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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest,
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... seriously... he was here three minutes ago and now he's back?! Did you even have time to wash his dirty dishes?!

How are ya?

ats,
Glad you think so even with the emoticonal disconnect.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 17th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Honest))) stay strong.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
avicarswife
♀ Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, August 18th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks m3,ats and honest. I do accept that there will be things I never know. At the moment I still struggle with fact that I am married to a stranger - I keep blasting myself that I could have been so blind. I mean how on earth didn't I notice at least something.
The why remains a question which he and his IC are trying to get the answer for.
When he says the physical side was no good I just think he is telling me lies again - which is why I want the details I guess. I mean why would you risk everything - your marriage, your family,your reputation and your job for crap sex? It doesn't stack up.
Anyway thanks for your responses.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 21 - 23 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 705 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, August 18th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Well, I know most of the details but will never know everything and most of all will never know what is truly important to a potential R – my WW emotions as to why she began the A, why she continued the A, her view of her AP pre / during / potst A, and towards me pre / during / and post A.

Yesterday, we had another MC session. I had struggled during the past few weeks with the state of our current relationship and her A. So, I focused on the following topics:
• WW has stated that she has been unhappy throughout our marriage and how does she feel now?
• How is WW different today then pre / post A?
• How does WW view her A one year out?
It was a somber conversation; troubling for both of us; more so for my WW (I think) and informative.

WW says that she has been unhappy throughout our M and her feelings are no different today. She tries to focus on the positive but things fluctuate. And she is generally a happy person and it is only the M which causes her unhappiness. I noted the distraught she voices over the staff at her work and it was oh no I have good rapport with them.

Why would you stay in a M where you have always been unhappy and continue to be unhappy? WW says, accurately, that I stated that I wanted to do everything possible to save the M so that if asked (by our kids) I could resolutely answer yes. The MC asked WW if she had done everything possible and WW expression was like a deer in headlights, dumb struck. WW then goes into a discussion of core characteristics that cannot be changed versus behaviors that can be changed. What a pity party! We have the ability to change and it is only limited by our desire to change and the effort we are willing to put into it to make it happen.

WW was focused on my “core characteristic” as the reason there was not a “connection” between us. WW noted that I have upcoming feedback sessions at work and have solicited input from my kids (and have always sought feedback at work on ways I can improve – my nature). When I asked her if she ever asked for feedback she responded that the kids have told her that she does not listen well. Yes, but have you ever asked for feedback? And the response was like why should I and I let her know that this made me feel like everything was my fault.

WW then got very defensive accusing me of saying she was flawed (yes, I did as anyone that chooses to have an A does have flaw(s)) and ranting about what I thought should be done with flawed people: ostracize form society, lock up in a mental hospital, ban to the wilderness. No, as with all things broken, find out what is wrong and work to fix it.

WW stated that she is more affectionate towards me now than pre A and this is true. WW regularly cuddles as we go to sleep, joins me for breakfast before I leave for work, and there is a hug / kiss as I leave / return home. There is so much missing.

WW stated that the A was poor judgment. She was ashamed, sorry she hurt me, and regrets it. She was ashamed / embarrassed by her behavior, never meant to hurt me, and regrets that it has put us on the path we are today.

WW had previously told me and MC early on that the A “made her feel good, made her happy, and was exciting!” Shortly after DDay WW had told me of the wonderful qualities of the OM. And now? WW said she was not going to deny / refute anything she had said. MC prompted WW with “and OM is a jerk?” but WW did not bite / respond with anything other than the shame, hurt, regret noted above.

So why would anyone stay in a M that has made them unhappy for so long and continues to do so when they have experienced a relationship that made them happy and was exciting? WW replied with a dry clinical view of how the secretiveness of an A stirs desire. She began the A because she was lonely and unhappy.

Afterwards WW said “we had a good session today but did not cover anything new. We just said the same things we have said before”.

My take away. WW is unable / unwilling (at this time) to take a critical look at herself and her issues. And the fallout from her A has kicked in her defensive mechanisms she needs in order to protect herself emotionally from what she has done. IMO.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 18th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((honest))))) Sending strength and mojo’s and a plane for idiot to get his sorry ass out of your way. Meanwhile, detach honey.

avicarswife,

I keep blasting myself that I could have been so blind. I mean how on earth didn't I notice at least something.
Because you trusted him and he abused that trust. Trust means allowing someone to be close to your vulnerability and to not take advantage. There is nothing wrong with trusting your spouse. That is how it SHOULD be. You also trust that if your spouse is unhappy, he/she will tell you. Again, not your fault – you are not a mind reader. And lastly, the participants in a LTA become accomplished liars. They are slick, they create habits that mean they cover their tracks and have plausible alibis. They practice the art of deceit on a daily basis until it becomes second nature. And it is because they are so comfortable with their duplicitous lives that we are unaware. Yes, there may be a-ha moments when we think back, but please remember that this is down to them, not you.

