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User Topic: Long Term Affair - Part 29
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:40 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all,

This is my first post here and I am the BH from a 2 year LTA.

My WW got into a relationship in a way described above by cdn.

The MOM went to school with WW 20 years ago and was an old flame. He lives 2000 miles away and so the relationship existed via the cell phone (texts mainly) and 4 meetings.

With that kind of separation, it was easy for me not to notice anything. I work during the day and was gone 2-3 nights a week in school.

I too have struggled with ownership of my memories. I also have struggled with what I meant to WW during that time. She saw him so little, but the OM had a large part of her heart. She was with me most all the time, yet from her office mainly, she was focused on him when I was far removed.

How someone wakes up for 800 days in a row deciding to continue what is wrong is something I can not process.

Dday was 3/5/12. WW has been fully NC and badly wants R. She feels that I rescued her from her torment and some kind of trap she could not get out of.



I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, July 2nd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack
From your other posts your WW is remorseful and was R. You were accepting of your role in the status of the M while she was owning the A.
One thing I noticed in your other post is that you thought the A might have been an exit-A for WW. However, she never exited. Didn't she confess? It seems like you've got the foundation to pursue R successfully, not at all easily, but successfully.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3365 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:20 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WYE Ė njgalís right. Have a great time with your kids. The last family holiday with all the boys was a month before the LTA began. I have a wonderful picture of the four boys at the highest point they could get to with Mt Teide (Tenerife) behind them. I had it blown up a bit and itís still up in my lounge. Itís also a reminder, but at the time we were good.

Mr UKg used to ring me whenever he was away. Checking in, letting me know he had arrived at the hotel Of course, most of the time he wason his own, other times he wasnít and the ďsmallĒ hotel was MOWís home where he stayed because her BH would phone the landline in the evening and so it was easier to just stay there. Sheesh. What a pair of selfish shits. Anyway, after d-day, it occurred to me that when he was with MOW, he would ring when we were getting, dishing up or eating dinner around 6.45. He would be with her, make his quick call, giving going to dinner as an excuse to get off the phone, she would do the same and then they could spend the rest of the evening and night concentrating on each other. Oh my. When I think of it, I just donít know how they could do it. I really donít. My conscience would be eating me alive.

And yes, like Mr njgal, he was the real loser. He was unpredictable at times (now realise they were the times he had been with MOW) and sometimes the boys would leave the room. One at a time they would melt away to avoid being with him. How sad is that? When he was away on business, the five of us would chat, get dinner together, eat at the table together, watch tv and everyone was comfortable. Until he came home. Sad. Heís done well making up for it, but I donít think they will forget how he was and how he was an absent father.


Hi MC Jack, feel free to drop into this LTA corner. Iíve read your recent posts and it appears you and your WW are doing everything right so far. Old flames are hard to deal with because of history that you were not part of. There is something sweet about the nostalgia of young love and many couples do get back together after decades apart in other marriages. It sounds like MOM may have been an option for your WW. However, for that option to be a real one, the AP has to be of the same mind. Unfortunately for MOW, fWH was not of the same mind. She was prepared to leave her marriage, fWH was not.

You are on a new road. These are early days, so take things steady.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 3:20 AM, July 3rd (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack, remember that she's the one who bears the burden of doing the right things now, not you.

Welcome.

Happy 4th, tribe!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UK girl: the MOM was never an option for my WW. He made it clear from the beginning that he would not be leaving his M. He is a guy who knows how to dole out expertly the attention, validation, and affirmation, etc. in support of a 'friends with benefits' program. This A was not his first nor his last.

Considering this, how on earth my WW "fell in love" is beyond my comprehension as a rational human. I think it does go back to something from 20 years ago that my wife was connecting with (there was some type of validation then too) even though he was in it just for 'fun'.

LTAs blow. Sucks out the meaning from your memories as often stated by others as I have read. I think after the pain of the PA fades, the EA pain fades too as the feelings are revealed as transitory. What sticks in your craw is that all your memories are under siege, and that your WS woke up every morning for a long time and in spite of any torment or guilt or whatever or nothing, did not have the strength, vision, desire, or other wherewithal to end the A.

My WW says that she will say the she is sorry every day for the rest of her life. That she will wait for the rest of her life for any forgiveness. I see her heart and I just can not connect her with her behavior. I know she is struggling to accept that she did what she did.

For that matter, I can not connect me with my M behavior.

