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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
CML7
♀ Member
Member # 37636
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillStrong

Thnk you for introducing me to the dickhead song. This will now be my new ringtone for EH#2, his new GF and the Child enforcement person who decided it was too much work to collect the over $10,000 he owes my daughter.


BS: 35
WBF: 28
Dday #1 11/25/2012 PA
Dday #2 02/02/2013 Dinner date with someone he met online.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Virginia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, December 7th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ringtone for X - silence.

His ringtone for me at one point was " Satan's calling".

GRM, I am done also in Sept of 2013. And am having an independence day party. I already have the fire pit and the fire starter... and a lot of fire fuel. My girlfriends from around the world are coming... they have supported and listened to me for the last 10 years. They deserve it too.

Enjoy yours....

Cake.. I hadn't thought of that.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
angerisme
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Member # 37672
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, December 9th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think one of the hardest things about loving/living with an NPD is their ability to blame you for EVERYTHING...even the hurtful things they themselves do. I would try to talk about MY hurt feelings caused by HIS behaviors...and suddenly it was twisted that I had harmed him in some way and how dare I accuse him of false, untrue things.

I had to work methodically and carefully to obtain concrete PROOF of ANYTHING that would be against him...so that when he turned it around I could provide original proof. EVEN RECORDING CONVERSATIONS!

Whenever I would prove him wrong, he would say I forged the documents...or I made him say his words out of context

When I stopped having sex w/ him because I had no interest in dying of AIDS...he suggested that i was screwing around trying to give him STDS

Anyway, Im glad Im done. But I do have a little evil part of me that enjoys very much his constant worry if I've met someone or having a life without him...apparently he has been unable to find anyone to fill his soulless emptiness.


If they cheat once and only show remorse when they get caught...GET A LAWYER! Dont waste 10 years only to learn you've been manipulated for a decade. Youth lost to betrayal is a terrible foundation for the rest of your life.

Posts: 81 | Registered: Dec 2012
FoggyDay
♀ New Member
Member # 36527
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, December 10th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Angerisme: I like your tagline.
Also I so could have written your post. My WH lies about what he just said and what he did and said in the past. He simply rewrites history. Both his parents do this too. As I'm working to be done with him, I haven't recorded any conversations with him. He has grown so much more into the role of NPD as he has gotten older and I see him totally turning into his Dad. Even our children have commented that this is true.
There are infinite reasons everything is my fault. He constantly comes up with new reasons he started this affair and absolutely must continue it. Oh, and of course she is perfect.


Me - BW 47
Him - WH 47
2 kids in college
d/day July 2012


When you're going through hell - keep going.


Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Virginia
ChoosingHope
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Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has grown so much more into the role of NPD as he has gotten older and I see him totally turning into his Dad.

Wow. This IS MY STBX too. Though it's his NPD mother, not dad.

He blames me for everything, too. Apparently I wasn't nice enough to him so he had to go out and live a SA double life. Once he got caught, he revised the "she wasn't nice enough to me" to "she was mean and emotionally abusive to me." I can't tell you exactly when he changed his story, but I think it was right before I filed the D paperwork.


Posts: 1434 | Registered: Oct 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey (((Tribe)))
TIKY posted this - most of us know immediately what it means:
"Hoovering"
It's a good break down.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=480828

Onward!


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
SoHurt
♀ Member
Member # 1210
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, December 19th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Tribe. I've been very remiss with updates for a while, and I'm sorry about that. I'm kind of hermiting in between the hearings, school stuff and my fibromyalgia flares.

Things have been spiralling in some areas, and soaring in others. Not surprisingly, STBXNPD is in the spiral section. If I wasn't trying so hard to be the better person, I would have so much fun. As it is, I have to take comfort in the fact that I am intellectually superior, plus I have a heart. LOL

So I can't remember if I posted after the CS phone hearing with support enforcement. If not, the long and short of it is he defaulted by not answering the phone. They tried four times, he failed to answer. Not my problem. They upheld the original temp order, and called it good.

Except you have the right to request another hearing.

And he did. I got the notice today. In it, he says he was recovering from surgery to remove 1/3 of his colon and his left kidney. He'd explained that the surgery was upcoming when they scheduled the hearing. And he wasn't aware of the hearing. (Yeah, all those excuses, in writing.)

What he will be rather unhappy to find out is that I have a screenshot of his FB page where he's updating his status that morning from a hospital 25 miles away, from his new phone, where HE drove his friend for THEIR surgery. Hard recovery he's having.

(Now, this is all funnier than heck to me at this point. I am finding a lot of humor in this crap.)

He finally managed to get on Social Security. This is verified, and my son is eligible. I almost filed for it, but decided I'd rather let them garnish him for a while before I make up my mind. Maybe not nice, but oh well. The funniest part about this is that if he'd stayed on SSI, they wouldn't have garnished him at all. But he wasn't satisfied. Joke's on him.