Sex and a LTA. It’s not about the sex in a LTA. It’s about escape to another life. It’s about the AP holding up the mirror to the WS for them to see a reflection of themselves they like. For Mr UKg, it was all about being a KISA. He wanted to be adored and told a million times a day how great he was. He said sex with MOW was “rough” and “basic”. I didn’t ask for any details – I really don’t want to know exactly what they got up to. But I reckon he had good enough sex with her – he never failed getting it up or climaxing, so that tells me enough. Sex is an essential part, but it is only a part. It’s about selfishness, self delusion and escape. But not wanting to leave the marriage either, so they cake eat until d-day.

As for WH remembering details of the LTA, I am the last person who can comment on that!!! All I can say will reiterate what the others have said – you will never get all the details anyway. They were there, you weren’t. Some fWS are able to give you all the answers you ask, some are not. I do believe a lot of stuff is blanked out and deliberately erased from memory. They don’t want to remember something that has been so destructive, things that they are ashamed of, things they regret. It’s taking the guilt and bashing them over the head with it time and again. So it’s easier to say “I don’t remember” or to simply forget to mention xyz. And to rewrite it all in their minds to make it less that it was. A blip. Unimportant. Insignificant slip-up. A situation they managed because they couldn’t find a way out. I cannot tell you the number of times I put some fact to fWH to hear him say “oh, um, yeh, right, well, that was the only time!” And then I gave up after two years.

h&c

we had a good session today but did not cover anything new. We just said the same things we have said before
And so what are her suggestions to move away from walking over the same ground? What are her needs for “happiness” – or is she chasing rainbows and a perception of what happiness is?

She certainly doesn’t seem to want to address her issues – I guess some people just can’t/won’t (fWH being a prime example). I suppose the most important question is; does she want to stay married?

[This message edited by UKgirl at 10:54 AM, August 18th (Saturday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 18th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

avicarswife
Trust. Yes, I trusted my W totally. The year prior to DDay was rough. I was treated very poorly by her though she will insist she treated me the same as always. I was on the verge of divorce when I decided to recommit (albeit unilatterally) to her and the M and told her so. Her response was "I am in a different place" and unpromted by the content of the discussion she said "I would never have an A" And because I trusted her the remark was insignificant. I have no regrets for trusting her.

Post DDay, I no longer trust that she has my best interes always. I have always strived for personal independence and will continue to do so.

UKGirl.. your response to avicarswife was spot on! Well said. Yes, my WW avoids acknowledging much less facing her issues at all costs. Happiness? No, she cannot define it and is not a rainbow chaser. IMO she has supressed feelings of "rejection" since childhood and I am only beginning to realize that post DDay. Does she want to stay M? Whe has been hot / warm / cold sice Dday. If I am happy, pleasant, and completely uncritical of her or our relationship the answer is yes. Most of all I feel she is afraid to stay in a M with the man she betrayed. This allows her to both avoid facing what she has done and alos justifying what she has done. IMO.

Best wishes to all for a great weekend.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, August 19th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I’m not sure how to handle this, and I think I need some help to bring me down. I don’t know if I’m angry, hurt, perplexed or just triggering like crazy.

I have a list of 20 hotels fWH and MOW went to. Probably 15 I KNOW they went to. Mr UKg has booked three nights away in a country hotel (one of those deals of book two nights, get the third free)– one I know he has been to as it has a golf club attached. It’s very swish and set in beautiful grounds. On the night we arrive, there is a Romeo and Juliet play in the grounds. He has booked that too. We get a hamper with all the luxury stuff to sit and watch it.

I am pretty sure he has taken MOW to this place. When he booked it, I asked if he had been ther with her. He said no, and that he would never do that. I checked my list and there it is. I hadn’t asked to see the play, he just booked it. The thing is, MOW took him to a Shakespeare play as a birthday treat the year before d-day. I’m not sure how I feel about it. He said that he “couldn’t remember” which play it was they went to see (I asked when I found out two years after d-day). His degree is Eng Lit and we have all the plays, as well as sonnets and everything else to do with Shakespeare, so I think he chose to “forget” and the consequence was I said I never wanted to go to a play with him again, esp Shakespeare.

It’s all booked and paid for. He wants us to have some time together while he is on garden leave from his old job and before he starts the new one on 3rd Sept. I know he is totally oblivious to what is going on in my head – it means nothing to him. He doesn’t seem to trigger over anything. Nothing. It’s like he has erased it all – unless I mention something.

Currently I am trying to shove it down, but it’s not working. Another reason I am triggering badly is MOW was stalking fWH on LinkedIn about a month ago, so that put huge doubts in my mind at the time. I WANT to enjoy this break he has planned, but I wish he had chosen a hotel I know he has NEVER been to in a part of the country that he never visited with MOW.

