Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: womanoflight (43210)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is great news, SoHurt!! Sending you mojo for your court preparation.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Wink  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy hugs SoHurt !

It's time to nail his POSNPD ass ! I know how ready you are to do this.

The court finally got tired of his whining and is forcing him to step up with evidence of his excuses. Now it will be a pity party.. Send in the violins with broken strings.

And we know it's all your fault. You go girl and smile all weekend ! I have no doubt your ducks will be in perfect order next week !

Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just did a little happy jig in your honor Sohurt...

Go Sohurt... Go Sohurt... Go Sohurt....

What a great way to start the weekend.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4022 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{{SoHurt}}}} YAY!!
Give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves. Gee didn't the judge acknowledge his greatness??

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, May 17th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fantastic news!!! Yeah SoHurt!!!!


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2373 | Registered: Jan 2010
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this thread. My WH has been diagnosed as NPD by 2 therapists and he agrees that he is. I guess the age old question is can an NPD change. I know the answer is no, but emotionally I can't get that through my head. I have been married over 30 years. He has had tons of female friends but his longest lasting and most serious one is the one that gets to me. They work together in a small office.
The OW has told me he's a lousy father, a lousy husband, fat, unhealthy etc and she doesn't want him. So why does he go out of his way to do things for her. is it the KISA issue? Do things for others and not for his family? he spends days helping others do things around their houses (mainly his female friends houses) but won't pick his clothes up off the floor.
He is self employed and not making any money. he says he is looking for a job. I wonder if he's looking for a job to finally take care of his family or is he looking for a job to be able to support the OW? Time will tell....meanwhile I need to get stronger.
Thanks for listening

Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((WhatdoIdo))))))

Welcome, I am sorry you find yourself here. Read all you can, do what you can do to take care of you.. physically, financially, and emotionally.

Read thru the Healing library (yellow box upper left) and this thread and the previous thread. There is a lot of information to absorb.. and with N's it is convoluted and twisted and convoluted again.

Please be patient with yourself... this is a journey.

I don't know if the therapists explained NPD is a spectrum disorder. That basically means you can have very very selfish people be Narcs all the way to psychopaths (think Ted Bundy) being a Narc. Not all narcs are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are narcs. It all depends on the severity of Narcissism in the individual.

Hugs, keep posting.. it really does help.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4022 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much, (((((Tribe)))))! I feel so great, so hopeful... and so scared at the same time. I know this is going to be over soon, the worst of it. But I also know that he is capable of continuing to harass me even though it's done. I am worried about handling this trial and questioning witnesses. It's not like I ever wanted to be a lawyer! But when it's all said and done, I'll be ok. My kids will be ok. We will be able to go on with our lives, and STBX won't be there to torture us every day.

(((((WhatdoIdo))))) Welcome to the exclusive club nobody wants to join. By doing all those things for other people, your H is making himself look good. They have to have shiny exteriors to hide the tarnished, empty space inside them. And it feeds their need for ego boosts. He is doing what they all do in some way - Look at ME! I'M so wonderful! Praise ME! In fact, everything you describe is in the NPD script.

This Tribe is the most supportive place you'll find, and has the best people in it. Like Kajem said, keep posting, because it really does help. This is a journey, and sometimes a very long one. It is difficult, but it can be done, and you can survive it and get on the other side. You'll find you're stronger than you know.

I have been part of SI for 10 years, (and THAT'S a long story!) but came to this Tribe about a year and a half ago. I was overwhelmed by the information, scared out of my mind, and convinced I'd never get through this. It was so hard to assimilate the information and want to keep going. I considered staying in the marriage, but it didn't take long to see that there was no way I could. So I took some steps, little ones, in secret preparation for the Big Event. These guys were here for me the whole way, and held me up, encouraged, advised and cheered me. Now, I'm days away - hopefully - from being finally divorced, and it's all because this group of people was behind me.

Welcome again, and post everything you need to. Ask questions, vent, rant and rave. But most of all, know that you are not alone.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for the support.....sad to be here, but glad to have found people that understand

Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2012
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Hurt - you are an inspiration.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Whatdidido, I am glad you found us.

Your husband does not think like non-narcs. That means, if you are anything like me, that it is hard to wrap your mind around it and impossible to understand why they do the stuff they do.

But, one really important thing to recognize, is everything they do is all about them.....EVERYTHING. They don't have empathy so it does not bother them in the least. People are like objects to them that they discard at any time.

I had a hard time breaking away from NPD-x. I had a lot of work to do on myself to heal myself and become strong emotionally again.

That is where this tribe comes in. The wisdom, understanding, and support is amazing. Reading and IC helped me too.

Here are 2 books that helped me. "Why Does He do That" by Lundy Bancroft and "Women that Love too Much

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 11:46 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2373 | Registered: Jan 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

darn Ipad....double post

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 11:44 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2373 | Registered: Jan 2010
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, May 18th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4022 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love that, Kajem!

