Well now I think I got all the truth
I am sorry to say but I don't think any BS ever gets all of the truth. Anyone capable of lying and cheating is going to minimize their horrid behavior even if they are remorseful. They don't want to look like even more of a jackass than they already do.
Tread lightly. Why is this time different than the other 3 with regard to telling the truth?
He tells me to be myself but he wasn't happy when I was myself.
I know exactly what you mean. EXACTLY. I said the same thing to my husband. Why am I suddenly the love of your life when I wasn't why you were having an A? I haven't changed. My FWH said that it was he that finally realized what he had and was taking me and our family for granted. Duh
All I will say to you is that do not beat yourself up over the WHY he chose to have an affair. As hard as it is to understand, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. It was an ego stroke and it was an escape from reality. La La La Fantasy Land.
They say when someone has an affair it is not about what they aren't getting, it is about what they aren't giving.
He needs IC to figure out why he chose to cheat, why and how it was okay and why it continued after 3x's of being discovered? Why should you believe him now? What changed?
As far as the other woman is -she is as broken as your husband. Who cares if she's a size 00. She is a shell of a person that betrayed her husband and her friend. Her soul is UGLY.
She was very nurturing because she was busy creating and environment where she could lie and manipulate to satisfy her own selfish needs. She had the play book on how to be an understanding and loving person. She didn't have to deal the real world with him. It was sunshine and rainbows and nothing real or hard.
How about HE worry about nurturing YOU if he wants to stay? How about him getting over himself and making this about YOU and how he needs to accept accountability and help you heal?
He tells you to be yourself. Tell him you don't know who that is anymore because he has turned your world upside down and you don't know which way is up right now. But if and when you figure it out (and you will) you hope he has done the hard work that will help you to want to remain with him.
Shift the power. This isn't about you winning him back this is about him winning you back.
He should be begging forgiveness and so incredibly thankful that you are still around after DDay #3.
Have you verified NC? Have you defined your boundaries. Does he know what will happen if there is a DDay #4?
Good luck. Protect yourself and your children because it will take some time to work through all the hurt, lies and deceit.
Good luck. Prayers for strength.