LTA folks - you guys are strong indeed. I need to develop strength myself, as I have WW that so much wants R, is terrified of what she might have thrown away, and yet is emotionally still weak from dealing with WS issues, extracting herself from the feelings of the A, and still struggling with the built up resentments of the bad M. I have to restrain myself as I want to beat her over the head each and almost every hour with a 'how could you' or a 'what were you thinking' or 'why' question or condemnation. I am not interested in diminishing her into a dark place of shame. So I need y'all's strength. I am a big boy after all.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJack-
I had a good friend who did this. She had a classic mid life crisis affair at age 50 when she met up with an old high school crush.

I was there when she met him again after more than 30 yrs!

Unlike your wife she was not remorseful and pursued the OM like crazy... leaving her husband of 30 yrs and divorcing less than 3 months after meeting up with this dreamboat from the past.

I tried to talk some sense into her but to no avail.

She was truly transported back to her old 15 yr old self... talking and texting long distance with this loser for hours every day.

I cannot begin to tell you what a mismatch it was.. well...here's an example...my friend was a married mother of 3..high powered executive with a graduate degree...this guy..never married... and lived in his sister's basement because he could not afford the rent on an apartment!

It was insane.

I think for her... it was more about trying to recapture her youth than anything else...

she rarely saw this man and later confided in me that the actual sex was not that good at all.

so..what was the attraction?

they guy was fairly good looking and very friendly and charming...and he complimented her and yessed her to death....he told her what she wanted to hear.

He gave her marital advice and parenting advice even though he had never married and had no children.

And yes... besides turning 50..my friend and her husband were dealing with very serious issues with one of their teenage sons.

from the outside looking in it was so obvious to me what this 'affair' was all about.

It was a total escape from her real life.

It lasted 3 months after her divorce.

Now she hates the guy.

Unfortunately she and her ex-husband are both too proud to try to reconcile.
Neither one is happy...

Sorry for the long winded story but your situation just reminded me so much of my friend.

It sounds like your wife is very remorseful and wants to save the marriage.

IMHO that is the main thing needed for R- a remorseful WS.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

njgal-

Thanks for the story.

In the year that the A got started we were having trouble with our teenage daughter, who was cutting herself and having trouble at school. Why do the wheels come off for some 13 year old girls?

The A was indeed first and foremost an escape, then just took a life of its own.

Your story reminded me of a phone call I got about 1 year into the A from the sister of an old college friend. I did not think much of it at the time unfortunately. She warned me about my WW being 47 years old at the time (I am 3.5 years younger) as she is of that age as well. That with menopause coming, approaching 50, etc. that my wife might be questioning whether she might ever be desired or wanted again, and that if I am neglecting my M, I better connect with my W and affirm and validate her and her beauty. She does not know my W, so what coincidence. As you might guess, I did not act on her advice.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJack- we can't beat ourselves up with 'what ifs'...we did the best we could.
My husband started his affair with his crazy alcoholic married serial cheater co-worker when he turned 50.

He was alcoholic, depressed about his job, his career... we were dealing with big problems with our teenager as well and... he met this very predatory OW... it was the perfect storm.

The drinking added to the 'escape' aspect of the affair.

I understand why it could have happened but.... it still hurts to think about it. And I'm 5 yrs post d-day.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not beating myself up on that point, njgal, I was just relaying how the insecurity associated with getting older and losing physical beauty is something that affects people and many are aware of it.


Now as far as "doing the best I could," I did not do that. I haven't done that in really any aspect of my life. Not my M, my job, not my grad school, not my physical condition.

Part of what I need to figure out is what is my deal. I have skated through life. i really have had an easy life in a lot of ways. However, I have never known what I wanted. No real long term goals. When you don't know what you want, you have an ability to be content with what you have no matter how suboptimal.

Sorry for the blathering.

Now, back to dwelling on the LTA.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 3rd (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJ - In reality most of us are like that - no real plan in life - we just follow the path that life takes us. Very few have a plan - just look at your relatives, neighbours, people you work with - its only an extraordinary few that have this vision of where there life is headed.
Dont think too big too abstract - start with small realistic targets - maybe 1 per week & gradually incorporate those into your routine.
Ive really struggled since Dday with goal achievement so I have had to go back to basics with goal setting - being realistic is the key.
Hang in there Bro


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, July 4th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of what I need to figure out is what is my deal. I have skated through life. i really have had an easy life in a lot of ways. However, I have never known what I wanted. No real long term goals. When you don't know what you want, you have an ability to be content with what you have no matter how suboptimal.

