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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 30
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, January 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal and h&c,

Well my sitch was the opposite. My WW was the supermom. She worked full time (doctor) then took care of the kids full time during evenings and weekends. Paid all th bills. Did all the driving. Planned all medical appointments and there were a lot. Did 75% of the grocery shopping. Did all the laundry including mine. Took the dry cleaning.

Me? I worked full time, sure. I was in grad school at night for 5 1/2 years, gone 2 to 3 nights a week, and gone sometimes on weekends with study groups. I was working hard, yes, but I missed the family time more than her.

When did she check out? When she went out of town 5 times over 2 years to 2-day work conferences when she saw the OM.

So, one could ask how did she have time for an A? The power of the occasional text message. You can fit in an affair with your phone any time.

I guess what I am saying is that my high horse ain't that high.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJack-
Hmmm...guess my theory was wrong.

Maybe it is all about opportunity and resentment.

Resentment about their life, feeling like they are entitled to the affair due to how unfair things are-whether its too much responsibility at home, or not enough recognition/promotions etc. at work, or not enough praise.

It's a toxic mind set that they get into.

A glass half empty mentality and then if a likely affair partner comes along- there it begins.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey gotta2know, glad you stopped by. Just come in and post and people will respond. Sorry you are still so hurt by all of this.


I finally have my first counseling session next week. I'm hoping to start repairing my broken heart, broken spirt, my broken everything. I am so sad and depressed at what has become my life.

This is a great step in regaining control of your life. A's break us down so far, so fast, and so hard that it takes time and effort to get back up. But you can and will get back up. Going to counseling is a good way to work through alot of things to help you. you can and will reclaim yourself. Just remember to take it one step at a time. Start off with somethign small every day even if it's just making yourself think something positive and build on it.

He says over and over he wants to stay married and that she could never be what I am yet she is still in the background. He keeps apologizing for hurting me, on and on.

Remember it's actions not words that are important. He may say he wants to be in the marriage but his actions show something completely different. Go 180 with him and focus on yourself. The counseling will help. You can build yourself back up again. Just take it one day at a time.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1580 | Registered: May 2011
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Njgal,

You are right, I think. I posted a link before from affairrecovery.com.

The gist of article was trying to explain what can push/pull otherwise good and moral people into an affair. It suggested a combination of opportunity (via the right person or circumstance), pride (entitlement, compartmentalization), and envy (seeing what others have).


Sorry if I repeated myself.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to see the lawyer this Wednesday. Sucked paying that retainer but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel now. The agreement should be done within a week then I just have to hope my W actually signs it. We agreed to everything up front the only thing that irks me is since she can't afford to move out right now I may have to wait until the end of the year for the official seperation to start. The L suggested we try in-house seperation and put our intent in the agreement with a witness but I am not sure how that would work. Either way I am either 1 year away from freedom or 2 so at least I have a time frame now.

Funny thing is when I told WW that I was going to the lawyer she had this deer in the head lights look on her face. I guess she didn't think I was going to do it but I was serious about not being miserable anymore. I also am a little irritated that she has done absolutely nothing to help with this. All she does is ask questions and can't make a decision to save her life. I guess it all isn't real to her. Only good thing about that is per the lawyer if she agrees to the agreement then we may not need to do anything else. We just make it through the year of separation then come in and do the depositions and basically we are done. I know I am getting ahead of myself but 10 years of knowing someone (or rather thinking you know someone) and it's going to go out with a 15 minute deposition, signing a piece of paper, and walking out a door and gettind in separate cars. Damn ridiculous when I think about what I THOUGHT my life was going to be like but oh well. It will just be a little different than I envisioned but still great after I get over this speed bump.

The only additional legal hurdle will be child support. That is decided by a formyla in my state. We already agreed on 50/50 custody but the amount will have to be determined after she actually moves out. I love my kids and will always provide for them but the fact that I am required to send this woman money on a monthly basis because of her F'd up decisions pisses me off.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1580 | Registered: May 2011
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dp,
I'm so proud that you're slogging forward! Every step you struggle to take is one step closer to being free from this particularly difficult heartbreak.

7years,
Ditto on your steps to move forward. Who knows what the next year or so will being? Try not to focus too far down the line. By that, I mean don't borrow trouble, but do line up all those ducks while you are keeping your focus on you. I found that by the time the divorce was final and I had moved out, I had worked through my big issues and was in a really good place in my life. And, as a sort of odd bonus, Daffy was forced to watch me deal with the grief, rage, detachment and finally the happiness of a future without him. It was not easy for him, and I'm glad he had to witness my metamorphosis.

