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User Topic: "No Reason to Stay?" A thread for BS's
♀ Member
Member # 8067
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, June 13th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a GREAT topic. I stay, for now, because I cannot afford to leave.

I thought we were reconciled, what a dreamer I was. WH weapon of choice are internet EA. They still hurt, and it's not just that, but how he treats me. I used to feel bad because he had a stroke and I wanted to blame part of it on that. The truth is, the stroke just allowed me to catch him quicker this time.

When I graduate school and get back to work, I'm GONE. I also have lots of health issues. They were in remission until WH's stroke. Now I'm a total mess. I can't walk without a walker, if I have to go too far I have to use a wheel chair. I hurt everywhere. And all the daily drama just keeps it going...

One more year to go.......

Married 29 + years
The REAL DDAY-5/25/05
Hubby had a stroke 3-4-09 - working hard at recovering.

He decided to spend his days looking up old sluts on FB from years past.... Where are we now?

Posts: 885 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Somewhere I've not been before
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Member # 30023
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 27th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose in many ways I'm staying for reasons similar to what Capri wrote. To become financially prepared, to avoid disrupting DS16's last two years of HS. To heal myself as much as I can. There are so many excellent reasons to leave, all valid and compelling. But in the end, I feel trapped and I refuse to allow his behaviors to result in my being left on the street unable to support myself. Call it pride, stubbornness, using him for my own selfish ends. Whatever. But I'm tired of being told "just leave already".

~ Sabina

Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou

Posts: 1350 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Metro DC
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Member # 28841
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, June 27th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I might belong here too, because we have been married almost 11.5 years with no kids (just pups). And while many BS's stay for the kids and that works out for them, I stay for the opposite reason. First, I really believe that if we'd had kids FWH would not have had the A. MOW used the "I'll have your kids" line on FWH and that added to his already having his head up his ass - just sealed the deal. In fact during the A - when I didn't know about it yet, FWH said something to me about going and finding someone else to have his kids. So I know it was weighing on his mind. At the time of the A, we had experienced 3 miscarriages + years of infertility treatments. It is such a devastating process to have to live through. If you don't know, I hope you never have to find out.

Today, we are working on R and except for MOW fishing every 6-12 months things are looking up. But knowing myself and the way I heal and how long it takes for that process to happen and how ugly it is, I would not have stayed if we'd had kids. Well and MOW pretended to be pregnant after Dday, so I wouldn't have stayed if she actually were either. Alot of my anger outside of the normal A anger is the fact that FWH nearly gave my children's birthrights away - without a thought. It is a huge deal for me. When things were leaning more toward D than R in the beginning, part of what boiled my blood the most was that FWH and I would go our seperate ways and what did that say about the legacies and importance of the 3 babies we lost? So there are more than the normal issues when you're dealing with an A and some of these special circumstances. Does that make sense to anyone?

I actually take strength in the fact that I have "no reason to stay." Leaving would definitely be easier, but I chose to stay and do the work.

This^^ What La Traviata said holds so much weight with me. I have an MBA, I don't need FWH to make a living or do anything really. If we were to go our seperate ways except for the puppies, everything would be a clean break. I would move back to the midwest and FWH could suck it. Unfortunately having that attitude has hindered R sometimes, but I guess that's just the new reality of living with the aftermath of an A.

[This message edited by Thera77 at 3:06 PM, June 27th (Wednesday)]

Me 32, FWH 34 M 8.5 yrs @ A
Dday: 9/15/09 TT & limbo 'til 10/19/09 + 'pregnancy'
Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.

