Your son knows exactly who he want to be... I am happy for him! He's learned something from you both.
Anyways.. sometimes I think of both you and Laura when this song pops up… lol.. Down under artist!
This song is real popular right now. An idiot guy who doesn't know what love means and probably a narcissistic personality.. She finally figured it out. (oh)… lol
Sorry about your wife's health issues, Dip. She is very lucky that you are there for her. Try to keep us informed... sending healing prayers to all involved in her care.
Nell... it's good to read your positive update!
Thanks Tryn... had never heard this song ... SNL is not a show we watch altho I see Gotye is quite popular there.
Youtube had the lyrics so I'm sharing... pretty harsh imo. When dating, I was fortunate not to experience break-ups of this kind; actually stayed friends with most of my ex'es!
Somebody That I Used To Know lyrics
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...
I used to know
That I used to know
In Lost's world: FWH & I are together... working on R supposedly... yet I've been uncomfortable about this for about 6 months now, since the retirement party planning in Oct./right up to the party and beyond. I have no proof of contact ... in fact total denial of contact... FWH insists that his admin. assistant arranges work hours, etc. with OW who now works for another co. in the industry but she worked with the retiree for years so was invited. Long story/short... she did not attend. FWH did not acknowledge how much anxiety this caused me and lied about an email he sent to the company with cc: to OW. I got the "I don't know, don't remember" when I confronted him. I still feel that I don't know the whole story of his A as he won't talk about it and we haven't been to MC since late 2009.
I saw my GP for prescription renewals last week and burst into tears when asked if I still needed the Xanax. Truth be told I likely need more as I used to have pills left at month's end but not anymore. He said if FWH won't go to MC then I should still go for IC for myself. Maybe he's right... self-help books are not enough... knowing the 'shoulds' is not getting it done! Weight gain, increased depression, isolation describe my situation today... I've never been so pessimistic about things...
I was a bubbly, glass half-full, "bloom where you are planted" type of person before his A and now I don't recognize myself in the mirror! Tired of the down in the dumps face reflected there.
OK... enuf bringing the tribe down. Going to spend some time with seeds and plant starter trays...
UKgirl and Myheart.. regarding memories.
I can no longer recall my colleagues name in the office next door on an impromptu basis
I can remember most if not all of my life during my WW A. Sharp and detailed. I was not meerily, ignorantly stumbling along. I was ready to D to the unpleasantness of our relationship (WW towards me).
I remeber the events post DDay vividly as well. Where we were, what was said.
And I rember the details of our life prior to her A and have grieved terribly over them (good times). I recalled things that I had not even reflected on in 20 years.
So, I remember the details of my M pre, during, and post WW A. But I can forget where I am going when it is just to pick up the paper off the lawn.
Just popping into say hello.
My mind is mush at present. I often wonder if infidelity speeds up the progress of alzheimer's. I swear I'm getting more forgetful every day.
Mind you, long term that might not be a bad thing!!!
Anyway, here goes:
Nell - hope the bub is going along well
Allgood - you sound "good" in spite of the shit! Stay strong honey.
Ellejay - I understand why you are saddened. However I cannot help but think how wonderful it is that your son has your values. Neither of my kids have much respect for their dad and that saddens me too BUT I would rather that than know they have his values.
Ats - You also sound good.
Tryn - Love the song. I can't work out who is the villain in it but like to think that FWH's OWs fit into the category of "Now you're just somebody that I used to know".
Lost- Your dday was so long ago. It truly saddens me that you feel as you do. I am so sorry honey
Dip - So sorry to hear about your wife. You both will be in my prayers daily. BIG HUGS. If you can't check in don't worry. We will be happy to see you back and will continue to think of you until then.
H&C - Hi honey. I guess you would share my thoughts re alzheinmer's???
I am seriously worried about some of our friends who have not checked in for a while. Hope you are all OK. BIG HUGS to all.
Mostly OK. I am a little blah but fine generally.
