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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: New Beginnings and You
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Target  Posted: 7:06 AM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey D/S friends! I wanted to pop over and give a little PSA about the New Beginnings forum.

I know that a lot of the stuff that is posted over there is about dating, and that if you aren't ready to date, you may feel like that forum isn't for you.

New Beginnings aren't about dating though. New Beginnings are about you and the ways you find life after separation or divorce. A new beginning can be a new car. It can be going back to school. It can be getting a surgery you've been putting off. It can be redecorating your home, or creating new traditions for holidays with your children for the holidays. Heck, it can be finally finding the time that read that novel that you've been putting off for the last five years. And yes, eventually for many of us, it can also be about finding someone new - but that comes best after you've found yourself and your life.

As you extricate your STBX from your life, you'll find there is leftover space, time and energy that s/he would have filled. That space, time and energy is now yours! What an amazing silver lining to getting a divorce! You can choose to make whatever you want of your life from this point forward.

Your new beginning is all about you!

Don't be afraid to venture over and visit us. If you're not ready to date, don't open the dating threads; they can certainly wait. But as you discover ways to invest in yourself, to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved, feel free to share them with us in NB, because we want to celebrate with you! And if you're struggling to love yourself, you are welcome to share that too, because a lot of us have been there, and we remember how bewildering it can be to suddenly find yourself in new territory, sometimes after decades of answering to and prioritizing someone else, and we want to encourage you and help you remember that you are worth loving as well.

Don't be afraid to venture over and say hi when you have a chance. We don't bite, and the bus is actually a pretty great crowd of people.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:07 AM, July 29th (Sunday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is such a great post, I had to chime in to agree.

I'm not yet dating, but gain a lot of inspiration down in NB, and talk about other things that are going on.

It's way more fun down there than in S/D!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3402 | Registered: Dec 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post, Ama.

Your NB can be anything at all. When you shift your focus from the past and start looking at your future, NB is the place to do it. Even if you are just at the point of "now what?"

There are better days ahead and sunshine to be found.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25707 | Registered: Aug 2011
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and I just want to chime in with a don't think you have to be in one or the other. it's okay to jump back and forth between D/S and NB. I do it all the time.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome post!!! Thanks for this Ama.

I definitely agree. There is so much more to post D life than finding someone new.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NB is time for a changes and start overs.
Also we share the disappointments and confusion that we sometimes experience with our NB. The wisdom and support of SI continues.....
Hugs and many of us are in 2-3 other forums so it's not exclusive.
gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20383 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that what I've taken away from NB (spend most of my time there and D/S) is that it doesn't have to be about dating at all. I know it hasn't been for me! It's a great board to be on because it helps you realize that you do have a future that spans beyond your STBX/XS and that your experience with infidelity doesn't have to define you.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

don't think you have to be in one or the other. it's okay to jump back and forth between D/S and NB.

Yes! I totally meant to say this! Thank you for remembering when I forgot.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is inspiring. I think reading about where you aren't... yet.... brings the possibility of that into your mind.

I can remember reading and shying away, and coming back. Certain threads would capture my interest and I would read but not have the courage to post.

Also, the timeline is your own. Plenty of names came here after me and went to NB before me.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
gahurts
♂ Member
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well said Ama.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3432 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
risingfromashes
♀ Member
Member # 3903
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For someone just dipping her toes into NB I am so happy to read this post. Thank you Amazonia!!


There is life on the other side of hell.

Posts: 1665 | Registered: Mar 2004
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love reading down in NB.
Thanks for the great post Ama.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4683 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 31st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
GreenMom
♀ Member
Member # 36385
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 31st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the NB forum, it gives me hope to see so many people leading happy lives post infidelity.


DD#1 6/14/12
DD#2 7/29/12
Reconcilation attempt didn't last long...WH moved out 8/10/12
Divorcing... hoping to be done soon
Making a fantastic NB for myself and my family!

Posts: 535 | Registered: Aug 2012
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, August 31st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just posted there again. I posted a few times but thought because I was not dating no one responded. So I stayed over here.
Thanks for telling us to come over!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2780 | Registered: Aug 2011
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, August 31st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ama, you're so right...

I've been in NB for quite some time and it's refreshing to have watched so many go from the fetal position to actually standing up and moving forward...

The diversity in where everyone is at on their timeline of NB is a great teacher... Some are way ahead, some are where you are and some are where you've been...

The shared experiences and understanding in NB keep us all on our toes... We're there as an example of what has worked, what's working and what doesn't do a damn bit of good...

Come on and jump in the water... We're all learning to swim... Wouldn't it be great to swim with a bunch of people who show you that every tomorrow offers the opportunity to a happy future?

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5982 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Hope24
♀ Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumpety-bump


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So lovely. I don't know why but this brought tears to my eyes.

I have lurked over there quite a bit lately like a naughty kid peeking at what the bigger kids are doing....


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, November 5th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for Tesla and any other lurkers.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, December 10th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13797 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 41
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