I liked it, and got a lot out of it. It actually explained a lot to me about myself.
Why I had several of the attitudes and weaknesses I had.
Others didn't like it, or the message, so much.
[This message edited by TrustedHer at 12:30 PM, July 16th (Monday)]
Don't think I'll be in the latter category as I'm currently on my own little "whatever it takes to change" crusade.
[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 3:12 PM, July 16th (Monday)]
It's actually pretty awesome.
I of course want my WS to work on his dishonesty, passiveness, lack of ability to say no (to anyone but me), his porn addiction and unspoken expectations for when he does something nice - it has strings attached but I often don't know what they are and he feels like a victim.
The part of the book that scares me is that it tells men that they can demand sex, threaten to leave if they don't get it, be selfish, etc. As someone recovering from his cheating and lying as well as the effects of a giant porn addiction...I feel a lot of pressure to not take care of my own emotional needs because he is being told that its okay to expect me to give him what he wants no matter how I'm feeling.
There is a NMMNG forum and I have read some of it. Most of the men over there sound abusive and selfish. I almost cry when I read some of the threads about how wives don't give them the sex they want. . . the men sound emotionally abusive and I don't know how the women survive. (Maybe thats why so many of the men are divorcing their wives at the end of long threads). They are calling their wives all kinds of names that sound unloving, uncaring, and cold. It seems that those "nice guys" are not nice AT ALL.
It actually helped me quite a bit when I was struggling with false R to make me realize that I didn't have to put up with her insane and abusive behavior.
DS 15, DS 10
It seems that those "nice guys" are not nice AT ALL.
As for sex, I tried for years to be a better husband in hopes of being rewarded with sex. I did things for stbx, I indulged her, I ignored my needs and wants. really, when sex between us dropped to once a month or less I should have seen thta as a sign that she was no longer in love with me, and if we were not able to work out our (her) issues, then I should have left the M back then. I think thta point is that is sex is important to one of the partners it should be a part of the M, not just something one partner does as a reward or to apease the other.
[This message edited by atsenaotie at 9:48 AM, July 28th (Monday)]