Busy week at work and Friday I have to take DS21 to see the Marfan specialist for his annual heart check. Fingers crossed and prayers for him please. We are only about 9 weeks away from leaving for the big family trip to Europe which we are all looking forward to. It would be awful if his health took a downturn and he (therefore we) couldn't go.
Gotta run friends
Love you all
and now.. I also have those memory issues.
Its getting better though.
For example- other than infidelity related books and articles-my brain could not stay focused on reading a novel fo pleasure (which is something I used to do).
I don't think that I was able to get through one book in over 3-4 yrs post d-day.
Now..I can read again...
I do think that the depression, stress, anxiety, and lack of sleep, or interrupted sleep-all create memory and focus problems.
Please take care of yourself. I am so sorry that you are still so griefstricken but totally understand.
Please do consider IC for yourself. I went to mine for 4 yrs. IC was instrumental in helping me get through all of this.
Take care - will miss you when yr away.
Lost - You need a hug, many of them in fact. I really feel for you and I can imagine that I would be feeling exactly the same had I stayed with WH. You are losing yourself in this which is tragic. The truth is that this has changed your world forever as it has for all of us, however somehow you have got to make a conscious decision not to allow this to have so much power over you. It doesn't sound as if FWH is ever going to be able to give you the reassurance that you need. He just doesn't have the tools obviously and is too busy trying to forget about it all because otherwise he has to own it to the degree that you want him to which he is not able to do. This is a classic case of "let's sweep it all under the rug now and just move forward because I don't want to be defined by my past mistakes forever". This is a classic attitude of some WS's and one that my stbxh has adopted. You can't change it. You cannot make someone "get IT". It has taken me 17 months to realise this. I have wasted so much time waiting for the moment when idiot stbxh appears at my door and says something like "I realise that what I did has devastated you right down to the very core of your soul and changed who you are forever. I am so sorry for the pain I have caused and want you to know that I acknowledge the far-reaching affects of my actions and what it means to everyone I have hurt. I understand that part of the legacy I have created is that you now feel you can never trust anyone ever again and that I have made you feel totally insecure in every aspect of your life. I cannot change the past but I want you to know that I will do everything in my power now to reassure you that I will never hurt you or anyone else like this again, no matter how long it takes for you to recover".
Or something like that anyway.
I strongly suspect that your FWH will never be able to give you the reassurance you need and he knows it. Therefore you just have to take your power back and take matters into your own hands. You have to tell yourself that no matter what, YOU WILL BE OK. Even if FWH stuffs up again, you WILL SURVIVE. You have to get moving on another journey whereby his behaviour does not define YOU either. You deserve and will have a wonderful, exciting and fulfilling future with him or without him. So plant those bloody seeds, watch them grow and know that you can choose to be whoever you are. Wrap some big imaginery arms around yourself Lost and make this the year that you find your way back. xxxxxxx
Laura - Thinking of you and your gorgeous son. Fingers crossed all will be OK. You will be in that Paris apartment before you know it.
Land of Ellejay:
ANZAC day here in OZ. Just wanting to remember all who have given their lives in the name of freedom, whatever country you are from and for whatever cause. Love and prayers xxxxxxx.
Lost, You don't feel safe.
Lost, "I don't feel safe."
Mr. Lost, "Why?"
Lost, "You are a man, you figure it out. Go read a book"
BTW.. a study done about a women and sex. She needs to feel safe...
Maybe if he figured this out he might get more love'n.
Are you living your life to please your H or YOU?
[This message edited by trynhard at 8:11 PM, April 24th (Tuesday)]
The fact is, if they (the WS) want to have another affair, they will. But hopefully, they have moved on in whichever way has worked best for them (fWH reckoned he had “dealt” with it even before we went to MC – and he was still in contact!!!!! What a shit time!) and wont go there again. Frankly, I think fWH just can’t be bothered with all the ducking and diving anymore. And he too is looking forward to retirement, which I think is telling me that is the case.
