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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been four or five years and the agreement was signed in KY, right before she moved to SC. HE doesn't think he's D. She goes around talking about how hard it is to be a single mom, but she doesn't work, he sends her his entire check, and she doesn't even let him have enough money to eat at McDonalds. A while after the papers were signed, we asked MIL why they weren't D, yet, and she said it was because SIL felt it was in her best interest to wait until he's retired- so she can get more money.

He loves her, I have no idea why with the way he's been treated the entire time they've been M. They have three kids. He'll sign over his VA loan and make the payments. I'm just not sure he'll end-up with a place to live, after all of that.

(((V)))


Posts: 10973 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If KY is a community property state, he may be entitled to half of the house in the divorce.

He really needs to be looking out for himself. He may figure that it's easier to pay her to stay away, rather than have her coming around.

They have been separated for 7 years and he's stayed faithful? Wow.

People like your MIL and SIL drive me nuts.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He may figure that it's easier to pay her to stay away, rather than have her coming around.
Probably. H said HE would pay her to stay away, if he could.

They've lived separately for most of their M. Maybe five years total that they've spent in the day-to-day together in the last 20 years.

Neither of them has been faithful. SIL brought her OM to FILs funeral- and left the wake with him. Oh, yes, her H was there, too.


Posts: 10973 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

v - hope you did ok on the exam!
I understand about the blood pressure....grrrrr.

Kajem - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, November 30th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@jjct: Yes, I did! I don't have to take the final! And once my bp went down, I decided to call dickhead on his bluff and submitted a settlement agreement to him, since he is SO WANTING TO JUST BE DONE. *insert fainting couch* Since we're on day number 2 that I submitted a very fair, balanced settlement to him, and have gotten crickets, I imagine that he is somewhere cussing, throwing things, and possibly torturing small animals.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, November 30th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you imagine not knowing where your father lives????

We don't know where my STBX lives. Refuses to give us the address, only tells us his PO Box. Hmmmm, sounds familiar!

My children are deeply disturbed that he will not tell them where he lives. They have asked me over & over, but of course I can't tell them, either. They ask why Daddy won't tell them where he lives, and I can't answer that, either.

Right now they are all going through a phase, I can see it in them, which causes them to like hearing me say stuff about how I won't lie, I won't live a lie, I insist on living in truth & honesty. They all deliberately set up conversations with me that culminate with me stating those beliefs. I can see the wheels spinning in their eyes.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, November 30th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JJCT, I am loving that song!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, December 1st (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just have to share that STBX went a little nuts this afternoon. I suspect it might have something to do with the fact that he actually had to step foot in a church for his son's First Reconciliation. (No lightning struck, unfortunately.)

Anyhow, I'll spare you the details. Except for this text that he sent me (one of about 25):

"Hey, and thanks a LOT for throwing away the thermoses in the basement - I was planning on using those for hot chocolate today. For the CHILDREN."

Yup. Some old thermoses that haven't been used in more than TEN years. How he noticed that they were gone, I'll never know. They were shoved in the back corner of a basement closet. Covered with drywall dust and quite probably asbestos.

He'll probably call his shark attorney about it now. And then I'll have to pay $400 to defend myself against throwing away "his things" that he has left in the house for 15 months.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:40 AM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an ASS! Oh, but he's being an ass for the sake of the children, so that makes it okay.

Let his lawyer know that the thermoses presented a health hazard due to BPC or whatever that plastic chemical thing is everyone's talking about these days. You threw them out, yes. FOR THE CHILDREN.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time to move forward.

I am about to burn all the love letters I sent him when I was trying to convince him how much I loved him and I wouldn't break his heart like his first wife did.

Too bad I didn't know how I was setting up the marriage to fail because I would be forever feeding his ego and when I didn't, he would punish me and threaten to divorce me if I stood my ground. I would always excuse his behavior because his parents didn't love him enough, his first wife betrayed him, his bosses didn't like him, and so on.

I burn these letters because he no longer has access to my heart, not even through words of love I once felt.

Today I claim my heart.

We text last night, 4 years out from when this nightmare began, and he still blames me. I must put this behind me for real, I tell people I am alright, but as survivers you know as well as I that it is a journey we go through one day at at time trying to convince ourselves we are not what they tell us we are.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today I claim my heart.
That is so beautiful.
Prayed at every day's start?
You watch.
You're art.

Claim your heart!
I love that.


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wont)))

I have a friend who regularly has burning ceremonies at her house. If this is a personal moment, then privacy it is. But if it is an empowering moment? then have a party, and celebrate with friends.

Healing is a process and each step forward is progress.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5307 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last time I had a burning ceremony I don't remember how I got home.
Just sayin

Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, December 2nd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last time I had a burning ceremony I don't remember how I got home.
Just sayin

Now THAT made me laugh!


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tick tock tick tock

Our lives start moving forward, but they are stuck in the same old crap.

forgiveness is what is thrown at me. Not please forgive me, but forgiveness. Like I am being held to a higher standard.

Maybe I need one of those burning party's where I don't remember. Erase my memory where he lives.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, December 4th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a friend, Dee, her burning ceremony turned into a bonfire of his left behind things.

I have burned photos of him in my backyard.

It felt good.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:41 AM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is seriously demanding you forgive him?? What a jagoff. Tell him to pound sand. No. Tell him you would only consider forgiving him if he writes you a heartfelt detailed apology outlining the acts that he is seeking forgiveness for. That ought to get him out of your hair. For like ever.

I'm working toward forgiveness. I'm baby-stepping my way there. I've reached a point where I am actually finding myself referring to the NPD as "My exhusband" or even - gasp! - his given name. I think I have to make him human again in order to forgive him. Sigh. Baby steps.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had burning ceremonies too.

There was something incredibly healing about watching his face melt away to ashes.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't wait to have my burning party...divorce will be final Sept 2013. I keep collecting things that will go in the bonfire. The question is do I get one of the divorce cakes I have seen or just have alcohol ? I do know that I am having all of my girlfriends that have supported me thru this hell take part...it will be cleansing for them too.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 238 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CAKE! Definitely cake.

There are some awesome divorce cake ideas on the web - google images shows a bunch!


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
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