Posts: 462 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: my front porch you can see the sea
broken <3
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Member # 35098
Cool  Posted: 3:02 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was told the same thing - Ive been with my WS for over 7 years - hes a serial cheater (mostly online) but he went to a "swingers party" back in 2008 - I KNOW theres more and Ive yet to have a sit down to discuss time line with him... He tries to rug sweep - IM NOT GONNA LET HIM... Hes posted his own "casual encounters" posts on craigslist and has responded to others posts aswell - he admits to meeting 12 in person but "nothing happened" - they were usually unattractive fat, white girls... or something... (his words)
Ive been told to cut line and run too - as we have no children and arent married (tho he did propose in aug 2010) that being said he has sneaky ws thinking ALL the time! He definately shows signs of passive agressive behavior and has more than a dozen times "thrown me under the bus" with his friends/family in regards to how "controlling" I am...
He's remourseful - wants us to be together and has done most of my bottom lines in regards to R - but hes so concerned about what I said when I found out about the sex party he attended - I threw him out and got violent and also shouted "Everyone is going to know about this!" I wanted to post on his facebook (that I had access to at that time - phone and email passwords too) that hes a serial cheating pos and that all along he was saying crap about me and making ME feel guilty coz he wasnt getting his way...
Sorry long rant - Ive not posted here in a while...
That being said - I hold on hope with him, besides not giving his passwords back to me - thats all , hes agreed to everything else and doesnt want to do that part coz hes trying to do the old "self perservation" crap - even though everyone close to us knows anyways - I can ask for his phone at any time and theres a keylogger and iphone data extractor on his computer to catch him - if he does it again - IM SO GONE...

[This message edited by broken <3 at 3:04 PM, June 28th (Thursday)]

Me - BS mother of 10month old identical twin girls (conceived during HB)
Him - serial cheater
R? Still not sure if this is a deal breaker...

Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West coast Canada
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Member # 35054
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, July 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for this thread. I don't know why I stay.

BSO - Me (25)
WSO - Him (29)
One super spectacular 1 year old DS

Posts: 154 | Registered: Mar 2012
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Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just posted in R forum and found this one which is great for me too.

No Reason to stay??Over the last 21/2 years I have asked myself this very question. Our kids have grown and left home. s okids aren't the reason. Finacial -no I would be better off on my own. Fear - Maybe, I know this life and for the most part it's OK. I have some great moments and once in awhile they include him.
I think hope is the reason I stay. I hope for a better future. I hope we have more and more good times together and somewhere I hope he loves me like he did before, well actually more than he did before.


Posts: 797 | Registered: Apr 2010
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Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, July 20th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so thankful for this thread. I feel guilty revealing this on other threads because I see how much everyone else is going through. I'm only 26, WH and I have only been together for 3 years. No kids. I'm in school working on my Master's and if history repeats itself then I'm likely better off financially without him.

There was one EA at the beginning of our marriage and one ongoing PA that I know about. DDay for that one was a little over a month ago.

Since then we've been back and forth about D versus R. Sometimes I kick him out, sometimes he leaves. He always stays away for a few days and then comes home, ready for R, then we have a fight and he leaves (or I kick him out).

We had one MC session, then he said D and left again. Now he wants R and I just don't know. I was so unhappy when he left and I thought I wanted him to come home. Now that it's an option, I feel confused and scared that this will just keep happening if I don't take myself out of this situation.

No reason to stay, many reasons to go including very serious ones like emotional abuse and past sexual and physical abuse. When I see it written down or talk about it in IC the choice seems obvious. Then when I get back home I lose most of my desire to walk away.

Me: Former BW, 26 (now 27)
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 354 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
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Member # 34709
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, July 25th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Need some advice..

Iíll try and be brief with my history.. or you can read my previous post. Iíve been married to my WH for 3 Ĺ years, together for 7 years. During our entire relationship he was very protective of his phone and email. I never had any reason to think anything, so I didnít think anything of it. December 2007 (3 months) after he proposed, he left his email open and I had a weird gut feeling, so I looked. He was corresponding with a woman regarding the ad she had posted on craigslistÖ It was basically setting up a date and time to meet up. I confronted him and he said he was bored and just having a little fun, nothing behind it. Silly me, I believed him. Over the next 5 years he grew more and more protective over his email/phone. He would wait until I left the room to put in his password, etc. Iíve discovered 7 emails/text messages over our relationship having to do with meeting up with other women/couples. The last one was (November 2011), I can only meet up during the week to do it, but trust me, and Iím your guy. Gross!! He still to this day swears nothing ever happened, I donít believe him and he knows it. I moved out in January, he was very distant and seemed over it and I was so tired of trying by myself. I missed his so much and the pain was so intense, I folded and went back home. Things didnít really change, but I pretended everything was ok and went back to my usual self. Doing everything, housework, cooking, cleaning always with a smile on my face (I work fulltime also). He became very distant again so I moved out again in May. This time, it was different, he was very sad and cried a tonÖ he said he loved me more than anything and he was going to do anything to get me back. This included counseling which he said he would never do. Iíve been in IC for close to 2 years now. I moved out for two weeks and he called me begging to meet him at counseling. I went and the counselor said I should moved back home to work on things, I said no, he needs to work a little more and she insisted.  So, I did. He gave me the password to his phone and computer which is nice. With that being said, I found another email (in the trash folder) with him corresponding with another chick regarding her picture being nice and asking where she lived. This occurred while I was gone the first time. He again said nothing happened and the counselor said I need to close the past and stop digging/looking for something.

