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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ATS… congratulations on leaving your old job and being able to recognize it for what it was.

Which leads me to wonder about my M. The best that can be said is that it is not bad, certainly better then the first 20 years. Maybe I need to leave to understand how unsatisfying it is?

As the unjustly imprisoned lead in the Shawshank Redemption said "if you are not living, you are dying" I refuse to accept a life that is "not bad" and while I am in a similar place, I am working hard to change it whether with or without my WW.


I've spent the major part of the week mourning for the loss of what I thought I had. What I wanted all my life, and really didn't have

Honest… yes! And I wonder if my WW has changed from the woman I met 20+ years ago or is this is the person she was all along.


telling the kids im stealing from the family.

How awful! She has given you notice that the D is going to be very very nasty. Be prepared. See Njgal’s post:

his wife had painted him as a bad guy and told the kids and her family that the reason for the divorce was that HE was cheating!!!!


M3.. thanks for the good news on baby Paddy. First haircuts were probably the most traumatic times for my kids (and their mom). The lollipos were just not enough!


Tribe.. I ab so sorry for all the horrible things the WS have done and continues to do to cause you so much pain. I just cannot comprehend a man who does not support his wife during her pregnancy while she is raising four young children alone. Or a woman telling her children that their father is stealing from them. And the ability to betray their spouise daily for years, using their spouse. And when discovered, staying in the M and not going to extreme efforts to mend the damage caused. Ugh! I just cannot comprehend.

Does anyone have any good news to share about their WS?

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They all have good and bad in them. I prefer to be charitable and simply think of them as people who should not be married. I sincerely think they'd be happier that way.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had my ILs here for 6 days, DS24 and his gf were here for a bit too. So, catch up time with y’all now they're gone.

nofun,
I’m sorry. I don’t think you had much of a choice in the end. There’s only so much anyone can take. I really hope you can see this as a chance for a new you, an independent and vibrant person who is no longer weighed down by this man whose objective seems to be to bring you down and make you ultimately responsible for his mental state and for his infidelity. Time to wash off his crap. (((((nofun))))

Hey miracle!
Hi honey, good to see you are doing so well! You seem settled in your groove for the time being and staying a step removed from pfm, which is good for your psyche and personal well being. As for the kids – well DS24 (trouble on a stick) was here for a few days and he is turning out fine. I have been a constant in his life and I reckon that was partly to do with him turning things around. That and his lovely gf. Be consistent. Be a constant. It will be okay in the end and you will be proud of your children’s achievements.
I know you are so, so busy (which is a good thing ) but don’t forget to chime in every now and then! (((((miracle)))))

Ats,
Great on the job front. It seems to have confirmed that you needed change. It’s pretty sad about the sex thing. Maybe one day something will click for her and you can both derive a sense of intimacy and togetherness. I think I feel more sorry for her than you – you know how much you can give but your fWW just holds back all the time. I just hope she can find that missing something from within and be the person you would both like her to be. Meanwhile, the job. Good on yer!

DP
definitely time to move on. Quickly and efficiently. Keep the kids in the loop, keep to the 180, do not engage in her shit. She is continuing to try and take you for a fool, so don’t let her. It seems she is still on that path of self-destruction and the best thing you can do is stay out of her way. Separate yourself in all things and cut her loose. Or she will drag you down into that abyss with her. IC might help you stay on course. You are better than this!!!!!

In other M3 news, looks like WH is being sent overseas for a substantial amout of time for work anyhow, which should make the whole thing easier.
Good!!! It’s relief all round that baby Paddy is doing so well. She’s our little adopted girl! As for Pedro, you take care of you and that little guy will be just fine. 25wks already. Wow. Let your family take some of the strain. That’s what families are for and I bet they’ll be happy to help out. I'm with h&c and the rest of the Tribe - I cannot understand stupid Mr m33. I assume he's intelligent - but he does stupid to degree level.

As for me, the update is – there is no update…..

Ukgirl- What a lovely idea.
Was this an anniversary gift?
I hope that your FWH appreciates this gesture.
Well, I don’t think he has read it. He says he has skim-read, but if he had REALLY read it…… I would have expected some questions, denials, some sort of emphatic response. But nada. Not even on the other affairs. So I don’t think he has read past the first couple of paragraphs. He went to finish with his job today, so there are no excuses left to not read it. I can see it from where I’m sitting. I’ll look at it in a couple of weeks, I’ll know whether or not he has read it. If he hasn’t, then there’s not much more I can do. Guess I’ll be delivering the unmentionable. I won’t live with someone who is that disinterested in me and who thinks that withholding information (lying by omission) in somehow to my benefit and protection. He hasn’t learnt a fucking thing.

