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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Naturegirl,
I'm so sorry about your dad.

It's unbelievable how an NPD acts (or doesn't act) during your time of need. If it's not all about them......well......it's not all about them.

They are unbelievably cold, cruel, and USELESS during YOUR crisis.

I remember going through similar times with my XNPDH. My grandfather was in a rest home and was dying a slow death. :( It was such a difficult time for our whole family. Do you think Dumbass was there to support me? No (shock!!) If this wasn't bad enough, I was also facing the dreaded task of putting my 16 year old beloved doggie to sleep. Do you think he was there for that? Nope. Then to top it all off, my best friend was killed in a horrible automobile accident. Again, not much from Dumbass.

While I was gone he took that opportunity - NPD alert! - to "organize" the kitchen pantry for me.

Wow. I don't remember the timing of when he did this, but Dumbass did the same "favor" for me. And like you, I was absolutely FURIOUS.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 5:13 AM, January 19th (Saturday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7925 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Nature_Girl))))))))

I am so glad you can come here and get that off your chest and out of your mind! You are a strong and wise woman, and I am sure your daddy would be very proud of you walking away from that asshat of a fuckwad man. Pour a glass of wine anytime you want, your cyber-friend Charlie will toast your freedom anyday


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, (((((Tribe,))))) this is going to be long.

I know you'll all be absolutely stunned by my first bit of news. The trial was continued again. Now it's on for the 7th of Feb. The reasons given were his public defender had been ill and could not hear, and could not possibly go to trial because she wasn't ready: she hadn't interviewed us. So we had to go to the prosecutor's office and sit through an asinine questioning by this woman who is so unprofessional you wouldn't believe it. I am actually glad my STBXN is stuck with her. Some examples of her "interview"....

To my DIL:

How do you know SoHurt? (She's my MIL... )
How do you know her youngest son? (He's my BIL... )

To my oldest son:

How do you know SoHurt? ( )
How do you know her youngest son? ( )

To me:

Aren't you in the middle of a bitter divorce? (Well, it's a divorce. )
Aren't you in the middle of a custody battle? (No, I have custody. And my son wants me to have custody. )
Why are you scared of STBX? (Prosecutor wouldn't let me answer this, but said later if she asks while I'm on the stand, to start talking and don't stop unless the judge tells me to. )
Are you and *the man he accused me of leaving him for, who was present that day* boyfriend and girlfriend? ( No. Was so tempted to ask if we are in high school right now. And doesn't that put the lie to STBX saying he never said that?)

I'd have to say her hearing seemed to be excellent, btw.

There were so many unbelievably stupid questions asked that day. The prosecutor says she's very unlikeable, disagreeable, and is not having her contract renewed. Although, I have to admit that the thought of her "defending" criminals makes me wish she would continue.

Anyway, it was interesting to meet her ahead of time, and to learn that I'll be allowed to speak at sentencing about everything he's done is a wonderful feeling. Believe me, I'm already writing that novel. I'm not so scared of testifying now. She is going to go down in flames right alongside STBX.

Charlie, I love your tagline. I'm and in agreement.

Wont, I loved this:

The effects of his disease are like gas when you ate that food when you shouldn't have. He is nothing more.

Kajem, this is a great visual for me:

Think of us standing behind you in the gallery-giving your X the evil eye.

MR2M, you NAILED it:

Arrogant is an understatement

jj, you always say the coolest things, and I want to put this on a beautiful sheet of paper and frame it on my wall. I love it so much I think I'll post it again:

a needle in my iris
still I'll pull it out
red blood on wiggled fingertips
still,
I pulled it out.
Scar forms wherever healing lies
still,
I pulled it out.
In some scarring screaming
listening,
hears GLAD you pulled it out.

Our hearts are better.

Nature_Girl, !!!

YOU'RE A FREAK!!!!!!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and everything you are dealing with. My heart and prayers are with you.

angerisme, this is my STBX's favorite tactic!:

"circular speech"

This Tribe is the best, and I am so glad I am here. I'd never have gotten this far without you all. I feel so much stronger and wiser, more like the old me, than I have in forever! And it looks like my youngest and I have an apartment to move into on the 28th! We are both so excited and so ready to move on. This is going to be another step towards complete freedom!