With all of that being said, Iím still having a ton on issues. He said he already feels like he ruined me and who I am as a person and heís done beating himself up all the time about what heís done and doesnít want to hear it anymore. I really donít bring it up very much and donít ask many questions. My WH is incredibly selfish and always has been. We have a 3 car garage and my nice car sits outside because all of his toys are in the garage (classic car, 6 motorcycles, dune buggy). He doesnít lift a finger around the house, but he told the counselor yesterday that I half ass things like not getting in the cornerís on the floor, not cleaning out the frig or dog bowl right. The counselor said well, you can do it yourself and he said yeah, maybe. He told the counselor he doesnít know how not to be selfish and think about other people (grew up an only child). Over the last 7 sessions, she has said he needs to put me on a pedestal and treat me like a princess and put me and my feelings first. She said leave her a note, card or send her flowers. She told me if there is something nice I can do for him, I need to bring it to his attention since he doesnít know. So, I asked him to get me a manicure and pedicure (I had my own money for it and had just bought him very expensive protein he has been waiting). He asked me where all of my money was going, I about died when he said that. In the 7 years weíve been together, Iíve never asked him for even a dollar. I explained to him I had the money, but that would be a nice way of showing he appreciated everything I did. He then proceeded to ask me how much my last paycheck was and where it all went. Fatherís day had just past and I had decided to buy my dad (who is so amazing and supportive) a treadmill, his old one was 10 years old and could only run 15min a time. He LOVED IT!! My WH, said so youíre asking me to pay for your nails so you can continue to buy other people treadmills. I started to cry and told him, you just donít get it. He said, yeah I do, I took you to dinner last week. So in the last 2 months, he hasnít done anything just for me. 

He is being nicer to me. Heís always been my best friend and makes me laugh, but I donít feel special and other than our first year of dating, I donít think I have in a while. Iím not only dealing with trust issues, Iím dealing with someone who shows no empathy and is completely selfish. Iím struggling because I think I know I would be so much happier without him and Iíve given him plenty of chances to change. He always tells the counselor, why should I put forth the effort when sheís on the fence about me? I keep thinking what if he changes. I also know leaving him will completely devastate him and I feel guilty about hurting him/making him sad. I feel sick and itís hard to function some days.

Sorry this was so longÖ I just kept rambling, I donít Know, maybe I just needed to vent. Any advice or words would be greatly appreciated!!

Posts: 95 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: New York
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Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do I stay? We are attempting to reconcile and MC asked me this week to make out a pro and con list.
As my children are reasons for staying are now different.
I initially thought, hopful. I am inclined to believe now I am passive. The serial cheater (my WH) has gotten away with it all our lives (35 years) Long time.
My pro and con list is telling, not many pros and so many cons.

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 552 | Registered: Jul 2012
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Member # 35535
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, September 20th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People have asked me why stay in a relationship with this man after what he's done to you, especially when you are not married? Personally, I don't see how marriage makes a difference in matters of betrayal, or even love, for that matter. No offense to those who are married, but clearly, saying those vows haven't really prevented people from breaking them, have they?

I stay because for over five years, I have loved this man the same as if he were my husband, and despite what I always thought, my love didn't diminish at the discovery of infidelity. I see the remorse in his eyes and the effort to change his ways, and I know I would regret not giving this relationship a sincere chance at not only surviving, but thriving.

Me: BGF, 27
Him: fWBF, 27 (Tennis1234)
Together over 5.5 years
D-Day #1: April 1, 2012
D-Day #2: April 23, 2012
D-Day #3 (new info): May 9, 2012
TT until 7/13/12.
4-year-long obsession with cyber sex, sexting, webcamming, several EAs.