Hugs to all (((((Tribe)))))

[This message edited by UKgirl at 3:39 PM, August 6th (Monday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear you sounding happier today UKG.

Mr.M3 is not stupid at all. He's a player. And he thinks *I'm* stupid. Which is fine.

Who knows what his deal is? The important thing is: I don't CARE.

What else is going on? Former nanny #1 J is in India with her husband on vacation, former nanny #2 J's sister (who was LTA OW's nanny first) is pregnant with her 1st kid. So, there you go! If you'd told me 2 years ago that two years from now they'd be gone, married, expecting children and I'd be living in another state I'd have been rather shocked.

Just keep on chuggin' people; we're going to be allright.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m33, if he thinks you’re stupid, sorry but that makes HIM stupid. He may be a player, but he doesn’t do it very well from what you say. Maybe he just doesn’t care enough to be bothered whether or not you know. And that’s really very sad. He’s throwing away so much – and for what?? Sheesh. Still, I’m glad you’re able to stay removed and observe him from over here as opposed to over there.

How’d you find out about the FNannies?

As for me, I wouldn't say I'm happier - I'm resigned. And resigned to Mr UKg being the eternal fuckwit. And treating ME as stupid. Twat.

I’m off to bed. Night!


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone....finally get a second to sit. Been reading on my phone, quick comments when I get a chance. Things have been even more chaotic than normal around here lately.

My mom moved back home, 1000 miles away from here. Thank god. I know that sounds terrible to say, but I'm relieved that I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis. She was in the hospital for 5 days and her brother (who she is living with) didn't bother to call. Fine. Whatever.

A good friend had a hemorrhagic stroke and is in a coma. Not looking good, hoping that the end comes sooner rather than later for the sake of her family. That's been very stressful.

Things with fWH have been ok. I mean, as long as I don't ever bring up the affair and pretend like everything is fine, we are great. Grrr.

He completely blew out his achilles tendon over the weekend and will need surgery. I have a hard time with his weekend warrior injuries because he had one (broken hand) when he took OW to Vegas. Sigh. Bet she wouldn't be helping his ass now.

Love. Ain't it grand?


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, August 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m33- I'm sorry that your WH is continuing to behave like such an idiot.
The lack of sensitivity and lack of awareness is amazing.

It appears that he has not learned a thing from this whole experience.

No remorse, no introspection, no new understanding about why he behaved in this way or what he needs to do to become the husband and father that you and the kids deserve.
You will divorce him and he still will not 'get it'.

It sounds like your attorney is giving you some good advice.
Why drag things out trying to get things that will most likely not happen? and why drag out the divorce process trying to get alimony etc. when he will most likely just wiggle out of it.
Take the child support-which is a guarantee....and just don't give him too much notice.
I wouldn't want him to quit his job or accidentally on purpose get himself fired and then the child support with be based on that lack of salary.
File while his salary is still high.

ats- good to hear from you and good to hear that the new job is working out for you.
sorry that your WW is still not on board with the reconciliation.
I realize now...after years of dealing with infidelity, reading all the posts on SI and elsewhere...that the only way that we can reconcile after a LTA is if the WS is extremely.... and I mean extremely remorseful.
Anything less just doesn't work.

h&C- that's my good story. My FWH is extremely remorseful He was from day one after d-day. He threw the MOW under the bus and never looked back. He never tried to contact her in any way. He was transparent in everything that he did-cell phone, computers, credit card bills. Everything is an open book.
And he has taken everything that I threw at him- literally...LOL..for over 4 years...all of the tears, hysteria, breakdowns...throwing of objects, triggers.
he knows that I told everyone...absolutely everyone about the affair... and he took it.
He reached out to friends and family-apologized, tried to make amends to them as well as me.
He never once blamed me for the affair or said one negative word about my telling everyone about his betrayal.

He is continually showing me and telling me that he loves me, cares about me, wants only the best for me etc. etc.

He has kept his promise and continues to stay 100% sober and continues to attend AA meetings weekly. (It's been over 5 yrs now).

The only thing that he cannot do anymore is talk about the LTA . He ducks, hides, you name it.He feels such shame and guilt about that entire period of his life..he cannot go there.

Don't get me wrong... right after d-day he did discuss any details about the LTA that I needed to talk about.
And trust me- I needed all of the gory details-that's me.
Plus I had years of random emails that the MOWs husband gave me as proof. He gave me a detailed timeline etc.
he just had a limit to how much he could continue discussing it.
I on the other hand still have my moments even now-when I would want to ask a question about something.
But, I have been able to let it go.

UKgirl- I think I totally misunderstood your marriage history story.
You wrote out the history of your life together...including the timeline of the affair etc.?
And.. he has not bothered to even look at it?

sigh....how disappointing.
What is wrong with him?

