Life's just full of surprises, huh?
You just made my whole day!
I hope he gets exactly what he deserves !
They do become their own worse enemy.
If he doesn't show this afternoon, he's run out of hiding places, it won't be long....
So waiting to hear he's been arrested.
Big Hugs to you and DS !!
I went into court less than fully prepared, especially given the fact that his sister, the bit@h from he!! was going to be there. She had him so prepped and ready, and I got scared. I flat-out choked. I did such a poor job of defending my son's wishes that I didn't get him on the protection order. STBXN made so many allegations about what a poor mother I am - how I have done this to my kids other dads, lied about my health to avoid doing anything around the house and thereby forcing STBX and my youngest to do it all, etc etc etc - that I was too busy trying not to lose my composure to be able to deal with this one hearing. (But my son turns 16 next month, so it's not all lost, because that puts him even closer to being able to speak for himself. And his therapist is completely on board with his wishes, and is writing a recommendation saying so.)
The whole GAL issue came up again, and I have to admit, I'm more than willing to have it happen. Seeing how we live, how we relate and get along, hearing what Isaac and I went through... bring it, a$$hole.
The Warrant thing didn't work out well, either. He has to appear in court in the morning, having been booked and released because they're full and short-staffed. The prosecutor also elected to charge him with bail-jumping, so he has more to deal with than failure to appear and possibly contempt of court. But the bottom line there is that they aren't going to put him in an over-crowded jail for those things. Maybe on the bail issue, but my prosecutor says don't bet on it.
So I'm on the verge of tears, and still hopeful. After all, there is more on my side than his in all this, and even though he got the continuance for the PO break trial, that just means he still has to face that music. I want to scream and cry and throw things, especially since it's my own fault for not being better prepared. But then, I don't have a professional snake writing lies for me to tell in court, either. I am exhausted, and of course NOW I can think of all the things I should have said. NOW. Fat lot of good that does me.
That is true courage, my friend
one day closer to the end of the battle. stay brave, stay strong
It's difficult to be prepared when you're up against an NPD. The rules change in the middle of the game and they lie all the time, so how in the hell can you possibly prepare?
Why isn't he dead yet? I thought he had like a week to live....a year ago?? YOU lied about YOUR health?? What a snake. And so NPD. Claiming the victim is doing what they are doing.
I had a freak sighting last week too.
A friend of mine died suddenly. And I made the mistake of calling a "mutual friend" of mine and Dumbass. I called him because he and the dead friend were close. I didn't think he would call Dumbass because the dead friend HATED Dumbass and was very vocal about it. There was a visitation an hour prior to the service. I went with a girlfriend. We visited with the family and then went in to the chapel and sat down. We sat in an empty pew in the middle of the chapel on the left side. The chapel is laid out like most churches with an aisle down the middle with aisles down both sides. I sat on the end closest to the middle aisle, then my girlfriend, then her husband. There was nobody else in the pew. The next three or four pews ahead and behind us were empty. We had maybe been sitting for 5 or 10 minutes when I noticed a man slide in and sat RIGHT NEXT to my girlfriend's husband. I only noticed him out of the corner of my eye. But that was enough. I whispered to my g/f, "OMG, is that Dumbass???" At first she said no, but then she looked and said, "Oh F! it is!!" Then I left.
What a FREAK!!!
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
IMO most judges have seen way too much to be fooled by idiots who think their tongues can turn poop to gold. Now you know what to get ready for... I would guess that he's not going to change his game now that he thinks it's working. Of course WTH do I know?
For one thing, he does think he won big, and that will make him keep on with the game just as he's playing it. He's too stupidly arrogant to do otherwise. And his sister will be helping him. What's amusing about that is she's exactly the same as he is, and they absolutely hate each other. So to see the "loving" siblings banding together is laughable. I was tempted at one point during the recess to turn to her and relate some of the things he's said about her and remind her how many times he called her a drunken bit@h when she'd call to ream us for some imagined slight. But I controlled that impulse because I don't want to be quite as snarky as I feel.
Also, by not appearing and then getting his continuance, he really f-ed up. He has the failure to appear, possibly contempt and the bail-jumping charges, now. So while he succeeded in keeping the conviction out of the modification hearing, he brought further charges forward to the trial he still faces for breaking the PO. That's not going to look good to a jury. He managed in one fell swoop to make the judge and prosecutors very angry, which is not helpful to his case. Being booked on those charges will be brought up in the trial... idiot.