No Contact is a beautiful thing.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kajem, that's a great one! I think I'll save that one to look at. Maybe I'll put it on my wall.

Thank you, Edie. I don't feel like one, but I'm going to quote Elton John because it's so appropriate:

You could never know what it's like,
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice.
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you,
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use.

And did you think this fool could never win?
Well look at me, I'm coming back again!
I got a taste of love in a simple way,
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away.

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did.
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.
I'm still standing after all this time.
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind.

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win.
You starting down the road leaving me again.
The threats you made were meant to cut me down,
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now.

I think this applies to all of us, and we should get medals or something for surviving these people. When you live with the kind of psychological warfare we have, and come out of it to the real world, that's a serious accomplishment. They work hard to disable us completely, but we survive and go on. It's hard, exhausting, frightening and takes a long time, (feels like an eternity!) but it's SO worth it to come out the other side!

The hardest thing I've ever done is not give up. It would be so much easier, and so much quicker! But it just isn't worth the outcome, and persevering IS! Being free is priceless, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Not for myself or my kids.

I'm still standing! We'll see how I feel after the trial.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 8:08 AM, May 19th (Sunday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this thread, it's been a real help. This weeken has put me momentarily down in the dumps, but after reading some of these posts and the answers, I am helped.

It's back to sleepness nights as we are into mediation and the crazy-making is full-force. I think STBXH did something really, really sneaky and I have to research it, but it's bascially sneaking more visitation. I am attempting mediation before court, but with the word games and NPD mind games, I don't know if it's going to work.

The bullying is sooo overwhelming and not any care that I am pregnant is showing, though not super suprising.

I've wondered if it's the legal papers-D-or if something's happening with OW to make him more riled. Or maybe the consequences of abandoning us and the A and stuff have made for him?

Here is a question: why can't he just do the right thing? He's gone, he got his freedom and took off, so why can't he leave us alone and just send money?

How can he claim to be a good father but then make it about him?

I know...it's the NPD. He is also SA and Porn addicted and PA, a full basket of eggs.

I'm going to remember how much this thread helped and come back to it. Sometimes the mind games are so much they almost work...like this weekend.

Now, his lawyer is spewing stuff that STBXH claims he did not say or want said. Well, the guy's representing him, right? And he's changing words he said or trying to justify stuff he said that could hurt him in court...more.

I just write them down now, for truly, NC is the better way, isn't it?

Why does he think I should already be healing and why does he think can walk all over us, people he abandoned?

Thanks for any ideas. This is sooo hard.


Ashland 13

The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was said to me MANY a time as a gentle reminder when I asked the "why can't" and "how could he" questions....

YOU CAN'T MAKE SENSE OUT OF NONSENSE.

you can't. It IS that simple. Our non NPD brain won't wrap around that level of selfish blindness.

Don't wear yourself out trying to make it make sense.

(((tribe)))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CG said it, Ashland. You just can't make it make sense. Mine tells the judge he "loves these boys!" even the two who aren't his, then turns right around and wants to NOT pay child support, says the older two don't matter because they aren't his, and on and on and on. I could give you so many examples of the crazy-making I've been put through!

But the bottom line is always to make sure you know the truth of it, don't swerve when the mind games are in full force, and keep your feet on the path to your healing and protecting your kids. Those are the only things that matter in this mess. YOU AND YOUR KIDS. Especially being pregnant! Don't let him steal your peace by trying to understand. It'll never happen. You can't let yourself be swayed into thinking it could happen, or you are climbing right back on the crazy-go-round. SO not worth it!

(((((Ashland))))) Try to think about just the kids and yourself. Nevermind his foolishness.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 5:36 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't understand NPDs. I keep having to tell myself that after something happens. Last night he was on his laptop and I was helping him with what he was doing and up pops a message from OW! I walked away . He said come back. I said I have something else to do and went downstairs. He comes downstairs and says are you mad because OW sent me a message? She had a question about stocks! He said no secrets, just a question.
I pretended that I didn't care and we went on to have a nice conversation about other things. Inside I was seething.
If I confronted him and told him the truth it just would have ended in a fight, an exhausting get no where fight. So I sucked it up :(
Tell me, knowing npds, what should I have done?

Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2012
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: Trial scheduled for today was moved to tomorrow, because the one before us took longer than expected. It could mean I have to go into Thursday, but that's a wait-and-see. Unfortunately, it means I lost my DIL as a witness, as she had today off, but not tomorrow. (That's ok, because she got a day off, and she could use it to rest.)

I just called the clerk, and she told me HE SAID HE MAY NOT SHOW!! I pray it's true!! Please, send prayers, mojo, whatever you believe in... SEND LOTS! It would be so wonderful if I could do this without facing him! Now I'm super glad I didn't file/serve DS's therapist's recommendation! He wouldn't have let that slide.

Praying and hoping it is true!

Just had a thought... If he defaults, and hasn't filed proof he's terminal, was it a bluff?


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.