Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: downanout (45360)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Emotional Detachment: What is it? And how is it accomplished?
cl131716
♀ Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, December 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very good post!!! I really needed this right now!


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, December 28th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 209 | Registered: Nov 2013
meredith132
♀ Member
Member # 41593
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, January 2nd (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for this found it really helpful, I have achieved NC for nearly a month and I have had a couple of difficult days but the pain isn't so physical because there is not another twist of the knife from him. I also take comfort knowing he hates being found out, I have acted totally differently to how he expected, he doesn't know what to do he is all at sea

Posts: 52 | Registered: Dec 2013
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, January 30th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for FELCO


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, lhap, for a great post!

I see emotional detachment as a form of self-protection, an act of self-love.

Someone once told me to "live your life without reference to him.". It is so powerful and helpful to me. It doesn't mean to be cruel or unkind, but to keep focusing on myself, my needs, in a loving way.


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lemony.2008,
Amen. Its about protecting yourself and is an act of selflove.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
lemony.2008
♀ Member
Member # 20125
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, February 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And my MC agreed with me today to stay detached from my wh! Ha!


Feel the feelings and drop the story. - Pema Chodron


Posts: 2243 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, March 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello,

Five months after my last response to this thread (October 12, 2013), I can just reiterate to those struggling: I had a nightmare of a time detaching. But I am, slowly but surely. And I was totally emotionally enmeshed for a long, long time.

Again:

Time. It does wonders. Those hands on the clock move excruciatingly slow, but they do move.

Your spouse/X/STBX being a consistently horrible, evil person. Let them show you who they are, over and over again. Your survival instinct will kick in and tell you: run. Your emotions will catch up.

The magic words, of course: No Contact.

Hang in there, everyone. If I can detach, so will you.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
BAMAC
♂ Member
Member # 39334
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, April 4th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, lhap?. I needed to read this.


DDays - 1/26/2013 | 3/23/14
Divorced 7/10/2014

Posts: 84 | Registered: May 2013 | From: TX
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, May 30th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
No life should be passively relinquished due to the toxicity of others and taking steps to protect yourself may very well be the most important steps you will ever take.

Posts: 1909 | Registered: Nov 2010
limbohurts
♀ Member
Member # 43818
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been three months since Dday and separation and I am not even beginning to detach. I want to so badly, but it's like I have no control and I continue to self-harm by staying in contact with WH. Why can't I do this? I literally feel like I am cutting myself every time I see him. Just the little bit of contact with him makes me feel better and then worse. What is holding me back from detaching? I am so afraid to be alone and so afraid to lose the life WE have built over the past 20+ years. I know that I need to let go, but my heart and emotions just keep holding me back. The pain is unbearable and I feel no better in 3 months.


Me BW
Him WH LTA
Married 18 years
2 kids
Separated March 2014
Divorcing

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jun 2014
deceivedguy
♂ Member
Member # 44049
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been six weeks since DDay, and I'm on week one of 180 detachment. I'm having a tough time, but sticking with it.
Your post has been great food for thought. I'm really looking forward to discussion and suggestions regarding detachment.

I find that one minute I feel empowered, and the next, I'm sick to my stomach with anxiety and/or depression.

Thanks for this thread! And thanks to those who bumped it!

[This message edited by deceivedguy at 5:06 PM, July 13th (Sunday)]


Me (49), WW (44), 2 Awesome DDs
DDay 6/2/2014 - 16 years married
Possibly new or continuing A, currently.
Worst experience of my life. Still having a tough time dealing with this. I appreciate your support, more than I can express.

Posts: 178 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Indiana
AmSoDone
♀ Member
Member # 43871
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 4 weeks since dday and 1 week since NC. Thanks for this thread. I really needed to read this today. I am really struggling with detachment and this has really made me want to look at my co-dependency.


BP(me) 50
WP (scumbag) 52
On-off for 32 years
1DD
1 DGD
Too many D Days to count. Same with OW.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 125
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.