Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
It's time to nail his POSNPD ass ! I know how ready you are to do this.
The court finally got tired of his whining and is forcing him to step up with evidence of his excuses. Now it will be a pity party.. Send in the violins with broken strings.
And we know it's all your fault. You go girl and smile all weekend ! I have no doubt your ducks will be in perfect order next week !
Go Sohurt... Go Sohurt... Go Sohurt....
What a great way to start the weekend.
Welcome, I am sorry you find yourself here. Read all you can, do what you can do to take care of you.. physically, financially, and emotionally.
Read thru the Healing library (yellow box upper left) and this thread and the previous thread. There is a lot of information to absorb.. and with N's it is convoluted and twisted and convoluted again.
Please be patient with yourself... this is a journey.
I don't know if the therapists explained NPD is a spectrum disorder. That basically means you can have very very selfish people be Narcs all the way to psychopaths (think Ted Bundy) being a Narc. Not all narcs are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are narcs. It all depends on the severity of Narcissism in the individual.
Hugs, keep posting.. it really does help.
(((((WhatdoIdo))))) Welcome to the exclusive club nobody wants to join. By doing all those things for other people, your H is making himself look good. They have to have shiny exteriors to hide the tarnished, empty space inside them. And it feeds their need for ego boosts. He is doing what they all do in some way - Look at ME! I'M so wonderful! Praise ME! In fact, everything you describe is in the NPD script.
This Tribe is the most supportive place you'll find, and has the best people in it. Like Kajem said, keep posting, because it really does help. This is a journey, and sometimes a very long one. It is difficult, but it can be done, and you can survive it and get on the other side. You'll find you're stronger than you know.
I have been part of SI for 10 years, (and THAT'S a long story!) but came to this Tribe about a year and a half ago. I was overwhelmed by the information, scared out of my mind, and convinced I'd never get through this. It was so hard to assimilate the information and want to keep going. I considered staying in the marriage, but it didn't take long to see that there was no way I could. So I took some steps, little ones, in secret preparation for the Big Event. These guys were here for me the whole way, and held me up, encouraged, advised and cheered me. Now, I'm days away - hopefully - from being finally divorced, and it's all because this group of people was behind me.
Welcome again, and post everything you need to. Ask questions, vent, rant and rave. But most of all, know that you are not alone.
Your husband does not think like non-narcs. That means, if you are anything like me, that it is hard to wrap your mind around it and impossible to understand why they do the stuff they do.
But, one really important thing to recognize, is everything they do is all about them.....EVERYTHING. They don't have empathy so it does not bother them in the least. People are like objects to them that they discard at any time.
I had a hard time breaking away from NPD-x. I had a lot of work to do on myself to heal myself and become strong emotionally again.
That is where this tribe comes in. The wisdom, understanding, and support is amazing. Reading and IC helped me too.
Here are 2 books that helped me. "Why Does He do That" by Lundy Bancroft and "Women that Love too Much
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 11:46 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 11:44 AM, May 18th (Saturday)]
No Contact is a beautiful thing.
Thank you, Edie. I don't feel like one, but I'm going to quote Elton John because it's so appropriate:
You could never know what it's like,
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice.
And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you,
You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use.
And did you think this fool could never win?
Well look at me, I'm coming back again!
I got a taste of love in a simple way,
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away.
Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did.
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.
I'm still standing after all this time.
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind.
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
Once I never could hope to win.
You starting down the road leaving me again.
The threats you made were meant to cut me down,
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now.
I think this applies to all of us, and we should get medals or something for surviving these people. When you live with the kind of psychological warfare we have, and come out of it to the real world, that's a serious accomplishment. They work hard to disable us completely, but we survive and go on. It's hard, exhausting, frightening and takes a long time, (feels like an eternity!) but it's SO worth it to come out the other side!
The hardest thing I've ever done is not give up. It would be so much easier, and so much quicker! But it just isn't worth the outcome, and persevering IS! Being free is priceless, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. Not for myself or my kids.
I'm still standing! We'll see how I feel after the trial.
[This message edited by SoHurt at 8:08 AM, May 19th (Sunday)]
It's back to sleepness nights as we are into mediation and the crazy-making is full-force. I think STBXH did something really, really sneaky and I have to research it, but it's bascially sneaking more visitation. I am attempting mediation before court, but with the word games and NPD mind games, I don't know if it's going to work.
The bullying is sooo overwhelming and not any care that I am pregnant is showing, though not super suprising.
I've wondered if it's the legal papers-D-or if something's happening with OW to make him more riled. Or maybe the consequences of abandoning us and the A and stuff have made for him?
Here is a question: why can't he just do the right thing? He's gone, he got his freedom and took off, so why can't he leave us alone and just send money?
How can he claim to be a good father but then make it about him?
I know...it's the NPD. He is also SA and Porn addicted and PA, a full basket of eggs.
I'm going to remember how much this thread helped and come back to it. Sometimes the mind games are so much they almost work...like this weekend.
Now, his lawyer is spewing stuff that STBXH claims he did not say or want said. Well, the guy's representing him, right? And he's changing words he said or trying to justify stuff he said that could hurt him in court...more.
I just write them down now, for truly, NC is the better way, isn't it?
Why does he think I should already be healing and why does he think can walk all over us, people he abandoned?
Thanks for any ideas. This is sooo hard.
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
YOU CAN'T MAKE SENSE OUT OF NONSENSE.
you can't. It IS that simple. Our non NPD brain won't wrap around that level of selfish blindness.
Don't wear yourself out trying to make it make sense.
But the bottom line is always to make sure you know the truth of it, don't swerve when the mind games are in full force, and keep your feet on the path to your healing and protecting your kids. Those are the only things that matter in this mess. YOU AND YOUR KIDS. Especially being pregnant! Don't let him steal your peace by trying to understand. It'll never happen. You can't let yourself be swayed into thinking it could happen, or you are climbing right back on the crazy-go-round. SO not worth it!
(((((Ashland))))) Try to think about just the kids and yourself. Nevermind his foolishness.
I just called the clerk, and she told me HE SAID HE MAY NOT SHOW!! I pray it's true!! Please, send prayers, mojo, whatever you believe in... SEND LOTS! It would be so wonderful if I could do this without facing him! Now I'm super glad I didn't file/serve DS's therapist's recommendation! He wouldn't have let that slide.
Praying and hoping it is true!
Just had a thought... If he defaults, and hasn't filed proof he's terminal, was it a bluff?