Posts: 15 | Registered: May 2012
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Member # 36534
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, September 21st (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AnnikinSkywalker -> you could not have described more exactly how I feel. I have been with WSO for almost 6 years and engaged to him for 2. Because of a health issue of mine, we postponed our wedding which was supposed to have been in may. I constantly think that if we were married now I would receive more understanding/ support for my decision to try to work this out with him. My love for him has diminished by his behaviors but my desire to work through this and my image of him as my husband has not changed. But technically, no I guess I have no reason to stay.

BSO (me): 24
WSO (him): 27 (cheaterSteve05)
Engaged 1.5 years, Together 6 years
EA: ~4 months/ PA: ~2 months with MOW (coworker)

Posts: 64 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, September 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I belong in this thread as well. Although I am married, I have no children with my husband. I am financially secure and would be able to make it on my own if need be. I recently discovered that my husband is an SA and it has been very difficult accepting all that he has done to me in our six year relationship (1.5 years married). Every day I ask myself why am I staying this relationship when I could just make a clean break and start over. My husband is doing a lot of the things that I need him to (IC, MC, 12 Step), but he still has a hard time accepting my pain from all of this. Whenever I am angry or upset, he becomes angry and it usually ends in a fight. In moments like those, I can't help wonder what the hell am I still doing here.

D-Day: Aug. 10, 2012
Me - BS - 27
Him - (SA)WH - 30
No kids.
Together 6 years, married 1.5 years.

Life is never what we planned it to be.

Posts: 26 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, September 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this thread. I don't yet know either. It's early days yet for me, only ~ 2 months since dday. But my WH tells me that he was mentally out of our marriage--but not cheating, for a couple of years prior to that.

He certainly was emotionally abusive, starting arguments, very cold and withdrawn. He says he stayed for our daughter, and for the times when I gave him a lot of emotional support (which was often, in all honesty...). He's like a sunflower, and turns toward whoever gives him the most attention.

So now, after learning about his +/- 2 year affair, both ONS and then the EA before and after--where he dragged both my personal life and our daughter's issues into the interminable convo with his mistress (he wouldn't know a boundary if it bit him in the ass), I can't decide if I should stay or not.

6 years ago it would have been easy: I still had a functioning career, was way thinner, had some of my mom's inheritance to fall back on.... now that he's manipulated me into giving all that up by his lies and my own gullibility , love for him, and desire to make it work, I'm at and age/stage where starting over will be really hard.

My older sister just went through this a few years ago, when her cheating husband dumped her, and then she got laid off. She can't find work, is nearing 60--she's getting desperate, and that's going to be me in a few years.

Do I have to live with a lying cheating bastard just to survive?

I've begun to cut myself with a razor to relieve stress (bad, I know--is there a thread for that?). I'm seeking a psych day program to relieve some of the stress and try to super-glue some of my disintegrating personality back together.

But part of the stress is not being able to figure out if I should stay or give up on the man. My sister said, "I knew I would either leave or die". I don't want to get to that point, but I honestly feel like I'm getting close. Yet I want to protect my daughter.

So confusing.

[This message edited by sevensisterhood at 8:29 PM, September 26th (Wednesday)]

Me-53, married 23 yrs, 25 yr relationship; PA at his HS reunion, year + of s/texting, phone, Facebook; CraigsLIst postings, Ashley Madison, OKCUpid account, Adult slut sites..... "I never used them!!".

Posts: 39 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Massachusetts
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Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too have been told to "Run" a couple of times because I have no children. The thing is, I'm not sure if I ever want children. I'm staying because I need closure. I need to see what's ultimately going to happen before I walk away. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if this marriage was fixable.

My story (abridged): I found out in March of 2011 that my husband was having two online affairs with other women. One of the affairs had lasted for awhile. I immediately was ready to bail. We had only been married for about 8 months. He begged me to stay, and I said the only way was if we attended marriage counseling, and we did. After marriage counseling, things seemed to get better, way better. I finally felt safe, and secure. Fast forward to July of this year, and I find out that he started back up with one of the women for about 2 months. We had been in therapy the entire time, but then when this happens, he admits that it's hard for him to stop, and that he can't stop looking at porn. He is diagnosed with sex addiction, and thus my our new battle has begun. He is now in therapy with a CSAT and in a 12-step. So far, everything seems to be going right, and he is very committed to recovery. So I have to see where this goes. If he can't kick the addiction, I'm out (I know this is a life long commitment.) But for right now, I have to stay.

