I'm sure the first guy I dated was horrified by me. After listening to him drone on about how his ancestors were saints & kings, I told him my ancestors were witches and his probably burned mine at the stake.
He dumped me as soon as he got back to his computer; it was a relief.
I love these. They're making me crack up.
My friend had a guy that told her he just got out of prison. He had came home and found his wife in bed with his BF. He got his gun, loaded it, pointed it at them...then beat the crap out of his friend.
(Being an SI'er....I could understand this even if I would never do it)
Never shot the gun at all and left the house.
He was arrested and did time because he did load the gun and pointed it at them in bed.
So he asked my friend if she wanted to still go out with him.
She said "Depends - are you going to point a gun at me???"He says: "Depends - are you going to sleep with my best friend??"
She actually went out with him for awhile.
(I always research my online contacts. Mostly find they are honest, normal people. However, did have one that I discovered to be a registered, lifetime sex offender. Huh...never mention THAT in his emails!)
[This message edited by EvenKeel at 10:06 AM, July 25th (Wednesday)]
Halfway through lunch, he told me he'd had a vision from God, that he was going to be a regimental commander in God's army and invade hell.
I thanked him for sharing, raised my hand and hollered "Check, please!" and RAN out the door. Took another year before I tried dating again.
The one that stands out to me isn't all that great a story. And if I've told it here before it probably isn't any better this time, so feel free to skip to the end. It's a long story, and doesn't have a payoff. It's my only real "wtf" date, because I'm fairly boring about vetting potential dates through days of email.
I was contacted on PoF by a woman in my area who seemed reasonably attractive, and had a PhD in her field. I'm a bit of an education snob myself, so the PhD is like catnip. The messages were a bit odd, though, so after a few days I was ready to let it go. I wrote my "thanks, and good luck" message. She responded with an apology, and said she doesn't like emailing because she has Dyslexia.
I figured she must be very intelligent to get through that much school while dealing with Dyslexia, and I appreciated what I perceived as a lack of ego in telling me that while getting the "good luck" note. So I decided the lack of any sort of connection in email could be justified and maybe it was better to meet. I'd hate to miss out on someone incredible.
I drove to her town, about 40 minutes away, and she was only about 15 minutes late to the restaurant. But she was better looking than in her pictures, so I was happy to see her.
It turns out that this woman, who has a PhD in chemistry and is enormously successful in her field if what she told me is true, is heavily into astrology. And, by heavily into astrology, I mean Nancy Reagan would be envious.
She only asked me a handful of questions the entire evening. Which wouldn't have been too terrible if they all weren't somehow related to the horoscopes she kept checking. During this date, she had her phone on the table, and kept looking up horoscopes. Mine, hers, ours, her son's, various combinations, various specialized horoscopes for singles, I don't know, maybe even pets. I tried to get in a few phrases edgewise that might indicate that I don't believe in astrology, but she was tuned out. Although we were together about three hours in all, I doubt she found out even what I do for a living.
But... she was absolutely delighted that I was a Gemini. I think that's why she contacted me in the first place. During this reading (and I hesitate to call it a date because it was more her reading horoscopes than anything else), she repeatedly said how wonderful a day it was for us. At one point, with a wink, after she read one of my daily horoscopes, she said it would be a good idea if we made sure we had good breath because it was such a good day for a date (this wasn't a hint about my breath - we weren't sitting close enough and I would have clued in fairly quickly if I were offending her).
Shamelessly, I'm thinking this might be headed toward an ONS, and since it had been a while for me and she was quite attractive, I would have been on board.
We leave the restaurant and walk toward her car. On the way, we're stopped by a homeless person. She quite happily engages him in conversation, can't remember the details. But it ends up with her promising to return with some money as she didn't have much cash with her.
We get into her car and she goes to the ATM and withdraws some money for the homeless person. It turns out he didn't stay where he was, so we spent the next 20 minutes driving around looking for him. Not successfully.