ETA: My not-so-smartphone apparently decided that I have said enough on this topic!

Love to the tribe; Nell out!

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 9:45 AM, January 25th (Friday)]


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
gotta2know
♀ Member
Member # 37115
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrsflushed- I don't know how you can stay in the same house and call it a separation. I couldn't do it, it would be too emotional. Wishing you lots of strength getting through that! Our d-days are almost the same!

For me, I'm hoping the counseling will get me back on my feet again. I used to be a strong, indepedent person. I have been reduced to a whining, crying baby and I don't even like myself. All areas of my life are hurting. I don't feel like I'm the mom I should be, the employee I should be, the daughter I should be, nothing I should be in any aspect of my life.

I want so much to feel good again. Talk about "fog", it has many meanings, lol. I feel like I live in a fog, just going through the motions, not really participating. My dad has the worst cancer you can have and I should be treasuring every moment with him, I am really trying, but most times I am just there with him not really treasuring it. I have a 22 year old daughter that desperately needs some motherly contact, she is doing well, but still enjoys having chats with her mother and where am I?, in a fog. I have a 15 year old sophomore heading out the door fast, a 13 year old boy who loves his mother desperately.

I am so danged mad that I can't get with it and enjoy these moments with all of the people in my life. I have given way too much power to my husband. I've asked him to just let me go, I don't want to be dragged along with his two-bit whore. I've offered to have a calm divorce. I've offered to let him stay in the house when he's in town and that I would leave (he travels alot for his job). I think I have worked hard on my responsibility in the marriage. He drags me back in constantly with saying he loves me and that it's over with her. Then we start it all over again. Been doing this for almost 2 years (April 8, 2011 is D-day).

I am stashing money, doing the counseling. I want "me" back!

[This message edited by gotta2know at 10:13 AM, January 25th (Friday)]


BW - 46 (me)
WH - 46(repeated cheater, cake eater)
Married 17 years
DD 4/8/2011 and many more
3 children- 22(mine), 16 and 13
Living in misery trying to understand why I choose to do so.
I like the saying "feel the fear and do it anyway!&

Posts: 165 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: SD
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell - Im living by 3 words that get me thru each day
Actions overcome fear.
Its a positive strong way to live.

[This message edited by deeppurple at 10:21 PM, January 25th (Friday)]


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, January 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mc_Jack
So, one could ask how did she have time for an A? The power of the occasional text message. You can fit in an affair with your phone any time.

Yep, my W did not have enough time to do everything (and of course I did not do enough). She did find time for OM with text, phots, phone calls and regular trysts. Even managed to sqeeze one in while we were on vacation.

It suggested a combination of opportunity (via the right person or circumstance), pride (entitlement, compartmentalization), and envy (seeing what others have).

I am sure my W was influenced by her GF who had an A. Turned out alright there was no DDay and they are still M as the A ended when they moved.

Sorry if I repeated myself.

I do that a lot these days though it is mostly not saying anything at all which is embarrassing when you are in mid sentence. Or even worse - mid word! Demenstia has set in either due to age or spurred on by infidelity.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, January 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actions overcome fear.

Amen brother! You keep at it and you will be in a better place.

7yrsflushed
So sorry she cannot see what a good, healthy, real love choice is suppose to be. This has made you a much better man. You can figure out how to place enough pressure on her so she will want to move out. Withhold your blessings you give her..

7yr, “Hey honey, maybe YOU move in with a GF.. when can you make that happen?“

7yr… “Oh? What is for dinner tonight? Nothing for you.”

STBXW, “can you pick me up.. blah blah.?
7yr, “Nope, you wanted to be not married.. live it now”

STBXW, “Can you help me pay for..”
7yr, “We are S and No. This is your own choice, not the choice I made.”


H&C..

I am sure my W was influenced by her GF who had an A. Turned out alright there was no DDay and they are still M as the A ended when they moved.
Yeh on the surface perhaps... But that woman has got some sort of problem that will get addressed one day. Be it her needing a new man, the shock of her own evil doings, I have NO doubt she is going to face something.. Most woman just don't change without a trauma.. epiphany..

Hello to all the new posters.. Daffy may be goofy but quality!!! lol..


Peace.

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:47 AM, January 26th (Saturday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, January 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotta2know:
I have given way too much power to my husband

That's my problem exactly. It's hard to try to get the power back and I'm still working on it.