BS: me 30yrs
WS: 33 yrs
Relationship: 6 yrs, married 2
"When they try to make you an extra in their movie, LEAVE THE THEATRE!"

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Mordor
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Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have forgiven the infidelity, but I have not forgiven the fact that he did not consider me worthy of the "trouble" to go through the healing process.

I hadn't considered that this might be a big part of my problems with healing. It never even crossed my mind. Thanks for the insight.

wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown

Posts: 175 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 36880
Default  Posted: 4:18 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Somewhere in my heart I think I should have ran.

But I didn't I stood hard and fought for him and I won.

But did I really or did I just wear her down.

Time will tell right now he's beginning to work harder.

No kids I would not have done this to myself.

I did it for them.

Posts: 161 | Registered: Sep 2012
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Member # 34670
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, October 1st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Leaving a bad marriage without trying to repair it first is like buying high and selling low. Better to see how good you can make it, then look at it and ask: is this good enough? --From Dr. Glass from the Healing Library

That's where I'm at right now.

BS: me 30yrs
WS: 33 yrs
Relationship: 6 yrs, married 2
"When they try to make you an extra in their movie, LEAVE THE THEATRE!"

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Mordor
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Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, October 3rd (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stay for my kids. Right now I can homeschool them, and I love that.

A friend of mine called me one day when I was really just ready to leave. Another friend of hers was divorced, because of a cheating spouse. This other friend just found out that her boyfriend's son was molesting her daughter. If I were to leave I would lose all control over who wh lets around my kids. That's enough for me.

But I do have a plan. The day after our 3month old leaves for college I'm done. I can put away a whole lot of money in that time, and a relative has agreed to open an account in her name so wh doesn't know about it. One small step at a time.

wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown

Posts: 175 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
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Member # 32965
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, October 15th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its been almost 2 years since DDay and not a day goes by without me asking myself, should I stat...should I have stayed. This despite my WW doing most everything possible to R and fix her and our issues. We have 3 young girls, so much is at stake. The reality for me is though, If we didn't have the girls, no way I would have stayed, just that simple so in a nutshell, stayed for the kids, maybe its right, maybe wrong...time will tell.

Dday: 12/21/2010
Wish I hadn't stayed......

Posts: 75 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Nor Cal
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Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, October 20th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ďPerhaps the strongest forms of bondage in our particular place and time are the chains of comfort and security.Ē Ė Garret Keizer, The Enigma of Anger: Essays on a Sometimes Deadly Sin

Can anyone else relate to this statement? After three months of job and apt hunting without submitting a single resume or application, I am beginning to conclude that I donít really want to move out or get a real job. Lately, I have been thinking it may be in my financial best interest to forgive my WH, and that thought is like a spiked stake twisting in my gut.

The facts: We live in a no fault state. We have no kids together. We share no marital property. And weíve been married less than 7 yearsóin legalese, a ďshort-term marriage.Ē That means if I file for divorce, Iím looking at temporary alimony at best.

I am one of those over-educated, underemployed types. I would love to move out and get my own place, but I can barely afford to rent a studio on my current part-time wages. I would like to find full-time work that excites me, but also pays a decent salary. I am anxious about statistics that show how divorce negatively affects womenís finances in the long term, while their ex-husbandsí salaries continue to increase. Fear. Resentment. Laziness. Exhaustion. Paralysis of indecision.

Have I been living in a bubble for too long? Do I lack the ambition to start all over? Am I just getting too old to put up with the bullsh*t from both marriage and the workplace? What is the third option?

I love the waterfront house we are renting and my little-nothing jobówhy should I have to give up my comfort and security just because WH couldnít keep his d*ck in his pants?

I need help figuring out how I can make it okay for me to stay and not feel like Iím betraying myself. . .

Thank you for this thread!

Met 04/04; Married 12/05; (2nd marriage for both)
Me: BW, 45, no kids
Him: WH, 54, 1 DD, 22 (from an A in a previous relationship)
DDday: 06/19/12
moving toward R. . .

Posts: 19 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: coralrose
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