Thoughts?


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKGirl-

I don't suppose he'd be telling the truth about never being there with her. If it's on your list, I'm sure there is a reason. They think they can somehow protect themselves (and maybe us?) from ugly realities just by "forgetting" or not remembering. Sigh.

I wish I could tell you it will all be fine and you will have a lovely trip, but I know otherwise. We went to a restaurant they did for their bullshit.anniversary. I wanted to do what so many in other forums recommended- reclaim it.

It sucked. I can't imagine trying to do that for an entire weekend.

It's so hard. On one hand you want so desperately to be happy and grateful for time planned together. On the other you are left forever wondering if he did this with her. If they went here, there.

I have no answers or tips. Just hugs for you my friend.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{{{UKgirl}}}}
I know how badly this is triggering you. I think perhaps that the feeling that you had no choice in this matter is also hurting.
You do have choices. You can tell WH the truth about the trigger and ask if he could change the hotel reservation to a different place, a place that you guys can feel is YOUR own?
You can also just think of it as a way that you can take back the trigger and that the place is now yours. I guess in a way that we do with HB KWIM?

It does seem that WH is thinking of making a nice trip, but he also seems oblivious to the fact that it should be a trip for BOTH of you, not just the things he likes, like the Shakespearean play.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
avicarswife
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Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks h&c and UKgirl
It’s about the AP holding up the mirror to the WS for them to see a reflection of themselves they like.

This makes sense - WH always seems to need someone telling he is fantastic. Him riding in to save the day like no one else ever could. I am finding the whole words of affirmation particularly taxing at the moment!

((UKgirl))- hope you and MrUKg reach a solution for your week-end away that you are relaxed about so you can really enjoy the time. I know you said it's already paid for, but if going there is going to make you feel miserable and unhappy, that is worse than wasting some money.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 21 - 23 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 705 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Avicarswife- I completely agree. Fwh's affair wasn't really about anything besides ego stroking.

She had no one else, nothing else. Her world revolved around him.

It's hard to make sense of it all...time helps. Hang in there.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 19th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((UKgirl))

It all sucks, there are no great choices whrn the WS fails to step up.

I agree with Honest and others. You can tell Mr. UKgirl there are consequences to never being fully honest and truthful, so this is a trigger and you will not go and enjoy yourself.

OR

You can realize all sorts of things at all sorts of places. It is not the place that has any issue, it is (was) the people. No matter where you stay now, they did things then.

==Ats


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No matter where you stay now, they did things then.
I have a real problem with hotels. So that's bad enough, but Shakespeare too?

The play is in the grounds, so not the same as the RSC in Stratford. If I am triggering and/or just not enjoying it, I'll get up and leave. I hope to get myself into a mindset to have a good time. I'm working on it.

eta - Does anyone think it’s odd that fWH never wants to know what I am writing here? Never asks about my journal? Never asks what I am writing (other than “are you posting or diary?”). Sometimes I feel he doesn’t really want to know what’s going on under the surface. Not curious in the least. Guess that’s why he’s not read the document I gave him. Oh well.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 9:30 AM, August 20th (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you asked him about what you wrote? Is he really just that much of an avoider that he'd pretend it's not there?

I am so sorry honey. Hotels are a real sore spot for me too, regardless of whether they were anywhere near that particular one or not.

Did he plan this whole trip without any input from you?


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I heard somethng good today I wanted to share.

"Conquering yourself is infinitely more important and of much higher value than conquering your spouse"

Too me, what that means is you must seek your own happiness and invite your spouse to get on board because the train is leaving the station. Sometimes, you leave the baggage behind.

You don't look back. Can you feel the breeze...

This was something I made a while back about another LTA poster...

I have made it through days with not a thought given to my wife's sins. It feels good again.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...odd that fWH never wants to know what I am writing here...

No, seems very typical.

FWW used (?) to check my post to avoid talking with me about what I was thinking or feeling. She NEVER asks me if I think about the A or have a trigger, even when she suspects or knows that I am bothered. It is part of the conflict avoidance.

She wants it all to go away and be over. There have been a very few times she has reached out to support or comfort me. The times she did were like magic, and I have told her this.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, August 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's pretty typical, actually. He doesn't want to deal with it in any shape or form, so it's just easier to pretend that you aren't putting words to your feelings.

If he doesn't see the pain, he doesn't have to deal with it.

fWH was notoriously like this until very recently. All of a sudden, he's very aware of triggery stuff, asking me how I am, all that. I hope that it lasts.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, August 20th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKgirl: I guess it's a form of rugsweeping, "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing. I guess a lot of WS's don't want to deal with all the aftermath and just want it to all go away, especially since they feel guilty (if they do feel guilty at all)
Perhaps this is why your WH hasn't read your paper? Does he think it's just about the A or does he realize it's a timeline for your whole relationship?