Is he just trying to avoid the subject? afraid of what you have written? or is he a totally selfish, self absorbed,idiot?

WYE- I'm glad that your mom moved back home.
You have more than enough on your plate right now.
That is one thing that has changed about me after d-day....I have learned to try to take care of myself by distancing myself from toxic people.



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((WYE)))))
You must be stressed out to the max.
Things with fWH have been ok. I mean, as long as I don't ever bring up the affair and pretend like everything is fine, we are great. Grrr.
It is something that they want to forget. I can fully understand the need and desire to bury it all. You should have been able to rely on your H to be there for you, but since your d-day it’s not quite the same. At the very least, I imagine it’s annoying because the affairs will pop into your head when you think “I have my H next to me” and realise there were times when he wasn’t. Not fully. This is his chance to show you he can be your best friend, your shoulder to lean on and the one who takes care of you when you need it. If he is wanting to, then let him. You’ve passed your first year, so give yourself a little pat on the back.

njgal, the document was a timeline of sorts, a bit of autobiography, H’s numerous job changes, our various moves, the kids birthdays, events like weddings, anniversaries, holidays, the whole lot. Everything and anything is in that document. Either not going to read it at all or he is leaving it until he feels he can read it. It is an insight into my soul, the person that I was. I have given it to him knowing that he can't hurt me anymore.

It starts with a paragraph on him and MOW when they were at school/uni, their split and him meeting me. All neat and tidy, each year marked in red and each month underneath in bold. Of course there are rants, lines of sorrow, lines of happy days too. The last one is an insert of July 14 2012 when I found he had viewed her linkedin profile. Then a couple of pages I called “History Rewritten” follow and lastly “Now” (which changes all the time). It finishes with the opening verse from Burnt Norton (TS Eliot) and a paragraph from a letter I wrote in 2007 effectively saying I should have listened to and trusted my gut feelings – not his words.

This morning I asked fWH why he had deleted the history cache again. Turns out DS17 ran CCleaner. And then he said “she’s viewed my profile again”. Sure enough, there she is as one of his “most recent” – and she has removed her profile again. I wonder if she is hoping that by prodding him enough, he will contact her. Maybe her H has left her? I dunno. I wish she would just do me a favour and die.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:42 AM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate her. Fucking hate her. Six fucking years and she won't fucking go away. She's nothing to do with our lives. Nothing. School holidays and she has nothing better to do. What a stupid bitch.

Mini rant over. At least he told me this time. Going to the gym. >>>>stomping out>>>>>


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all

Lurking at present.

I wish she would just do me a favour and die.

I do too. I think all of us do.

Hugs

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone have any good news to share about their WS?

Yes, My wife is loving me right now. She is nice, kind, open, does stuff for me, works hard and makes good money, we connect with sex much more frequent, and she's been very pleasant to be around. (90% of the time)
I just chalk the other 10% to her just being her.

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:19 AM, August 8th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that's my good story

njgal.. thanks for sharing! A remorseful spouse, a transparent spouse, and one that shows he values you as his W.

My story is more similar to others here than yours.
Positives (since DDay 2)
Transparency - complete. Gave me passwords to phone records, email, facebook. Though she did delete every email, text and post before I opened the accounts.

No contact - broken two weeks after DDay 2 by drive by (I saw him from a distance) and an aborted phone call. Has maintained NC ever since.

Remorse - this often seems like regret.
"I never intended to hurt you; I never thought you would find out" For many months, she was defencive about her A. "Not that often". Defensive of her AP. "telling his BW wo;; pm;u caise trpib;e


Details of the A - yes, I needed to know as well. She answered all my questions on DDay 2, revealed some she left out by ommission (TT) later and held a follow up Q&A session 3 months after DDay 2. In between, I was given one "can't I keep anything private?"

Areas needing improvement
IC - WW supported me through EDMR and attended IC herself (with same counselor) 2 to 3 times a month for six months. Has not addressed her issues as I think she fears what she might see in the mirror.

Remorse - when I have those down days, she backs away as oppossed to coming nearer, providing support, and acknowledgin why I feel like crap.

It is like WYE said things are good only if we do not discuss the A (or the flaws in our relationship).

And like ats, my WW has work to do on sexuality and openness.

So things are not bad in h&c land; just not as good as they should be. I still see a lot of potential for our M and continue to work on it. I am enjoying the time spent with our DDs and DS and take the time to do the activities I enjoy.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h&c-
It all sounds very positive.
Remember your d-day is very recent. Mine was Jan.1,2007....so I have had many years to get to this point.
Would it help you if your FWW went to IC again?
My FWH went to IC for 1 and 1/2 yrs and has continued in AA for over 5 yrs.
That has helped to make me feel 'safe'. It helps me to know that he is working on change and that someone is holding him accountable-reminding him on a regular basis what it takes to be a 'good' guy because he was such a bad guy for so many years of our marriage (even before the LTA).

