me. Basically told him that it doesn't matter to me anymore and that it was fine and if we bump into each other again, that we should just do the same (ignore each other). He started saying he was sorry and that he thought we would argue if we spoke as he was talking to a girl, so I told him that he can talk to who he likes because we aren't together anymore. He told me that he really just wanted to see me and talk to me and that him and his friend went looking for me. I told him that if he does see me out there is no need to look for me or contact me.

The next day he sent me a text with a picture of the lighter he bought for me. Seems he did in fact order it but I don't think he ordered it when he said he had. I didn't get the text until the day after which was Sunday. Just before it came through he sent me an image of something funny on the internet. I ignored it. Then he started saying that he wants me to accept the lighter from him and that he will give it to his mate to give to me if he doesn't see me first. I told him that I didn't mean to be rude but I don't want it. He told me that he would love if I accepted it and that it would be one less thing to look at as he still has the teddy I gave back to him which he has had to hide under his bed and my dressing gown is still there (he bought me the dressing own for Christmas so I don't want that either).


He said that basically he didn't like it that I was still friends with one of his friends (tough shit) and that it will always make him feel uncomfortable.

Then the next night he started sending me cute pics and videos of baby pigs as he knows I like them. UGH!

Yesterday I found out that his Grandad had passed away as he had been ill. So I felt the need to send him a message saying I was sorry to hear it. Upon talking to his mate that night (the one he lives with) I asked if he was ok, he said that he couldn't care less about him and that he was done with him and that he had mates over and then were messing about so he couldn't feel that bad about his grandads passing. Well I don't think he cares at all! It turns out that he went to work today too. How upset he must be!

What kind of person could be like this????? UGHHHH


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The world revolves around him.. if a situation doesn't revolve around him... he doesn't relate to it or care about it.

It is hard to see just how much humanity they lack.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

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