While I knew from about 20 minutes into this date that there was no hope of a relationship, it wasn't horrible. She was a genuinely nice person. She was very upbeat and under the right circumstances, her knowledge of astrology would have been entertaining. Yes, it was boring after an hour of astrology, but that could have been nerves.
The problem was that she never stopped talking. I was clearly just an object to her. She drove me to my car, and I'm thinking "what the heck" based on her repeated hints throughout the evening. I lean in for the kiss, and she gives me the cheek, saying she never kisses on the first date. That's OK, too, but a bit weird considering all the rather overt signals.
I drove home. A half-hour after I returned, she called me. I listened to her recap of another series of horoscopes she had read in the meantime, all, again, quite rosy for us in the Gemini camp. I could not get her to listen long enough to get off the phone. Finally, I said I'd call her back and we'd do this again. I didn't. She didn't, either. And the promising marriage of Aquarius and Gemini remains unfulfilled.
Since he lived ½ way between my house and our intended location I drove to his apartment complex and called him when I got there. He came bounding out, no invitation in to his apartment (no red flag at that). He wanted to drive the rest of the way so we walked to his car. It was a dirty mess! Seriously? You knew you were going on a DATE! After he cleared all the crap from the front seat I got in and we proceeded to head to the next town. Then:
*We had to stop at the ATM (Really? Great planning ahead.)
*He didn’t know where the club was located (wouldn’t you look it up in advance?)
*When we got there he parked on the street, got out, and took off across the street to the club. Uh… thanks for waiting for me, buddy.
*He paid for the tickets but complained about the price.
*When we were seated and looking at the drinks menu he complained numerous times about the drink prices. I decided I’d only have one low-priced drink. He proceeded to get one that was more expensive – then ordered himself a second. When it came time to pay the bill he didn’t have enough money (having only gotten a $20 at the ATM earlier) and I volunteered to pay the bill. Had I known that I would be paying the bill I would not have nursed one glass of wine until it was warm!
*After the show we exited the club and he did the same “take off across the street without me” thing and hopped into the driver’s seat. I made my way carefully across the street in my high heels and got in the passenger side.
*On the drive back to his home and my car he asked if I wanted to get something to eat. I politely declined. I didn’t want to spend any more time with him and I knew I’d be paying.
*When we got to his parking lot I thanked him for taking me to the show and got out of the car. He followed me to my car. I got in and rolled down my window to say good night. He stuck his head in the window, planted a wet kiss on me (sticking his tongue in my throat) and put his hand down my shirt to get a boob feel!! I pushed him away and told him how that was WAY out of line! He apologized and said goodnight. I drove home.
That was our first and last date. He joined the Peace Corps soon after and moved abroad.
"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink
He joined the Peace Corps soon after and moved abroad.
Snapdragon, your rebuff drove him out of the country!!!
"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana
Apparently he had embezzled $300,000 from his last employer.
It will all be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end
Happily remarried to a wonderful man (Aussie). I think I found the right guy and the right finger this time.
Oh, and there was the guy who brought a gun to our first - and last - date. Because "you never know when you might have to shoot back".
As it turned out - my ex was an idiot and hadn't followed up with all the paperwork, then when it went to court, the judge tossed it out because I wanted to go back to my maiden name but didn't come to the hearing (WTF? My lawyer was baffled at that one too - she was at the hearing, and it's normal for that to just be automatic & you don't need to actually be at the hearing. The judge said I had to actually BE there to swear I wasn't doing it for illegal purposes or to avoid debts, despite the fact that Maryland law allows someone to revert to their original name on their BC at any time for any reason! Sigh.)
All of this extended things longer than I'd thought, and the guy (a lawyer) I'd been talking to was starting to (understandably) get impatient to meet, so I agreed to meet for coffee, with the understanding that we were just meeting the once, and that although extended, the D still should be final fairly soon.
