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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt, YAY!!!
*sniff* I do love a happy ending.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell

Life's just full of surprises, huh?


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
want_to_forgive
♀ Member
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt,

You just made my whole day!


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoHurt I missed this earlier but HELL YA !!

I hope he gets exactly what he deserves !

They do become their own worse enemy.
If he doesn't show this afternoon, he's run out of hiding places, it won't be long....

So waiting to hear he's been arrested.
Big Hugs to you and DS !!
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((So Hurt))) phew...


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribal YELL! Love this!!! It could not have happened to a more deserving person.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5310 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to be a party pooper, but we can't celebrate a dam* thing. I got home a bit ago, and have had to fight back tears. I so blew it.

I went into court less than fully prepared, especially given the fact that his sister, the bit@h from he!! was going to be there. She had him so prepped and ready, and I got scared. I flat-out choked. I did such a poor job of defending my son's wishes that I didn't get him on the protection order. STBXN made so many allegations about what a poor mother I am - how I have done this to my kids other dads, lied about my health to avoid doing anything around the house and thereby forcing STBX and my youngest to do it all, etc etc etc - that I was too busy trying not to lose my composure to be able to deal with this one hearing. (But my son turns 16 next month, so it's not all lost, because that puts him even closer to being able to speak for himself. And his therapist is completely on board with his wishes, and is writing a recommendation saying so.)

The whole GAL issue came up again, and I have to admit, I'm more than willing to have it happen. Seeing how we live, how we relate and get along, hearing what Isaac and I went through... bring it, a$$hole.

The Warrant thing didn't work out well, either. He has to appear in court in the morning, having been booked and released because they're full and short-staffed. The prosecutor also elected to charge him with bail-jumping, so he has more to deal with than failure to appear and possibly contempt of court. But the bottom line there is that they aren't going to put him in an over-crowded jail for those things. Maybe on the bail issue, but my prosecutor says don't bet on it.

So I'm on the verge of tears, and still hopeful. After all, there is more on my side than his in all this, and even though he got the continuance for the PO break trial, that just means he still has to face that music. I want to scream and cry and throw things, especially since it's my own fault for not being better prepared. But then, I don't have a professional snake writing lies for me to tell in court, either. I am exhausted, and of course NOW I can think of all the things I should have said. NOW. Fat lot of good that does me.


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SoHurt))
You didn't blow it. You are warrior in battle, and some days you'll get knocked around a bit. But you always get up and keep fighting.

no. matter. what

That is true courage, my friend

one day closer to the end of the battle. stay brave, stay strong


Posts: 415 | Registered: Jun 2012
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, March 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SoHurt)))
He might of "won" at some level this time but he won't win in the end, even with his attorney making it sound good for him.
Just remember this now part of his record. He was booked.
Oh, I KNOW that if you felt you weren't prepared today, YOU will be over prepared next time. I know what SoHurt can do.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SoHurt)))
You didn't blow it!! You're doing so GREAT!

It's difficult to be prepared when you're up against an NPD. The rules change in the middle of the game and they lie all the time, so how in the hell can you possibly prepare?

Why isn't he dead yet? I thought he had like a week to live....a year ago?? YOU lied about YOUR health?? What a snake. And so NPD. Claiming the victim is doing what they are doing.

I had a freak sighting last week too.

A friend of mine died suddenly. And I made the mistake of calling a "mutual friend" of mine and Dumbass. I called him because he and the dead friend were close. I didn't think he would call Dumbass because the dead friend HATED Dumbass and was very vocal about it. There was a visitation an hour prior to the service. I went with a girlfriend. We visited with the family and then went in to the chapel and sat down. We sat in an empty pew in the middle of the chapel on the left side. The chapel is laid out like most churches with an aisle down the middle with aisles down both sides. I sat on the end closest to the middle aisle, then my girlfriend, then her husband. There was nobody else in the pew. The next three or four pews ahead and behind us were empty. We had maybe been sitting for 5 or 10 minutes when I noticed a man slide in and sat RIGHT NEXT to my girlfriend's husband. I only noticed him out of the corner of my eye. But that was enough. I whispered to my g/f, "OMG, is that Dumbass???" At first she said no, but then she looked and said, "Oh F! it is!!" Then I left.

What a FREAK!!!


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((SoHurt)))))
Doesn't sound to me like you blew anything, either. In fact, it sounds like the can was kicked just a few paces down the road. Still in sight, still on the path...

IMO most judges have seen way too much to be fooled by idiots who think their tongues can turn poop to gold. Now you know what to get ready for... I would guess that he's not going to change his game now that he thinks it's working. Of course WTH do I know?


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, March 16th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Tribe))))) See why I love you all? You've put the smile back on my face for real... not just the fake I was wearing to hide the fear. This has got to be the greatest support group ever. After decompressing and running over the whole thing in my mind, I've come to some conclusions, and you all have named most of them.

For one thing, he does think he won big, and that will make him keep on with the game just as he's playing it. He's too stupidly arrogant to do otherwise. And his sister will be helping him. What's amusing about that is she's exactly the same as he is, and they absolutely hate each other. So to see the "loving" siblings banding together is laughable. I was tempted at one point during the recess to turn to her and relate some of the things he's said about her and remind her how many times he called her a drunken bit@h when she'd call to ream us for some imagined slight. But I controlled that impulse because I don't want to be quite as snarky as I feel.