The current judge is a pro-tem, because STBXN asked for a different one. His reason, I'm guessing, is because the one who got the case had married my oldest and his wife. Now, why that would be an issue is beyond me and the prior judge, as she said in court. ("I will step down for the next case because there's a pro-tem coming in for some reason.") Does he not understand that these people all know each other and talk regularly? There's no bubble around each of them keeping them separate from each other. What would have been smart would be to let her stay and use that as an appeal point. But hey, he's smarter than we are.
And finally, to answer your question, Sadtoo, he doesn't look good. His skin is kind of gray, and he's losing weight. (His attitude is ramped up, though, making him seem less ill than he says.) If his sister really wanted to get him some money, (the fundraiser isn't going well,) she should have put a current picture up, not a young, healthy looking guy's photo. She put up a pic of him at around 30, and he's almost 60. So anyway, I'm starting to wonder if we'll be divorced when he dies. Mean as it sounds, and God forgive me, it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I went through a serious battle with myself over whether to back off and ease up when he got diagnosed. But with everything he's done since then? Nope. I'm more done than I ever was. I'm going to take a lot of flack for it, but divorce it is. And when and if the haters start, I'll give them any details they want, if I so choose. I may just say it's none of their business, and move along, Skippy. Wanna hate? Do it away from me and my family.
Thank you all for supporting me so much. Life is still a balancing act, and full of pain, but we are further down the road than we were, and the end is closer than it was. So onward, and we'll get there.
[This message edited by SoHurt at 12:49 PM, March 16th (Saturday)]
L to R: Kajem, Chrysalis, Woundedby2, jjct
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 11:49 PM, March 17th (Sunday)]
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
What would have been smart would be to let her stay and use that as an appeal point. But hey, he's smarter than we are.
I'm starting to wonder if we'll be divorced when he dies. Mean as it sounds, and God forgive me, it wouldn't hurt my feelings.
The way I look at it SoHurt, they want to play the divorce card then we give it to them and never let them up for air. That's how the game they started is played.
Hugs and you did great !
WB2- Great picture everyone ! Just shows there is life after NPDs ! And you can even smile !
[This message edited by gma56 at 12:22 AM, March 18th (Monday)]
[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:46 AM, March 18th (Monday)]
Please if you can make one near you, Do so. There is nothing like it in the world.
I am so glad I went... still very tired. But a very happy tired.
Awesome people make an awesome weekend. And the Tribe peeps are beyond awesome.
[This message edited by Kajem at 8:18 PM, March 18th (Monday)]
What a beautiful (and handsome!) Tribe!!! I can't wait to meet y'all irl someday
I have some big questions today. Genius is a SA NPD, and my children are 6 and 8. I've been fighting for sole custody, then I backed off since it's nearly impossible to get. But then my A and I met with a CSAT yesterday (certified sex addiction therapist) who told me that young children should NOT be around Genius for long periods of time, or vacations, or overnights.
She believes that he goes into a zone, like all addicts, and that he can not be responsible for children - in other words, he might use his computer or ipad or iphone in front of the kids, be distracted, leave TERRIBLE porn somewhere that they can find it, expose them to someone, etc. All the stuff I was afraid of from the beginning.
Like the other CSAT, she did not think he would actually abuse the children.
Ironically I had been leaning towards just giving in a bit on the visitation issue, since I need to get this divorce done to save my sanity. Genius is KILLING me with the crazy emails, etc.
Which leads me to the NPD. The CSAT didn't really listen to me or care when I described the NPD stuff, which has been easily as bad as the SA stuff - worse in fact. She kept describing SAs as sad, sick folks, which I understand is true for many at a certain level. But my STBX is a NPD SON OF A BITCH. The NPD fuels the SA as far as I'm concerned, not the other way around.
So now I think we're going to be forced into doing a parenting/custody evaluation. We will have to agree on an evaluator who will interview me, Genius, the kids, friends, family, etc. And look over all my evidence.
Here's the rub: I think that Genius will fool the evaluator. He'll put on his best charming, lying NPD face. He'll start the lies and mudslinging. I really think he can fool nearly anyone.
Am I crazy? Can an NPD fool a trained professional????????????????
He'll start the lies and mudslinging
Have you kept records of emails, or any recorded conversations on VAR or anything like that?