I see nothing wrong with the purpose you have going on. Just living life and enjoying it.

me, I live my life for my family. Help my kids if they want help to the best of my ablity. My purpose is to save money for when I retire so I can see the world and take care of myself.

I think we all need to realize that we never go back to the innocent, naive, immature, type person we once were. Those kinds of feeling about ourselves are gone forever. This is the new you. This Trauma has taken you to the NEW YOU.

You are wiser to the ways of the world. Things are sometime out of our control. People are not always loving or loyal. Pain is part of life.

You pick yourself up, fill every need you wife has, live your purpose and it can be simple as DP says....

Peace brother..

BTW.. Yes, my wife loved her other man. It was no fantasy. She had a boyfriend for 8 years seeing him 5 days a week for 8-10 hours a day. She saw her OM even more than she saw me. She just slept with me at night. That was her life, compartmentalized, secret, separate and hidden from me. All so I and our kids would not get hurt. She wore a mask to me and took advantage of my vow to her. All her choice, her misery, not mine. I accept that history and live for now. Itís not so bad. Going to play golf this morning, and boating this evening.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, July 6th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack
I strongly second tryin's comments.

IMO those that have a singular goal in life are unhappy in its pursuit and empty after they achieve i if ever. All of us want to enjoy life and the "enjoy" can mean many different things. Challenges, comfort, recognition, travel, fishing. And we all work on goals whetehr explicit or not. Education, fitness, buying a home, taking a vacation, saving, etc.

I too could say that I have "slid through life in comfort". Truth is that I have done the things in life that make me happy. Yesterday, it was watching my son play HS baseball. I have lived in the largest cities in the world, small towns with a single traffic light, and lots in between. I enjoyed them all. Each had its own appeal from a rich history to sheer relaxation. Attending a renowned opera to reading a book. Doing the things one enjoys - that is life.

For me, my greatest joy is my family.Spending time with the W and kids brought me great happiness. Everything else I have done was fun yet given a choice between them, I always chose to spend it with my family. My choice.

I do not think my WW enjoyed this contentment and appreciation for what life is after we were married. She seemed to be caught up in the comparrison mode of our culture. It is hard to be happy when you are always comparing yourself (negatively) to others. Or having too many good choices and worrying that you are not choosing the best one.

Wishing you the best.
h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
Ellejay
♀ Member
Member # 30498
Default  Posted: 12:15 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Survivors

Just checking in after a long absence. Hope all surviving through the pain. I am still standing but time has been taken up with starting new job, having a trip to hospital(nothing serious) and keeping the family on track. Each day gets a little better. I'm now actively starting to plan my future instead of sitting in limbo and trying to disconnect from the pain of all this. After all, nothing is permanent right?

I see there have been so new recruits to the Tribe - I wish you all well in your journey through this. Will try and catch up a bit on what has been happening. The sun is shining in Adelaide today, although it is quite nippy. Every day is a blessing. Just read a great book "The Power of Now", very helpful indeed.

Will check in later but just wanted to say hi for now. Laura is overseas having a wonderful time - go girl!


Love to all of you.


Ellejay xxxx


Married 25 years now divorced.
D-Day: 20/11/10
Me: 48.5 plus 10% GST
Him: mental age 6 (apologies to all 6 year olds)
Betrayal: Who cares anymore?

Posts: 1073 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Adelaide, South Australia
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ellejay: funny you mention that book. I am reading the "Power of Now" currently here at the beach. My Now is not too shabby.

trynhard: Your comment: "all her choice, her misery, not mine" has stuck in my head like non other at this site.

I have posted on other threads how I did not suffer at all during the time of the A and the incredible sacrifices that WW made to allow me to do what I was doing. Your post (and the book i am reading) really connects to my observation that I was not suffering during the A but now I am over something that is over in the past and something that I never experienced.

It was her misery, not mine. Her journal is filled with torment and questioning why she was involved with this man long distance and why she was addicted to hearing from him. I was just hoping that the Tennessee Titans would win or that Tim Tebow would pull off another miracle. I was not in misery. That was hers. It is a choice of how to live in the present. I am trying hard to master that.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, July 7th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJack-
This is a very good point.
I still have pangs of pain at the thought of the LTA and yet...like you I did not actually 'suffer' per se during the affair.
It's hard to describe but you and Tryin are right.
I was living my life. I was working hard at my job, being the best mom I could be, spending tons of time with both of my kids, creating life long memories and bonds with them....If my FWH did not want to participate I did things without him...with my children and my friends. I was living a full life.
My FWH lost out. He was depressed, detached, angry at the world, drinking way too much... unhappy with his job, unhappy with himself... feeling guilty after every encounter with the OW...hating himself after every encounter...
good point MCJack....