Also, by not appearing and then getting his continuance, he really f-ed up. He has the failure to appear, possibly contempt and the bail-jumping charges, now. So while he succeeded in keeping the conviction out of the modification hearing, he brought further charges forward to the trial he still faces for breaking the PO. That's not going to look good to a jury. He managed in one fell swoop to make the judge and prosecutors very angry, which is not helpful to his case. Being booked on those charges will be brought up in the trial... idiot.

The current judge is a pro-tem, because STBXN asked for a different one. His reason, I'm guessing, is because the one who got the case had married my oldest and his wife. Now, why that would be an issue is beyond me and the prior judge, as she said in court. ("I will step down for the next case because there's a pro-tem coming in for some reason.") Does he not understand that these people all know each other and talk regularly? There's no bubble around each of them keeping them separate from each other. What would have been smart would be to let her stay and use that as an appeal point. But hey, he's smarter than we are.

And finally, to answer your question, Sadtoo, he doesn't look good. His skin is kind of gray, and he's losing weight. (His attitude is ramped up, though, making him seem less ill than he says.) If his sister really wanted to get him some money, (the fundraiser isn't going well,) she should have put a current picture up, not a young, healthy looking guy's photo. She put up a pic of him at around 30, and he's almost 60. So anyway, I'm starting to wonder if we'll be divorced when he dies. Mean as it sounds, and God forgive me, it wouldn't hurt my feelings. I went through a serious battle with myself over whether to back off and ease up when he got diagnosed. But with everything he's done since then? Nope. I'm more done than I ever was. I'm going to take a lot of flack for it, but divorce it is. And when and if the haters start, I'll give them any details they want, if I so choose. I may just say it's none of their business, and move along, Skippy. Wanna hate? Do it away from me and my family.

Thank you all for supporting me so much. Life is still a balancing act, and full of pain, but we are further down the road than we were, and the end is closer than it was. So onward, and we'll get there.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 12:49 PM, March 16th (Saturday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, March 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to share a bit of happy with the Tribe. There was a get together down in Houston, hosted by MH and DS. It was fan-freakin-tastic! We had 4 members of Tribe there. What a great time. Notice our large smiles. Wonderful to be with kindred spirits. There is a huge thread in F&G if you want to see more pics.

L to R: Kajem, Chrysalis, Woundedby2, jjct

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 11:49 PM, March 17th (Sunday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SoHurt)))

What would have been smart would be to let her stay and use that as an appeal point. But hey, he's smarter than we are.

And we all KNOWtheir arrogance will over ride their intelligence EVERY time. And we don't have to do a damn thing to encourage it.

I'm starting to wonder if we'll be divorced when he dies. Mean as it sounds, and God forgive me, it wouldn't hurt my feelings.
Exactly ! I felt the same with FT. He reported to the court he had a heart attack about the time I was putting pressure legally on him. I never let up on him and his attorney. I should say Susi never let up him and his attorney.

The way I look at it SoHurt, they want to play the divorce card then we give it to them and never let them up for air. That's how the game they started is played.
Hugs and you did great !

WB2- Great picture everyone ! Just shows there is life after NPDs ! And you can even smile !
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 12:22 AM, March 18th (Monday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20275 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:45 AM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wb2,
I'm so jelly!! I wanted to come to the party SO BAD!! Maybe next time. I keep saying that. You all look great....and more important....HAPPY!

[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:46 AM, March 18th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

G2G's seem to be popping up around the country and the postings are in Fun and Games.

Please if you can make one near you, Do so. There is nothing like it in the world.

I am so glad I went... still very tired. But a very happy tired.

Awesome people make an awesome weekend. And the Tribe peeps are beyond awesome.

Hugs,

k

[This message edited by Kajem at 8:18 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kajem, Chrysalis, Woundedby2, jjct

What a beautiful (and handsome!) Tribe!!! I can't wait to meet y'all irl someday


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. That photo made me happy. You all look so victorious!

I have some big questions today. Genius is a SA NPD, and my children are 6 and 8. I've been fighting for sole custody, then I backed off since it's nearly impossible to get. But then my A and I met with a CSAT yesterday (certified sex addiction therapist) who told me that young children should NOT be around Genius for long periods of time, or vacations, or overnights.

She believes that he goes into a zone, like all addicts, and that he can not be responsible for children - in other words, he might use his computer or ipad or iphone in front of the kids, be distracted, leave TERRIBLE porn somewhere that they can find it, expose them to someone, etc. All the stuff I was afraid of from the beginning.

Like the other CSAT, she did not think he would actually abuse the children.

Ironically I had been leaning towards just giving in a bit on the visitation issue, since I need to get this divorce done to save my sanity. Genius is KILLING me with the crazy emails, etc.

Which leads me to the NPD. The CSAT didn't really listen to me or care when I described the NPD stuff, which has been easily as bad as the SA stuff - worse in fact. She kept describing SAs as sad, sick folks, which I understand is true for many at a certain level. But my STBX is a NPD SON OF A BITCH. The NPD fuels the SA as far as I'm concerned, not the other way around.

So now I think we're going to be forced into doing a parenting/custody evaluation. We will have to agree on an evaluator who will interview me, Genius, the kids, friends, family, etc. And look over all my evidence.

Here's the rub: I think that Genius will fool the evaluator. He'll put on his best charming, lying NPD face. He'll start the lies and mudslinging. I really think he can fool nearly anyone.

Am I crazy? Can an NPD fool a trained professional????????????????


Posts: 1434 | Registered: Oct 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, March 19th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He'll start the lies and mudslinging

Have you kept records of emails, or any recorded conversations on VAR or anything like that?


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
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