7yrs: It will be hard to do "in house separation". You will have to decide what the "rules" are going to be, ie are you going to eat meals together? go to family functions? etc. This will be difficult to say the least.

DP: Keep posting. YOu are going through such a difficult time and I really admire your perserverance. It must be difficult not to see your kids. Are you able to talk to them on the phone? Text them? Send them cards via the mail? Even send letters that are certified so there is proof that you are still trying to contact them? I really don't understand why there isn't a family court or child services that would allow you to see your children.
{{{deep}}}

I'm having a difficult time internally. Mr. Hyde has gone undercover for a while and Dr. Jeckyll is out again, but the latter is not worth the former anymore. I guess the one good thing is that I am letting go of some codependent behavior. Ats' comments about no matter what I do would never be enough and that I can't "nice myself into a marriage" really hit home with me.

I really feel like an abused woman (emotionally and mentally). I tend to withdraw and this time am having difficulty getting myself going again. But the good thing is that I know I'm really done. That is a saying on SI, that you will know when you are ready, you will know when you are done.

I was always living on some thread of hope somewhere, anywhere I could find it...a gesture, a word, a look....something and I tried to "fix" it, "fix" myself so he would love me or choose me. So sad.

The funny thing is that I have fully realized something that so many people on SI have said. It's not so much the A, but how the WS acts after and the fallout such as TT, gaslighting, blameshifting, etc that affects how R may be possible. For me, the reality of how NPD really is is what has done it. These past 2 times with the silent treatment for over a week and then when he finally deems it ok to talk to me and starts with double talk and blameshifting disguised as logic. He was smart enough not to call me names, etc , but sounded so logical with how I "wronged" him, that I fell for it every time.
I've lost so much already... the house overseas, my lifestyle, family and friends over there that I wasn't ready to lose what I had here. Fear is what ruled me and still does.

Thank you for letting me ramble.
Love to the tribe.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, January 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest
I'm having a difficult time internally.

I am sorry you have to face this challenge.

I really feel like an abused woman

You have been. WH has been manipulative trying to make you (feel) responsible for his own transgressions.

I was always living on some thread of hope

Hope is a good thing, even a thread. The greatest things have been built on hpe! Count this as one of your virtues that you have TRIED.

It's not so much the A, but how the WS acts after and the fallout

It is the A! Post DDay is the WS' chance for redemption. This is if the BS is willing to grant this chance.

I wasn't ready to lose what I had here. Fear is what ruled me and still does.

Fears. We have to really identify what our fears are; what will happen if they come to pass; and then learn to face and coquer them.

It sounds like you are doing this and have found serenity and inner emotional strength. Bless you.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 26th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - In Australia we have to go thru the mediation process (most cases resolved here) before we get to court. WW has another 2 weeks to agree to mediation ...if she doesnt the mediator signs off & the court process commences. Earliest court date would be late April.
Being a realist I may not see my kids till mid year (approx 9 months)....just have to work thru the system which is slow & frustrating

& I used to do the cooking, washing up, grocery shopping, sports dro offs & coaching, ballet, baths etc etc. MIL used to do the washing & ironing...wtf did she do?

[This message edited by deeppurple at 6:27 PM, January 26th (Saturday)]


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, January 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack
Did you hack my computer?

Yep!
.

By the way, did your wife ever confirm what her IC goals were specifically?

Verbatim - this is what my W told me.
"I did not go to IC to work on our M"
"I really like my IC, IC understands me

"I am conflicted" My understanding is ... should I stay M to h&c or should I divorce?
"IC told me that connection with h&c has been gone too long and cannot be restored"
"IC told me there are 12 steps to detachment" and in my view, W has been doing everything to avoid being emotionally close to me.
"IC told me not to do it if I do not want to". I had asked W to send me one text every weekday telling me something good about me
"I obey you" It must be awful to feel controlled by someone who does not exert control. Asking my W to send a text affirming something good, something she appreciates is far from strapping her hands to a keyboard, waterboarding, or some other form of coercion.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, January 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In h&c land (and head)

W is on two week vacation with friend. Good for her.

It is DD, DS, and I. DD and DS are busy with school and activities so I have had lots of time to relax, reflect and plan how to approach W and our M/

It has been a very, very extreme emotional week as I contemplate
- low key, work on beigh a great H, the best person I can be whether or not these feelings are reciprocated by W. Be patient and easy going
- be direct with my W. This is my natural style. No bull. Just honesty. Views, expectations, and consequences.
I feel the stress as it has taken hold physically. Much as it did during the second year of W A.