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
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Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to figure out my role in the dysfunction of the M. Once you have you figured out, then look at your WS and decide if this is a person you want to be (can be?) M’d to.

Sigh. For me -- I can't say I will always stay married. I can say that my financial situation needs extreme improvement before I would feel comfortable divorcing. And I am working towards that goal. I'm very glad I saw the divorce attorney last month. I learned a lot about how to improve the financial situation in a way that benefits me the most.

I have a few major concerns about leaving my marriage other than the financial. The biggest is that my WH does not adequately supervise the children. Especially adding a baby to the already very young mix, this is unacceptable.
The second biggest is Sunshine's emotional problems right now. He'll be starting with a child psychologist next week. The pediatrician said at 3 he's too young to officially diagnose with ADD or ADHD, but it's more likely than not he's got it. Sunshine is awesome, but dealing with that is a lot of work. I know I was (am) ADHD and that + the bipolar, well with the 15 to 20% odds and 5 kids, it was almost a lock I'd wind up with at least one...
My WH is not attentive enough to really do all the prevention necessary to keep a small child safe, but he has made huge strides since last summer to going back to being a good father. I knew he could. He was an awesome father when The Pharoah was a baby and was even a SAHD for part of his toddlerhood. I'm very thankful for this.
We've bought a waterfont house in a lovely neighborhood with a great public school system. One of the best things about the neighborhood is that it was once a neighborhood full of summer homes and there are many affordable non-waterfront houses going on the market all the time. Occasionally one sells for under $100K; many sell for under $200K... if this M can't survive then I will be able to live in the same neighborhood which would make co-parenting easier and be less disruptive to the kids. I suspect if we do divorce, by the time it would happen The Pharoah would be in high school and would choose to live with WH. That would be hard on me, but because I was working full time, in law school at night and untreated for my bipolar disorder until he was nearly 5 he's his Dad's kid in many ways and I accept that.
Of course, the kicker is that I just CAN'T be away from Little Paddy. She's the light of my life.
BUT, still I also can't be close to WH while he's texting "Good Morning Gorgeous" messages to his "special sexy friend" so it's not perfect.
He did spontaneously give me the newly put on password to his phone. I noticed it on there but didn't say anything. He explained that work decided to require them (his phone is owned by his firm) because they have access to confidential client things on their phones and then he told me what the password was.
So, that's promising.
I guess I'll talk to him about this chick. Maybe we'll go to MC (blech) or something. Beats me. I've got a lot going on, and honestly many things that are more important than whether or not my WH is flirting with / having an EA with / a PA with or whatever with some chick who is looking for a "blast from the past." I guess it's horrible that it's kind of at least #4 on my "how important is this?" list -- maybe #5 or #6 even, but you know, he earned it.

I'm happy to say, that much like tryn I also have many days I don't think about his former LTA or whatever the F is going on with this chick now at all as well.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, August 21st (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you asked him about what you wrote? Is he really just that much of an avoider that he'd pretend it's not there?
Nope. Yep.

I guess it's a form of rugsweeping, "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing. I guess a lot of WS's don't want to deal with all the aftermath and just want it to all go away, especially since they feel guilty (if they do feel guilty at all)
Exactly. And it seems a common (but understandable) reaction. He has consistently not dealt with things and he has just wanted it to all go away.

I’m not going to force him to read it. If I have offered him an insight, taken the risk of letting him see into my soul, taken the trouble to print off and bind the document and he doesn’t want to read it, then he clearly does not want to see anything other than a Disney fairy tale ending and I wonder if that is what he has been hoping for. Some kind of cinematic fuzzy welcome back to the lost person he was, forgiveness a given, trust and love restored.

Oh, and the bitch is back. Stalking on LinkedIn again. If she goes back to be a temp head at the same school she was at for the last two terms, autumn term starts on 30th Aug and then she’ll be busy again and hopefully fuck off and fade away. She’s a pain in the arse.

Sigh. For me -- I can't say I will always stay married. I can say that my financial situation needs extreme improvement before I would feel comfortable divorcing. And I am working towards that goal. I'm very glad I saw the divorce attorney last month. I learned a lot about how to improve the financial situation in a way that benefits me the most.
This has worked (up to a point) for miracle. She got herself into the mindset to simply co-habit in order to co-parent and for them to continue without financial loss that divorce would bring. I think your situation with five young children would be extremely hard to manage on your own. Perhaps by being completely open with your WS and getting him to be honest with his activities (ie, you don’t care but you do want to know) then you would be able to continue living together for the sake of the family. If one of you should meet someone else, well that’s another conversation for another time. But do you think it could work (with some formal agreement?) for the next couple of years?


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
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