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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Emotional Detachment: What is it? And how is it accomplished?
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very good post!!! I really needed this right now!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 - PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - EA? Spring 2013

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you" Bonnie Kaye


Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2013
meredith132
♀ New Member
Member # 41593
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for this found it really helpful, I have achieved NC for nearly a month and I have had a couple of difficult days but the pain isn't so physical because there is not another twist of the knife from him. I also take comfort knowing he hates being found out, I have acted totally differently to how he expected, he doesn't know what to do he is all at sea

Posts: 40 | Registered: Dec 2013
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for FELCO


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, lhap, for a great post!

I see emotional detachment as a form of self-protection, an act of self-love.

Someone once told me to "live your life without reference to him.". It is so powerful and helpful to me. It doesn't mean to be cruel or unkind, but to keep focusing on myself, my needs, in a loving way.


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lemony.2008,
Amen. Its about protecting yourself and is an act of selflove.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And my MC agreed with me today to stay detached from my wh! Ha!


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello,

Five months after my last response to this thread (October 12, 2013), I can just reiterate to those struggling: I had a nightmare of a time detaching. But I am, slowly but surely. And I was totally emotionally enmeshed for a long, long time.

Again:

Time. It does wonders. Those hands on the clock move excruciatingly slow, but they do move.

Your spouse/X/STBX being a consistently horrible, evil person. Let them show you who they are, over and over again. Your survival instinct will kick in and tell you: run. Your emotions will catch up.

The magic words, of course: No Contact.

Hang in there, everyone. If I can detach, so will you.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1471 | Registered: Dec 2012
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Nov 2010
BAMAC
♂ Member
Member # 39334
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, lhap?. I needed to read this.


DDays - 1/26/2013 | 3/23/14
BH (Me) 30. WW 30.
Filed.

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2013 | From: TX
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 226 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
Topic Posts: 115
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