Which brings me to Valentines Day coming up in a little more than two weeks. Valentines day has never been major for us, uneventful, strained the past few years. I have booked a weekend trip for us as my gift to her. It will be a surprise on Valentines day and we will leave 24 hours later. W likes to be in control and I expect this will be hard for her internally. (What about the kids, how will they get by without us (her))?

And as I noted in post to MC_Jack, W has been working on detachment. So, a weekend alone could be strained. I am not sure if W will return from her vacation closer or more distant from me and I suspect the latter (I have become such a pessimist or maybe just a realist).

I plan to choose the low key + approach. Giving W a Ventine card expressing my love for her, our weekend getaway, inviting her to join me on our life's journey, and letting her know we will have a lot, a lot of work to do. Happiness will not happen on its own - not with the baggage we will carry along the way.

And of course, I have 18 days to change my mind.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, January 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H&C, it seems your wife has told you what IC is NOT for. But stop looking at tea leaves, both big and small, and ask the questions directly: what are you going to IC for? what goals or objectives did you establish at the initial meeting? Don't accpet indirect answers. Maybe the goal is just to figure out what to do. Maybe it is getting the resolve to leave. You need to demand specificity and not avoid getting a direct answer you don't want to hear.

You also heed to give her that letter. It shows moral clarity. People respond to that. You need to call it like it is, simply and gently.

I wish u had it easier.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 2:24 PM, January 27th (Sunday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, January 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h&c-
I'm confused.
Your WW seems to be in detachment mode.
Leaving you alone with the kids to go away on vacation with who knows who....( I'm sure she told you a GF but at this point who really knows).
Hasn't she said that she does not want to be married and plans on D?

Or did I miss something?

If she has said all of these things and this is her plan you surprising her with a romantic Valentine's Day getaway may seem like a very controlling ploy to her and not be well received.

When I was in the detached mode from my FWH (2 yrs before d-day when I asked for a D due to his grouch on the couch behavior-which now I recognize as infidelity induced behavior) I would not have taken kindly to a surprise trip planned by him.

I might have been open to it if he had asked me about it in advance and then I agreed to go.

But springing it on me would have seemed presumptuous, especially if I thought we had issues that he was avoiding dealing with etc.

So my vote would be for you to ask your WW if she would be interested in going away for Valentines Day. And if she agrees than you can tell her that you have the perfect place picked out etc.



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, January 27th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wont know till wed/thurs but my car may have been lost in the flood - the dealership has 4 - 5 footof water thru it peak of the flood expect tues nite....


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:49 AM, January 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

deep- I'm so sorry.
You are dealing with so much right now!
And now this.
Could it be a blessing in disguise?
Do you have insurance coverage for the car? or maybe the dealership is responsible to replace it?
You are going through a storm of troubles right now but you will survive this and you will thrive.
Have faith.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
RSEB
♀ Member
Member # 34728
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, January 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to post my new mind set, thanks to the LTA forum and all of your words.

I see that we are all on different roads here, some leading toward D, some R'd and others still don't know depending on the day of the week.

Before posting in the LTA forum, I was at a breaking point. My BH was not being proactive in our R, kind of stuck in anger and no counseling on any level. I was floundering, starting to detach and feeling so much resentment towards him because of all the issues prior to my A that still at three years out from DDay were STILL exactly the same. My outlook was to deal with my BH hurt first and then eventually get to our M issues, but if he wasn't acting on healing, when would this ever happen??

Then the LTA, I have been refocused. I have a new mindset. I am going to be nothing but positive for my BH and NOT ALLOW him to make me a part of his negative thoughts in regard to me or our M. I will do nothing but affirm my love for him and our family. I will DO all I can do BE all I can for him, to fill the cracks in his broken heart so that he can MAYBE see me in a good light. I will continue down my path for 6 months (that is the timeline I have given myself). I will not pressure, just be loving and not engage in negativity with him. At that point if my BH is not in a shifted state of mind I will have to shift my gears up a notch.

I have seen though the LTA that the BS of an LTA is doing barely anything but breathing. Such a HUGE chunk of the BS's reality has been taken away, and every step the BS takes is shaky to say the least. It is my job to give my BH the best footing I can. Hopefully we can build that bridge back to support our M by my complete and loving support. He needs me now, more then he ever has, and I owe it to him after my actions to put my feeings of guilt and shame aside and put his needs first.

Thank you


ME - FWS


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