I ended up working there for another 3 years and had to work with OM from time to time. It as very difficult at first, but towards the end I got to indifference. I now work elsewhere, and do not have to see OM at work. I do run in to him from time t time as we live in the same community.
Fortunately I "out-ranked" OM, he was a bit of an A$$hole (not just my opinion), so I was able to control the situation and intimidate him more than he did me. Still, it was a trigger everytime I had to work with him. Looking at his stupid smiling face knowing he and my FWW had sex, said ILY, etc.
Thanks for this thread mods.
Introducing myself, I am an administrator at a hospital where my fWH is a pharmacist. For a while, he worked nights - where he met the OW. They became friends on facebook, moved to the inappropriate... and the rest is history. (His flirtatious behavior with nurses had long annoyed me, but of course I was floored when it moved from flirting to beyond).
Anyway, she works nights, I work days. I had never met her - only ever seen a picture - but every day when I come into work, I know that I might run into her as I leave and she comes in. And, one day last January, it happened - and I had the confrontation I'd had so many times in my head.
It didn't go particularly well nor was it as satisfying as I hoped. And, she complained to HR, so I then went to the situation where both my boss and the COO (acting VP of HR at the time) ended up knowing about my fWH's A. Tremendously painful.
Since that time, it's been even harder to come into work knowing I might see her. And, on several occasions, I have. I think it's a particular kind of hell to have to work with the OP, so I'm curious how many of us are in this situation...
The grief within me has its own heartbeat. It has its own life, its own song. Part of me wants to resist the rhythms of my grief, yet as I surrender to the song, I learn to listen deep within myself-Alan Wolfelt
I knew the first time I met her that she was trouble. We were all three in a training class and she spent the entire time smiling and batting her eyelashes at my H. When I interacted with her, however, she was very cold and standoffish. Later that evening she started sending my H text messages about recipes. I told him he needed to nip that right away...apparently he did not.
They ended up working on a project together a few months later and it was the perfect storm for her to get to him. She had already sent us both FB friend requests, I believe she "friended" me in order to make herself seem harmless and to get more information about our lives together. I know she looked through all of my photos because she made a comment about a photo I had posted years before and then looked uncomfortable that she had given herself away. This has taught me a valuable lesson on trusting my instincts on who I let into my life, even a little. I caught her looking at me the time that I saw her right before the A started and thought to myself, "She's going to try to steal my H." How I wish I hadn't dismissed that intuition...though I don't know if I could have changed anything. I was foolishly confident that my H would turn her away, I didn't think she was attractive, interesting, or smart enough for him to be attracted, but at the time I knew nothing about affairs and that those things don't really matter to someone who is broken inside.
She moved fast, the flirting started right away and she persisted until she got what she wanted, which only took about a week. They started to meet in hotel rooms for sex, went to lunch together all the time, tried to see each other as much as possible under "work" pretenses, constantly texted/messaged/emailed/called. When I started finding evidence, they just took it underground, further each time I found additional clues. I finally found full evidence of EA/PA after it had been going on two months and H ended it with her two days later.
I called her the next week and insisted she return my call if she didn't want me to show up at her office to talk. I gave her the standard, "Stay away from my H or I will ruin you" speech and she said very little because she is a coward. I have not had any personal contact with her since except to run into her at a meeting. The smug look on her face makes my blood boil.
H has agreed to leave the company and I plan to as well after he gets settled in elsewhere. If justice prevailed, OW would be the one leaving and I could make that happen with all of the evidence I have. It's still an option, but I often think I'd rather just find another job because this one is now full of triggers and reminders. It would probably be better for my healing to just move on.
I will post my story later, I'm at work today and just wanted to pop in and say that I look forward to getting and giving support for the unique situation we are in!!
So, instead of just impacted my "personal life" with his A, my fWH has made my workplace an emotionally challenging place to be.
I completely agree, I wish I had work to focus on that could provide a bit of respite from the A, but instead, my work just compounds the misery. I've found that I do better emotionally on weekends when I can disconnect from work. It seems like an advanced level of disrespect for the WS and OP to carry on like that in a professional environment where the BS is present with complete disregard for how it is going to impact the BS professionally. I honestly don't know how we continue to function in the workplace, sometimes I am shocked that I am able to do so.
