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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest & M - Take care ladies - thinking of you both.
Dip - good to hear from you - I relate to taking a knife to a gun fight.I always get ambushed & left wondering what the hell that was all about.

NJ - some great advice.
Jol - hang in there.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest & M3: Just sending you some hugs from downunder.

Honest: I cannot believe your NPD H. Words fail me. You have had brilliant advice though from everyone on this forum. You have to reclaim your life from this lunatic. He had dragged you through his craziness for long enough and you are now defining yourself through HIS actions. Of course you are shaking with emotion at the moment, that is because you are normal. He is a lost cause yet you have so much to give. I'll be back later when I have more time but heed the advice you have been given, stay strong. xxxx

Love to everyone wherever you are.


Ellejay


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1072 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey tryn, here's hoping my purpose is not "human punching bag" 'cause that's kinda how I feel...

Maybe my purpose is "dies young from pneumonia while pregnant" kinda feels like that too. Stupid summer cold.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M- now cut it out - you know thats not true.
You, Honest & the other ladies of the tribe are the most incredible woman that I have the privilage to know.Dont be so hard on yourself.
Take care & smile


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, m3, we rock.

honest, I swear to God, I wish I could send you a plane ticket so you and your kiddo could come hang out with me until that ratbastard piece of shit twisted narcissistic entitled dick of a scumsucking fuckhead goes back to OWhateverwhocares.

I HATE IT when he comes to this country. YOU hate it when he comes to this country. We all knew his coming was going to twist you around in knots. That's all this is, honey. Just you getting caught back up in the old circle and spinning around until you're dizzy. You know this. You know this. You know exactly what this is... just keep reminding yourself that you can see him now. It's confusing, I know. But he's not a real human. He's some kind of crazyass huminoid with a person mask. It's the old training... you have to break free from it, but it's so ingrained... it's hard, honey... I know it's hard but YOU CAN DO IT!!!! You can.

What do you need right now? Can you take a break? Get the hell out of there for a bit?

Hugging you HARD!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

until that ratbastard piece of shit twisted narcissistic entitled dick of a scumsucking fuckhead goes back to OWhateverwhocares.

OMG almost woke my kids up laughing...

Hey! Let's see if we can put him on the TSA list. Middle Eastern dude on the TSA list; that might keep him from coming back.

Sadly, it's probably a crime or something. Oh well, I can pipe dream.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much. It's just I feel this is it, but he's not talking, not even to discuss any details of what we're going to do....

I wish I could stop and get away from the thinking that OW(ife) has won. She now has everything. I guess she always had. And I feel like nothing. Also, I guess it's bringing up old "tapes" of the ending of my first marriage when xWH would look at me with those cold hard eyes full of hate.....
It's like a knife.

I'm sorry, I know I go through this all the time, but this time is it....

Thank you so much for all your support.


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, July 11th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - I'm sure that the tribe want to reach thru their screens & reach out & comfort you. You are a woman of value & integrity. You are a mother & a teacher - you are not nothing. You are our friend & we care deeply about you.Nell didnt use all of those adjectives for nothing. Take strength from the support you have here.
Take care
(((Honest)))


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 3:45 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest, it takes as long as it takes. for you, part of the reason its taking longer is because he's gone so much.

hang in there. you have a whole cheering squad here.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell-
your comments ....priceless!

Honest and M33- we are here for you

Honest- maybe it's best not to wait for him to make the first move? maybe you should go see an attorney and get your ducks in a row.Find out what your options are.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nell-
your comments ....priceless!

Honest and M33- we are here for you

Honest- maybe it's best not to wait for him to make the first move? maybe you should go see an attorney and get your ducks in a row.Find out what your options are.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW(hatever) has won WHAT, exactly? Honey, the guy you married is not a prize. YOU are a prize. He is a sick fuckhead who is too weak and pathetic to divorce you... even though he already did the Mr. Bigpants "I divorce you" statement. You have to take care of you now.

Here's what I suggest:
(1) Today you call a lawyer and make an appointment.
(2) Tomorrow you call a friend or one of your older DSs and ask them to drive you to the appointment.
(3) You go to the appointment and do what the lawyer says.

Whatever material stuff you're afraid of losing isn't worth the pain I so clearly see in you. Whatever emotional/spiritual thing you're afraid of losing is just an illusion. You can do this. You have to do this. Sending you hugs.

XOXO - Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem is that I HAVE gone to 4 lawyers since DDay. One would not even touch my case, the others all said more or less the same thing, that because most of the money is overseas, it will next to impossible to touch it. I'm really screwed. Because of this, I stayed, and also when I stayed, my hopes would get up again and again only to have them dashed to a million pieces.

He's kept me going because he does act all sweet and nice, usually, unless of course I try to talk about "us" or point out the reality of something, and he gets angry.

I can't thank everyone enough. I really need to have the blinders off and see the reality and not fall back into the trap: of the would'ves/should'ves/what if's: Like "what if I had gone back to his country?" "I should've kept my mouth shut about the phone calls".....
I guess this is the bargaining stage?


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is the bargaining stage, but I also think you need smarter lawyers.

Do you know what your WH does? A lot of NPD people are not on the up and up. It's possible that there is a way to get access to those overseas accounts through the government.

I'm going to look around and PM you if I find any good candidates as lawyers for you.

But, Honest, Nell is right. This dude is soul-crushing. I think you should visit a women's shelter and let them know your situation. If you can't get any $, then they will help you start over from scratch.

Also, perhaps since there are so many overseas assets you could get 100% of the house at least.

Your kids are old enough to let themselves in from school, etc. if you're working -- and your older DS's will help you too.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest.

I think the would'ves, should'ves make no difference. So what if you would have gone back to his country? Things would still be the same. He would still want to have two wives, two families. It would still be all about him and only him. The only difference would be that you would be in another country. Probably with less rights than what you have here.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So financially you're screwed and there's nothing you can do about that. That really sucks and it is so unfair and I'm so sorry. But he is continuing to deplete you spiritually. Fight for you, PLEASE.


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I disagree that she's screwed, I think she's spoken to lawyers with not enough experience with her problems. I could be wrong.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't thank everyone enough. I'm so sorry I'm taking up the board so much when I know that everyone here is hurting.
M3, you are so wonderful and you are in an extremely hard place and you are reaching out to me, God bless you.

God bless you all.


Posts: 1897 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, honest. I have my moments.

I AM in a hard place. It bites. There were 2 post D-day options. Basically WH was told, "you fix this or I will." He didn't so now it's my turn. Sucks, but I can't live like this, nor should I.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, July 12th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest, never be sorry for reaching out when you need us. That's why we're here.

I hope m3 is right, but even if you are in a bad place financially, you have to save your spirit. Dip is right about the shoulda-coulda-wouldas.

Oh, and m3: YEAH!!!


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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