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, July 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I did suffer greatly. In fact, once I knew the truth and told my sister, the first words out of her mouth were "my God! Are you sure you're even bipolar?!" my WH and his OW pulled such a convincing mind-fuck that my psychiatrist put me on anti-psychotic drugs at about quadruple the normal dose for nearly a year because I could not shake my "persistent delusion" that my WH was cheating on me. (to be fair there is a psychiatric condition called an Othello complex that is an unfounded belief that one's spouse is unfaithful; and I did have a history of other delusions and hallucinations) nonetheless, my WH and his OW colluded to actively keep me unwell to hide their affair and to have more control over my household. The OW convinced my WH to hire her nanny's sister to live in my home ... I could go on, but why?

Ellejay -- I'd like some of your nippy. My thermometer hit 107 degrees Fahrenheit around 2:30 yesterday afternoon!


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, July 8th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m33-just awful....
it's like that old movie "Gaslight".It's especially awful that the OW befriended you and lied to you as well.
Just despicable.

The only repercussions I had was dealing with a very sullen, depressed, alcoholic guy...I never suspected infidelity.
I had never read that those behaviors were symptoms of infidelity. I assumed the signs of cheating were lipstick on the collar and an interest in working out, looking good etc.
My FWH was a troll on the couch during the LTA.
he really did try hard not to have the LTA impact the marriage financially or in terms of time taken away from the family (99% of the sexcapades were on work time).
Otherwise he was home all the time...

Take care.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
jollum
♂ Member
Member # 25152
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I didn't suffer like M33 I still suffered a great deal during FWW's A.

She completely withheld sex the last year. The three years before that it grew less and less. She became a bitch to live with. No one, kids or myself, could do anything right. She griped and complained after DDay she always wanted to go out and do stuff but every time I ask during the A she was "too tired" or some other excuse. My life was hell for those 4 years. It started out small and grew till I was ready to ask for a divorce right before DDay hit. Withholding all intimacy and affection and never having the decency to just say she wanted out is very cruel in my opinion. I waited and waited for her and when I finally was just about ready to throw in the towel she wants back in. That just plain sucks


Posts: 269 | Registered: Aug 2009
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD and I had a major fight, actually it wasn't really that major, but I guess it's because I yelled, which I don't usually do.
He tells me that he doesn't want to be married to me no more.
It's over, it's finished, it's done, he says.
He said I have to get used to the fact that he's going to leave me.
He says he was trying for 2-3 years and it's not going to work, I won't accept it.
Just leave him be
He says Treat me like your divorced husband.

Why the blow up? Because I walk in on him talking to the OW(ife) and getting off the phone telling her he'll call her later. He's been gone 2.5 mos and calls her all day long.

I knew this day was coming. I was putting it off for sooo long. Still, it hurts like hell being told, "I don't want to be married to you no more"
and, that he's going to lose his business because of me because he came here to see me and our sons.
Telling me how stupid he was to come when the business was having problems "just because I miss him"
Work is more important than anything. It pays for things. It's more important than you or anyone, he says.

Remind me why I'm crazy.

All he says is about how bad his business is going and how bad the money situation is. In the meantime, we are fixing our inground pool that collapsed 2 years ago at great expense and he was the one who got the pool people to come and wanted all these extras.
All last week he was pestering me about MOVING back overseas with him telling me the our son won't finish college (he's a HS junior) if we stay here because too many people don't finish college here. Telling me how hard it is on him going back and forth, etc.

I'm sorry, I'm venting and just blabbering. It's just that you guys know my crazy story.

My heart is racing, having anxiety attacks, and can't stop crying. I'm sorry.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, July 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Honest, who knows what the $ situation is? You need a forensic accountant.

He needs to go. It's as simple as that. Your entire relationship with him is just a cycle of being neglected and then abused. It's like you're re-victimizing yourself to re-create your relationship with your mother.

He's not going to change. Your Mom is not going to change. You're the only person in the equation who is capable of change.

At the end of the day, this whole routine with him is an elaborate form of self-flagellation. What exactly is the price you're requiring yourself to pay before it's OK to leave?


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

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