I'd already had one red flag for him - lying about his age. He had made himself almost 10 years younger in his profile. When we were on the phone and he talked about his education, I could tell the numbers weren't adding up and asked him about it. He was impressed that I figured it out just from what little he'd said, and told me he had done it because he found he didn't get responses from the right age range when he put his real age.
I gave him benefit of the doubt, but was on guard at that point.
When we met, he seemed ok, so we continued talking on the phone.
Shortly thereafter, during phone conversations:
- I found out that he had also lied about being "widowed", because women don't want to date men of his age that have never been married.
- That he was a "reverend"... He had started his own church (in name only), that he claimed was to help underprivileged kids, but had the "added benefit" of giving him tax-exempt status.. and that he kind of felt that anyone who didn't take advantage of that was a fool.
(If you're wondering why I kept talking to him after this stuff... there was a lot of mental/emotional abuse from my ex during the M, and I later realized I had been jumping back in WAY too soon, and that lack of self-esteem after the abuse was an issue for me.)
- And during the last time he called me, it started out with, "So, are you divorced yet?" When I told him that my L was working on getting everything straightened out, and that another court date hadn't been set yet, he proceeded to berate me for not having found a new lawyer, because obviously mine was incompetent or I would have been D'd already, went off on me that I wasn't trying hard enough to get it done, and ended the call with, "So, call me when you are divorced."
That was in 2004. Think he's still waiting by the phone?
I said, "I have stuff I need to work on, I'm sorry I can't invite you in" and "It's getting late, you should probably go before it starts raining" and "Would you like me to walk you to your car?". He just kept saying how much he enjoyed our time, and asking for "one more hug" and that he really didn't want to leave. I finally said, "Okay, I know, but it's time for you to go." and put a hand on his chest and pushed him out of my doorway.
Needless to say, that's been cut off now.
I do have two favourites from on-line dating messages.
Now bear in mind that these are the opening salvos of the dating wars from these particular guys. Yeah - I didn't contact either one.
Winner of the least original (yet still offensive) comment award:
wow i would love to be doing you while you where doing her
** Note my profile does say that I am bisexual. It also says very clearly that I am into monogamy and DO NOT message me if you're looking for a threesome, swinging, or screwing around on your SO/Spouse. So clearly he didn't read my profile at all. LOL
Winner of the most confusing, w.t.f. is that even supposed to mean award goes to:
Ur love is to the lover's love to his soul, and without ur love the lover won't have a soul
PsychoGuy: What no email am I ugly?
Me: I don't understand. ?
PG: Well you viewed my profile and then didn't message me.
Me: no you are not ugly
PG: You are beautiful!
PG: (minutes later) so what's up?
PG: (minutes later) So are you not allowed to email while at work?
PG: (later that evening!) Are you still interested in communicating?!
PG#2 : I would like to get to know you. Here are some small talk details about me.
Me: Thank you for the note. However I looking to date in my town, locally. (this was directly stated in my profile paragraph part)
PG#2: Well I didn't think 42 miles was too far! :-( (yes exactly 42 he must have done mapquest to find out the precise number of miles.
Me: BLOCK. what part of no does he not understand?
[This message edited by will get by at 12:19 PM, August 14th (Tuesday)]
Things like this make me not want to date.
Okay, I know, but it's time for you to go." and put a hand on his chest and pushed him out of my doorway.
Needless to say, that's been cut off now.
Needless to say, that's been cut off now.
You cut off your hand???
I wrote him back later that night and told him I had read his message on my phone but wasn't near a computer to answer it as I was with my children, and they come first. I then told him I felt like he lived too far away for me to date and I didn't think we would be a good match.
He asked if I would critique his profile from a female viewpoint and tell him what was wrong with it because women weren't responding to him. I told him for one, he shouldn't get all hostile if someone didn't get back to him in an hour because it looked desperate. Then I corrected all his grammar and spelling and sent his profile back. It was really very poor. It said "I like rideing motercicles." wish I were making that up.
We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."
Then I corrected all his grammar and spelling and sent his profile back.