Thank you all. SO much!

[This message edited by SoHurt at 2:25 PM, January 19th (Saturday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX is writing an autobiography... I.SH!T.YOU.NOT

I totally want rights to the title... since "Vampire Diaries" was taken, as was the "Neverending Story" and "Vagina Monologues" I am stumped. How about
"C*nt Whisperer"...

Anyone want to play along? I could really use a laugh!!


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, January 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pussy Pirate: The Madcap Adventures of a Fearless Philanderer


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8713 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I LOVE IT!!


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's my pleasure to bring a little chuckle into your world!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8713 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh So Hurt, I do wish I could. Be at the trial with you! We could even make it fun.

But as you write about it all so well, so we can enjoy it second hand from you.

Huge, my lovely - the finish line is in sight, pace yourself for this last stretch.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Charlie, you and Nature crack me up!! Those were great titles.

Edie... I wish you could be with me, too. But I'll settle for having you behind me in spirit, cheering me on. I am feeling so positive, I can't tell you! It will be nice to have all this behind me, and finally start living for myself and my son, rather than the next court date. It just gets old.

Love my (((((Tribe!)))))


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I spoke to STBX for the first time since October last night. He is an inpatient in a psych hospital/treatment program, no access to computers so email isn't an option. He left two messages this week that he need to talk to me for business, so last night I answered. He began with talk of CS and alimony, and financial business we have already discussed. Then went into a confession vomit, I think part of his 12 step therapy. He is officially diagnosed as SA and his treatment program was extended again. Another part is, like I posted last night, that he is writing an autobiography (better be in the fiction section). Pussy Pirate; Vagina Whisperer; fill in your favorite title...

Anyhow, I found out that two people that he is involved with were friends of mine, yada yada yada and he has to go NC with over.20.people. AYFKM? He also admitted to spying on me.

I told him that he is not to tell me his personal stories anymore, NC except business and kids. I kept it civil and calm, even when he was telling me how angry I am (I wasn't) and that he doesn't want me to be afraid of him (yes, he does. That is why he threatened my life). I answered, "I'm not afraid to see you, I just don't want to see you. Ever." He didn't like that... Anyway, I cut the call off with, business and kids is all we need to discuss and felt good about it all. I had a minor episode of colorful language, and then I blocked his whores from my facebook with this message:
"I hope you never understand the deep level of betrayal that comes with your husband encouraging you to be friends with one of his girlfriends. I'll never understand what it takes to sit on top of a married man and try to call him your own, so I'm calling a spade a spade, and a whore a whore. Do not ever contact me or my children again."

Thanks, tribe, just needed to vent a little. To quote my favorite line of Tombstone... "Forgive me if I don't shake hands"


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Btw, it was in a group message... kind of outing them to each other in my own way.


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posted to my FB wall from a friend who has been with me thru a lot of this journey...

DO Not keep calm and carry on...

Put on your big girl panties & your sexiest boots and kick some ass.

I love it and thought I would share with the Tribe.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4000 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Btw, it was in a group message... kind of outing them to each other in my own way.

Good, I wonder if he will call and confess to them....

I would love to be a fly on that wall....


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4000 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After months of posting at SI, I guess I should finally join my tribe. I'm still not quite sure though, lol. My STBX is successful at work. He has never hit me. He didn't lose his temper with me. In fact, quite the opposite: He would get angry all the time, saying *I* was losing *my* temper with him, but *he* didn't yell or anything. Prior to all this divorce stuff, there is only one occasion where I clearly remember feeling threatened by him. He got really mad and was on my face, fists clenched, breathing heavily, and no just *knew* he was about to hit me, like really, really KNEW it. So I stopped talking, told him to get away from me, told him he better not dare hit me. He walked out of the house.

However, during the time of his first A (says it was an EA, but I don't know), which lasted for over a year, he was absolutely horrible to me. The problem is that I can say that, and remember it was true, but it was 7 to 8 years ago, so it's hard for me to remember details, other than that he said nasty things and acted like I didn't deserve any help with the baby, and....I don't know. It doesn't sound bad, but he was AWFUL to me. He was so awful to me that I was afraid he would kill me and make it look like a suicide. However, I told myself I was crazy, because it's quite a leap from "my husband isn't loving towards me" to "my husband is a dangerous and who might kill me". And he was right on the "you're so crazy" bandwagon, because I *knew* he was having an A, so any time I asked questions, he gaslighted and told me I had issues and was crazy. That made it easy to believe that yeah, I must be really crazy to think he might hurt me. I'm still not sure about that.