The SS is only $10 more than the actual support, but because we get food stamps, we won't get any CS or SS, anyway.

So, I have another hearing next month, but he's not going to be able to lie to them about 'recovering' from surgery.

Oh, and I've seen him with my own eyes a couple times... if he's dying of cancer, I am the Queen of England. This is going to backfire on him, and it's about time.

One more 'oh, yeah' for you. I found the courage to stand up and file a motion to waive the mediation requirement because of the P.O. and WON. There won't be any mediation, period. All by myself, I did this one.

Hugs to you all, and Merry Christmas to everyone. I hope the coming year brings peace and joy for us all.

[This message edited by SoHurt at 11:11 PM, December 19th (Wednesday)]


"My feet are finally beginning to heal after 25 years of walking on eggshells."
"I walk barefoot all the time, now!"
~Me, SoHurt, in HIS NPD TAIL HURTS CUZ I KICKED IT~

DIVORCED!! =D


Posts: 463 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: I am "Somewhere else." Next destination?
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and I've seen him with my own eyes a couple times... if he's dying of cancer, I am the Queen of England. This is going to backfire on him, and it's about time.
I just have to say: Whaaaatta TOOL!

Update from Dysfunction Junction:
SIL was unable to get the VA loan b/c BIL is still enlisted and lives far away. So, that's good. Bil came home to visit and SIL left him alone with the kids to go out of state to see a friend. She took the car with an automatic transmission, knowing that her son can't drive a stick and BIL can't drive because of his injuries. So, he's stuck in the house, unless MIL gets him and takes him out. SIL sent out a photo Christmas card with just her and the kids. She didn't send one to her H. He saw it on MILs fridge and said something about how it was funny he didn't get it. Waywardson said he didn't 'get it', but he got one of the cards and BIL said he was glad he wasn't the only one who noticed that HE had been excluded from everything- even his own family's card. MIL, SIL, and the kids are going out of town next weekend, too, leaving BIL all alone. He was so excited to see his family. I feel so bad for him. I was telling Waywardson last night that he is abused in every way, except physically, as far as I know. He has no access to the money he makes- never has- he's always sent the checks to her, the emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting is off the charts. Poor guy. I guess he's been physically abused, too, since SIL would take his walker away and MAKE him get around on his shattered legs. Oh, she also controlled the pain meds, too, so I'm sure he spent more time in pain than necessary when she was around. I just want to scream, "RUN, Forrest, RUN!".

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 1:30 PM, December 23rd (Sunday)]


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TIKY,

Wow, Your SIL is evil.


What's a little holiday without holiday drama.

Former IL's came to visit my house AFTER visiting X's. (He lives 1/2 mile away) X drove by and saw there car in my driveway.

He left them a nasty message. FIL called him back and left a few messages. The last one being something to the effect...'call back or I'm done." X called them back... and the Talk was given.

You know the talk.. the one where X tells his parents they need to make a choice, him or their grandchild (my D2) and (7 month old) great grandchild.

His parents are thinking of what to say.

I hope they make the right decision.... and choose D2 and the 7 month old. They are much more fun.

OY!


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ThoughtIKnewYa
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Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, Your SIL is evil.
Yep. And that side of the family acts as if we're just supposed to suspend our morals because it's her. If she does it, it's OK. If someone else does it, it's wrong. They're nuts and I just try to keep my distance. Sometimes, that's tougher than others. Like tomorrow, they're going an hour out of their way on a trip to come into our town. They're meeting H at work to bring him a week old baked good that he accidentally left at his mom's. However, they both mentioned stopping through here in conversations with H BEFORE he left the baked good. I fully expect to be harassed, in some way, but I'll stand my ground and keep MY end of NC intact.

You know the talk.. the one where X tells his parents they need to make a choice, him or their grandchild (my D2) and (7 month old) great grandchild.
To me, that's an easy choice. He brings pain and confusion and the kids bring joy. I think they'll choose the kids.

Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just hoping they don't try to 'help' repair the relationship between X and D2. My feeling is she is not strong enough to deal with him at this time.

D1 took almost 5 years off from her relationship with X/NW. Now the relationship is on HER terms.

I think D2 needs to do the same. NC and heal before dealing with him again.

But that is up to her.

Oh and X's nasty message, "I see how I rate."

It is still a competition between him and I. His parents did not come to see me. They came to see their grandkids and great grandchild (who happen to live with me). I welcomed them to my home and went back to cleaning up the kitchen. They spent the time in the living room talking with the kids and my parents, bro and his family.

They were here about an hour. I sent them home with a few plates of goodies. Lord knows I had more than enough food.