UKgirl-
That OW makes me mad too! She should get a life.
Still stalking him after all these years. But, you can look at it another way-it just goes to show that she does not have a life if she is still checking on him.
She is still with her husband right? But, I would guess that they are more the rug sweepers where they did not do any hard work to try to change or improve their marriage.
So...instead of moving on...she lurks.
Yuck!


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How’d you find out about the FNannies?

I talk to them relatively often. The younger one, who had been OW's nanny kind of went off the deep end at the end of the time she was working for me; skipping work, showing up drunk... so we did a mututal quit/fire thing and now we're cool. Though I won't be calling her to babysit! but she texted me to let me know and sent me an ultrasound picture. I've seen each of them twice since we moved -- one together (got to meet their Mom) and separate visits for the other time with each.

I'll see J again soon; she wants a day with her "main man" The Pharaoh before school starts. Her poor husband likes to joke that she only married him because The Pharaoh is way too younger for her.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, August 8th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow m3. How things change. I thought nannie #1 was doomed. Funny, I thought there was something amiss with nannie #2 too – obviously my memory is wrong or I’m mixing you up with someone else who had nannies.

h&c

Does anyone have any good news to share about their WS?
Like any other marriage that has NOT been affected by infidelity, I don’t expect everything to be sunshine all the time. There are going to be stumbles along the way due to life in general. We’ve had some good times, but I think I have to accept that Mr UKg is never going to change. He does and then he slips. But that’s him – he is a conflict avoider. Funny to think I never realised it until after d-day. He is totally different with work colleagues to how he is with his family. And he is really weak with the women in his life – we seem to dictate through his abdication to make a decision. FOO issues? Not sure. It would help if he were to have IC, but he won’t do that. Meanwhile, he is the good provider, is generous to me and his family, is fun to be with, has never been violent, and has tried to be consistent in his own way – he just needs to understand it’s not MY way!! I hope to be one of those to come back and say it has worked out. But the most successful are those whose WS’s do all those things we need them to do – and do them immediately and without batting an eyelid. fWH just couldn’t/wouldn’t. Oh well.

I’m off to help out my Mum again for several days. The place with no internet and no mobile phone signal….. Maybe that’s a good thing. Oh, and guess who was back looking again. She’s pathetic.

Love to the Tribe.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, August 8th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes we all need to disconnect a while. Have a good visit UKGirl. :)


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, August 9th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I have gone from the Just found out, ot r, to d/s forum in a weeks time.

My WW met someone on FB that went to her HS. The OM is also M. It appears that sometime late 2010 they decided to meet in person. Now my WW has bee a SAHM and she has bee drawing a sizable allowance shall I say. Several years back, I insisted she get her own account because she was really bad a overdrawing us. An we make a good living...sigh. So the only facts I have gotten is that they have met at hotels about every 3 weeks or so for 2 years. She has been paying so to hide the expense from OM's BS. I finally discover the affair in her email, which she left open and logged in for once. She had been very good at logging out and PW's her phone too. I should have seen this as a sign. Here is the email that I can't get out of my head, send 7/10/2012:

my best friend
my most amazing lover
my white knight
so silly
so sexy
so cute
so passionate
so talented
so stylish
such a good dad
such a good friend
such a good son
someone i respect
someone i have come to love so much
someone i'd do anything for
someone i want in my life forever.


i love you.

T.


Now , I tried to R, but she wouldn't commit. I said we are getting a divorce, she begs me not to. I have filed though.

It hurts so much, to think I was all of those things and now I am nothing. I feel like a fucking dope for being so trusting.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, August 10th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kchip

Normal feelings on your part. Remember, though, you're SUPPOSED to be able to trust your wife.

We're here to listen.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, August 10th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kchip - I'm sorry you've joined our ranks down here.

You are so new to all this, that you should expect your feelings to be all over the place. One thing that is so hard to deal with initially is the feeling like you should have known, like you didn't see it, like you were wrong from trusting.

You are supposed to trust your wife. SHE is the one who did wrong here, not you.

Right now, focus on taking care of yourself and your kids. Take a deep breath.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 10th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kchip-
so sorry that you find yourself here but hopefully, the LTA tribe will help you get through this mess.
You say she does not want to divorce but does not want to commit? what does that mean?
is she still involved with the OM? has the affair ended?
Have you notified the OM's wife about the LTA?
That would be step one.
Do not tell your wife that you are planning to contact the BW but just do it.
That will ensure that the affair does not just go underground.

Does your wife show any remorse? IS she in IC? Are you?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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