What say you folks?


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Coraline))))

I say welcome to the tribe :) I've followed several posts of yours and am very glad to see you here. My STBX is very successful at work, has a Master's Degree and until last year was well respected bc of the mask he could put on. The first 9 years of our marriage, he never laid a hand on me and was more passive-aggressive I would say. I felt like *I* was the crazy one, I thought *I* had the problems because he really could make himself look that good. You don't have to have outward bruises to have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. I, unfortunately, stayed around too long out of moral obligation to my marriage and believing in the return of the man I fell in love with.

Your STBX seems very emotionally distant, controlling, and unrealistic, to say the least. Welcome to the tribe, with each other we will all get through


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, maybe I'm in the right place then. It's just so hard to know, because some of thee things people post are so extreme and so far outside my experience (to date) that I think my STBX can't have the same thing, because he's not as bad as them (yet anyway). It's kind of hard,because he's clearly an asshole, but it's so much worse than that, and he hides it so well that I'm probably the only one who will ever know. It might be easier if he would be a bigger douchebag, because then people would really get it. As it is, I just keep hearing stupid things like, "Divorce is rarely amicable," and it is driving me nuts, because maybe it usually isn't amicable, but is it really normal for a man to tell his SAHM wife that he's going to claim she's mentally ill and accuse her of child abuse if she tries to get anything even remotely resembling a fair deal? Surely that is not normal behavior.

Also, I'm really, really, REALLY angry that some of my friends (should probably be in quotation marks, at this point) are seemingly trying to shame me into silence about his behavior. Most things he does I don't slap all over Facebook, but if a friend asks me how I'm doing, I tell them. Some of these friends responses when they bother to ask, and I tell what stupid shit he's up to lately.... I can just feel the deer in headlights look on their faces over the internet, and they say things like, "Yeah.... Aloha then! Take care." As if I was out of line telling them. Why the hell did they ask then? And why am I not allowed to talk about it? This isn't "drama"; this is my freakin life, and I'm sorry it makes people uncomfortable, but how the hell do they think it makes ME feel, and why should *I* be ashamed of how *he* acts? Ugh! That sort of behavior is, in my opinion, a big contributing factor to asshole like ours getting away with so much. No one even wants to hear about it, much less put them in their place.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,,, toward the beginning of this thread there was a reference to this type of person having a lot of caulk.

What's up with that?????


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1692 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CharlieFoxtrot:

My husband, too, encouraged me to be friends with his girlfriend. This is the hardest part of all.

But, today, I finally turned a corner. When I started thinking about it,, I thought, he's sick! And it finally got thru to my brain. He's sick and this is what sick people do...


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1692 | Registered: Jan 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't read the previous threads, but from reading all of this one, it sounds like they're saying that NPDs collect useless crap AND start lots of projects they never finish, so they might have 20 different caulks foe all their different projects....? Is that right? I dunno. My STBX used to be a real worker bee before this started. He *finished* projects he started. Does that mean he's not NPD? Sigh. Also, he didn't collect random crap, but I seriously had the hardest time m tongetvridbof old clothes that were several sizes too big from when he was heavy before we met. Really, it took me like 9 years to get him to get rid of that crap, and he only did it because he had bought so mich new crap and I refused to give up my share of the closet (he actually asked me to once!).

[This message edited by Coraline at 9:27 PM, January 21st (Monday)]


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD is on a spectrum just like Aspergers. You can have a N that is a psychopath, or someone that is selfish. Both are NPD.

The character trait for NPD is lack of empathy ... they have NO empathy for anyone/anything.

My X doesn't care about if his kids are hurt as long as I am hurt everyone else is collateral damage. And they do not matter one bit to him. So long as he wins...everything is good.

Hope this helps.

And Coraline, I haven't read all your posts... but a lot of them. Your H is NPD... Welcome to the tribe.

Hugs,

k


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4000 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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