I was a much brighter person before d-day. I used to laugh and giggle in my dreams. WH would wake me up (cos I’d woken HIM up) and ask me what was so funny. My dreams now are about loss, struggle, physical danger and they rarely involve him. Anything sexual is usually sinister whereas before it would be arousing and/or amusing. I know my psyche has been deeply affected. My fun, light heartedness, can-do attitude, my positive and easy going nature just aren’t there now.
On a side note, fWH had some important suppliers who we took for lunch last Saturday. They are a very wealthy couple, he’s been married before and they’ve been together about 12yrs and married about 10yrs ago. He’s 56 and she is 41. I worked out later that the jewellery she was wearing came to around £50,000 She took off and showed fWH a ring (I looked it up later - £16,500) her H had bought her. As he took it, she exclaimed “you’re not wearing a wedding ring!” and then looked at me “And YOU’RE not wearing a wedding ring!!” fWH said he doesn’t wear any jewellery, not even a watch. She looked at me. I said simply “no, neither of us wears a ring” “Are you sure you’re married??!” I left fWH to answer that. Later fWH said he wanted to buy me something, a necklace, a watch – a ring? I want the gesture and the promise. He won’t and can’t give me that. So what’s the point in a ring? Or anything else?
Late and it’s been a cold day, 4-6C, 40-42F with lashing rain all day. fWH is away in London. DS17 has been ill most of the day. Rambling and tired. Oh how I need some sun!!
[This message edited by UKgirl at 6:06 PM, April 25th (Wednesday)]
Oh how I need some sun!!
UKgirl, and anyone else, come to Florida. We have plenty, and the state budget could use your tax dollars.
The fact is, if they (the WS) want to have another affair, they will. But hopefully, they have moved on in whichever way has worked best for them (fWH reckoned he had “dealt” with it even before we went to MC – and he was still in contact!!!!! What a shit time!) and wont go there again. Frankly, I think fWH just can’t be bothered with all the ducking and diving anymore
This is so very true, but hard to practice as a BS. We cannot control them or their actions, whatever it is that they choose. Life got A LOT easier for me once I finally got a grasp on that (sometimes struggle though).
Some time after d-day, I realised MOW hadn’t been the only one. I decided the only way I could live my life and continue to live with him was to do the same again, but to slip into a zone where it actually didn’t matter to me what he did. If I found out sometime untoward or inappropriate had happened, I would divorce him without so much as a backward glance. I cannot believe he was such an arrogant fuckwit. And I cannot understand why he can’t commit or promise me anything. He’s 56 for fuck’s sake, you’d think he’d be pretty sure about what he wanted and who he wanted to be with by now. So, I stay a step removed. And leave him to control his boundaries.
Spain would do. South of France. Italy. Menorca. Sea and beach, city and culture, isolated spa, I don’t mind. Just as long as there is some warmth and some sun!!! I am so deprived of vit D, I’m at risk of osteoporosis, tooth decay, severe depression, high blood pressure and milk white skin!
The boys in Queenstown NZ have loads more sun than we do here although the temperature and hours of sunlight are similar. They have fewer cloudy or rainy days although rainfall is about the same too. Time to emigrate!
Today, it has been a balmy 11C, 51F. It is STILL raining and forecast is rain for the next ten days. Ten friggin days of rain and “they” announced just a couple of weeks ago we have a drought! The bikini is staying in the drawer!
Just a rant. Not A-related.
Ats, I’m gonna take that sunshine with me. I’m away for a few days. Visiting M&FIL and then going over to pick up my Mum and bring her back here for a week. She’s pretty disabled and has a stair lift in her house, but we’ll see how it goes. My stairs number more than average, but shallow and have a good deep tread, so I hope she’ll be okay. So I’ll be flitting in and out.
UKG -- I don't wear a wedding ring either.
Party at ATS's house!!!!
Dip, I won't survive without your super powers, but take care of your wife well nonetheless.
House sells tomorrow afternoon. It's also my 37th birthday. Time to change my signature.