I am a nurse, my fWH is a RT (respiratory therapist), and his OW is a RT also. I work days, and they work nights...all at the same hospital. I don't see her often, but am always aware of the days I go in when I could possibly have the chance of seeing her leaving. fWH has changed around as many of his nights as he can so as not to work with her, but still has 3nights every 2weeks he has to work with her. (Yeah, those 3 nights are hell for me....Ambien and me are friends on those nights!!) I have been employed by my hospital for 10 years, he has only worked there for 4 years and the OW only about 2 years.
I struggled those first few months after d-day with constantly triggering at work and the reality that I have no stress free place to go. I deal with the A at home, and I deal with the A at work...makes a person very stressed and anxious!!
I honestly don't know how we continue to function in the workplace, sometimes I am shocked that I am able to do so.
I only recently found out about the A but I have suspected for about a month and half. They are getting ready to travel for work again and I cannot understand how he can do this.
I work with my W's OM. I hired him 10+ years ago, promoted him, became very good friends with him, and helped him land another job in our department when we outsourced everything 3 years ago. He repayed me by spending years chasing my wife, and eventually having an affair with her.
And now, while he doesn't report to me, we work in the same department, and sit less than 100 feet apart.
I've gotten to the point where I don't go into full-blown panic attack when I see him in the hallways, but that took a bit. I do not, and will not, be in the same room as him ever, which makes for some awkward situations when we're both invited to the same meetings. My tact now is to simply tell folks what happened, when they ask why I'm dialing into meetings from my office, when I would normally just walk down the hall to the conference room. But overall, it sucks, big time. Every time I leave my office, I feel like I'm on guard, never knowing where or when I'll see him. A few weeks ago, when we passed each other by a stairway door, and it startled me as we nearly ran into each other, I actually started to cock my arm to punch him, but stopped myself. He never makes eye contact or looks at me, so I'm guessing he didn't even notice this flinch/reflex when it happened.
Anyway, great thread, and once again... sucks to be a member of this 'elite club'.
I ran into her the other day for first time since dday 3 weeks ago. I was taking care of sick patient. I said nothing but can not believe how much it rattled me. The town I live in is very very small and this will happen repeatedly.
How can I keep my dignity?
Married 10 yrs
Together 11 1/2 years
I've loved him forever
4 beautiful children ages 4-12 (one not bio his) but his through love
You made a fool out of me and she made a fool out of you
Last night, horrible dreams, two that I can remember. The first was just an extension of what happened. Except way more extensive. OM was everywhere at work, itís like I couldnít avoid him. It wasnít my work building though, it was some old weird school-like environment. Sitting in a basement, outside a seldom-used break-room, OM shows up. Trying to walk back to my office, and OM is standing there, bullshitting with my boss, so I couldnít get into my office. They were like old friends, chumming it up, which really pissed me off. Sitting in a meeting, and him refusing, but wanting to, talk about the subject matter. Trapped there, as we had to have this meeting. Horrible.
In the second dream, I woke up, and was very disoriented. The OM's girls were at our house. Whining, and snotty, obviously had colds. Me, trying to be civil with them, wondering why the fuck they were at our house. My sister there, but not my wife. Somehow I realized or found out that wife was at work, and she had arranged to babysit them a while back, but then got scheduled to work, so had to call my sister to help out. Me, slowly realizing ďWTF, when did she talk to OM or OBS, and WHY did she agree to do this?!?!?Ē. Actually did wake up after this one.
I was so stressed for the first hour I was awake, my body was coiled like a snake again. Fighting complete panic attack/breakdown, trying to stay distracted. Started again when I arrived at work; panic attack symptoms hitting me as I saw OM's car in the lot, and walked into the building.
This is SO NOT GOOD. Up and down, back and forth. I canít stand being here, being around him. Itís tearing me up.
is this thread ONLY if WS and OP work together?
Not a mod... but this thread is for BS that work at the same place as the OP. NOT WS working with their AP.