Today SIL (their D) came to visit and she brought a lovely thank you card from XMIL.

I thought that was sweet of her.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D1 took almost 5 years off from her relationship with X/NW. Now the relationship is on HER terms.

How does this sort of thing work? Do the kids see the need to do this on their own, once they are young adults?

There's so much gaslighting going on with mine, I wonder if they will ever see.


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, December 29th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My X did the gaslighting and rewriting history.


D1 stopped talking to him in her senior year of HS. She is in her Senior year of college, more sure of herself, more responsible. More on her own, not needing him for any of her college expenses.

She can basically tell him to stuff it and walk away without ever having to lay eyes on him again.

The contact is up to her. He tries to initiate, and she gets back to him when she feels like dealing with him.

it works for her.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, December 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My X did the gaslighting and rewriting history.

How did she know what the truth was? Mine seem to be buying some of the "re-write".


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, December 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we divorced my kids were 12, 10 and 8. they started therapy and after a couple of visits. The therapist noticed things were not adding up. She gave me great advice when the kids started parroting X's history rewrite I was to ask them " What did you see/feel/ think/ know?"

It validated what they saw, thought, felt, knew to be true.

The validation is really really important.

Depending on your kids ages, if they see one thing and your X tells them it didn't happen that way. Eventually they will start to believe him and start to not listen or believe their own inner voice. If this happens enough, they will shut out their inner voice and beleive everyone else's truth.

Think a drug dealer telling your kid that a certain drug is good for them, even thought they are being taught in school that drugs are bad.

I think this is called voicelessness in children.

I was working hard to combat that with my X. STill am.

It helped that he tried to tell her stuff happened that she was there for and could tell him "NO, it happened this way.I remember, I was there when it happened." He has no recourse but to tell her " I remember it differently."

And that is her truth.. and he can't take it away.

good luck.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
ThoughtIKnewYa
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Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, y'all!! My NPDSIL is a classless whore!! (as opposed to a classy one )

BIL posted a pic of her on facebook tonight and my jaw dropped almost to the ground, at first, then I burst into laughter and said aloud, "WTF IS THAAAAT?!!". Picture this: A 47 year old woman with stringy red hair down to her waist dressed in a skin tight, see-through black lace dress that goes to the ankles. I shit you not. At least the top part was double lace, but still see-through, but I'm saying the legs were so see-through you can see cellulite.

DD saw it and said the image was burned into her retinas and she's never be able to unsee it.

OMG. Who DOES that???

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 8:58 PM, December 31st (Monday)]


Posts: 10976 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, December 31st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG. Who DOES that???

Trashy classless people or.... people who think they can out do the Kardashians.

Either way not someone I want to know.

Good luck removing that image from your mind...


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
wontdefineme
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Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Being a NPD victim makes it too easy to fall back into the thinking of they will change. It is what we have been programmed to think. The love we felt for them, the hope, the words of love they know how to say to us when we pull away, our families torn apart, just the loneliness or fighting this too long, are all the things that kept us in that hell for so long and things we have to guard our minds against.

Mine has been fishing, telling me all, well maybe some, of the things I longed to hear. But I have been gone too long, I have seen the games even now. I see the double edged sword, nice now until he doesn't get what he wants and there is that 4 yr old with the tantrum.

I blocked him from texting me and I am doing my own brainwashing program, one that involves listing to a NC program. I am strong, but like us all, history is hard to wipe out of your brain.

I have the moments of hate, abuse, condescending manipulations, arrogance, self entitled actions and the sound of his voice to remind me there is no going back. I remember knowing that if I ever made the decision to leave I would never go back and for me to throw my family away was the biggest decision of my life and one that was not taken lightly. But he knew that, that is why he did what he did, because he chose me, the victim, because he knew I was loyal and would take what he did to me.

I took his soul sucking for too many years and it is an insult for him to preach forgiveness and grace and use my belief system to manipulate me.

I have got to the point I can see his games, I pity him. But that is also a manipulation. This is why we will always have to be on guard with these NPDs. They know our souls, know how we think, our vulnerabilities, they know what makes our hearts yearn to be wanted. Its still a long road, but at least I am on it. I've cut the ties, all except the money, and thanks to a jerk of a judge and 2 stupid attorneys, it wont be for long, but even that is a blessing.

2013 is here. People, this is our year. We fought hard to get out. Let's stop going over what they did to us and start moving forward with plans on how we keep away from them.

Happy NEW Year.


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
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Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People, this is our year. We fought hard to get out.

Did you happen to see Harbindoc's post?

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=482133

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lA3ibjFuBA

Great song and I think it speaks for those of us trying to get free of an NPD.


Posts: 1062 | Registered: Aug 2010
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, January 1st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Check out some of the singer's other songs...She must be an SIer.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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